Lost Time by Cameron Segal
"You liar! You dirty, fucking liar!!"
Hot stinging tears dripped down Amara's cheeks as she stared at Utesis' bare back and the long flowing hair of the nymph beneath him. Utesis had never been a good man, truly, but infidelity was far beyond what she thought possible from him. And in one of her resting places, built by her own hands for her patrons?
The flowers around her began to wilt. Utesis turned to look at her with wide eyes, and so too did the nymph before she averted her gaze with a hand over her face. "Get out!!" Amara screamed, her entire body shaking. "Both of you, get the fuck out, I never want to see your fucking faces again!!"
"Oh, really, you're gonna kick me out? Be fucking serious, Amara, you hardly ever wanna put out, what the fuck else was I supposed to do, just wait around for you to be in the mood!?"
"What the hell is wrong with you! Is that all that matters!? Being in bed!?"
"What, like you're good for anything else!?"
"Get out, Utesis. You too, Altara. Fucking a nymph, fucking my partner on my sacred ground, I've had enough."
After a long, agonizing moment, Utesis scoffed and stood up. The nymph gathered their robes on the grass beneath them and immediately snuck into the forest brush with Utesis, all while holding hands.
She watched until they disappeared. Just when they were out of earshot, Amara collapsed to the ground with her hands covering her face. She gasped for air in between choking sobs. Several years had she spent with that man, loving him and caring for him as best she could, just to be betrayed? For what? Where did it go wrong? What had she done wrong? Her wings encapsulated her and gave her the hug she needed. Amara felt disgusted like she wanted to rip off her own skin to rid herself of the touch Utesis had given her.
All of her love, wasted.
Beginnings (feat. East Forest) by MC YOGI
"I know you're there."
Amara gasped quietly and pulled back behind the tree trunk, her hand clapped over her mouth, and her wings pulled as close as possible to her body.
"You're not exactly...quiet. Nor stealthy."
A sigh wisped out from between her lips as she stepped out from behind the large pine tree with a sheepish smile, the same one a child would have if they got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "Alright...you've caught me."
The tall man turned around, his long black hair shifting over his shoulders. It dropped down to his waist and soaked up the sun. He had stern brown eyes and an unwavering solemnity about him. Amara found herself averting her gaze and opting to instead stare at the floor. "What business do you have being here?" Said the man, now fully facing Amara. He wore an aged, tan robe with a hood and a leather belt with satchels attached. Wrapped around one of his arms was a metal gauntlet made of steel. His tan skin was marked with black tattoos, and his long pointed ears were pierced. From his forehead sprouted two horns.
"You're in my woods."
"Your woods? Who owns a whole forest?"
"Well. I don't own it, but...I've grown it for a thousand years. It is my home, and, well, you being here for the past few days has...alerted me."
The man stared in silence at Amara. Her awkward glances up at him and back down made her hair fall in front of her face, but she didn't bother pushing it back. The more his eyes stayed pinned, the more her cheeks felt flush. Just when she thought the silence would remain unbearable, the man's deep voice permeated the air once more.
"Tuonshen. But you may call me Shen."
Amara lifted her head with surprise and a sparkle in her eyes. A grin painted her lips. "Tuonshen, Shen. I'm Amara. That name, it...sounds familiar."
"The Pantheon," He began, his gaze now softened as he looked at her. "I'm the God of Wandering. But I do not convene at the Pantheon very often. But I do believe I recognize you."
"Goddess of the Hearth and Love."
"Correct."
A long pause permeated the air again. They quietly stared at each other, almost awkwardly so, before Shen finally spoke up. "I...suppose I should be going then. It was nice to-"
"Why don't I show you around!?" Amara blurted, her hands folded in front of her chest eagerly. A man like him couldn't leave just yet, could he? She hadn't had enough time to admire him yet. "I know you're...the god of wandering, but surely you would still be here a bit longer? I can show you the Meiodos Pools, orrrrr the Clouded Peak or...my...temple?"
Tuonshen looked back at her with a raised eyebrow. Amara bit the inside of her cheek, her hands now firmly planted at her sides as she awkwardly played with her white dress. Maybe that was too straightforward. Really? Her temple? She might as well have asked him to marry her--
"I wouldn't mind that."
