01. type of bed / /  at his rented accommodation shared with ms. siu, simon has a mattress on the floor of his room that he sleeps on when not deployed. he could never fully settle on a bed with a frame or base since his time in mexico and typically prefers to be closer to the floor where it's easier to sense movement. the floor / ground is somewhat of a comfort to simon, also - considering it's where the dead tend to be buried. when deployed, he'll sleep wherever necessary on whatever is available, though this often means against a wall, on his pack or on the floor.

02. number of blankets / /  at home, one. it has to be light and easy to remove in the possible face of danger or a threat. deployed, he sacrifices a blanket for thicker clothes. the less to get caught up in the better.

03. number of pillows / /  at home, one. luxury is something he went without in mexico and he'd adjusted to the lack of it. simon often doesn't sleep well, so comfort isn't a priority or concern. sometimes he'll opt to sleep without it. deployed, the most he'll use for a pillow is his pack or an item of clothing rolled up.

04. type of clothing / /  something he's able to escape easily or fight in. a t-shirt, sweatpants and commonly, his mask - if it's not residing to his side or under his pillow it's safe to assume he's sleeping in it. there's always a hoodie and easy to access shoes nearby and a rucksack of necessities. simon is always prepared for every possible outcome.

05. does it matter where they sleep / /  yes. he won't sleep when there's a perceivable threat to his life. any resting location follows strict positioning: difficult to reach, trappable and with more than one escape route. simon will scope out areas prior to setting up camp and will familiarise himself with his surroundings / potential noises. the same applies at home, he's capable of sleeping anywhere so long as he's thoroughly scoped the place out first.

06. what do they do if they cannot fall asleep? / /  typically, he won't struggle with falling asleep. being military, he has techniques that enforce sleep even in noisy or harsh conditions. times where this might be ineffective is post-nightmare, in which case he'll remain in a guarded state until he's required to continue moving. at home, he'll potentially go for a jog to clear his mind and try again when back.

07. frequent dreams, nightmares / /  not so much anymore. simon's extremely skilled at switching his mind off and focusing on tasks. although it's not possible to control dreams / nightmares, if he finds himself stuck in a series of them he'll set a timer to wake up to prevent having them. he's suffered nightmares for the majority of his life, however, and isn't immune to them when they do happen. it's chronic, at this point, meaning he has various techniques to his disposal to prevent or recover from them.

08. when do they sleep / /  whenever the chance arises. in order for simon to remain alert on the job, sleep is integral. he's not arrogant enough to evade sleep in order to look strong. if he's tired, he'll make mistakes. if he's scoped the area out and deems it safe and there's time for a nap, he'll take it. that being said, simon is capable of surviving on very minimal sleep, something his body and mind has adjusted to.

09. what could wake them / /  simon's a very light sleeper. it comes naturally, through decades of constant exposure to fight or flight. he can wake in an instant, but still get decent rest despite this. although he's able to recognise some noises (car horns, doors slamming, people talking, distant music) as safe in his sleep, that's not to say they're not registered unconsciously. simon's ears are well trained to footsteps, capable of detecting who is walking around and often their intent without opening his eyes. unfamiliar footsteps or an unusual pace would easily wake him, most movement, whispering etc. simon doesn't necessarily sleep so much as he enters a state of temporary stasis. he can be ready to go in an instant and never needs time to wake up.

name:  simon andrew riley.

name  meaning:  simon means 'to listen' or 'to hear / be heard' - biblical connections to obedience.

alias(es):  ghost. lieutenant / lt, bravo 0-7, seven.

ethnicity:  white ( aromanian / british. )

/ /  one  picture  you  like  the  best  of  your  character:

there's  no  picture? — never.  people do not take pictures of ghost. he evades the line of sight of most cameras and tactically remains in the background for a reason. post-roba, all photos of himself and his family were burned by him, alongside his childhood home. no pictures of simon riley exist anymore, save for the photograph used by local papers and this one, of simon riley — before it all went to shit, which he keeps folded and tucked away inside his wallet.

/ /  3  headcanons  you  never  talk  about  often:

1 )  as a child, one particular thing simon struggled with regarding his father was that rory often highlighted simon's femininity. it became a goal of his father's to make simon 'a man', and would expose him to various, traumatic situations / events to try and achieve this. whether that be exposing him to frightening animals that, from a misogynistic perspective would 'scare women and thrill men', or dragging him to a concert in the night and having him bear witness to things deemed 'socially masculine' such as cussing, s*xual scenes, drink, drugs and violence.

rory's perception of what made someone masculine was extremely intense, overbearing and intrusive. it's also shown in the comics that si is negatively compared to tommy by their father when his younger brother is excited by / enjoying certain situations as opposed to simon who is terrified. he is quite feminine in nature, even as a grown man. this can be noted in the comic, where he's struggling to fit in and feel comfortable among the team of 'masculine' men he's hunting roba with. while this is more accepted now, simon still deeply struggles with presenting himself in a heavily masculine way. considering ghost is a tribute to simon riley, it's no surprise that simon has designed his persona in a way that radiates masculinity, almost to reenforce this to others that it's the truth.

his voice is notably guttural, which is mostly natural given his usual environment, but can be slightly softer in the company of those he trusts. ghost is, in a sense, all the worst parts of simon riley, because he believes that those are the traits that'll secure him the most success. while the real riley does bleed through from time to time, beneath the persona, ghost is built around and designed with insulting the perceptions of others / how they wanted simon to be in mind. for example, his father wanted him to be more masculine and outrageous, like him. ghost is essentially a mockery of this, to show that if his father met him in this form, he wouldn't be happy with it and would even dislike him more because of it. almost, intentionally, like a walking contradiction.

