Kang turned his head to watch the shadows swaying. The shadows cast by the trees danced precariously in the wind. He had seen this scene before. He recalled a time when he had visited the garden with the emperor. Closing his eyes, he took intermittent breaths and faintly smiled as he remembered the past. The emperor had taken him to explore the garden, carrying him on his back as a wolf, bounding around playfully. A younger Kang had giggled, perched on the emperor's back, who had seemed to enjoy Kang's laughter, prancing like a puppy. The wolf's movements had made Kang's body bounce joyfully.
Immersed in these sweet memories, Kang only raised his head when the uncomfortable motion ceased. The emperor was sitting on a rock, feeding the fish. Noticing King Jihong's arrival, the emperor tilted his head and smiled. The smile spreading across his face made Kang instinctively get up and walk towards him.
“Abamama, it hurts...” Kang clung to him with a haggard face and voice.
“My stomach hurts strangely...”
“Oh dear.” The emperor patted Kang’s back before cupping his cheek. Kang's large, dark eyes were moist. His face was pale and white, but his eyes were slightly red. His lips were a bright crimson. Noticing these reddened areas, the emperor leaned back slightly.
However, Kang’s slender, white arms reached out to prevent him from moving away. Kang merely clung to him, but the emperor felt utterly overwhelmed, his thoughts drenched and sinking deep, utterly immersed.
The emperor moved his hand slowly to touch Kang's thin stomach.
“Does it hurt here?”
“Yes… It hurts.” Kang’s voice was filled with sobs, but he held back his tears, his face a mask of pain. He was drenched in cold sweat.
“It hurts there. But when you touch it, Abamama... it feels somewhat better.”
The emperor laughed, but it was a subdued and blunt sound. His voice grew rough, and he sighed softly as he gently caressed Kang’s stomach.
“I should be sorry….” The emperor watched Kang, who was finding comfort in his arms, and laughed quietly, whispering to himself. “But I feel so happy.”
“When did the pain start?”
The emperor gently brushed away the black strands of hair stuck to Kang's sweaty forehead as he asked. His touch and voice were warm and tender, making Kang oblivious to the subtle smile on the emperor's face. Kang grasped the emperor’s wrist, insisting he continue to massage the aching area. The emperor's golden eyes darkened, his pupils narrowing sharply. His instincts were ignited. Kang's hot breath fueled the fire, and his hazy, unfocused eyes were like oil to the flame.
The emperor leaned back against a tree, positioning Kang, who was curled up like a small bird in his arms, upright on his lap. As his back straightened, the pain in his stomach struck directly, causing Kang to wince and gasp. The emperor, observing his son's writhing in agony, the empress who would bear him the crown prince, couldn't help but think of his future son,. His eyes reddened with dark thoughts. However, he masked his true intentions with a fatherly demeanor and gently asked,
"What kind of pain is it? I will speak to the court physician in detail about your condition."
This way, he could ascertain if the uterus was forming correctly, if there were any complications, or if the pregnancy would proceed smoothly.
Suppressing his sinister motives, the emperor smiled. As the pain intensified over time, Kang leaned back, opening his mouth slightly. His tongue and the inside of his mouth were crimson, matching the redness around his eyes. The emperor traced the veins on his son's cheeks, who could do nothing but breathe heavily in his embrace. Kang, tears welling up like dew, described the pain.
"It feels like something is moving inside my stomach. It’s like being stabbed repeatedly with a dagger... I can't straighten my back, Abamama."
As Kang described the pain in detail, he seemed terrified of this inexplicable illness, clutching the emperor's sleeve tightly. The emperor placed his hand over Kang's to reassure him.
"You won't be harmed."
"The Son of Heaven will not let anything happen to you."
Whispering seriously, the emperor brought Kang's hand to his lips. He kissed Kang's delicate hand softly, like a butterfly landing on a flower. The warmth and affection from his lips mingled, seeping into Kang's skin and calming his racing heart. Though the pain persisted, Kang felt reassured by the golden world that enclosed him.
As long as the emperor was there, everything would be alright. He would protect him.
"Beyond being the Son of Heaven, I am your father. I will not let you die. I will protect you as a person named Yeonhon."
It was a confession. A confession cloaked in codes the recipient would never understand. The fervent emotions underlying the confession were disguised as fatherly affection.
The Emperor suddenly found solace in the fact that he was Kang's father. If he had approached the timid and gentle Kang as a stranger, he would not have dared mention his affectionate feelings in such a provocative manner.
