Psychology from A to Z and...a little bit
of Speech Therapy (interview with @logopediepsihologie)
Recently, we had the opportunity to interview a psychologist, who also specializes in speech therapy. Thus, without too many introductions, we want to share with you the answers we received to the many questions and curiosities we addressed!
Q: We would like to start by asking why you chose speech therapy, out of all the branches of psychology?
A: "Well, I chose to focus on this beautiful part of psychology because I like children a lot, so I can help them and motivate their parents to do the same in their free time. So, I started this page, @logopediepsihologie".
Q: We would like to know, given that there are future psychologists among us, if it is true that psychology and all its branches are jobs with a great emotional load?
A: "And the answer was said with vehemence: Yes, that’s why during your training as a psychologist you learn how to detach, how not to assimilate someone else’s problems. This job involves an amalgam of feelings and a lot of emotional charge, but you get satisfaction that you were helpful...and this makes me believe that being a psychologist is the most beautiful job in the world".
Q: Then...which are the qualities that a good psychologist or speech therapist should have?
A: "Well...if we want to answer, we have to do it in turns. First of all, patience is a paramount as well as openness: you have to listen to the person and know how to listen to them. But how? Well, you have to know how to make the difference between active and passive, to be capable of detaching yourself and seeing the situation objectively. People don’t need to hear criticism even from the psychologist , but they must understand that a psychologist can’t solve their problems, but instead can stimulate the process of self-understanding and finding solutions on their own. The most important thing, after all, is to find the answer in us".
Q: Given that you specialize in speech therapy, we would want to know which is the direct link between speech therapy and psychology?
A: "Speech therapy and psychology can’t work separately, speech therapy depends directly on psychology, it couldn’t exist without it. What do they have in common, though? Compassion, dedication and involvement with the patient".
Q: Can you tell us a myth about psychologists or about psychology in general, completely false?
A: "Oh...how much time do we have? There are many myths far from reality. One of them would be the fact that if we go to the psychologist, we solve our problems. Or...that you go to the psychologist because you’re crazy. Actually, many people come to discover themselves, to possibly overcome a difficult situation".
Q: Do you like your job? Why did you choose it? Which was the thing that made you choose it?
A: "Ever since I was young, I enjoyed talking to people...ever since I was young, I liked having interactions with children in general! Therefore, I chose to be a help to them, to try and guide them on the best way in life. Thus, I discovered the huge difference between listening and NOT judging and listening to the person in order to feel liberated, without necessarily giving them advice, how most friends do. A psychologist, after all, helps the patient if it makes them come to a solution on their own, only using their own resources".
Q: Have you ever felt like you couldn’t help a patient?
A: "Yes...I have. Obviously, being a speech therapist, I’ve often encountered reluctance on the part of parents, who sometimes don’t show a little patience, especially in the case of children with special needs. Problems can’t be solved in a few days, we need patience and involvement, especially from the parents, not only from the psychologist. Most likely, parents will remain for a long time a real challenge for any therapist".
Q: How would you advise somebody to approach their parents? Do you know that there is this restraint to recognize to parents the need of a psychologist, for fear that they’ll be rejected?
A: "Hard, hard…many children, in our country, come secretly, if you can believe... Of, any parent should understand that first, they should have therapy sessions, the child afterwards...It’s important to try and talk to people who have experience and can open their eyes (for instance, the GP)".
Q: What is the event in the life of a child which has the biggest impact on him?
A: "Well ... where do I start? Ever since we are in our mother's womb, since then we perceive all kinds of signals, more or less, and we interpret them as much as we can. This saying, "Leave him alone, he's small, he can't understand" is one of the most erronated mentalities that a parent can have. If in the first three years of life (which are the decisive ones) you do not communicate with him [your child], you do not know how to put the problem, well that child will have deficiencies much later".
Q: Are physical traits related to a person's personality?
A: "No, not at all. You could represent an ideal of the physical aspect, but you are still prone to complexes and traumas due to this perfect appearance, the world always having the tendency to catalog people according to this obvious feature that is most easily noticed".
Q: Which parent do you think has the most influence on a child?
A: "There is no "only the mother" or "only the father", both carry the burden of raising a child. If the mother is too careful and the father is absent, problems will arise, and vice versa. Indeed, in the first few years of a child's life, whether she is a girl or a boy, the mother is the heroine. However, in the case of the father's absence, this will be reflected in girls much later, especially in their interaction with other men.