2 )  it's particularly interesting how, over time, simon and tommy almost switch positions in life. growing up, he was his father's priority, he had his full attention and tommy was frequently ignored or left out in favour of him. their roles would go on to switch during their mid to late teens, when tommy would push to be closer with his father and, having cut contact with his father at eight years old, simon be much closer to his mother. this would lead to simon pursuing an impressive and successful life in the military, garnering the respect and adoration of his mother and close friends, while tommy would go down the path of corruption and drugs, due to his father's influence, resorting to theft and other acts to obtain what he wanted.

following this, another switch would occur, where simon sacrifices much of his progress and his place in life in order to tell his father he was no longer needed, to look after tommy and help rehabilitate him and to generally help his mother out of her own difficult situation. due to this, tommy would meet beth, his future wife, would get clean and would start his own family. his mother would find happiness and security again and enjoy a rebuilt family. and simon would go downhill, suffering his own traumatic events ( roba ) that'd change his life forever, making it difficult to exist among his repaired family and struggle with corrupt thoughts. i often think about yin and yang with simon and tommy - specifically that yin is negative, dark and feminine while yang is positive, bright and masculine, which is essentially how they end up, maintaining an equal balance all the way.

3 )  post-death, simon riley cannot receive medals anymore. there is no one that is legally alive to award them to. simon has met the queen, prior to her death, and has earned countless medals throughout his military history. however, outside of the praise of his superiors and teammates, he isn't rewarded for his sacrifices or efforts anymore. this has led to a soured perspective of medals and their purpose, heard referring to them as "chest candy" in mw2 in a derogatory manner, with simon's biggest strife, sacrifice and trauma for the sake of his country and military going entirely unrewarded, unappreciated and even villainised.

simon singlehandedly stopped manuel roba, the ceo of a sizeable and significant mexican cartel, while also taking the organisation itself down and destroying all plans to smuggle drugs and terror into western countries, was held hostage and tortured for 9 months, was further denied access back into the military due to mental health issues that came from a situation they'd actively pressured him into, had his family and friends massacred for surviving the ordeal, and all he got was his face on the news and nationally dishonoured.

if he was able to receive medals now, he wouldn't accept them let alone show up to the ceremony. equally, he doesn't respect those who act honourable purely with the intention of receiving a medal, and believes that medals reveal nothing about an individuals true integrity. if anything, the more medals you wear, the bigger the cunt you are.

/ /  things  your  muse  likes  doing  in  their  free  time:

1 )  canonically, simon plays the guitar. he indulges in acoustic and is actively avoidant of electric due to its connection to his father. he started to learn in the royal marines, but it was his captain, hawkins, in the sas who inspired him to really learn. simon's guitar playing would help keep hawkins focused and he was his biggest supporter. it's something that helped distract him from his life, after losing his family, and keeps his mind from drifting when particularly stressed or dissociative. he prefers to play older songs, but will strum a hip-hop beat if he's feeling fun. he doesn't play on request and people know better than to ask him.

2 )  few things make him feel as free as a motorcycle ride. simon is the proud owner of a harley-davidson and has been riding for many years of his life. a proficient knowledge in mechanics means he's been able to fix it up into its own unique look and is emotionally attached to it. while he's not directly a part of any riding groups, he knows a vast number of h-d riders and tends to prefer meeting them spontaneously on his own rides. free to come and go as he pleases. he's well respected within the bike community, but above all else he enjoys the lack of expectation and demand among them.

3 )  this isn't something he likes to do, more so that it's a necessity, but simon frequently makes a point of journeying. whether it's a bike ride out for the day, visiting places across the uk, going for hikes or simply exploring varying locations, it's integral simon keeps busy. while a slow or tedious objective in the military is no problem for him, it's when he's outside of work and doesn't have a gun, target or mission to focus on that it becomes a problem. thus, simon is always doing something, even if it's merely walking. he'll sometimes invite his flatmate, ms siu, along to also give her something to do and help keep her healthy where he can. for the most part however, simon prefers to go alone because he can end up in a lot of dangerous predicaments — usually due to him challenging himself and his skills.

/ /  people  your  muse  likes  /  loves:

this is very complex and complicated to answer. simply put, due to simon's c-ptsd and ptsd, liking and loving individuals isn't a natural, easy or comfortable process for him. he finds it immensely difficult to trust, struggles to socially engage with others and overall prefers to keep them at a distance. however, simon is capable of developing affectionate thoughts and feelings towards and / or for others. it's just exhibited unusually. typically, he favours morally ambiguous individuals - not in the sense that you don't have them, but that they're adaptable. he can't stand people who insist they're good and wholly believes that actions speak much louder than words. resilience and determination are respectable traits to have but overzealous or rebellious people miss the mark.

ultimately, you will mesh well with him if you do as you're told, sensibly question but not outright challenge your environment and orders, exhibit loyalty without it being for benefits and are good at what you do. outside of liking others, love isn't something simon's ever been able to understand, break down or experience. he's never truly been loved by someone, even his family, and therefore is relatively clueless on how to give it to others. find a more in-depth analysis of simon and affection in headcanon 3.

truthfully, i think the closest he's come to loving someone, in the sense of it's definition, is beth — tommy's wife. beth was very important to him, she was a sign that things would improve. that he would no longer be alone in caring for his family, that he could return to his life and leave his brother in good hands. effectively, beth glued his family, save for his father, back together and helped pick up the pieces.

/ /  two  things  your  muse  regrets:

i think it'd be very easy for me to say something along the lines of: leaving his family to go with sparks that one night. that he should've seen it coming, been more prepared. however, the truth is that over time, i feel simon comes to accept that sparks and washington would've gotten to his family one way or another. there's nothing he could've done to change the outcome, only to perhaps prolong it. the same could be said for major hawkins. in his line of work, death is the only consistency. it's a concept that, in many ways, brings him comfort, and regardless of who he loses along the way he understands that it's a likely outcome that can't be changed. at most, good planning, caution and good observational skills act as protection. one of simon's biggest beliefs is that 'choices have consequences.' this will translate into every scenario, even when it appears that there were no choices involved at all, there was still choice. if there is something to be regretted, it's because of a choice. thus, it's up to you to make peace with that and move on, or simmer in it. the way he validates the consequence of a choice is 'as long as the mission is completed.'

i think if there's something he truly, deeply regrets, it's not protecting his mother and brother from his father sooner. not standing up to him earlier. not being more present for his family. i think as he ages, this only grows stronger, because the more experience he gains, simon recognises that it really is every man for himself. that if you want or need something, you have to do it yourself. he saw it during his time as a hostage in mexico and he saw it during 'alone' with soap. people might help along the way, but it's extremely rare someone will initiate it for you.

due to this mindset, he tries not to blame his family for not doing a better job of protecting him, of enabling his suffering throughout his childhood. equally, as a proactive individual, this explains why simon is dedicated to the no man left behind ideology, or that "no one fights alone," because he's made a point of becoming who he needed as a child and conducts this through his teammates and generally those that rely on him to some degree / that he cares about. he might've had no power as a child, but as an adult he has the access to change the narrative.

