My world right now is one of chaos. I have to work at balancing many titles: Husband, dad, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, student, employee, boss, coworker, and student. About the only thing I currently do not have to balance, for now, is being an uncle. It is a difficult workload that is never ending and constantly in different directions. On top of that you have to consider being an overall citizen of humanity. That last one is not something you are called upon to deal with every day, but it is a factor that must remain in the back of your mind and be prevalent in your actions. Balancing the competing demands of our shared humanity and our shared world is a complex and deeply personal challenge. It requires careful consideration of our responsibilities to each circle of our universe, all while navigating the boundaries of these obligations and being honest about our choices.
The first and foremost responsibility is self-care. Some may say that you need to put others’ needs before your own, and that is correct, in certain circumstances. In order to do that however, you need to be mentally and physically able to provide care for others. This can be achieved by taking care of yourself physically, in any means, going for walks jogs or the gym. This time is also good for mental fitness, taking the alone time to think and gather your thoughts. Seeing a professional or just finding people you can be open with. Talk about your problems, worries, and fears. Even if those people cannot direct help you, just being able to vocalize them, not keep the issues bottled up will be of relief.
The second most important thing to me is my family. I will put them before anyone else. To me, the most important members of family are my wife and two boys. They are the innermost ring in my universe, almost blended with myself because they are just as important to me as my own wellbeing. Outside of them is the rest of my family: mom, dad, and brother, continuing outwards to extend family: aunts, uncles, and cousins. This is where the balancing act starts to come into effect. I want to do the most I can to help all around me, however there is only one me and I can only be in one place at a time.
The greater community is not something I give a lot of effort to, honestly. At times it can feel like another galaxy on the circles of my universe. I am not involved with volunteer work or community events. I justify this by not actively utilizing the services and amenities of those that do sacrifice their time. I feel as if, using those things, I am taking advantage of the selfless people helping, I understand they do what they do for the people who are not able to give back, but my morality is still affected. My closer community, such as neighbors, I will help in the drop of a hat. It seems more beneficial to go directly to the source of need than to join something that may help.
I have done my share of handling responsibility for country. When I graduated high school, I enlisted in the Marine Corps and completed over nine years on active duty. I spent time in various states around the country and did a tour in Afghanistan, leaving my 2-year-old son and wife behind. I loved every day of my time in the service and if I could change things, would still be there today. However, the world had different plans for me a few years ago and I had to part ways, for the betterment of my family as a whole. That being said, I am still patriotic and would be more than willing to protect our freedoms again by any means necessary.
I would say my priorities have been developed based on some of the things Lidsky described in the portion of his talk about living with your eyes wide open. I have learned self-discipline through sports, the military and being responsible for a family of my own. Self-discipline, to me, is being able to make the hard decisions. Its easy to wait for the last minute to do a homework assignment or put off cutting the grass another day. The hard decision is to be proactive and due the paper on a Tuesday, even though it may not be due until Sunday; or cut the grass even though you’ve been up all day and had a 10-hour workday.
Lidsky says to “correct your misconceptions about luck and about success” this one took a long time for me. Everyone assumes good things come to you from good luck and success has a monetary value. In the real world, it is quite the contrary. Good things only come from hard work, which is a cliché, but holds true for me, to this day. Hence me being in college in my 30s with a 40+ hour a week career and a baby under one year old. Success, in my opinion, is measured in a feeling instead of numbers in a bank account. It goes to a work -life balance. Sure, you could work nonstop or multiple jobs, all to be chasing an imaginary number. What is lost by that? Is that number worth missing you kid’s first steps or that flashy car worth missing time spent with your aging parents? Those milestone events and quality time are worth more than any number I could imagine.
Creating a universe of shared citizenship is a noble concept. This concept is one that I can understand and sympathize to. It is a lot to ask of people in today’s society. It is one ran by greed and an individualistic mindset. People are typically more concerned with wealth and material things then they are with creating a fair and just humanity. This brings me to the day in, day out portion of Wallace’s speech. The point in his speech where he talks about going to the grocery store and everything is mundane and boring and the ride home where there are ignorant drivers and inconsiderate people all around you affecting your trip home. You do not have to be a social activist to change your mindset and the way you treat the people around you. Taking a step back instead of inciting road rage to consider that the person that cut you off is in a rush to the hospital or their parent might have just fallen and are trying to go help them up. These assumptions may or may not be true. However, the mindset will cause you less frustration and anger. The state of mind may allow you to even do something beneficial to society. Buy something to eat for the homeless person outside the store or carry some bags for an elderly person on your way out of that terrible grocery store.
Each of our worlds are different, we all have different priorities and outlooks. That’s what makes humanity great. All those differences have overlaps and those overlaps are what makes things better for all. If everyone had the same obligations there would be groups and sects left out, to fend for themselves. We all need some form of assistance and get it from different places and in different forms. Creating a world that will be better for the generations is the thing we should all have in common. If that is what we are moving towards, the differences between each of us will be what gets us there.