And, on the other hand, in the case of boys with imposing mothers, he is taught that women must take care of them, and men are not obliged to attach as much. In conclusion, one cannot exist without the other.
And, another thing that I would definitely like to bring up here would be the imprint of the grandparents on the children. The fact that we have grandparents close is a privilege, but when we are small and they impose themselves too much to the detriment of the parents, the child will no longer recognize their authority. Communication is needed".
Q: Are the zodiac signs something abstract or do they influence us in some way?
A: "The signs don’t matter, but the environment in which you grow up and the people you surround yourself with, this is vital for everyone. The phrase "Look at five people in your life and describe yourself" is true, because they influence your reactions, behavior ... in short: everything! That's why we have to be careful who we make friends with".
Q: Do MBTI personalities have a direct influence on people? Are they accurate?
A: "Let's say yes, but we have to understand one thing: we are not just a simple personality, everyone borrows one thing from another".
Q: Where can personality disorders come from and where do they actually come from?
A: "They manifest from an early age, but doctors and psychiatrists can only diagnose them from the age of six. If the child is too withdrawn, too extroverted, so if he is either in one extreme or the other, then we realize what and how. Parents need to be very careful, because these seemingly childish signals say a lot and can bring more consequences afterwards".
Q: Is vulnerability a weakness?
A: "Being vulnerable today is an act of courage. To open up, to accept both positive and negative opinions, but also the fact that anyone can hurt you at any time".
Q: I know I'm deviating, but I really wanted to bring this into the discussion: there's a myth, "The boy always has to take the first step," is that true? How can we decode male pathology?
A: "No, this was true "in my time" as they say, haha, now everyone can take the first step without any constraint. If you are more outgoing, more confident, why wait? Go! Good luck, be open, and accept rejections, because I met people who went and did not accept the refusal. We girls hardly accept a refusal, they are more accustomed".
Q: We, teenagers, have a not very pronounced bipolarity, we say things without thinking, or sometimes we don't even know what we feel or what we want. Are we inclined to say "I love you" too soon? Or is it a feeling in all purity?
A: "During adolescence you discover yourself, you find out what you like, what you don't like and you start interacting with others. An "I love you" during adolescence is by far the purest "I love you"; it is as if you would give your whole being. Once you grow up and gain experience, you just blindly believe what you are told. But, it depends ... this feeling is ageless. Returning to the question, this period of yours is the most beautiful: discover, learn, do not fall into the trap of everyone, diversify, know more and more people and get to know what you really like or not. Moreover, learn to set limits!
Because if now, during adolescence, you accept certain abuses from men and vice versa, you will unfortunately accept them later on too. Therefore, do not accept insults, beatings and any form of humiliation. If he doesn't love you, or at least doesn't appreciate you or give you the respect he deserves, if he doesn't help you develop and become a better version of yourself, leave without looking back".
Q: Regarding the concept of vulnerability, some time ago I heard about the "macho man" syndrome, which affects boys. What do you think about the masks that teenagers tend to wear to be accepted? Do you think it's a disorder or a fear?
A: "Some disorders might also be hidden by these masks, but in my opinion, the biggest problem people face in general (and teenagers too) is the lack of confidence. They don't trust themselves, they don't have the trust to accept who they are, and that's why they resort to certain masks. They want to look like X or Y, because they are successful. Unfortunately, at the moment, because of social media, we see an ideal image, an unobtainable one, without problems ... everyone has their own problems that they decide to show more or less.
Teenagers, not trusting themselves or not having self-esteem, or by growing up in a family environment where they are not told that they are the best and that they should not compare themselves with others, will end up wearing masks. With age, however, this amplifies, and keeping these masks over time, you end up never knowing who you are. You will become just various characters, and you will never be able to really live your life".
Q: Is the first instinct the best? ... even if we are young and don't have the best way to reason...
A: "The first instinct, hmm ... this is determined by trial, and at your age you have free will to try more and more. You are allowed to make all the mistakes in the world, but you must learn to deal with them. Go by your first instinct, if you feel so, as sometimes it is the best, but do not be afraid of failure".
Q: Should we fight for what we want, even if everyone says "No" but we feel that "Yes", is it recommended to do everything we can to achieve our goal?