/ /  one  phobia  your  muse  has:

simon has overcome many fears / phobias, from reptiles, dogs and scorpions to tight spaces. being touched from behind, being held and being tied up or restrained in some way also. however, one true phobia simon struggles with, not to the point of regular panic attacks or anxiety but that he finds himself unable to think about without being stressed, is apeirophobia. this is the fear of infinity or eternity. now, this is somewhat of a spectrum and impacts individuals differently. for simon, this fear revolves around the threat that there is no end to life or death.

i talk a lot about how simon struggles with delusions surrounding whether he's alive or dead, and that he views the afterlife as a reward, therefore testing fate by putting himself in dangerous situations to see if he comes out 'alive' / whether he can truly die. if he does, he's achieved his goal and can rest. if not? it's only further proof that 'he can't die'. that being said, simon is highly unnerved by an existential dread surrounding immortality. outliving everything else, being forgotten and left behind, endless suffering but most importantly, no end, no peace. as some may recognise, rest in peace is an important phrase to simon which he'll often offer to deceased comrades. he wouldn't wish a restless afterlife on anyone, and the idea of a peaceless oblivion disturbs him immensely.

what  does  your  muse  smell  like?  odourless, for the most part. simon doesn't use cologne and any hygiene products he does use are always unscented. he is a clean individual, and takes pride in ensuring nothing impacts the reputation of 'ghost', since the persona is a tribute to simon riley, and therefore takes care to not smell bad but equally... he doesn't smell of much at all. it's also important to note that simon, both in and out of work, lives his life in a constant state of preparedness. something might happen that requires him to switch into his military mindset, whether it be in the moment or he's called in for a job - any smell, be it good or bad, is liable to give away your presence or position. simon prefers he be undetectable, where possible. outside of this, simon does smoke. he isn't a habitual smoker, meaning he's comfortable with spending a little more on his cigarettes. a previous smoker of player's, when the brand discontinued he began smoking L&B cigarettes. this specific scent, when he does smoke, engulfs him. to many, it's rich, nostalgic, warming, present and comforting. however, to those that dislike the after-smell of cigarettes, it can seem heavy, overwhelming, stuffy and stale.

what  does  your  muse’s  hands  feel  like?  he has long, slender fingers that join onto wide, sturdy palms. best described as room temperature, he's rarely physically cold to the touch but never quite warm. due to his gloves, it's unlikely you'll ever make direct contact with his hands but if you did, you'd notice they were slightly rough but because of how often he wears gloves they aren't dry nor are they oily. his knuckles are severely scarred, enough that you'd be able to feel the bumps and ridges, and in places they're more wrinkled due to his line of work. the tops of his hands are also very veined. his nails are kept short and he doesn't don any hand jewellery. despite his tough and firm persona, simon is capable of being extremely gentle ( while still maintaining a level of directness, ) meaning his grip is capable of varying and depending on this, there may be more or less texture to his skin.

what  does  your  muse  usually  eat  in  a  day?  simon carries snacks with him everywhere, tailored specifically to his plans. for example, the number might increase / decrease depending on where he's going, how far it is and how long he intends to be there. not a fan of eating anywhere public, he prefers to rely on food that can be as versatile as he is. this might involve snack / protein bars, a single bar of dark chocolate, potentially crackers with peanut butter... usually things that won't make a mess but that equally provide for his daily needs. he follows a strict routine with most things, not because he likes to but because it benefits him.

this includes food. it's important to note that, considering his delusions re: blurring the lines between being alive / dead, food is merely a source of required energy to keep his human vessel functioning - thus, he doesn't tend to eat because he enjoys it. if deployed, he'll rely on microwaveable food or something in a pot / in water over heat. sustainable foods such as freeze-dried meals, canned items or processed foods. simon rarely eats unhealthily outside of this, typically preferring his own self-prepared foods over anything his team might eat. he's a fan of smoothies / breakfast shakes with ingredients such as banana, honey and muesli or strawberry, banana and whey protein. one food he does enjoy and will treat himself to now and again is some kind of meat sub - turkey, ham, cheese, mustard and maybe some salad, or chicken, bacon and cheese. these are real 'treat yourself' meals though.

does  your  muse  have  a  good  singing  voice?  considering simon never fully learned how to emote re: his tone or voice in general, often speaking in a similar tone and rarely lifting or altering it, it's unlikely you'd hear a pleasant note from simon. or at least without it being a heavily accented rendition. he's never trained his voice for singing and has never had a reason to sing - so no.

does  your  muse  have  any  bad  habits  or  nervous  ticks?  due to, as aforementioned, simon not being a habitual smoker, i won't include that here. much of simon's stress is internalised, meaning it's rarely projected outwards or visible to others. at most, he's prone to clearing his throat which can startle people since he's often peripheral and quiet company. simon has been known to, under extremely stressful situations - typically involving loss and death, laugh inappropriately. this is in response to trauma obtained as a child when he witnessed the death of a woman and was forced to laugh about it by his father. for the most part, he's been able to control it and better understand it after the loss of his family. he doesn't mince his words and this can be construed as blunt, rude or sometimes disrespectful if it happens with the wrong person. he also has a very dark sense of humour which he will utilise to pull himself or others through dark situations, though he is prone to general inappropriate remarks / comments too.