Oh, thank the Pantheon.
WHEN I FOUND YOU.
This Marriage by Eric Whitacre
What followed was a love unfathomed by gods or mortals, a love so strong that most might gaze upon it and be convinced that the fibers of love woven between them were made of the very essence of the timeless universe, as though nothing could ever destroy it. Nothing at all.
Someway, somehow, Amara, the Goddess of the Hearth, had managed to rope in the God of Wandering himself, and Tuonshen found his paths leading back to the forests that Amara roamed. The wanderers he protected were unaware of the fact that he guided them, yet they somehow passed through her woods each time. Of course, he would visit her. The world had practically stopped when Amara had first laid eyes upon Tuonshen, and each time he returned to her unannounced just to say hello sent her heart aflutter. Over time, love blossomed like spring flowers. Behind Tuonshen's quiet and elusive demeanor was a caring man who loved deeply. No one made Amara smile or giggle as he did, and no one made Tuonshen feel more needed and appreciated than Amara did. He heard the embarrassing sort of laugh that Amara would keep hidden from others, and Amara got to see the smile that Tuonshen had shown no one. Amara could be herself with him, and she didn’t have a single care in the world when they were beside each other. Everything was so light and airy, as though the atmosphere was laced with roses and the very essence of a summer sunset. Nothing could go wrong. Their visits grew longer and longer each time they laid eyes upon each other, and soon, they couldn't let go. Amara would show him every beautiful corner of her forest, showing him the rarest of flowers and the gentle creatures and inhabitants of the wood.
The first time their hands touched. The first kiss. The first time they exchanged “I love you’s.” Everything about Tuonshen unwound her and made her weak in the knees. All the worries about being a deity seemed to melt away when they were together. Her mind was clearer, the weight of stress and anxiety just melted off her shoulders.
Their love knew no bounds, and soon enough, the holy bonds of marriage wound their souls together. It felt as though the heavens and the earth had joined. As if the skies opened up just for them to celebrate their partnership. And Amara made him stay in place when, for so long, he knew nothing but the endless horizon waiting to be explored. Amara accepted for who he was when so many others had been afraid of his appearance. They wed on top of the mount when the sun had only just begun to rise in the morning, making a mix of rosy pink hues as their canvas. With their hands clasped together and their eyes lost in the gaze of one another, they spoke their divine vows.
"Earth below and the sky above, may the moon and sun bear witness to our love. Second by second, day by day, my eyes will never stray away. The universe knows no bounds, nor does my passion for you, the sun eternal, the moon forever, I shall feel strength in all we do. From the day I first saw you, to my final breath, together we will lay until our eternal death."
Sealed with a kiss and symbolized with flowery rope wrapped around their wrists and gold on their necks, Amara and Tuonshen were joined as one. From their love sprouted new life. They had a sweet baby boy, affectionately named Atlas, a symbol of their love, and their promise to always find one another.
WHEN I LOST YOU.
The Night We Met by Lord Huron
Though their love was bright and blinding, stars that burn bright enough eventually burn out. It shined light on things that Amara had tried to keep hidden, things that Tuonshen did not want to admit. The same things that brought them together were what ripped them apart. Tuonshen could not be tied to one place when his work had him wandering across the seas and every continent for months on end. Staying in place got old, and his irritation slithered in with quick cuts in his tone that sent Amara into a panic. Amara's insecurities and worries about him potentially leaving her while he was away began to wear on Tunoshen's mind. On top of that, Amara's unwillingness to open up only seized the tension more. Arguments exploded between them at every given opportunity. The loud voices that echoed across Amara's temple and between them made Atlas cower in fear. Later at night, Atlas would often come into his parents' room, only to find that his parents were no longer in the same bed together. He missed the nights when he could sleep between his two beloved parents and feel safe from every monster in the world, but now the bed felt cold.
. · ⊹ .
“I think we need to split.”
"Split?"
"I can't do it anymore, Shen, I just can't! You're gone for months and, what, I just have to take it!?"
