My Why...

In light of all the current issues related to injustice, inequality, and racism towards the African American community, it made me reminisce about a few experiences growing up in the small town of Bellville, Texas (Population ~4200 | Demographics: Majority Caucasian). I was strongly inspired to make a contribution to the communities in which I was raised, and award a scholarship to a young African American female scholar that meets the eligibility criteria.

I recall being the only African American participating in Honors/Advanced courses, and being the only one in the National Honor Society in my cohort until my senior year. I felt that I had to work twice as hard due to the limited resources growing up in an economically disadvantaged single-parent household. I recall not feeling accepted by my white peers because I was not white, and rejected by my black peers because "I tried to act white." ..... Why?

Often times, I felt alone and inadequate, and it was almost impossible to feel any other way when you were the ONLY black student sitting in an English class reading the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Imagine having to hear the "N-word" and "slave" over 200+ times in THAT type of learning environment. But... What was even more uncomfortable was when we were analyzing a passage in the book, and my English teacher asked me, "So, Sonya how do you think the "slave" felt?" ..... Why?

Here it is more than 20 years later, and this childhood experience still affects me and causes my eyes to fill with water.

Prior to attending college, I remember being a junior/senior in Bellville High School. My counselor called me into her office and gave me a packet that had a list of various scholarships. My counselor had read through them and highlighted the ones I was eligible for based on the written criteria. Then she asked, "What college are you considering attending?" I told her, "I'm not sure, I was thinking about going to Prairie View A&M University." She asked me, "Why, would you want to go THERE?" With excitement I said, "My best friend is going there, and I think I would like it too!" She responded by saying, "You don't want to go there just because your friend is going, because if a job was looking at your application or resume and seen that you graduated from THAT university, it would go to the bottom of the stack or in the trash. So you want to go to a school more like Texas A&M, UT Austin, or maybe even Sam Houston. Sam Houston is a smaller campus." With my limited knowledge and exposure, I trusted her guidance and attended Sam Houston State University. Although I loved attending Sam Houston State University, it was not until recently I realized that I was discouraged from attending a Historically Black University as a BLACK student. ..... Why?

Fast forward to years later, I shared this story with my best friend that attended Prairie View A&M University only to find out that she was NEVER called in by her high school counselor and given a scholarship packet or engaged in a conversation about college. ..... Why?

I acknowledge how I was manipulated, influenced, traumatized, and confined by the systemic racism embedded in the Education system, but I am grateful that I persevered and continued to excel academically in both undergraduate and graduate school. I am thankful for both the positive and negative experiences that have occurred throughout my life, because they have molded me into the bold, beautiful, black woman I am today.

THIS IS MY WHY!... because..."She is... ME!"