what  does  your  muse  usually  look  like  /  wear?  when not deployed, he always dons his balaclava - a tribute to simon riley. he's proud of it and will wear it everywhere. along with this, typically a hoodie with the hood up, some form of jacket over the top and joggers or jeans. if it's extra cold, maybe a beanie over the balaclava. he prefers to wear gloves, unless it's especially hot in the summer, and gravitates towards dark or more natural / earthy colours. when deployed, simon takes great pride in his wardrobe for ghost, typically altering every item of gear and clothing to produce the best image / representation, whether this be painting white lines on helmets, skeleton gloves or specially designed masks to align with terrains, temperatures and general mission conditions. you will never see ghost or simon without his black cream around his eyes. he has spares on top of spares and uses it routinely, it's all part of the get-up, even outside of work.

is  your  muse  affectionate?  how  much?  how  so?  the short answer is no. that's not to say he doesn't have the capacity to be affectionate though. it largely stems from having grown up in an unaffectionate household, though his trauma and him being autistic also play their part. above all else, he is aromantic. simon doesn't experience romantic feelings or attraction for others, and personally finds the concept of romance disinteresting and confusing. he's never enjoyed physical contact of any kind, let alone affectionate touch - he essentially isn't able to recognise the difference between normal touch and affectionate touch, equally finding it difficult to separate pain and pleasure due to his past.

while he's never been one to use terms such as 'i love you', or offering compliments, he certainly has his own way of expressing affection through banter or subtly pointing out another's success. he doesn't mince his words, as previously mentioned, so it's safe to assume if his speech or choice of words is subdued in any way, it's likely something softer like affection being expressed due to it not coming naturally to him. if he's thinking of you in an affectionate way, this won't be communicated. at most, a reliably identifiable form of affection from simon is glances. in fact, you can tell a lot from his eyes. a side eye, a direct stare - these don't count. but fleeting glances, or intentional repeated glances usually represent strong, affectionate feelings towards another - or interest, both of which are positive.  metas 7 & 8 are useful in better understanding this topic.

what  position  does  your  muse  sleep  in?  due to his time as a hostage in mexico, as well as his special forces training and general time in the military, simon has mastered being able to sleep in any position in any place. not that he will, as stated re: food, sleep is another thing he has a strict routine for. sleep is a necessity for his body and mind, meaning he doesn't oversleep and if he doesn't sleep enough then he makes a point of not lazing around or trying to obtain more. he benefits more from power naps that prolonged sleep. when not deployed, his go-to sleep position is on his back, leaning more towards the right. it provides him with a full view of the room while also angling his body in the direction he'd go in should he require a swift exit. he's also right-handed, thus making it his strongest side to manoeuvre from. for more details on simon's sleeping habits, read this.

could  you  hear  your  muse  in  the  hallway  from  another  room?  that depends entirely on whether he wants you to hear him or not. his get-up isn't the only thing that makes him ghost-like, simon is capable of moving around in total silence. there's supernatural about the way he's able to get around in general, a skill that's extremely useful in his line of work. he also frequently prefers to remain verbally quiet, preferring quick and quiet exchanges. simon is perfectly capable of being loud and obnoxious though, and at an average volume you'd absolutely be able to hear him from another room, whether it be because of him actively being loud or because of the gravity of his voice and how guttural it is. having upheld the role of an authoritative figure during the last several years of his military service, simon has a naturally commanding and firm tone which can unintentionally carry into life outside of work. ironically, simon is naturally softly spoken.

sleep has always been a very makeshift and make do situation for simon.  from early years, his bedroom and bed in general were places he associated with fear and trauma.   whether it be his father cornering him there with a snake or his brother tommy threatening him with a flick-knife and scary mask, sleep and physical comfort were often lost to simon.  it was not considered a safe space, not somewhere he could go to retreat from others.  naturally, he struggled with nightmares and insomnia as a child due to this as well as sleep paralysis.

as he aged and finally was able to live on his own / rest wherever the military needed him to, ‘bed’ became a construct.  he was introduced to sleeping on the floor, on roll out mattresses, sometimes even blood stains.  wherever necessary.  it separated the idea of ‘bed’ and ‘sleep’, meaning the trauma associated with the object was put aside.  post-torture and his time as a hostage, simon experiences immense difficulty with sleep.  he has nightmares described as violent, including themes such as suicide, the events of his torture and brainwashing mashed up with mundane interactions, the harm and / or harassment of imagined and real women to name a few.

while simon claimed four months after regaining his freedom that the nightmares had stopped by that point,  this  was  a  lie.  he has never fully overcome the nightmares and still, now and again, has violent dreams that leave his heart racing and him questioning his morals.  he expresses guilt to his mother, telling her that he does terrible things to people, to women, and that the worst part of the nightmares is that he’s shown to enjoy doing those things.  it’s safe to say, for a while, he’d avoided sleep as much as he could, to avoid the nightmares.  but such isn’t sustainable and, in time, simon needed to sleep.

the more time he took to understand himself, he found it more bearable, found he could stand to fight the dreams.  but  rarely  was  he  feeling  well  rested.  in the sas, he learned to shut his body down when it was required.  meaning, while sleep didn’t come easily, it wasn’t hard either.  genuine rest was the difficult part.  not waking up each time exhausted and shaking, unprepared for the mission ahead.   he’s always been a light sleeper, however.  growing up around his family, living in the environment he did, light sleep was integral and somewhat unavoidable with his parents arguing and sharing a room with tommy.  he learned which footsteps belonged to who, could anticipate an oncoming threat despite being asleep.

for a while, even after moving out, simon still anticipated the clumsy shuffle of his father in the halls.  light sleep has followed him since, because it was a necessity with his line of work, in order to survive, or because quick reactions were important  -  like  sitting  on  the  edge  of  your  seat  but  with  your  eyes  closed.   he’s commented that he sleeps soundly in his mask, and it’s true that it’s never removed even during resting periods, but he definitely doesn’t sleep soundly.  it’s to the point now that his stress response has dulled, he’s become desensitized to anxiety and panic.  it’s a natural reaction for his body to wake suddenly or reach for a weapon upon hearing unidentified footsteps but it’s more of an ingrained response than out of fear.

it is important to note that he is more than capable of forcing himself to power down, essentially.  that he can sleep in the company of others knowing there’s no chance of getting overpowered or ambushed.  power  naps  are  more  beneficial  to  him  than  prolonged  sleep,  a habit he developed as a teen to survive school which he then refined after his time in mexico.  it tends to prevent nightmares, never allowing himself to fall deep enough asleep to dream and allows him to function on minimal rest as he naps often rather than once every day.

