Behind the page: Everything leading up to "the impossibles"
Behind The Page: Everything Leading Up To "The Impossibles"
Oh boy.
Where do I even start?
6th grade, I guess. Campbell Middle School.
(POSSIBLE TW // Bullying, violence, depression, suicidal thoughts)
Within the first week of middle school, my name was very well known. The entire 6th grade knew who I was. I had a huge reputation. A negative reputation, that is. I was short, I had glasses, and I wore Star Wars, Marvel and DC shirts every single day. I was literally the biggest nerd in the school, and the boys and girls in my grade made it obvious that they didn't like that.
The bullying in the first 2-5 weeks was very mild. There was some name-calling, getting laughed at, and some rumors were spread around about me. But it only got worse from there. Within the first few months, I was getting sports balls and objects purposely thrown at me, I was still getting made fun of, and at this point, the 6th grade girls had come up with something called "The Henry Touch". What this "Henry Touch" thing meant was that anything I touched was now poisonous for anyone else to come in contact with. These girls also ran away from me when I was nearby, even if I was minding my own business. As I'm writing this and re-reading those sentences, it doesn't sound that bad, but it was. Words can't comprehend how hurt and disrespected I felt when I was in class with these people. I couldn't make any friends because of the rumors about me. Everyone was my enemy, and the school wasn't doing anything.
In October 2015, my dad signed me up for an afterschool program called Afterschool Adventures. It was a 1st-6th grade program that helped the kids with homework, let them talk about the problems they had at school, and make friends. If I'm being honest, this program helped me a bit, but it wasn't enough. The kids I met there were very friendly, and since I was the oldest kid in the program, they all looked up to me. I was able to talk to the teachers about getting bullied, and they would always tell me things would get better. The support I got at Afterschool Adventures was the kind of thing I wanted at middle school, but I wasn't getting it.
In November of 2015, I was pushed to the ground by one of the boys in my class and I was kicked over and over again. A few days later, I threatened to hang myself, and my dad drove me to the emergency room. Luckily, I wasn't locked up or anything. But I had a long talk with one of the doctors and he calmed me down when no one else could. Some time after the visit to the hospital, I was still getting bullied. At one point, one of the girls in my grade put a used tissue on my desk and I yelled at her for it, but I was the one who got in trouble for "disturbing the class", and that is when I had my first panic attack. I had no idea what was going on- I thought I was having trouble breathing- so I put my hands on my throat. But all the kids in my class said I was "choking myself" and "trying to commit suicide", but it just made the situation worse. After that, I started faking being sick so I could stay at home and not have to deal with getting bullied every day. I felt so bad about it, because I knew I needed to be in school to learn things, but I was afraid that if I went every day, I would be pushed over the edge and end up killing myself. After being away from school for a few days, my dad forced me to go back, and he told me that I could call my mom to come pick me up if I really didn't feel good. But he wanted me to get through class.
And then it just... happened! I ended up doing what my dad suggested that day, and I called my mom because I didn't want to deal with everyone's bullshit. While waiting for her to come pick me up, I took out a notebook, a pencil, and I just started writing. What did I write? Star Wars fanfiction. Yeah, I know, "ew", but we all have to start somewhere, right? And that's where I started- writing A New Hope in Luke Skywalker's perspective. Looking back, I now realize that I skipped so many important parts of his story arc...
Anyway, that was the day it all started. On that day, I realized how much writing stories helped me. For the rest of 6th grade, I usually avoided all the girls who made fun of me. I would sit at the back of the school during breaktime and lunch, with no one else, writing "horror" books that weren't even scary, fan fictions, and one superhero story that I remember next to nothing about. Hell, I don't even remember the title. But I do remember that all the characters had the same names as the friends I had in Afterschool Adventures. THIS was the original Impossibles story, the original that came BEFORE the original.
In 7th grade, things started getting better. I was still getting made fun of, but it wasn't as bad as 6th grade. I wasn't beat up at all in 7th grade because all the boys that used violence instead of verbal abuse had left the school- they either moved schools or were expelled. Additionally, a bunch of my 6th grade bullies decided the "Henry touch" thing was getting old and they backed off. At that point, I had taught myself that people couldn't control me, and that I had to be my own person if I wanted to survive middle school. So whenever someone called me a name or a swear word, I would laugh it off and often say "Thank you". But I secretly played the insults in my head over and over again.
In October 2016, I wrote the original Impossibles story on pieces of notebook paper. Well, back then, the book was just named after the main character's superhero name- SuperGamer. Honestly, this first book was really, REALLY bad. I'm pretty sure I threw it away in 8th grade, but if I somehow found an undamaged copy, I would want to lock it in a box and throw it into a volcano.
Over the years, the books I have written have changed A LOT. It used to be 100% a superhero book, but as it's developed, I have integrated mythology elements into the books. I've also added romance into my books by giving some characters romantic partners, and I only recently (in the last year) made these books into fantasy/sci-fi adventures by having the main characters travel to other planets and discover magic. There's also some mystery in these books- mystery surrounding a certain villain that has the power to reverse entire timelines, setting the clock back to the day the book starts. More about that in book one, coming soon!
If I hadn't decided to call my mom that day, and if I never faked being sick, I know I would've done it. I would've found a way to end my life, and I wouldn't be writing this right now. But I didn't. and I discovered this amazing, almost magical thing called writing. Even though the books back then were nowhere NEAR as good as they are today, writing these books saved my damn life and I am so glad they've come this far. It's been a long journey, with a lot of obstacles, a lot of effort, and a lot of time spent writing, but I believe that if I try hard enough I can and will follow my dreams and get a bigger audience.