The Emperor's confession tickled Kang's ears. Kang, with a sensation like feathers brushing against his neck, buried his face, flushed with embarrassment, into the Emperor's chest. Kang's small body fit perfectly against the Emperor's upper body. The Emperor chuckled and lifted Kang's waist, causing Kang to wince in pain with every movement. He could have gripped Kang's throat firmly, but he couldn't bring himself to cause pain, wanting to bear it alone. This pain was solely his own. He was thankful and sorry for Kang accepting him awkwardly, fearing he might inadvertently hurt him.
Savoring his son's sticky cheek, the Emperor counted the days with his fingers. It had been a month and four days since he took the bitter medicine. Trying to forcibly create life within a man's body inevitably caused pain. He recalled describing the pain as if tearing flesh and inserting something inside. Enduring this was manageable. If it were someone else, they would have rolled around clutching their stomach in pain.
Despite the pain, he diligently took the medicine he himself prescribed. The Emperor seated the groaning Kang on the saddle. Having ridden to the forest, he had to ride back. Kang gripped the reins and bowed his waist.
"I don't think I can go to the royal court today. I'm in too much pain..."
The Emperor climbed onto Kang's back, wrapping his waist with strong arms. Kang silently nodded, placing a small hand on the arm wrapped around his waist like a vine. His body trembled with the pain now reaching his waist. Before reaching the royal court, he would likely collapse as advised by King Jihong or the Emperor. Kang leaned against the warmth of his back, his body fitting snugly against the Emperor's upper body, which watched him in silver, smiling and sinking into the shadows. After smiling at his disappearing younger brother, the Emperor left the forest with Kang.
"Stay in the palace until you feel better."
"... No, Abamama."
This habitual phrase, which Eunuch An had constantly urged Kang to change before passing away, slipped out unintentionally. Kang, unaware of this, lifted his pain-filled eyes to the emperor, his lips quivering slightly.
“I’ll return to the palace as soon as I feel a little better.”
The emperor glanced at Kang silently before turning to face forward. His tightly pressed lips and tensed jaw indicated his displeasure. Kang, noticing his mood, timidly touched the back of the emperor’s hand holding the reins. The emperor inhaled sharply. Kang lowered his eyes, using his blunt fingertips to trace the veins and tendons on the emperor’s hand.
“I also have lives to take care of. Seol and the cat….”
Especially Seol, whom he had brought back from the marketplace, didn’t eat well without him. Thinking of Seol’s adorably clueless face, Kang smiled bitterly. The emperor’s sharply raised eyebrows showed his displeasure.
“Seol doesn’t eat without me.”
“Then bring him to the palace too,” the emperor replied, solving Kang’s problem effortlessly. Kang’s eyes widened in surprise. The emperor shrugged, continuing calmly.
“There are animals in the garden anyway, so he can stay there.”
“Is that really okay?”
“Who would dare object to the emperor’s decision?”
The emperor gave a mysterious smile, and Kang awkwardly smiled back. The emperor’s gaze followed Kang’s features. Moving at a pace comfortable for Kang, they slowly entered the inner palace. The horse’s hooves caught the sunlight, looking like scattered shards of pottery. They were almost at the inner palace. The first to appear was Cheonggeum Palace, followed by the concubines’ residences. Connecting the two, yet clearly distinct, there was no central palace. The area where the central palace should have been was pristine, devoid of any human presence except for occasionally drifting dust, leaves, and vegetation. This was because the emperor had always desired a vacant empress’s position.
“Kang-ah.”
“Yes,” Kang answered, his voice soaked in pain. Under the protection of eunuchs, court ladies, and imperial guards, the emperor advanced deeper into the inner palace. The silent inner palace felt like a world for just the two of them. The emperor’s horse stopped at the empty space where the central palace should have been. Kang, who had his eyes closed while leaning against the emperor, slowly opened his eyes at the touch on his cheek.
“The empress….”
Kang mumbled, staring blankly at the materials set up in the central palace.
“Has an empress finally been chosen, Abamama?”
“You could say that.”
The emperor responded cheerfully. Kang looked around the empty space, starting from the left and moving to the right. Among the emperor's many concubines and children, who could it be? Kang hoped it was King Jinyeong and his mother. As he indulged in these selfish thoughts, he was brought back to reality by the emperor's hand on his neck.
“But there is nothing here for the empress to live in….”
