Description

This is a poem that I wrote whilst reflecting on my work as a junior doctor. When I think of challenges to human connection, this is the story that has stuck with me the most. The poem means a lot to me as it tells the story of a patient I grew very close to. She unfortunately died, and I felt tremendous guilt because I wasn't there for her at that time. It led me to reflect on the challenges of connecting with patients in jobs that can be so fragmented, and where staff turnover is so high, particularly in hospital settings. I see that in general practice there's the opportunity for this continuity to a greater extent, but I think it is still something that has to be worked on, and advocated for, given the working conditions in the NHS at large at the moment. I think perhaps particularly for trainees, human connection with both staff and patients is often missing and this is something postgraduate training could work on from the time that new doctors graduate.

Reflection

I wrote this poem whilst reflecting on my time working as a foundation year two doctor. It represents my reflections on certifying the death of a patient I had grown very close to. I always felt too busy, and was often sad that I could not take the time to get to know the patients on the ward I was working on how I would have liked to. Unfortunately this patient died whilst I was on call. What struck me when I was certifying her death was glimpsing the scarf she had been knitting that we had talked about, out of the corner of my eye. It was almost like I was pulled from approaching the situation purely clinically, and I felt tremendous guilt that I wasn't there for her at that time. The ward I was working on was very busy, with a high turnover of staff. There was little continuity in who patients saw day-to-day and this experience led me to reflect on both the challenges of not being able or having capacity to form relationships with patients, and how isolating it must be not to feel known. Ultimately, for me, this poem and the experience it represents allowed me to reflect on the importance of human connection with patients and the barrier that a lack of continuity can create to connection.