The game's protagonist is a surgeon named Nigel Burke, who has a placement at a fictional hospital somewhere in the United Kingdom in 1987. He carries out various operations, at first on a patient affectionately named 'Bob' by the game developers, and later operates on Bob inside a space station orbiting Earth. Afterwards, he is contacted by an alien race by VHS tape, and operates on one of the aliens, gaining the title of 'Best Surgeon in the Universe'.


With the PS4 version comes a new control scheme, using the PS4's Dualshock 4 controller as well as an option to use the PS4's Camera (which I lack, so I won't be able to go into more detail on this). You have 2 options with the DS4 controller, using motion controls or the right stick to control your surgeon's hand. Unfortunately, these controls are absolutely horrid, and not in the "haha fun times!" way either. On the PC version, using a mouse offers a bit more "precision" and momentum, allowing you to "throw" items away, or push various items out of your way as you attemp to grab a tool. With the control sticks this is immensley difficult, as you lack both the precision and the ability to quickly launch your arm this way and that, which would allow you to rip your patients organs out if need be, or tossing unneeded clutter off of your operating table that get in the way (beakers are literally the worst thing ever :hateit:).


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When people find out I'm a surgeon, they always ask me what the hardest part of the job is. It's breaking the news, right? You know: the waiting room, the expectant family, the nervous shuffling of feet.

Surgeon Simulator 2013 is an arm simulator - the arm just happens to be attached to a surgeon. That might explain why, much like John Wilkes Booth, atrocities ensue whenever I enter the theatre. That's why each post-op wash-up session reads like the granular confession of a rather spirited mass-murderer and why I have to play so many rounds of golf after work. I play golf to forget, see? So will you. I recommend a sand wedge. If you don't use it you can always eat it!

That last bit was a surgeon joke. I don't expect you to get it, which is why I helped you out with that exclamation mark. Surgeon Simulator is a joke game, as it happens, but its joke is a pretty good one. It takes place in a strange version of the world where medical school is composed of just two lessons: how to hollow your victim out, and how to stick some new stuff inside afterwards. Heart transplant, kidney transplant, a good old brain swap? They all come down to the same thing, really: get drilling, and then get filling. Ulp. There goes my wristwatch again.

This sort of task should be pretty easy, but there's always that arm to think about. It's your sole means of interacting with Surgeon Simulator's universe - you even have to use it in menus - and it's comically ill-suited to the job. You use the keyboard to control individual digits, the mouse to move you around, and then the mouse buttons to lower your arm onto your patient and to turn your dainty surgeon's wrist. Patients love that sort of thing, but it's probably still best to wait until they're anaesthetized, just to be safe.

Control-wise, it sounds like a flexible approach, but whoever the game's arm actually belongs to doesn't seem to be playing along. You'll flap that rubbery limb around like a convulsing fish, you'll grasp and grasp and grasp for a scalpel and come away with nothing, and you'll do terrible, unforgivably vigorous damage to your patients whenever you momentarily forget yourself or succumb to a twitch. It doesn't help that the game's world is riddled with clutter: alongside scissors, bone saws and those funny little pin things surgeons like, there are also hammers, drills, axes, beakers, bottles, notepads and even a clock radio or two.

Sorry, I've forgotten my train of thought. My beeper went off. Just lost another patient. I'm sure he'll turn up though! (He won't - he's dead.) Anyway, as with stuff like QWOP, the awkwardness is all part of the fun: the game's meant to be unwieldy, and your movements are meant to be sluggish and cumbersome. That's where all the morbid comedy comes from as you bust heads clumsily in the name of medicine. Besides, such a set-up allows each animation to convey a certain drunken swagger, a confidence that seems hilariously misplaced for a surgeon who's just unwittingly bashed their patient's torso to pieces with a paperweight while reaching for a pencil.

Tricky as it is, after a few patients/victims you'll find you can actually play Surgeon Simulator like a proper game, too. Once you realise that you don't have to put back most of the stuff you're taking out when you do an op (that's surgeon lingo: it's short for, "opportunity for some life-saving"!) you'll start to see this as a kind of dead-limbed speed runner where there are but two vital metrics to keep your eye on: There's the blood level, which takes a hit with every rib you chisel out and every lung you remove, and there's loss rate. This is boosted by accidental damage, and sees your patient's claret pumping away steadily over time. It's the loss rate that kills people, frankly. That and dropping bone saws into their ears.

