Approaching women can be stressful, you have to show your vulnerability in showing her that you are attracted. And it’s not enough to tell her that, she has to feel it in her belly.

That’s were somatic comes in. First you have to regulate your stress levels. How do you know where you stress level is at? What tools do you have to bring it down in the heat of an interaction?

Somatic work gives us the framework to understand our Nervous System, Activations and to bring us back into Safety.

Not only that but in order to make a woman feel something, which you need in order for her to be attracted, you need to feel yourself. You need to feel the desire and pull towards her in your belly and balls. She will feel it, and if she likes your presentation enough, she will consider it and you’ll have a chance to talk to her as a man to a woman: to Flirt.

That is Why I am offering my Somatic Attraction Coaching Programme, a 3 Month 1-1 programme where I help you build safety an capacity to flirt and have the contact that you want with women.

The most interesting about this interaction is how I approached her:

I was attracted to her and hesitated but I decided, “I have to talk to her” and let the pulling feeling in my body drive me towards her and I just said:

“You!”, pointing my finger at her. 

“There’s something about you that I like”. 

She was immediately open and asking me questions. My heart was beating fast and it took me a few moments to regain composure but then I was in, and I felt safe. 10 minutes later we were making out.

How do you do that? How do we learn to be in our bodies while talking to women to have the contact that we want?

That really is one of my life exploration, having had so much insecurities all my life that I needed to thoroughly investigate the question.

Looking at Attachment Theory, Polyvagal Theory other relational lenses, we can identify some of the key elements to a succesful interation:

Safety, Attunement, Vulnerability, Delight, Agency and Polarity.

When I feel safe I can flirt

• Safety in your nervous system is the key to open all other plays and energies in the interaction.

• Attunement and vulnerability let you build Connection and Trust in the relationship.

• Delight helps you communicate your appreciation of her and let the women feel positive emotions around you

• Agency helps you know what you want in the moment and be able to lead her, which she crave.

• Polarity goes with leading and lets you build sexual tension between the two of you.

I put it all together in my Coaching Programme.

With safety and the Social Engagement system, we have access to Joy, Groundedness, Curiosity. Form there we can build relationships, have attunement, vulnerability and delight. 

And we have agency so that we can lead!

But Ok, easy to feel safe at home or with a budy, it's another thing with a beautifull youg woman! Anxiety goes through the roof, shame, self doubt, "is it ok to approach and tell her what I want?" -> That is a sign of Hyper Activation of the Nervous System

Triggers!

Triggers are inevitable when we go close to the fire, and if we are not careful, we go in our head, dissociate and become mechanical, and the magic is not happening. Or we feel sad, collapsed and depressed. -> That is a sign of Hypo Activation of the Nervous System

How do you deal with Triggers?

First, we develop Somatic Mindfulness of our nervous system state, our triggers and how they manifest in the body: How is my breathing, hearbeat, what sensation am I feeling? Do I feel the ground under my feet? And we develop strategies to regulate ourselves and go back to safety with Somatic Resources.

Putting it all together

That's a lot, I know.

You need safety to flirt -> you nervous system in Social Engagement System

Triggers and activation puts you away from safety:

• Anxiety, Fear, Worry or concern -> Hyper Activation

• Depression, Hopelessness, Shame, Numness, Dissociation, Collapse -> Hypo Activation

Either way: Cannot flirt!

Somatic Mindfulness and Somatic Resources help you go back to safety.

How your nervous system responds is linked to your Attachment Style:

• More Hyper -> More Anxious

• More Hypo -> More Avoidant

With Mindfulness, training, and Somatic Psychotherapy, you can shift your resonses towards a more secure attachment and more stability in Safety.

Which means more tolerance and potential for Attunement, Vulnerability, Agency and Polarity

ie WHAT YOU NEED TO GET WOMEN!

But that's not it!

The way your nervous system shift in moment to moment, how it goes from safety to anxiety, from joy to shame is learned deeply in your body and nervous system.

Having tools to regulate in the moment is good and over time it will become a habbit, however, Somatic Psychotherapy and especialy Hakomi offers powerful tools to change your conditioning, to train your nervous system to expect safety, to be able to relax with another.

This is actually the most important part of the programme.

I spend 5 years researching psychotherapy and took various training, to find out about Hakomi. It is an Attachment Therapy and works with trauma and developmental trauma, something you don't learn when you study to be a psychologist! A shame yes, but this is the case, psychologist don't know this shit.. yet at least!

Hakomi helps you:

• Relax more deeply in your body. Did I mention women crave that?

• Process memories that lead to feeling shame.

• Work with the body to access deeper psychological material.

• Process grief, strong emotions and trauma.

• Get a deeper and more secure connection with yourself.

• Have more agency and a stronger sense of self.

• Release abandonment anxiety from childhood that is the root of present anxiety.

• etc..

Not convinced it is for you?

Try a session free 30 min taster session with me.