he’s also trained himself into a routine of a waking time, so his body clock wakes him at that specific time which helps with preparing himself for the day ahead and plan around sleep better.  due to his time in mexico, he also learned to force himself into shut down regardless of the temperature / conditions, meaning he can quite literally sleep anywhere so long as it’s been checked, cleared and is deemed safe.  typically, he’ll sleep sitting upright and will rest himself against a surface or object.   cigarettes  help  him  calm  his  mind  before  sleep,  encouraging him to focus on one thing.  he will also always sleep with at least one weapon on him, usually a knife or pistol, though he thinks leaving weapons lying around / positioned in each room is a terrible idea as you’re basically arming whoever decides to trespass.

simon isn’t a messy guy. by this, i don’t mean he’s extremely clean. but he’s certainly not living in a den that smells, is dark and cold with laundry and mess all over the place. he’s physically hygienic, again - he doesn’t have a cleaning routine for his face or body and doesn’t apply anything other than light moisturiser to keep his skin from drying out and itching re: the mask and paint, but he doesn’t smell bad, he washes regularly and generally does what’s needed for his body. due to his occasionally amplified delusions re: being dead, it’s understandable he doesn’t go all out for a vessel that he believes doesn’t need it.

simon was tortured for 9 months in horrendous conditions that absolutely traumatised him. for some time, he struggled with tight spaces, meaning he ensured his room ( wherever he was staying ) was spacious and not cluttered with exits and escape routes easily accessible. simon spent much of his time in mexico as a hostage within a cell. it would’ve been filthy, cold, hard surfaces and it would’ve potentially smelled bad. a common symptom of ptsd is the subconscious or active avoidance of places relating to your trauma or that remind you of it - this can also occur with environmental conditions.

he suffered immense trauma in his time as a hostage, thus it makes no sense for him to emulate those surroundings and conditions for himself at home for a prolonged period of time. it would’ve been complex and difficult for him to resist certain habits at first, such as sleeping on the floor, eating routinely / feeding himself and showering / keeping clean, but eventually it becomes clear simon is keen to evade reminders of roba where he can, even ignoring and shutting down the suggestion that he might still be being affected by him. after he reaches this point and his brain actively starts protecting him from further harm, he likely looked to avoid reminders and possible triggers within his safe spaces.

simon’s nightmares, involving roba, typically occur within these safe spaces, such as the local pub rather than back in mexico, because even parts of his mind are seeking to evade the memory. it only makes sense that simon would eventually pursue creating an environment for himself to live in that’s a far cry from what he’d faced in mexico.

simon doesn’t allow himself to trust anymore.  always exploring potential escapes out of relationships and dynamics in his life, though it should be noted this isn’t out of fear.  it’s him being a pessimistic realist.  though, habitual.  experience tells him the likelihood of betrayal is always present, always a possibility.  therefore he gears himself towards disappointment, anticipates a negative outcome  -  sometimes he’ll even self-sabotage in order to keep himself on his toes.  seek out the chaos to remain familiar with it.  while the backstory that revolves around roba and the cartel is absolutely driven and triggered by betrayal, it’s worth mentioning simon’s been betrayed and let down his entire life.

his mother stood by, remained passive and did nothing when his father abused, tormented and tortured him, as well as overlooking tommy’s dangerous behaviour and in turn, simon’s safety, but tommy also stood by and even encouraged it.  when his father was supposed to be there for him, he wasn’t.  thus, simon’s got a long history of expecting others to fail and disappoint him.  he had to raise himself from an extremely young age.  this dominates any and every interaction.  during the mission ‘alone,’ we hear simon mention numerous times how friendship isn’t in the field manual, how he sees others as teammates and nothing more, how it’s more important to trust yourself over anyone else and that one should be careful of who they trust as those important to you are liable to hurt you the most.  even going as far as to shut down the idea of trusting those previously considered quality allies, in the moment.

this can affect his interactions with newbies especially.  ( it’s important to remember that simon had met soap mactavish pre-mw2, as they fought together in verdansk.  this encounter will have been short lived, but long enough for ghost to oversee the type of person soap is. )  this goes towards his “fucking hell” response to the introduction of soap in the game.  the tilting back of his head to appear intimidating and the blunt, aloof attitude he exhibits towards him.  he will press and patronise newbies  -  as seen with him telling soap to “keep up” despite soap having significant military and sas experience.  but because he is new to simon, he will put him through the wringer nevertheless.

all of 141, save for price, are new to ghost, or at least new enough to not be trusted.  and even simon’s trust of price has wavered, emphasising how ingrained his mistrustfulness is.  but simon knows he can count on price, above anyone else, due to him having proven himself time and time again which is why price’s opinion is important to him.  when price says he trusts people like soap, gaz or laswell etc, simon respects that there must be something about them.  equally, price’s screening methods are entirely different to simon’s and thus as his lieutenant, he takes on the responsibility of testing each and every one of them.

wants to know what exactly price sees in them.  because ghost knows what he’s capable, worst comes to worst, and he’s fully aware of the things he’d do in order to achieve his mission.  which causes him to doubt price’s screening method, since if price can trust someone like simon, regardless of his flaws and sins, just who are these other people?  what are they capable of?  what makes them tick?  how far are they prepared to go?  what exactly would it take to make them betray their team.  he will tear them down, patronise them, mock and belittle them relentlessly  —  to see how far they’ll let him go, how well they hold up under pressure.  only then will he be able to judge their trustfulness and reliability.

seeing how a person’s worst self can say a lot about them, if, even at their worst, one can be trusted and relied upon and they can cope under pressure or put him in his place without crossing a line, he’ll respect them  —  and that’s all it takes, once the respect has been earned, he’ll give them what they deserve.  he will praise their efforts, give credit where it’s due and acknowledge independence and intelligence.  an example being how we see him go from patronising soap to respectfully giving him credit for hassan’s death  -  “ you called it, sergeant. ”  actions speak far louder than any words, but actions under immense pressure, stress, temptation and trauma speak even louder.