"I have a job to do, Amara."
"And what about our son?! What about me!? You're gone for months on end and I'm just-!? Here! By myself!"
Amara had never spoken words more painful. It was like spitting out venom, and the bile from within was burning the back of her throat. She didn’t want this. Amara didn’t want him to leave, permanently, but she was just burning up inside with all their arguments and bickering. Amara couldn’t do it anymore. Maybe she could have helped remedy their faults if she had just opened up that she was afraid she wasn’t enough, that she worried that Shen would run off with someone else. Amara didn’t want things to end up like how she did with Utesis, especially not with the man she thought was everything. The thought of her love in the arms of another woman, goddess, nymph, mortal, whoever made her want to crumble. It made her feel worthless. Yet, at the same time, Amara didn't know what she wanted.
So instead of talking it through, she insisted...this.
"You know I have to be away, Amara. I have to protect people on their journeys, you know this."
"But you don't return for so long, Shen! So, so, long, and I-? Don't you want to come home?"
"I don't have a home, Amara."
Amara's eyes widened. It felt like she had been dunked in cold water. Tears pricked her eyes and stung her throat and her lip quivered. All this time and he didn't think of her temple as his home? The place they called home together and lived in for years? Shen's face softened for a moment, he even tried to speak, Amara could tell, but her tight anger cut him off.
"Fine. Fine then." Please don't go. "Atlas can stay with me." But I want you, too. "We'll make it work." I don't know what I will do without you.
"So that's it then?"
Fear rattled her bones, but not because of Shen. Amara wanted to tell him, everything told her to tell him, but Utesis' ugly, angry face appeared in her mind, screaming at her and telling her how weak she was and pathetic she was and worthless she was. It felt like a snake was constricting her tongue. What if Shen saw her for who she truly was, a woman who was crumbling from the inside out and falling ill of her own mind and thoughts and it disgusted him? What if just her fears alone drove him away anyway? What if he stopped loving her just like Utesis did? No. What if he already had?
Cutting it off was the only thing Amara could do to feel like she had some control after years of Utesis plaguing her mind with thoughts of crippling self-doubt, ones that twisted her brain and reality so far that she could never fathom the opposite. It brought out the ugly sides of both of them.
Amara stood there with firm fists and pursed lips. It didn't matter that it made her cry. It didn't matter that it felt as though half of her soul had withered away into ash. Perhaps it was for the best. Amara could not stand the screaming, she couldn't stand the added cries from Atlas as their heated disagreements burned louder. It scared their poor boy. He was only four. He didn’t deserve such terror.
"Yes. I don't know what we are, Shen, but whatever it is, it is broken."
. · ⊹ .
When Shen left her temple that final day, Amara almost called out for him. She almost cried out his name and begged him to stay with nothing but bitter regret fueling her words, but she was so afraid of herself and what it would do to them both that she choked back instead. Her tears dared not to fall, rather she held them in like a dam. Amara embraced Atlas as Shen left, who cried into her bosom for a long time as he had to watch his father go and not return. He would be back eventually, but not for several months, and it would not be to stay, only to see Atlas and take him for short journeys. Amara did not show her tears in front of her son. When dusk marked the first day without him and Atlas was asleep at her side, Amara slowly got up and walked through the temple, the marble floor cold beneath her bare feet. The moonlight bounced off the shiny temple interior and the tall, tall pillars cast shadows all across the walkways.
Amara's walk led her to the balcony, the one where she and her love would sit and talk for hours about everything and nothing at all.
It was then and only then that Amara collapsed to the floor and sobbed, body limp against the balcony railing as she gave the moon her sorrows. Tears streamed down her cheeks like waterfalls from the soul as her body grew hot, her chest began to tighten and her throat began to close with the grief she was feeling. When did things go wrong? Why couldn't she just say something? No. It was mutual. Shen didn't love her. But at the same time, it killed her to see him go. She didn't want to watch him leave anymore, but now he's gone for good. Amara shouldn’t have let him go, but she couldn’t force him to stay either. But this is what she wanted. Or was it? Amara couldn’t stand seeing Atlas upset at what she couldn't manage. It was all so complicated and it only filled her with emotional agony to know that the one man she had ever truly loved was gone and it was her fault. Did he feel the same? Did he miss her too? Did he ever miss her at all?
