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                                                     The Thousand Gerbil War

By Ben Malek

                                       Prologue

             Before we start this book, let me tell you of the creatures inhabiting the planet of Thigraxia Beta. They are a strange race, resembling what you or I would call kittens in adulthood. These creatures are intelligent enough that they created the supercomputer (and widely distributed it) before they started any wars, though technically they only received them.

That is what this book is about. And one more thing: They also decided that as they didn’t have any opposable thumbs, they built themselves suits shaped an awful lot like gray lamps with arms and legs.

                                          Act One

             One dreary morning (as it always is on Rodentus V), a trooper named Ocelot woke up. He was especially excited, as today was the launchings of the great destroyer fleet- the Salmon B fleet. They were preparing to attack a planet they called Rodentus I (as they were in the same star system) that just so happened to be Thigraxia Beta. These creatures may have decided to do this for any number of reasons, but the most commonplace theory throughout the galaxy is that they detected a high amount of an element they used to make their one food source, which is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a Belgian waffle. As the ships approached launching position, Ocelot got into his spot, which happened to be the one spot on the ship that would not turn gyroscopically as the ship itself did. As they blasted off, Ocelot felt incredibly sick to his stomach, a trait that happens often as the Rodentians’ stomachs covered 40% of their internal organs. If you were to give one an X-ray, you would find a large stomach, with a heart, liver, intestines, etc. attached to it. This explains why A: they were looking for food, and B: why if you were to visit the planet you would promptly get put in a large machine that rearranged your molecules and become a highly nutritious semi-anti-Belgian waffle-unless you came more recently, as the smartest world leaders decided that all the machines should be thrown into themselves, as the crisis had gotten to that stage. On the Salmon shoal, Ocelot was assigned to watch over the self-destruct feature. Their plan was this: land, enslave, turn ship into rations, then the rest of the semi-anti-waffles will be sent back to Rodentus V. Without a ship, it would be tough to ship the food back, but certainly they could throw it back, right? Again, not the smartest creatures.

                                   Act Two: The War Part

             As the ships got closer, they were picked up on Thigraxian scanners. They had many weapons, but none of them actually were programmed to do anything other than destroy meteors. The Thigraxian military were able to destroy the small scouts, and without them, the ships could not land. The ships could not do any damage, either, as the Thigraxians had set up force fields. In order for the Thigraxians to do anything, a meeting was called. They decided that they would send out a fleet of ships on July 10. They dodged and bombed, in and out, up and over, around and through, until the Salmon fleet was all but a bunch of scraps. The holiday was celebrated far and wide.

                                   Ending

   The day was cheered throughout the galaxy, everybody knew about it! That is why, on July 10th, we celebrate National Kitten Day.

                  The End.