Just as Kang was about to finish his sentence, the emperor's laughter made him tilt his head in confusion. The emperor was laughing while looking at Kang’s chubby cheeks in the center of his vision. Sixteen was an age that could be considered both grown-up and still young. Kang’s physique, hands, and feet were as large and strong as an adult's, but his soft cheeks, neck, and lips were incredibly lovely—so much so that the emperor wanted to consume him. Immersed in his dark thoughts, the emperor looked down at Kang and spoke slowly and clearly.
“I will create a palace more beautiful than any recorded in the annals of history and gift it to them. They will be the empress who bears the son of the Son of Heaven, the crown prince. This will be the empress’s world. They will live here forever as the emperor’s only lover.”
It was only natural. The empress belonged to the emperor and was to stay by his side until He died.
However, why did the emperor's words send chills down Kang’s spine? His back grew cold, and his mouth dried out, perhaps from the heat. Kang averted his gaze from the empty palace. He let his exhausted body fully relax in the emperor’s arms and closed his eyes as he spoke.
“…Abamama, please….”
“Hmm?”
Whispering in a hoarse voice, Kang grasped the emperor’s wrist and pleaded pitifully.
“I want to rest.”
It wasn’t a big deal if he didn’t return to the palace for a day; he just wanted to rest. His back hurt terribly, making it unbearable. The pain in his lower abdomen felt like a knife scraping against his skin, causing Kang to grit his teeth. The emperor clicked his tongue as he watched Kang’s face and laughed inwardly.
The emperor left the horse and carried Kang back to his quarters. He tore aside the ornate curtains as if ripping them apart. Once Kang was laid down, he instinctively curled up his body like a shrimp. The emperor stroked his back and wiped away the sweat that soaked him. A few teardrops clung to Kang’s eyelashes, scattering with the emperor’s movements. The emperor’s gaze was as sharp as a needle, trembling precariously.
The emperor undressed Kang with his own hands, not wanting to leave it to anyone else. His son’s pearly-white body belonged to him. His trembling hands, like those of a sick man, first removed the outer navy blue robe. He untied Kang’s jade belt and threw it to the ground. As Kang’s clothes became disheveled, his chest was exposed. His pale chest looked incredibly soft to the touch. Seeing the bead of sweat rolling down his skin, the emperor suddenly stood up. Warning flags were frantically waving in his mind.
No, get a grip. Not now.
As he mentally whipped himself, a eunuch’s monotonous voice came from outside the door.
“Your Majesty, I have brought the medicine for King Yeonghyeon.”
“Bring it in.”
The door opened in stages. A man, whose back was bent from a lifetime as a eunuch, approached like a turtle and presented the medicine. The emperor took the bowl and approached Kang. The eunuchs and maids had already sensed the mood and left. The emperor called to Kang, who was clinging to the blanket like a child and had his head down.
“Kang.”
“Yes…”
Kang replied with a suppressed moan. The emperor wiped Kang’s sweat with a gentle hand and urged him.
“You need to take your medicine.”
“It hurts too much…”
Kang murmured as he lifted his head halfway. Perhaps feeling more at ease in the emperor’s bedchamber, the wariness had entirely left Kang's face. He pouted, a look reserved only for the emperor, and shook his head, refusing the medicine with a hint of petulance. Kang instinctively seemed to sense that this medicine was the starting point of his suffering.
The emperor, gazing blankly at the cooling bowl of medicine, turned Kang around by his shoulders. The movement caused a wave of pain, making Kang gasp and clutch his stomach with both hands, a pitiful sight. The emperor watched him with a self-deprecating smile, his golden eyes tender as he spoke, erasing all of Kang's instincts.
“Didn’t I tell you? You must take your medicine.”
“But it hurts so much…”
Kang indirectly expressed his reluctance. The emperor affectionately touched Kang’s cheek, which felt incredibly soft. He wanted to keep touching it, forever.
“Because it hurts, you must take it even more. If the pain continues, it will only get harder.”
“…It’s hard to straighten my back… My stomach is so tight…”
“Then shall I feed it to you?”
Kang looked at the emperor with clear eyes, then slowly nodded. The emperor smiled serenely at this signal of consent, joy brimming in his hand as he held the bowl. Kang expected the emperor to bring the bowl to his lips, so he parted his lips halfway.
However, the emperor had another plan.
“If you drink the medicine here, you might spill it. I’ll feed it to you in a different way, a more certain and clean way.”
“Yes, Abamama.”
