WELCOME, UNTENDERS.

MISSION STATEMENT:

Here at the CELLAR We STRIVE To ENSURE all KIDS are turned from MISBEHAVING MISCREANTS into WELL BEHAVED children, FAILURE for them to LEARN to OBEY will RESULT in DEATH (FOR THEM)

BANKING Something

THE LATEST NEWS FROM THE CELLAR

DADDY INTRODUCES NEW SANCTIONS ON EATING

DAD HAS DECLARED the next calendar year a YEAR WITHOUT FEASTING due to the ACTIONS of the SON Read more.

RAVENOUS RODENTS RIP RAMBUNCTIOUS RAVING RANDAL RIGHT APART

RANDAL was being RATHER UNTENDER today and was MONKEYING ABOUT in THE GENERATOR ROOM when he stumbled upon a group of HELL RATS WHO TORE HIM LIMB FROM LIMB. Read more.

Accident in the mines leaves 387,847 kids trapped.

"TERENCE AND LAURENCE STARTED FIIHGGGHTTTINNGGGG IN THE MINNESSS AND COLLAPSED IT RIGHT AS I MET MY QUOOTOTTTTTAAAAAAAAAA" Said the SON Read more.

enforcers gas all 505,300 kids who REBELLED last sunday

When asked for a statement the Enforcer just beat our reporter to death. "We told him to go in to get a statement then next thing we know the enforcer took his, big, hard, solid, hot, long rod and Read more.

Why send your kids to the cellar?

at the cellar we take pride in our establishments RESIDENTS well being, so that's why we promise you your children will have food (sometimes), Housing (if they behave), and be kept safe (rarely)