Conditions of Worth and Self-Concept

When you were young, did you encounter instances whereby your parents said: “If you get good results, we will go overseas”, “Listen to me and follow what I say, or you will not be given allowance”, or something along those lines? Or have you tried to please them by doing household chores or achieving good results to get their praises or approvals? Have you ever wondered how all these affect your view on self-concept and the conditions of worth?

With the examples given above, what can you infer about conditions of worth? Conditions of worth is a psychological theory that psychologist Carl Rogers came up with to explain why some people feel that they have to meet certain conditions given to them in order to be worthy of love or positive regard. They have to please those people they want love from and might even subject themselves to harmful situations just to feel worthy. For one’s self-concept, it consists of many factors such as self-image, self-esteem and the ideal self. Self-concept can also be shaped by one’s beliefs, values, physical possessions and relationships with others, etc.

When we want to get positive regard from someone who puts a “price tag” or condition on that positive regard, we might force ourselves to try and achieve that condition or work to earn acceptance so that we feel worthy. However, when there are too many conditions needed to be achieved, it becomes hard for us to know whether we will eventually be able to get the worth we are working so hard for. When one fails to achieve those conditions, one might feel that he/she is less worthy and in turn, one’s self-esteem level goes down. This influences one’s self-concept as he/she views and measures self-worth based on the conditions met. Even though these conditions can make us feel worthy, the same conditions can contradict what we believe in and might be very different from what we wish we were really like (our ideal self). A person desperate to feel worthy might betray his own moral values or beliefs just to feel accepted and worthy. Conditions of worth then becomes a criteria that we need to meet for us to feel good about ourselves, which then leads to better self-image and higher self-esteem. Our belief of worthiness is also reinforced by praises or behaviors of approval, which makes us constantly want to seek approval from others and think that we are not worthy if we do not meet the conditions set by others or deviate from them (“Conditions of Worth Explained”, 2019). Therefore, in a world where love or positive regard comes from achieving a set number of conditions, one’s self-concept will always rely on them as a marker for how much one is worth. Self-concept is also very easily influenced by conditional love, whereby conditions must be met to get the love desired.

REFERENCES:

1. Conditions of Worth Explained. (2019, April). Retrieved from https://counsellingtutor.com/conditions-of-worth/