Embedded Files
For the first time, our new neighbors were spotted moving into the home of our worst very-close friend's previous home.
I'll just refer to that old friend as WVCF.
This is a chapter about the state of self-righteousness in our world today.
For twenty-three (23) years our two families had been great friends and neighbors -
the closest neighbors, by far.
Earlier in the year, January,
an incident happened involving WVCF -
all by herself.
The incident happened on our private road -
a road that I am the primary maintenance person of.
I say primary -
because WVCF would often help do things like:
Put out and take down hazard markers,
for the snowplow person.
Mow the grass and weeds along the sides of the private way.
Cut back bushes
Add solar lighting around the private signage.
I did almost all the heavy lifting work though.
Our private road is gravel.
The incident happened after a bit of a warming spell.
Without getting into the science behind the incident -
the frost in the road had thawed a little.
The incident was WVCF driving too fast on the slippery road -
and being scared -
thinking that her car would slide off the road.
She came charging into our house -
subconsciously and secretly blaming me for the cause of the incident.
WVCF attempted to mask the truth of what she understood,
but as you will see -
her truth revealed itself more and more as time moved forward.
WVCF had lived on the road many more years than us,
so she had much experience with the road.
The road had provided similar experiences to all its inhabitants -
many other times before -
and just as bad.
But this was the first time since she had been alone -
as her husband had passed the previous July.
This is partly, why we did not take immediate offense to her reaction.
Also, we had much experience, previously,
with her non-science based understanding of the world.
WVCF was an extraordinary woman -
very fearless and hard working,
but also very self-righteous.
And the absolute worst type of self-righteousness -
that based in fictional belief vs. fact & science.
Her way is always right -
and if you disagree -
then your way is wrong or not as good.
WVCF is however not an evil person by nature.
She's simply self-righteous.
Or this is what we always believed.
That same evening when she came storming into the house -
she told my wife, Mary,
that we had to get someone in here to fix the problem.
WVCF said she would take care of everything.
I got all this second hand, later,
after I got up from bed.
Long story short -
there's nothing any professional could do to fix the road problem -
in the middle of winter.
WVCF was told this!
I knew this.
I'm an engineer and a professional builder of physical things -
including many years of service to our own road.
In the spring, when WVCF once again took on the crisis -
every gravel road contractor told her -
and I paraphrase:
"Your road is in the best shape of any we have been called upon to quote repairs on."
"It was a very bad winter for gravel road."
WVCF did not hear these words though.
I spent more than 40 hours dealing with most of these contractors myself.
After all the quotes were in and I wrote my report for our association -
we had a vote.
The result of the vote was to do what I outlined.
My recommendation included no costly outside contractor work.
I attempted to explain the science -
and why the road had its unavoidable slippery period.
A majority accepted my recommendations.
WVCF and her close friend at the end of the road -
rejected my proposal.
But I had included in the proposal an easy alternative,
for anyone that disagreed with my engineer's recommendation.
Anyone was free to do whatever they felt was better,
but at their own personal expense.
This was the course of action that WVCF and her friend would take.
They hired one of the contractors to do the work he had quoted.
Work that I had planned and prepared for at great personal expense.
So you need a little background info -
to truly understand the scope of the self-righteousness of WVCF.
A few years prior -
We had purchased her ailing husband's tractor and bush hog.
We had purchased a small dump trailer.
We paid to be able to convert the bush hog into a road grader.
But the biggest personal expense was the construction of a barn to house all this equipment.
All these decisions were made -
such that I would be the road maintenance person -
as long as I had my physical and mental health.
It took me over two years to finish the exterior barn work.
The previous summer,
I, with the help of my barn earthwork contractor,
had done the big material-add job to the entire road.
Approximately 54 yards of crushed gravel -
added to the crown of our 1/4-mile long road.
This was our big expense year,
that periodically matched the historical maintenance record across the many years -
that WVCF should have been referencing.
But WVCF ignored all these factors -
in deciding to hire this contractor.
But we said nothing more -
and just allowed her to do what she felt was necessary.