His obedient and good son replied. The emperor brought the bowl to his own lips, slowly taking in the bitter medicine. It was extremely bitter, likely because it was intended to aid in conception. His tongue felt numb. To drink such a bitter medicine without complaint—Kang might resent it if he didn’t bear a child. Having endured such pain, a child must come. The emperor, holding the medicine in his mouth, smiled with his eyes at Kang. He then bent down to kiss Kang. As their soft, small lips touched, the emperor tensed his body, gripping the bowl tightly enough to make his hand tremble. This was the only rational restraint he had left.
“Ah…”
But his mind ran in the opposite direction. He was desperate to explore Kang’s mouth further. His tongue moved sensuously. Under the pretext of feeding the medicine, he tasted every part of Kang’s mouth—the roof, the tongue, and the smooth, taut inner cheeks. It was like honey, impossibly sweet. Kang’s not-yet-mature lips were so sweet they made him lose his sense of taste. As Kang tilted his head back to swallow the medicine, his black hair spilled over the red bedding, catching the light. His closed eyes trembled slightly, trying to suppress the embarrassment. His plump cheeks flushed, and his delicate lips, wet from saliva, glistened suggestively.
Kang swallowed the medicine the emperor fed him without any doubt. The movement of his Adam’s apple up and down testified to this. Their tongues intertwined in midair as the emperor continued feeding him the medicine. Even after it was all gone, the emperor lingered in Kang’s mouth for a while before pulling away.
Kang opened his eyes slightly and looked at the emperor, who was already bringing the bowl to his lips again.
“Abamama?”
This time, the emperor kissed him more slowly, their lips meeting softly. As they kissed, muffled moans were swallowed inside. Kang, feeling uncomfortable, shifted his body and placed a hand on the emperor’s shoulder. The emperor, swallowing his breath, held Kang tighter and pressed his lips deeper inside. His tongue roughly explored Kang’s delicate mucous membranes. Kang’s mouth did not reject the intruder; instead, it accepted it and even endured its roughness. The lewd, wet sound of their kiss brought Kang back to his senses. He sensed something was wrong and pulled his head back.
“It’s been a while since we kissed.”
The emperor’s words reminded Kang of the times when the emperor had kissed him on the lips as a child. Kang’s cheeks moved with life for the first time that day. His lips, swollen from the earlier kisses, looked like blooming flower petals. Watching him intently, the emperor laughed aloud and said,
“Do you dislike it?”
Kang dared not say he disliked it. Instead, he wrapped one hand around the emperor’s neck. Kang half-closed his eyes, his lips parting. It was a signal asking for more medicine. The emperor, amused by this seductive behavior, held the medicine in his mouth again and leaned in.
“Mmm…”
The black medicine flowed into Kang's throat through the emperor's mouth. At first, the bitter taste overwhelmed his tongue, making him grimace, but the emperor's thick, sticky tongue cleaned his mouth. The emperor's tongue delved deeper, like a hunter exploring a cave, as if trying to retrieve the medicine Kang had swallowed. Kang's breathing grew ragged. Forgetting even the basic act of breathing, Kang's movements followed the emperor's tongue. His cheeks flushed as if he had been running, and his hands, floating in the air, settled on the emperor's shoulders and back. His head tilted back further, his neck growing stiff with pain, but the emperor instinctively realized his son’s discomfort and supported his neck with an arm, pulling him close. The emperor's face was so near, his pounding heart sounded like a drum. Kang couldn't help but hear it. His beauty filled Kang's vision, and the sound of his heartbeat stuck in his ears. All his limbs were held by the emperor.
“Hng… Abamama, ah…!”
Kang tried to move his lips to ask for air, but the emperor took even that away. He covered Kang's barely breathing lips and didn’t let go. His tongue entwined persistently like vines, making Kang's tongue and mouth numb. Kang, bewildered, looked at the emperor, then closed his eyes when he saw the trembling eyelashes like delicate grass. Why was he trembling? Why did he look so vulnerable despite holding everything in the world? For the first time, realizing the emperor was a man beyond his majestic titles, Kang’s heart softened. As he stroked and patted the emperor's back, the emperor took it as permission. His tongue sucked in Kang's pooled saliva, the excess dribbling down Kang’s chin.
“Abamama, wait. I need to breathe….”
Kang urgently moved his saliva-smeared lips to soothe the emperor. The emperor, with a deranged look, grinned, showing his teeth. Kang instinctively pushed against the emperor's shoulder, feeling a chilling fear running down his back. But no matter how hard he pushed, he couldn't overpower the emperor's naturally robust frame and maintained muscles. The emperor, indulging Kang's gestures like a playful child, let himself be pushed back but then pinned his wrist down in an instant. Kang whimpered from the sharp pain. Holding Kang in his arms, the emperor spoke with a loose, smiling mouth, his actions oppressive.