Amara didn’t know. The only thing she was sure of was that this was all her fault, but rather than saying something, anything that wasn't the split, she bottled it within. Amara didn't know a lot of things. She had broken away from a foundation that was only seeing a rainy day, not a crack in its forms.
THE GUIDANCE TO A GIFT I CANNOT RECEIVE.
content warning
the following segment includes r*pe and death.
La Solitude by Joshua Kyan Aalampour
Perhaps Amara was wrong the first time.
Perhaps she could have done more.
Something more enough so that Utesis would never go to a nymph again.
Perhaps they can try again. Perhaps they can love one another.
So she went back. In tears and hurt, she wandered back to the comforts of familiarity, but familiarity does not always equal safety. Utesis lured her in with sweet words, saying that he too would be better if she was too, that he would still love her even though another man had already tainted her womb. That he could love a son who was not his.
And for a while, it was...good. But the storm rolled in without hardly a warning.
Utesis' returned with a vile hatred that had grown a thousandfold. He did not touch her with gentle love, only with hands of violence that left her bruised and bleeding. He did not whisper words of poetry in her ears, not like how Shen told her he would wander the universe just to find her, rather he spoke words that struck her soul in ways that made her ache and cry, that left her feeling like nothing more than a speck of dust.
Her temple became a prison. Utesis did not allow her to leave. She was like a caged bird with only sad songs to sing. Their bonds were nothing more than a mere existence alongside one another. The temple did not know happiness, only fear and horror. Utesis used her. Even when she told him no, he had her in bed anyway. Amara just had to take it. She sucked it up, she stayed quiet, she let her tears be soaked by the bed sheets, and waited for it to be over.
And then she fell pregnant again.
Despite having to fix her own wounds, Amara told herself that maybe, just maybe, this would be a good thing. Maybe Utesis would change knowing that she held his child and that they would be a bigger family. For a while, it was good. He treated her with care. Months passed and her body changed, and the thought of a child in her arms made her feel something she hadn’t felt in a long time:
Joy. Maybe this would repair things with Utesis. But she was wrong. Again.
"How many more times Amara? How many more!?"
"Utesis, I just wanted you to...I thought maybe we could just...go for a walk together. In the forest. It's such a beautiful day out, that's all."
"Really. A walk. What the hell is that gonna do."
"It's...good for the baby--"
"And what do I get?"
"What? What do you mean?"
Utesis turned to face her, his head tilted with a look of disbelief as if she had cursed his name. "A walk, Amara. Why the fuck would I care about a walk." He suddenly grabbed her wrist and began to pull her up the stairs. "Can give you more than that if you'd just come to bed with me."
Amara gasped as he pulled her forward so hard that she almost tripped on her dress. She balled her hand into a fist and pulled back. "I-I'm not doing that! Utesis, I already told you how much it-"
"Good gods, Amara, it's been months, after everything I've done? Carrying you up the stairs? Getting you what you need?"
"Wh-Why is that such a bad thing, Utesis, I thought that was-?"
"Just shut up, all you ever do is talk and fucking whine, can you just shut up for once?!"
"I said I don't want to, Utesis!!"
Amara ripped her wrist away from him once they reached the top of the stairs, her face twisted in anger. But then Utesis turned to face her with a look of wrath, his frame towering over her like a lion preying on a mouse. Regret washed over her like a flood and her shoulders went slack.
Pain. Searing pain. Her vision went blurry and she let out a wet cough, sending blood spatter to the floor.
Amara looked up at Utesis, who remained at the top of the staircase, his chest heaving with deep breaths that sent out clouds of rage. Blood dripped from Amara's nose and lips and mixed in with her tears, an amalgamation of her agony and terror.
"If you aren't going to give it to me, then I'll just find some other bitch."
EYE FOR AN EYE.
content warning: the following segment includes death.
Merry-Go-Round of Life (Minor Key) by PianoDeuss
Her womb had been still for days. Not even her healing powers could fix the death of her child within her.