Surgeon Simulator knows it's a bad game. To be entertainingly terrible is its ultimate objective. With its glitchy animations and unpredictable physics there are a few moments when when you'll wish it were better at being a bad game, perhaps, but overall it's still capable of providing a real comic tension as a patient's life ebbs away, as their kidneys refuse to come unstuck no matter how hard you yank at them, and as that sodding wristwatch goes tumbling into a vital cavity. Equally, when the initial trio of levels loses its ability to thrill, you have the option to do them all over again in the back of a speeding ambulance. As you lean into the screen and mutter darkly to yourself, you won't really feel like a surgeon necessarily - surgeons tend not to work their life-giving magic via an interface that has taken vital cues from one of those funfair UFO catchers - but you're definitely becoming a grim kind of specialist of some stripe, toiling away on one of the gooier frontiers of human existence.

After a stint as an Epic exclusive, Surgeon Simulator 2 finally arrives on Steam and makes a franchise debut on Xbox One and Series X/S on September 2, with a new trailer confirming the date. The game comes jam-packed with a year of updates from its time on the Epic Games Store, including a selection of user-generated maps and optimizations. The game's four playable surgeons also get a facelift in this new Access All Areas release, perfect for those playing the current-gen version on Xbox Series X/S in full 4K at 60 FPS.

Even if VR is a massive draw to you, I still have trouble recommending Experience Reality. The basic idea is that each of the Move controllers is one of your hands, and you can use the move button on the top to close your thumb and pointer, and the trigger to close your other three fingers. It's not a bad idea, but in practice it doesn't actually work. Grabbing onto any of the surgeon's tools is nearly impossible, as the area between "able to grab them" and "hitting the table" is so small you have to have pixel perfect precision.

Surgeon Simulator is the mobile device conversion of the PC title Surgeon Simulator 2013. Just like the original, the player is a surgeon who operates on patient Bob with gameplay heavily based on physics and a humorous undertone.

The control system is adapted for the mobile device. Unlike the PC version, the surgeon's hand and fingers are not visible. The player uses two fingers together to drag and move around the environment. By holding one finger on a tool, it is grabbed and can be moved around. While it is being held, a second finger taps to aim it. A short tutorial at the start of the game lets players practice. The game uses the familiar desk as a starting location and the heart transplant as the first operation. Further operations are then unlocked gradually by completing them. Next to the familiar ones such as the double-kidney transplants, teeth and eyes transplants are an entirely new addition. There is also a new environment where you need to operate on a moving trolley in the hospital corridors.

The mobile device version of the game allows users to record and upload surgeries and multiplayer is supported. The player is paired against an online opponent with four surgeries available. Once the game starts, both surgeons operate at the same time. Each player only sees their own screen, but there are text prompts that report on the other player's progress. The race continues until one of the players succeeds. When one fails, the operation is restarted for that player. A May 2014 update added alien autopsy transplants. Set in a new environment, the player operates on the alien Gworb with different organs to remove in six operations.

The sequel will be out next year, but though the trailer shows a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite-looking surgeons getting up to mischief it doesn't give away much about the actual game. According to the website there will be co-op and it sure does seem like it'll support four players.

When developers Bossa Studios invited me to play a preview build of the sequel (which will arrive this August, according to the PC Gaming Show just now), I asked whether I should get hold of the original to get myself used to the premise. But they said it would be better if I went in clueless, and made up my own mind as to what Surgeon Simulator 2 was about. It is, after all, a game about learning to become a surgeon: the game is set in the sprawling, eerily 1960s-ish Bossa Labs, a facility constructed, in the words of the developers, "to teach surgery to the masses".

Surgery now often requires a whole team, with players working together to monitor vitals, perform blood transfusions (by jamming huge syringes into the patient) to prevent death by blood loss, and do the classic sawing/rummaging/bashing work. In addition to this, some of the levels take the form of Portal 2-style co-op puzzles where, for example, fresh hearts for the patient can only be acquired from a dispenser locked behind a series of contraptions that can only be opened by surgeons working together. ff782bc1db

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