it is repeatedly communicated to troops working alongside ghost to not mention the mask.  to not joke about it, make comments about it  -  you just don’t fucking refer to it.   this is shown during the interaction between los vaqueros and ghost, where rudy jokes how ghost will fit in with las almas due to his skull face ( since there’s so much death / dead bodies there ) and he’s quickly halted by soap and then alejandro  -  likely because soap had already been on the receiving end of / told by someone else why it’s not a good idea to mess with ghost and his mask.  this isn’t because he’s self conscious or feels embarrassed however.  in fact, the mask and the persona of ghost are extremely sensitive, important and unequivocally serious to him.

simon himself has been quoted stating how the symbol of the skull in its entirety is  a  tribute  to  simon  riley.  to what he went through, what he suffered, what he lost and what he, above all else, overcame.  simon definitely thinks highly of himself, not solely in the egotistical way but also regarding respect.  he knows he’s good and, while he doesn’t have to, he can prove it.  ultimately, any mockery, joking or not, of the mask won’t be stood for.  it’s a direct insult to simon and his past and is also seen as offensive / extremely disrespectful.

this is why, even out in public,  he’ll  wear  the  skull  -  typically the lightweight, painted balaclava since it’s more comfortable / more adaptable but the skull will remain nevertheless, hence why he doesn’t go lowkey with a simple neck gaiter or plain covering.  it’s not so much the covering of his face that’s important, but the tribute itself.  it goes as deep as thinking about how simon’s family, major and psychiatrist were murdered in cold blood and it was all pinned on him.  how he had to make peace with that truth and fake his own suicide, despite knowing the british public would forever remember simon riley as  “ the  sas  lieutenant  who  went  off  the  rails  and  murdered  those  closest  to  him. ”

a secret and very private yet no less blatant salute to his “dead” self, to show his gratitude, admiration and respect.  he will outwardly tell people, when he feels like it, too, that it’s  “ a  tribute  to  an  old  friend. ”  but that’s the most you’ll get out of him.  because primarily, it’s for him and no one else.  to help him make peace with what he’s been through.  that punishment is being served by the dead.   and while roba lays deceased somewhere, either in a grave or decaying and decomposing  -  his remains having fallen long ago from a jaguar’s perch, it’s just like the bastard said:  he’s  only  one  man.  thus, the dead won’t rest until every roba is done and dusted.

perhaps  we  should  start  with  what  his  holidays  looked  like,  pre-roba.  frequently, simon would be deployed over christmas  —  intentionally, in his younger years, until he’d managed to garner the inner strength to face his family throughout the holiday season.  what used to be a series of nights of his father pounding on the front door, a slurred barrage of curses and threats bleeding through, of late, snowy evenings spent traipsing around salford in search of tommy ( dead or alive ) and overhearing his mother’s muffled and delirious sobs through the thin walls of his childhood home became a lively, warm atmosphere  —  with the smell of beth’s cooking and baking thick in the air and  joseph’s  bright  and  excited  giggling  as he ran through the home the way simon wasn’t able to at his age.  his mother’s bubbly joy and tommy’s remarkably soothing presence, his previously scratchy and raw voice matured and uninfluenced as he mumbles sweetly to his wife in the kitchen nearby.  presents residing beneath the tree,  they’d  never  had  a  tree  themselves  as  children,  and food plated on the nearby table, the tv muttering away in the background of it all… it’d certainly become an event simon made time for.  made an effort to be home for.

whilst many of their interactions as a family resembled that of a façade, a masked truth, the performance had grown on him and christmas became a time of forgiveness, of setting differences and the past aside to come together.  but, as we know,  things  can  change  in  an  instant.  there is never a tree in the apartment he shares with ms siu, a sight he still struggles to encounter on a regular basis  —  evokes violent and gruesome images, triggers a chronic ache he’s yet to pinpoint within his own body and sometimes he’s certain it’s psychological.  ms siu decorates what she can, however, with lights and unique items specific to her culture scattered around the small space and simon doesn’t argue, merely helps her ensure things are straight and to reach the places she can’t.

if he’s unable to be available for christmas, simon ensures ms siu has somewhere to go so that she won’t be alone and left to dwell on her loneliness.  should he be around, he makes an effort to prepare food for the two of them, though  ‘ it’s nothing compared to what beth used to make ’  is something that often lingers in his mind.  alcohol  isn’t  brought  into  the  apartment,  meaning sometimes they’ll visit the local pub and he’ll buy them a drink or two, a whiskey for simon and a virgin-something for jules.  mostly, he makes a point of keeping busy.  of going places, keeping to himself where he can and julia gives him the room he requires without complaint.  though simon finds peace in sharing that time with her, because he knows she too had lost someone dear to her.  helped  keep  her  mind  off  things  too.

141 are not invited over to his home, nor do they have any idea where he lives.  however, price might hold a small gathering for the lads, paintballing in the pitch black with christmas hats or a trip to a pub, hold a game of snooker or a drunken card game, maybe even a trip to the nearest golf centre for a laugh.  the  captain  knows  some  of  his  men  need  a  distraction  from the holidays and he’ll absolutely go out of his way to ensure it happens, if it’s required.  few of 141 have met ms siu, far from their home  -  mind you.  one  specific  operator  would  be  gary  sanderson,  who simon frequently comes to spend christmas with and occasionally brings julia along to the sergeant’s place.  sanderson also struggles with the holidays and so riley will make a point of keeping him distracted, as well as himself.

sometimes, ms siu will come out with something entirely balmy and unlike her, such as  “ fuck it, let’s go camping, ”  to which simon would respond with  “ jules, you’ll freeze t’ death, ”  and she’ll say  “ who  cares,  i’ve had enough of this fuckin’ box, ”  so they will, and he’ll build a campfire, set up tents and by morning julia will be complaining about a crick in her neck but it was all part of their chaotic dynamic.   as for gifts,  it’s  a  subtle  process.  one that didn’t exist at first, but slowly developed into the covert placement of a wrapped item on a bedside table or beside the kettle  —  nothing expensive or tremendous, perhaps something helpful or useful or that might brighten the other’s day.  an uncommunicated show of gratitude and appreciation.  julia understands the importance of not demanding too much from simon too fast and that expectations would damn any and all development thus far and to come.