Relations were a little strained,
but no too bad -
yet!
As part of my annual maintenance schedule,
I hand dig trenches to drain surface water -
to minimize trenching during spring mud season.
Takes me about an hour each day for a few weeks.
Something I started -
that had never been done before -
is side-road and culvert-area leave cleaning.
The leaves were thick and deep,
that water was flowing, in places, down the road vs. off the sides of the road.
During the contractor quoting period WVCF kept saying -
over and over -
"I don't understand why we need to do leave removal work."
Then I ordered a load of inventory gravel.
The wrong material was sent.
It was 3/4" crush stone -
vs. crushed gravel.
I accepted the load anyway -
because I was creating a new inventory pile place -
it was a low and somewhat wet spot -
so I was going to use ane stone as a base.
WVCF assumed this was the material I ordered for road maintenance.
She got others all whipped up with distrust -
that I did not know what I was doing.
Now things began to escalate -
toward the bad.
Her primary road maintenance reference was -
our other close friend who was the road maintenance person prior to me.
He and his wife had sold their home to WVCF's good friend at the end of the road.
Unbeknownst to me, this friend and his wife were siding with WVCF.
He was on our road all the time -
because he was using the basement workshop in WVCF's home -
for both storage and projects.
He would wave when driving by,
but he use to always stop and chat -
even if I was a ways off the road.
Then the event happened when I was on the road -
and he just drove on by.
Then I knew something was really wrong.
When I mentioned the incident to my wife -
she told me she had been keeping something from me.
She had attempted to reach out to them way before now -
and they had told her -
they didn't want to go there now.
My wife thought it had to do with the contractor that WVCF had hired -
because he came recommended by our other friends.
This was August -
and the work had never been done -
and WVCF and her friend had terminated the work agreement.
Partly because he had never shown up -
and partly to try to make amends with me and my wife.
But my wife assumed -
this was why other other close friends -
didn't want to speak with or see us.
More on this a little later.
My wife was always trying to strike a balance between WVCF and me -
trying to hold together the relationship.
But a pivotal event happened prior to me learning about our other friends distancing themselves from us.
The event occurred between just my wife and WVCF.
We had a family reunion planned for early August.
It had been in the works for more than a year.
WVCF had offered her home for some of our guests to use during their stay.
During one of their regular get togethers -
during a joking discussion of payment -
WVCF casually said to my wife -
that if a payment were made -
she would think it our contribution for the contractor's work.
This is the moment my wife finally saw WVCF -
for who she really was.
WVCF was going to win the road debate -
at any cost to our friendship.
When my wife told me this truth -
it's the moment I ended my friendship with WVCF,
but my wife had not reached that same point yet.
Instead she later confronted the woman -
and got an apology -
which on the surface patched things up a little,
but things would never be the same.
My wife loved WVCF.
Always considered her a bit of a mentor -
even though she often disagreed with her bullish personality.
When I confronted my wife with the realization that our other friends were avoiding us -
my wife re-contacted them.
My wife told them there were two sides to the story they were aware of -
only communicating with WVCF.
The woman was still not ready to get together for a heart-to-heart,
but indicated it would happen in the near future.
WVCF soon after put her house on the market -
claiming it had nothing to do with the road stuff.
The meeting never happened with our other friends.
I'm more upset with them than I am with WVCF.
This whole series of events traumatized me for life.
It sent me into a very very dark place -
with a huge increase in my suicidal thoughts.
My wife experienced firsthand many subsequent events with me.
WVCF has not a clue what her self-righteous has done to us both -
or to our entire families.
My father, who loved WVCF, and vice-versa,
was ready to check out of life -
partly because he did not know what to do with WVCF -
knowing all that had transpired.
We still do not know the entirety of WVCF told our other close friends,
that made them terminate our equally long relationship with them.
I have PTSD over the whole thing.
I'm triggered all the time -
living here with so many trigger objects and reminder moments.
My mind has literally lost hundreds, maybe a thousand hours,
pondering all that happened.
I will never be the same -
and I fear always worse off.
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