Kang stared at him in stark fear, not understanding the source of his dread. The emperor reigned in the clear, transparent black lake of Kang's eyes. He was the ruler of Kang’s world and the emperor. No one could defy him.
“Shall we run away like this?”
The emperor uttered an unexpected question. Kang, bewildered by his actions and words, widened his eyes. But the emperor, gripping Kang's slender chin, forced him to look directly at him. He leaned in, his scent growing stronger.
“What if I abandon being the emperor and live with you?”[1]
“But you are the sole ruler of Yeon. If you abandon your role, the heavens will mourn first.”
Kang’s reply was earnest.
Kang hesitated, raising his hand to stop the emperor. His hand fluttered in the air, and the emperor followed it with his eyes, already holding Kang's hand. Bringing Kang's hand to his lips as if to kiss it, the emperor instead inhaled the scent of his skin. He absorbed the intoxicating smell, his eyes closed involuntarily. His heart reacted solely to Kang. Kang's body trembled slightly from the tickling sensation that sent shivers through his skin. It was a new feeling, an unfamiliar fear that tickled his throat. Instinctively trembling, Kang clutched the emperor's collar tightly.
“Abamama, just give me the medicine.”
“Hmm?”
The emperor's voice was gentle as he asked, his eyes twinkling with amusement at Kang's sudden shift in the conversation.
“What did you say?”
Kang's face reddened as he murmured, feeling the emperor's kisses on his cheeks and lips.
“You said you'd give me the medicine... I just want to take it and rest.”
The kiss that had begun as a tender and gentle gesture to ease Kang's pain was growing more intense and rough. The emperor's lips became harsher against Kang's swollen ones, and his eyes darkened. Kang didn't want to understand what this change signified. He wished for his father to revert to his old self, clinging to his collar and pleading like a child.
“Please, give me the medicine, Abamama. I don’t want to be in pain….”
The emperor's gaze softened, and his breath slowed. A sense of defeat washed over him as he saw Kang’s innocent, pleading eyes. He let out a helpless laugh.
Defeated, completely.
He closed his eyes and laughed self-deprecatingly, but the laughter quickly turned into something deeper. His eyes crinkled into a tender smile. Accepting defeat swiftly and planning the next move was essential for true conquest, even if it meant using his position as a father.
“Bring more medicine.”
He commanded the eunuch beyond the door. The emperor turned to face Kang, tidying his fallen hair as he murmured.
“You're sixteen this year, right?”
“Yes.”
Kang answered clearly, prompting a silent laugh from the emperor.
“You've grown so much.”
Taking the medicine from the eunuch, he continued.
“You're truly ready for marriage.”
“Really?”
Kang asked, his voice tinged with a mix of surprise and uncertainty.
Kang was startled and asked again. The emperor pressed Kang's parted lips with his fingers to calm him down. Understanding the cue, Kang sat quietly, like a baby bird waiting to be fed, anticipating the emperor's lips. Although Kang had already sensed the strange atmosphere, he couldn't resist or voice his displeasure. He knew the emperor would dislike it, and disobeying his orders was unthinkable. Even if he disliked it, he had to endure it.
“There’s not much time left. You must take the medicine and get better, right?”
With those words, the emperor took the medicine in his mouth and leaned in. Kang closed his eyes and cautiously accepted the emperor's lips, swallowing the medicine in gulps. The sound of him swallowing reached the ears of a eunuch who was just about to leave the room. Although it was something he shouldn't have done, the eunuch turned around to look.
The emperor's broad back filled the eunuch's view. It was like a vast expanse of land, hiding Kang behind it. The only sign of Kang's presence was the slender arms wrapped around the emperor's neck. The nearly hairless arms extended from his sleeves to embrace the emperor.
Does the prince understand the meaning of this? The eunuch, his face pale, hurriedly left.
“I can’t breathe….”
“Breathe through your nose.”
The emperor laughed, kissing his son while telling him to breathe through his nose. The sound tickled the eunuch's ears. Kang's heavy breathing was clearly audible. He seemed unsure and frightened, possibly experiencing his first kiss, and his nervousness was palpable through his breathing.
The mid-tone laughter of the emperor, which diluted Kang's gasping like a fish out of water, made the maids avert their eyes. The eunuchs remained expressionless, their faces masked with indifference, maintaining their positions.
[1] He really loves Kang so much he thinks of just giving up the throne ToT