Kang looked at his swollen lips in the mirror, lost in thought. Was it normal for someone to put their tongue so deeply when administering medicine? Why did the emperor continue to kiss him even after giving him the medicine? He replayed each kiss in his mind, and his face flushed as he lowered the mirror. The image of the emperor, laughing while kissing him, kept resurfacing. The emperor had teased him for not knowing how to breathe, and Kang had gasped for air, unable to breathe while listening to his teasing laughter. Eventually, the emperor had laid Kang down on the bed, trapping him underneath, and continued kissing him.
Could a father truly behave like this? Kang sat up straight, looking down at his hands. He vividly remembered the emperor's hand gripping his wrist—large, long, and firm, not allowing any feeble resistance. Kang turned away from the lingering memory of his actions. Seol was playing boisterously under Kang's bed, seemingly pleased with the bone Kang had given him as a toy. Seol was panting and laughing, much like the emperor had when he had frolicked in the snow.
As Kang watched with a gentle smile, the door opened, and his eyes widened. His nanny entered, carrying the ceremonial robes for the emperor's wedding. The luxurious red robes, signifying the imperial family, were adorned with decorations so splendid they were almost dizzying to look at. Kang, staring blankly at the golden embroidery, suddenly grimaced at the peculiar movement in his stomach. Despite taking the medicine, the pain hadn't lessened; it had worsened, making it difficult for him to eat. His already slender body was growing thinner by the day.
Placing a hand on his waist, Kang slowly stood up. He held his breath before exhaling and removed his casual clothes, accepting the ceremonial robes from his nanny. The decorations were extravagant, and the jade belt was heavily adorned with jewels.
"Are you still suffering from stomach pains?" the nanny asked with a worried look. Kang didn't answer, avoiding her gaze. He didn't want to worry her, who was like a mother to him.
"Your lips are swollen too," she remarked, sighing as she observed Kang's pale complexion. Kang covered his lips with his hand, but the blush spreading across his face couldn't be hidden.
The nanny, noticing Kang's awkwardness and shyness, tilted her head in curiosity. His eyes couldn't focus on anything, and he seemed lost. Folding her arms, she looked at him disapprovingly.
"Could it be that you kissed someone even before your wedding?" she asked.
"No," Kang quickly replied, lifting his head. His neck turned a deep red, and he bit his lower lip, which fluttered like a butterfly. His lips, soft and fuller on the bottom, looked enticingly plump, as if someone had nibbled on them. Like a ripe apple. Kang sighed and smoothed the ceremonial robes with a dejected hand.
"It's not like that."
"Then why are your lips…?"
"It happened… while taking medicine."
Even he found his excuse ridiculous, and he turned away. Feeling overwhelmed and confused, Kang buried his face in the ceremonial robes, wishing he could hide completely.
Why had it happened? Both he and the emperor? He couldn't understand. Caught up in the emotions and atmosphere of the moment, he couldn't grasp the reasons. His fingertips trembled as if numb. Did the emperor's kisses really hold any fatherly meaning?
"Your Highness," the nanny called. Kang lifted his face from the robes but continued to face away.
"Leave," he said.
"Understood. Shall I take Seol with me?"
"No, leave Seol here."
The nanny left the room, and silence fell, rustling like fallen leaves. Kang lay on his bed, crushing the eerie darkness underfoot. Seol, who had been playing with a bone on the floor, jumped up and settled on Kang's chest. Kang touched Seol's face, who, though not as large as the emperor, was growing into a fine adult dog. Seol sniffed at Kang's palm.
“Abamama did this at first too. Do all dogs do this?” Kang muttered something the emperor would deeply dislike. He hugged Seol with both arms. Seol, contrary to what one might expect, wagged his tail vigorously while being held. Kang lifted his face from Seol's fur, which tickled his nose, and stared at the ceiling decorated with patterns of white wood flowers. He counted the patterns one by one and then closed his eyes.
Whether his eyes were open or closed, the memory of the emperor wouldn't leave him. Like those patterns, the emperor seemed engraved behind his eyelids. His scent clung to Kang's nose like a shadow, and his warmth echoed in Kang's heart.
“Seol...” Kang murmured in a trembling voice as he hugged the dog.
“This is strange. That is a kiss, isn't it?”
He should have hated it.
Kang, with lips pursed like flower buds, turned around with Seol in his arms. The ceremonial robe crumpled between them. Kang buried his flushed face in Seol's fur and stomped his feet. His swollen lips stung with pain.
“Maybe I just don't understand. He was simply trying to give me the medicine, and I misunderstood because I don't know any better.”
Kang spoke to Seol, who couldn't understand human words. Seol pulled his innocent face back, then stuck out his tongue to lick Kang's face. The tickling sensation made Kang burst into laughter, and he gently stroked Seol's fur. Seol, seemingly pleased, buried his nose in Kang's neck and sniffed, then licked. Kang remained still, accustomed to this behavior.
The emperor always behaved this way, sniffing his scent, pressing his nose against him, and touching their lips. This time, the kiss was just a bit deeper. He shouldn't attach any special meaning to it.
He was the father, and Kang was the son. There was no way a father would kiss his son in such a manner. Trying to escape the sticky, muddy emotions, Kang stood up with Seol in his arms. Seol, still thinking he was a puppy, wagged his tail vigorously while being held.
“Good boy.” Kang kissed Seol's forehead and smiled.
“Have you gained weight from all the good food in the palace? Why are you so heavy?”
Seol, as if protesting, licked Kang's lips mercilessly. His lips, already sore from the emperor's bites and kisses over the past few days, stung.
“Couldn't breathe properly?”
The emperor had whispered, patting Kang's back as he struggled to breathe through their kiss. Kang, without resisting, nodded while held in the emperor's arms. The emperor's hand lingered on his nape, caressing the pale, delicate skin where veins showed. His cold laughter only made Kang's heart race more. Kang lifted his head, looking at the emperor with a flushed face, and he kissed him again, causing Kang to lose his breath once more. It was as if he forgot how to breathe.
The emperor, with a sucking sound, pulled back and laughed, giving instructions.
“Now, breathe through your nose... Exhale. Yes, just like that. You're doing well.”
“It's too hard.”
“Everything is hard at first.”
The emperor, murmuring firmly and gently, laid Kang down and placed his hand beside Kang's head, lifting his body. His torso blocked Kang's view, plunging him into darkness. The emperor touched Kang's swollen, cracked lips and smiled.
“Things that come easily are easily forgotten, but things obtained with difficulty are never forgotten.”
“...Does it hurt?” Kang asked hesitantly. The emperor poked Kang's peach-colored cheek and replied.
“The first time will hurt, but don't worry.”
Under Kang's clear, transparent gaze, the emperor shrugged, his shoulders rippling with happiness as he laughed. Kang blinked with an innocent expression. The emperor's smile faded slightly, and he lifted his head.
“Even the Son of Heaven will be with you, so there’s nothing to worry about.”