The child was no more. Any longer and it would poison her, so she went out into the woods and removed them herself. A sickness like the plague washed over Amara with symptoms of uncontrollable wailing overtaking her at all hours of the day. Amara was distraught. Riddled with grief, but she managed to keep Atlas safe from it all. Though she could not mother a newborn child, she would mother her only son, and keep him pure from the evils of the world, though he had already witnessed what Utesis would do if Amara had not stepped in the way every time.
But not even the strongest warriors can hold the grief she bore. It felt like the entire world was upon her shoulders, held up by her arms and wings of steel, though only in silence, and it was in the silence of the night that she finally snapped.
With only the moon as her guide, Amara took the dagger that Shen had left her and enchanted it with a forbidden ritual. Such a ritual was only performed by those of the entire Pantheon when a decision was made as an entire group, with the better judgment of many voices in the court of the divine.
But Amara did not need the court of the divine to tell her that Utesis was guilty. He had committed murder. The enchantment granted her abilities she knew would cause hell to rain down, but the emotions that boiled within her and had been brewing for years were ready to burst. In the wake of her building rage, Amara blacked out as she ascended the stairs, her wrists bleeding with slits down her forearm from the ritual, and her eyes blurred with tears. Each disastrous drop of blood that flowed from her wrists was an echo of her agony, of all the years that were used, only to end in death. Utesis lay asleep in their bed without a single thought nor care for what he had done. With slow movements, Amara slowly climbed into bed beside him, her leg swinging over his body so that she sat above him.
Utesis awoke. He blinked away sleep to see the moonlit visage of Amara, who stared down at him with wild eyes. "Amara?" He asked, voice gravelly with sleep. "What is this?"
Amara slowly leaned down, her rosy locks curtaining her face. It wasn't until she was a few mere inches from Utesis' face that he realized this was not what he was hoping for. Amara spoke, her voice low in her throat, her face smeared in her own blood and her eyes as black as night.
"You will reap what you sow."
Amara lifted the dagger and plunged it into Utesis' chest. Not once, not twice, but over and over and over. Blood flew across the entire room. It soaked the white silk sheets into crimson and her dress. It mixed in with the feathers of her wings and she felt her womb burn with the rage Utesis had inseminated her with. All she knew was wrath, the wrath of a woman condemned and maimed and tortured. A light burst from Utesis' wounds, a cold and icy blue that engulfed the room as Utesis began to choke on his blood after making attempts to scream. Chains spread across the bed and wrapped around his arms and legs. He wordlessly begged for mercy, but Amara only watched as he got pulled down within the portal that opened beneath him.
The enchanted dagger did not kill him, but rather it sent him to the Land of the Lost, a place meant for those like Utesis. A place where immortals go to live an endless death. The thunderous clouds poured angry tears from the sky onto her temple as if to grieve with her. For a goddess who was a face for hope, love, and belonging, Amara could never receive it. Covered in ichor, the blood of the gods, and shrouded in sweat and tears, Amara let out strangled sobs, endlessly crying over a puddle of blood. Disaster and tragedy like thick oil ran through her veins until they spilled into her lungs and made her drown.
But peace did not make its home in the temple of the goddess.
FALL FROM GRACE.
Retribution by P.T. Adamczyk
The sun had begun to set when the temple walls began to crumble. It shook so hard that it threw Amara to her feet. One quick glance outside and she saw several men and women atop pegasi or soaring through the clouds with magic at their fingertips. She knew in an instant that they had finally come for her.
Amara sprinted out of her room and through the temple as pillars began to collapse. Her heart was thundering like a racehorse as she sprinted across the marble of her gorgeous temple, her tule gown rushing from out behind her. Her home was being destroyed in just mere seconds. A temple so beautiful, built on complete adoration for a woman who represents some of the most sought-after things was now crumbling into nothing but dust and debris.