to talk about this, there are a few things i need to make clear about my portrayal.  ghost is a persona.   he is not his own individual person, he is not an alter / he doesn’t have dissociative identity disorder.  he is an individual in the sense that he’s been created to completely cover simon, but he’s not a separate entity.   you have simon riley, a broken man who struggles to maintain his composure and sense of identity.  he is emotional, he is reactive and he is incredibly fragile.  to counter this, and to locate some sense of stability, simon created the ghost mask.  a character.   the same way a method actor will separate their own identity from the role they’re playing, and remain in that role until it’s no longer required of them.

the mask is put on, effectively shutting simon riley out.  it’s important to note that ghost is the outcome of simon compartmentalising and channelling only specific aspects of himself.   everything that makes simon riley vulnerable and damaged is stuffed into a box and buried, leaving you with ghost, who instead presents objective thinking, apathy, tactics, precision and focus.  ethics and morals dissipate into thin air when the mask is on.    ghost is the persona simon turns to when a job needs doing, regardless of consequence or instability.

with that in mind, it’s extremely unlikely ghost would develop feelings for someone.  though the word feelings varies massively in definition.  the entire purpose of his existence is to act as a defense mechanism for simon.  he is there to do a job.  the most he’s capable of feeling is respect and trust  ( and even then, minimal )  -  which are both different from one another and don’t always come as a joint package.  ghost doesn’t have friends in the sense of it being mutual affection or personal preference / liking.  he has acquaintances, allies and team mates.   he has known price longest, but it’s unlikely he’d call him a friend.  deep respect and trust is about as far as things stem.  price does refer to him as simon, even with the mask however, which is important to note as he doesn’t let just anyone use that name meaning price and simon are particularly close, outside of the military.

since originally writing this headcanon, i have further developed my ghost's dynamic with mara.  while the sentiment remains the same as above, it's possible for him to perceive certain individuals as important to him.  metas 7 & 8 give good insight into their dynamic, but specifically simon finds mara's fickleness and unpredictability highly alluring.  he's prone to running from things that require his full attention without a break in sight and finds expectations and demands highly discomforting.

you’ll hear him reassuring downed team mates in warzone and will push to revive them instead of turning his back and leaving them to die.  but it’s purely tactical thinking.  the more team mates, the more he accomplishes.  he can’t succeed on these missions alone and he recognises this.  note : the complete lack of emotion in his tone when addressing that alex survived.   it’s matter of fact  -  alex living or dying having no impact on him whatsoever other than alex being useful in the face of war.

perhaps the most emotional scene we’ve witnessed from ghost is when roach is downed in the original mw2′s loose ends.   there’s a desperation and determination to get roach up and to safety.   this could be put down to trust.  trust is invaluable and irreplaceable.  as someone who’s been betrayed countless times and, for the longest time, only had himself to trust, it makes sense for ghost to see the importance of it.   if roach had earned ghost’s trust, which is highly likely seeing that ghost had actually requested to haveroach assist him on the mission, witnessing the vessel of that trust being knocked out of the fight could be jarring  -  even for someone as apathetic as ghost.   it’s important to protect that trust, because he won’t find it anywhere else.   a mutual trust, too.   roach would go out of his way to assist ghost, meaning vice versa is only logical.  but not always the case.   this works the same for anyone who’s gained his trust, specifically captain price.   but were these people to perish … were they to die in front of him, would he mourn?  no.   he states in the comics that, despite the slaughter of his entire family, he’s incapable of grieving and instead can only focus on how to progress from that.   again, compartmentalisation.

romantic feelings / sexual feelings or even platonic feelings wouldn’t be on the cards.    the mask is on as a protective barrier, one even price hasn’t managed to get past.   on top of that, after witnessing the aftermath of his family’s death, can he be blamed for maintaining a secure distance from others?   attachments and bonds would put others at risk, were he to be captured / tortured.  it would also mean potentially exposing himself to that loss again.

nothing would be bottled up.   it would be put away and ignored.   we’re not talking about ignoring it until it becomes a problem and explodes, either.   we’re talking, ignoring it so that it never becomes a problem and eventually goes away, or remains hidden from even himself.   ghost is a persona designed to get the job done objectively and tactically.   feelings get in the way  -  something he cannot afford to have happen.  they are a threat and they are a danger.

now, as for simon riley, the man beneath the mask, there is a plethora of complexity and emotion there.  it is very possible that he could develop feelings for someone.  whether it be platonic or romantically.  despite writing him as aromantic, simon could be capable of lowkey levels of romance and likely thinks of it from time to time but emotional trauma has separated the desire for those things versus being with someone and desiring to be that way.  and getting to know simon would be near impossible as the time you’d be spending around him would be when he’s beneath the mask, unless you were to get very close / spend excess time with him.   it’s why sexual interactions are nothing more than that.  the wall presents itself and blocks out attachment.

if simon were to feel something towards you, it would remain undisclosed and likely wouldn’t escalate from spending time around you  -  be it speaking or in silence.   simon fears intimacy.  he will go out of his way to destroy a bond to avoid it.   this is typically something ghost will intervene in and is prone to  ( if he feels you’re pushing too hard to emotionally know simon )  and will seek to make you uncomfortable and uncertain of where you stand.  if not that, then excessive aggression or even threats.  naturally, this will lead to distancing or cutting contact.  another mechanism ghost’ll turn to is pushing you away, whether that be by utilising apathy in order to insult or harm your feelings or to make you feel unimportant and unwanted.

mara and ghost have a long-winded, complex and inconsistent relationship. they have experienced one another both sexually and romantically. but due to each other's differing traumas, the most they're able to remain as is close friends. because of his trust for mara and respect, he's able to push past the desire to cut contact but equally it can make him difficult to communicate with. his closest relationship as of yet is with mara, and it's solely because of her adaptability that simon's able to remain close with her despite inner conflict.

simon is terrified of becoming like his father.   if he does develop feelings, they’re typically chased off by nightmares that implement him into the role of his father.   he fears that emotional bonds, both platonic and romantic, could present opportunities to him that his father would’ve taken advantage of, and he fears whether he’d be able to recognise them in the moment and avoid acting on them.

you can’t trip on anything if you remain inside an empty room, can you?  even then, he could trip himself up but at least it’s a controlled environment  -  something it wouldn’t be if there were distractions and hazards scattered around in waiting for him.   above all else, simon’s main goal is to maintain control.   to keep composure.   if remaining alone, distant and avoidant achieves this, it’s worth it.  it should be noted that perhaps the only thing capable of crumbling both ghost’s and simon’s composure is children.  vulnerable kids present a conundrum, and a situation involving one would be enough to potentially prompt a more feral, frantic and / or uncontrolled side of ghost to reveal itself.