A: "Yes, if you are 100% convinced that you will succeed, that you want a career in anything, if you feel the call, it doesn't matter what others think. If you succeed, it will be good and you will prove to yourself, first and foremost, that you can. Not to others! Fight the system when you think you are doing something for yourself, not for someone else. And if you fail, it's best to do so, because that's the only way to learn.
We learn the most from mistakes. So if you have a dream and your parents don't take it into account, fight! And along the way, you will be able to make them understand. Don't be afraid, but assume that it works or doesn't work, that you have to work, that nothing comes first! Nothing comes overnight, and you should expect anything".
Q: In a relationship, can a boy or a girl (teenagers) be scared by the insistence of their partner, in such a way that their "flame" might go out?
A: "The flame of love.. that’s what love at first sight means! Which is anything but love… more like hormones, haha! If the boy/girl isn’t ready, or maybe they don’t understand their feelings, he/she can easily become scared, even adults get scared. There is no need for them to be forced together, [love] should come from both parts, it’s not like somebody should offer 100% and the other nothing, balance is key. In fact, balance is completed from two sides, both implicated, otherwise we would pursue a lifetime of simple solitude".
Q: Is there a post break-up statistic which shows that girls tend to suffer more at the start, but temporarily, and then, at the end, boys start feeling the pain. Is this true or is it just a generalization?
A: "Well, so and so, it depends a lot on the person. Usually, boys have a late sense of reaction, although I did meet some who suffer from the beginning, or others that have never suffered. Some, on the other hand, didn’t even know they did. Suffering isn’t described and doesn’t represent a template, each is manifested distinctly. For instance, I cry and you get furious. In most cases, adolescence is a time of not accepting".
Q: Is it true that the first love is different than the others? That it has that unique “something”?
A: "Eh, the first love can even happen in kindergarten... but it is the biggest lesson, because this is how you learn what you accept, what you don’t, what problems or behaviors you have. There is no such thing as the first or the last love, but rather stages. It’s true, at your stage everything is much more intense because of hormones, you have neither ration or life experience. At maturity you discover another kind of love, and that’s a positive aspect, because you come with a lot more knowledge.
However, there are people who don’t learn anything from their experiences, who repeat the same mistakes over and over again. In fact, if we learn no lesson which we can apply in the future from our experience, we will constantly face the same mistake over and over again. You have to escape yourself for a while, to realize what you do wrong and what not, and what bothers you… we must be open! We all have problems, nobody is perfect, and, finally, nobody beholds the absolute truth".
Q: Is there a difference between to love and to fall in love?
A: "Yes, falling in love is temporary, while loving isn’t. When you love a person, you love them forever, regardless if they will be with you forever or not. In your mind, in your subconscious, there is always a door open for that special person, if you truly loved them, of course. However, every person that enters our life does it to teach us something".
Q: If we look at our parents, they don’t show their love so intensely. Is it true that marriage is a barrier for a love story and that it kills love?
A: "No… It depends a lot on the lifestyle. Our parents lived in communism, which, as we all know, didn’t encourage direct forms of affection. Marriage doesn’t kill passion, we must understand that that’s the way the dictatorship taught them. On the other hand, monotony kills without question a relationship. After years and years of marriage, it also becomes a relationship of friendship".
Q: Do you think that people from different social classes, as we see in the movies (ex: The Notebook), would work together in a relationship?
A: "Yes, but only if the one from the lower social class would develop. Otherwise, conflicts of interest and purpose would appear".
Q: Should love be based on friendship or start with a friendship?
A: "There is no written rule. However, we must understand that a healthy relationship is built on friendship, because this is how we have the most trust in our partner. In fact, in couples, we shouldn’t reach out to parents or friends for confessing, these things should be resolved with our loved one. There is no chemistry in a lack of communication. It’s important to keep our relationship between the two of us, and not to ask other people for advice".
Therefore… This was by far one of the most interesting interviews we made, as we felt an immense pleasure both during it, but also while editing it. Psychologists and people from this sphere open new horizons for us and we feel as if it shapes our beliefs, even from a small discussion. If you had the occasion to meet a psychologist, what would you ask them? Tell us, and we will prepare a new interview, just as exciting!
Don't forget to follow us on instagram! @the.magateen
editorial: Bianca Constantin
graphic design: Ioana Butaru
translation: Vlad Spătaru,
Sofia Ene,
Tudora Bărbulescu
DP (desktop publishing): Ioana Butaru