Who told? Who saw her acts of wrath? Amara had no idea, but she knew she couldn't hide forever. She just didn't think it would go south so fast. Amara was alone on that stormy night, she was sure of it. No one was visiting, Utesis had long since kicked out every soul and being from her temple, even her beloved fairies. Utesis had completely isolated her from the world, but there was no time to think as the scene of crumbling statues and marble pillars engulfed by flame flashed in the corners of her eyes. The temple, her gorgeous temple that has stood on this mount for thousands of years, has begun to shake and crumble away. Amara can’t think. She just needs to run.
"Mama!!"
Fear made Amara's heart jump into her throat as Atlas' cry of terror rattled her eardrums. "I'm coming, Atlas!!"
Debris was beginning to fall as holy weapons from the war gods and other related demigods attacked the mount. She raced down through the inner garden where she found Atlas cowering behind a statue as the walls began to cave in. Atlas held his arms out to her. Without even stopping, she swept him up in a safe embrace and continued to run towards the north wing. The shaking and teetering of her temple caused debris to cut at her skin and wings, but it was all masked by adrenaline and fear. The balcony came into view with the pink sky framing it as her escape. Amara held Atlas' head to her chest and whispered in his ear, "Stay close to me, hold on tight."
The balcony that she had cried on for hours became her platform. Without a second of hesitation, Amara jumped and went off the cliffside into a sea of clouds, leaving the only home she'd ever known to the flames and at the mercy of the gods. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as she slowly turned to face skyward and stared at the burning temple from below. Her hair billowed past her face like silk as her tears slipped from her eyes and floated above her.
Their home was gone.
Amara slipped past the low-hanging clouds before her wings punched out from her back. She was now soaring with the clouds as her cover. Atlas was closer to her chest than her own heart, it seemed, with how tightly she held him. His arms wrapped over her neck, his legs locked around her waist. Her hands were shaking. She felt sick. Who knew what they would've done to her or Atlas? What she did know, however, was that she had to go as far away as possible.
Amara flew for days, only making stops here and there to forage or search for water for her boy first, then herself. But even gods get tired, and soon enough she had to touch the ground once more. Her wings were stiff as a rock and sore beyond belief. Every movement, even a slight ruffle of her feathers caused a shot of pain to go up to her back. The blood on her arms had dried but the wounds were still open and depleting her strength because she didn't want to waste a singular second trying to wrap them, or try and heal them. Word must've traveled far by now that her temple had been blown to pieces, though they probably also knew that she had escaped. All she could do was wonder what lies had been forged to cause this.
"Mother, why have we landed...? I thought you said those monsters were after us..." said Atlas, his eyes tinged with tears and voice shivering. Amara let out deep breaths of exhaustion before looking up at Atlas and holding his hands with a gentle look in her eye. She was exhausted, but she couldn't let Atlas know that.
Atlas was the spitting image of his father. Hair as black as night, his eyes a fine hazel, but his cheeks were round like his mother’s. He had little fluffy baby bird wings on his back like his mother too, ones that were taking their time to grow. But the tearful eyes on that innocent face of his made her ache. Atlas didn't deserve this.
It had been an awfully long time since Amara had to do anything like escape or fear for her life, especially in the aftermath of losing her baby. "I can't fly any longer, my darling. My wings are tired. We'll have to find somewhere to lay low..." Amara said while trying to sound as confident in herself as possible. But Amara was terrified. There wasn’t anyone she could turn to, was there..? Atlas' lip would quiver before reaching out and immediately hugging his mother.
"What if they find us?" He whimpered.
Amara held her son tight as she crouched there, her dress tattered, heart pounding, her wings stiff, body hot and covered in sweat. She had no answer to that. None at all, because she didn't know. Not even a little bit. The Pantheon would eat her alive, call her some whore, who cared if she told the truth. Why would she do something to the God of Truth and Wisdom? Clearly to hide something, right? They didn't even know any of what happened because they only saw Utesis on the outside. One side of a two-faced snake. Above all, one question stuck like a thorn in her side, festering and aching and infecting.
Who saw her on that night?
"Don't say that, darling, you have me. I'll protect you. I've got you," she whispered. But who was she to turn to? Amara knew just as much as her son...next to nothing. Where to go, what to do, where to hide, who was after them, and how to correct this. Amara cracked the glass of her own divinity and now she had no one but her son.
