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1. More Than This - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

I used to sing about the rain, it scared you
I promised I would never let it near you
I hate the sorry state I’m in
I hate how much I seem to fail
I love you more than anything
I hate to see us both in pain
I want to be more than this
You deserve more than this

2. Reckless - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

I need reminding that I can’t go back
Don’t fall back into this, just stay on track
Another dance with death won’t help, I know
But it’s so loud alone, I need to go

‘Cause tonight it’s crawling through my skin
It burns like anything
Would you think any worse of me?

I just wanna be reckless again
Lean over the bridge in the dark again
Stranger, talk me out of jumping again
I just wanna be reckless again

And I hate that I still feel like this when I have everything I wanted
There’s no point having dreams if they don’t fix a thing
And I keep holding out for greener grass
That shit passed by a few years back
Guess I’ll be living in this misery for evermore
I’m just so tired

3. Spinning Out - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

How could I ever be so hopelessly naive?
I hope you know the way you used to play with me has got me spinning out
How many months of this were you hoping to complete?
I was captivated, devastated
You led me here

Well I was never any good at knowing what to say
But I loved how you would tease, fuss over me
Thought I had it figured out for the first time
But you pulled me in and walked all over me
Wish I could take back all the time I spent on you

I’ve got a year’s worth of heartache
And all these feelings that I can’t shake
Why would you do this to me?
I gave you all of my attention
You gave me lies and fake affection
Why would you do this to me?

And I was just a little boy with my heart on my sleeve
You were a temptress, beyond relentless with the spell you had on me
How was I supposed to see that all of this was just pretend?
Was it in my head?
Do you even care?
Did you feel anything at all?

4. What If I Don't? - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

Nothing good ever happens when I’m wide awake at 2am
I’m staring into space again
I’m dead inside but with 20,000 questions running through my mind
Condition: undefined

Making a habit of listing all the things that keep me here
The things that trap me here
I’m getting pretty good at saying that I’ll always stay on top of it
And at believing it

What if I don’t?
What if I fuck it up?
I’m so hopeless
Some nights I’m weaker, it won’t let me go and I’m helpless

A decade in, wearing thin, got a lot of practice in, but I’m still getting nowhere
What’s the point of embracing the few ups I get when the downs wait to pull me back in?
I start to think every now and again things are starting to swing in my favour
But give it time and I’ll fall back in line
How do I make it through all this again?

Nothing good happens when I’m wide awake at 2am

2am, losing my mind
2am, I’m dead inside

5. Leave Me - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

I’ve got all these feelings again, I’m not enough and I’ll never deserve this
I’m having those nightmares again, I’m all alone and the voices in my head
Tell me she’ll be gone in the end, she would be better without me around
Do you wanna go? Do I wanna know?
Imagine if I put you first for a second

‘Cause I’m unresponsive again, how many times am I gonna do this?
And you’re getting worried again, the doctors are saying I might not get through this
That I might give up in the end, things would be better without me around
I wish that I could, I hate that I would, and you shouldn’t have to go through this

I pull you down so leave me
I know you’ll be fine so leave me

I’ve got all these feelings again, I would be nothing if I didn’t have you
I’m having those nightmares again, wake up in agony thinking I’ve lost you
So will you be gone in the end? How would I manage without you around?
Do you wanna go? Do I wanna know?
‘Cause no one would blame you for leaving

For now I’m still breathing, wish I could be happy
Forgotten the meaning, just go on without me
‘Cause lately I’m feeling that this isn’t changing
I want you to smile again

I pull you down so leave me
I know you’ll shine so leave me
I pull you down so leave me
I know you’ll be fine so leave me

I pull you down, you should leave me
I know you’d shine if you leave me but
I need you now, if you leave me then
I won’t be fine, don’t leave me

6. April 18th - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

Grey skies, grey walls
I put Never Meant on when the rain falls
I’ve got three friends I don’t see enough of
Half of them are happy and I’m just a write off

This is fine
“If you wanna live you need to change your thinking”
This is fine
All that I can think is that it ain’t worth living

Take a trip downstairs
A regular adventure from my bed to the chair
The seat is starting to take my shape
Dip in the middle says it might just break
Biggest impression I’ll ever make

7. Greenhill Drive, Pt. 1 - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

Four years old and stranded, guess I’ve been replaced
Scared that everybody’s destined to leave me someday
Did you put her through hell, did you lie to her face?
Have you ever regretted the choices you’ve made?

