March 16 | 8:30 - 9:30 am in the school cafe
Chapters 3-5
What do you think about the author's view on the elements of a strength? Would might you add to her viewpoint?
Apply the author's three questions on page 66 to one of your children or two yourself to get some practice in seeing strengths.
What is your understanding of the author's CAPP matrix classifying behaviors into four categories? (pp. 75-83)
What is your take on Dr. Water's "formula for strength development"? (pp. 88-90) And "Four Key Strength-Based Parenting Strategies" (pp. 110-121) What are some of your ideas to help nurture the strengths of your children?
What questions do you have about attention (pp. 128-137)? What insights?
Dr. Waters offers insights and tips to grow one's strength of gratitude. Which of the gratitude strategies seems the most doable for your family? (pp. 144-154) Which ones do you hope to make a habit in your life?
Have a conversation with your children about your learning from reading the book. Share a few strengths you see in your children.
Strength Story (page 95) - As a family take turns telling a strength story about how each of you lives a strength. Then take turns telling a strength story about a strength that you see in each other.
The Four Key Strength-Based Parenting Strategies (page 110) - Look to see which of these strategies comes naturally to you. See which ones that you might need to learn more about in applying in your parenting. Be ready to share with your table partners.
Attention Building (page 137) - Try this exercise with your children.
Gratitude: Scientific research demonstrates that exercising gratitude in our lives can be a potent force to enhance our well-being. Take a look at the Gratitude page of the Wellness@ES for lots of ways to bring the practice of gratitude into the lives of your family members. The page is written for teachers but many of the strategies can be applied in the home.
We use the 24 character strengths provided by the VIA Institute for our school wellness program. Dr. Waters provides a longer list of strengths pulling from several sources. Here is her list.
Whole Group Share: Please share a strength that you spotted in one of your family members.
Next Meeting Date and Chapters to Read: April 6th 8:30 - 9:30 am | School Cafe | Chapters 6-7
Table Share: Share a recent strength story of your own.
Table Share: Go through the following questions>
What do you think about the author's view on the elements of a strength? What might you add to her viewpoint?
What is your take on Dr. Water's "formula for strength development"? (pp. 88-90) And "Four Key Strength-Based Parenting Strategies" (pp. 110-121) What are some of your ideas to help nurture the strengths of your children?
What questions do you have about attention (pp. 128-137)? What insights?
Which of the gratitude strategies seems the most doable for your family? (pp. 144-154)
Table Share: Ideas to Action
What are two actionable strategies from the reading that you plan to implement in the next two weeks?
The following are some takeaways from the reading along with some of my ideas. They are written in note form so the grammar might not be so terrific!
Three elements of a strength:
Performance (being good at something)
Energy (feeling good at something)
High use (choosing to do something)
P. 69- “When the yearning to express a core strength is blocked or frustrated, it creates a special kind of pain.” I add that I read from another source that when circumstances or people block the engagement of our strengths that anger can arise.
We know someone is really dialing up or strong in a strength when they get into a state of flow when engaging in the strength(s). Think of creativity, curiosity, etc. as good examples.
She spends a lot of time in the Understanding Strengths chapter on what I call talents, skills… not character strengths.
Weaknesses:
As we have strengths, we have weaknesses
Having weaknesses doesn’t mean you are unworthy… they are a normal aspect of all of us.
Don’t get caught up in the trap of focusing on weaknesses and the wasted energy that goes with that (negativity bias).
P. 81- Dr. Alex Linley “We succeed by fixing our weaknesses only when we are also making the most of our weaknesses.”
The research shows that about 50% of our strengths come from our genes.
P. 86 “The more a strength is practiced...the more the neural chain for that strength is chemically bonded” in our brains.
P. 90 “The ultimate power of SBP lies in children internalizing the fact that they have strengths, that their strengths are what energize them, and that these strengths are their inner resources are what energize them and that these strengths are their inner resources for developing optimism and resilience and pursuing what they want to achieve in life. What better outcome can there be for parent and child alike?”
Building a Family Culture to Include Strengths:
Strength Stories p. 95- Whether making it a ritual at the dinner table and/or family meetings, take time for family members to tell stories of their engagement with their strengths from the past week or so. Everyone is to specifically name the strengths that helped the actions of the story.
P. 97 “Different strengths come online at different times, connected to a child’s physical, cognitive and emotional development.”
Four Key Strength-Based Parenting Strategies:
Mindset Management: Model growth mindset (GM) over fixed mindset. “Although strengths are genetic predispositions, they still need to be grown through effort and practice.” p. 112 Remember that modeling GM is very important to your coaching of GM.
Role Modeling: See previous.
Strength-Based Scaffolding: “...making sure that children have the resources and support they need to build their strengths.” p. 116 - this also means teaching your child. We need to keep in mind their developmental stage to incrementally scaffold their learning and engagement of the strengths.
Practice Within the Zone of Proximal Development: This connects to the scaffolding by helping your children move through the zone being stretched along the way to dial up their strength in practice and in self-understanding. This process of practicing one’s strengths involves the strength of grit/perseverance when our children are really needing to reach though their stretch zone.
Remind parents that they are engaging their strengths as they learn how to SBP. They can look for ways to apply the four strategies to themselves.
Helping Your Child with Attention: p. 128
“aim his attention away from weaknesses towards strengths"
sustain his attention in the focused way necessary to build strengths into practice
restore his reserves of attention while learning from his life and forming a firm, positive self-identity”
Two Types of Attention:
Directed Attention- top down, deliberately focusing on something. Using “brain talk” to direct your focus with “direction and maintenance, which I call ‘aim and sustain’”. This involves screening out distractions. P. 129
Free-Form Attention- Letting the mind wander without a set focal point or agenda. This is when “free form attention is undirected and bottom-up: insights, ideas, and solutions bubble up from the depths of the wandering mind…”. P. 129 For some this takes place in taking walks, a shower, walking through a park, museum, etc.
Savoring:
“Savoring is an enjoyable form of attention training that captures moments of good experiences to build positivity in real time and create a “bank account” of goodness to draw on in tough times.” P. 138 Several benefits especially around giving your children the opportunity to practice being focused while they savor.
Pages 141-143> Five ways to strengthen your child's ability to savor. Give them a try!
Gratitude:
Pages 144-154> Lots of ways to bring gratitude into our lives.