Am I supposed to love you?
Am I supposed to hate you?
Am I supposed to want you to listen?
‘Cause I feel like I don’t know you
But I think that I miss you
When I don’t even know what I’m missing

8. Greenhill Drive, Pt. 2 - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

I guess you never know how good you’ve got it
I’m always looking back and reminiscing
You gave me everything, I won’t forget it
It’s sad that over time we’ve grown more distant

There’s so much I don’t know ‘cos you don’t talk to me
There’s so much you don’t know ‘cos I don’t talk to you

I’m bad at communication, I got that from you
I should make the time more often
I hope you know how much I love you

I should have been the kid who grew up lonely
Forever wondering why no one sees me
I took for granted all the time you gave me
Was us against the world, you made it easy

Red and Blue on the big screen
Pizza in front of the TV
Heading south in the summer
Takeaway in December
And I know things don’t last forever
I miss all our time together

9. Hurricanes - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

Monday morning fear, get me out of here
There’s no help at all, think I’m fading
Countless years of this, fighting to exist
“Things get better” well, I’m still waiting
Staring every night, watch the passing lights
From the street outside, god I hate it
Dreading every day, wish it all away
Sleep’s impossible or it’s violent

I’m sinking through the floor as I watch you leave
And you just won’t stop running
My voice won’t make a sound as I scream

Body’s running low, nowhere left to go
How can this be fixed if I’m broken?
‘Cause apparently this is all on me
Not society, that thing’s golden
I don’t fit in here, just a souvenir
Dissect what went wrong, tear me open
Hate reality, nightmares wait for me
Neither place is safe, there’s no hiding

I’m sinking through the floor as I watch you leave
And you just won’t stop running
My voice won’t make a sound as I scream
I see you in the after, it’s using you to tempt me in
And I’m so sick of running
From all these hurricanes in my dreams

10. Northern Lights - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

Imagine where I’d be right now without you
And look at all these things I’ve done because of you
Wish we could run away, just stop, see the view
I don’t know how much more of this I can do

‘Cause here I am again with a guitar in my hands
Wondering how things got this bad
I think about the nights under northern lights
I wish I could take you back

You say you’re doing good right now, I feel it too
It somehow makes things harder, I wish I was there with you
But this world isn’t built for me
Let’s rip it up and start again
No one else just you and me
We’ll both grow old until it ends

I think about climbing the highest of heights
Just to watch it all go black

If I wanted to go, would you come with me?

We could fly, fall at the speed of light
Our hands are intertwined
Your eyes are locked on mine

11. Infinite - Ryan Craddock [Lyrics]

There’s a bird outside the window
I’m lying on the floor again
How long have I been here?
They say life goes by in the blink of an eye
But this feels infinite to me
This feels infinite to me

I’m done now
I’m all packed up and ready
Come down
I gave it a shot but it won’t work out for me
Done now
If I’m stuck here then won’t you slow down?
The world moves so fast and it won’t wait up for me

I spend too much time deluded I’ll make it out of this alive
I need this, I need this
I spend too many days wishing away every second of my life
I need this, I need this
I spend too many nights wishing I wasn’t so fucking scared to die
I need this, I need this

When will I ever be anything?
This feels infinite to me
When will I ever achieve anything?
This feels infinite to me

ALBUM CREDITS

All tracks written, performed, mixed, mastered, and produced by Ryan Craddock.

Album art, design, and photography by Ryan Craddock.