—    𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬.

is your your muse tall / short / average?:   he is 6′4, so tall.

are they okay with their height?:    yes.  height is extremely useful in his line of work.  also certainly kept him from being bullied by other military men in his early days.  helped him to stand up to his father eventually, too.

what's their hair like?:    short.  it might be somewhat longer on the top, but primarily it’s practical and functional  -  wearing the ghost mask would be a struggle both heat and comfort wise if he were to have longer hair.   it means he’s able to pull the balaclava on with little resistance or issue.   aside from short, it’s dark brown and is typically messy, considering he wears the mask more than he doesn’t.  

do they spend a lot of time on their hair / grooming?:  no  -  in fact, sometimes simon often doesn’t even wash his face when he removes the mask after a long day of work - if he removes it.   he maintains his hair himself, which takes him minimal time due to experience, and the most grooming he will do is maintaining his facial hair  -  which he rarely allows to grow past stubble due to longer facial hair bringing discomfort under the mask.  he is low maintenance and doesn’t care to take much time or put too much effort into something that remains hidden.

does your muse care about their appearance / what others think?:  no.  of course, there’s a certain element of self-respect in regards to how his appearance represents the sas / military.   he maintains cleanliness and hygiene, especially because it’s easy to work up a sweat in his gear, and will always be clean and well-presented when showing up to work.   as for general appearance, he couldn’t care less.  he maintains himself for his own comfort and practicality  -  but because no one other than him sees his face, there’s nothing to worry about.   he’s never been one to worry over that, either  -  what with always having something more important to care about.  in fact, he’s exhibited self-confidence regarding what’s under the mask; appearance is not the reason he wears it.

if anything, he takes great care in ghost’s appearance, rather than his own.  everything has to be tip top and functional.  this doesn’t mean he cleans the mask, or worries about it being spick and span.   but rather, he cares how the costume is perceived by others.  if he can add on something extra to make him look bigger or darker, he will.   the goal is to be scary  -  to be mysterious and intimidating.  to make his own comrades nervous.   to ensure this character he presents himself as is taken seriously and able to be continued, he has to take it seriously.

—    𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬.

indoors or outdoors?:    outdoors if we’re talking long, isolated walks / jogs in the wilderness or spending time with his head down in a warzone  -  regardless of climate.  if we’re talking civvie crowds and walking down the high street or interacting with others then definitely inside.
rain or sunshine?:    rain.  rainy weather is a good tool for muffling sound, hiding movement, masking scent and general cover / camouflage.
forest or beach?:    forest.  again, another quality tool. it’s also peaceful and is a large but not unoccupied space.
precious metals or gems?:   precious metals would likely make for better weapons / survival tools.
flowers or perfumes?:  flowers.  sure, it’s important to smell good but realistically, perfume / anything notably scented would give away your presence.  they also hold a connection with death and loss.
personality or appearance?:   personality, if we’re talking about those in his every day life.  he needs people he can trust and rely on.  those who take too much pride in their appearance are likely to question his own.  he has a strong personality, and it often works best when another strong personality levels him out.  he prefers to know where he stands with people, and can respect and appreciate a backbone.  however, if we’re talking sexually / physically, then appearance.   despite not one to experience sexual attaction, if he’s only going to see you for one night, he’s not going to give a shit about your quirks.  he’s not going to derive much pleasure from it anyway, so why not at least allow himself someone aesthetically attractive.
being alone or being in a crowd?:   alone.  ghost prefers working alone.  he’ll work with a group, or work a mission among a crowd, but he won’t appreciate it.  being alone means not being held back.  it means he’s able to get the job done efficiently and how he wants to.   he also doesn’t trust crowds, and will typically avoid being too close to even his team.  crowds mean noise, physical contact and possible confrontation.   all of which he struggles with.  crowds also remind him of the times his father would take him to concerts  -  and nothing good ever came from those experiences.
order or anarchy?:  both.  without order, it’s sheer chaos, but without a little anarchy his job becomes much more difficult and he becomes much more restricted. without anarchy, he’d also be out of a job.
painful truths or white lies?:  painful truths.  unless of course those white lies mean not getting arrested or discharged.  other than that, ghost prefers the cold, hard truth.  he likes to know where he stands and he will always let you know where you stand whether you like it or not.
science or magic?:   science.  without it, the materials and resources for war wouldn’t have been discovered or created.  he has a love / hate relationship with it, however.  he’s also very much a realist.
peace of conflict?:  conflict.  despite conflict being the largest contributor to his trauma and struggles, without it, there would be no ghost and he frankly cannot comprehend that identity and stability crisis.  without war, without conflict, without revenge or anger he likely wouldn’t be alive.
night or day?:    night. 
dusk or dawn?: dusk.
warmth or cold?:    cold.  it’s easier to warm up than it is to cool down.  have you ever tried to wear a mask in blistering heat ?  he is trained to survive any terrain and temperature, but cold is preferable.
many acquaintances or a few close friends?:  a few close acquaintances.   low risk of emotional attachment / loss but with all the benefits of trust, loyalty and reliability  -  few means more control and a better view of potential betrayals.
reading or playing a game?:    reading.  expanding his knowledge and skills.  learning new techniques and understanding how to improve failed strategies.

—    𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐞.

what are some of your muse's bad habits?:   he's not a habitual smoker, but does smoke.  it’s possibly something he’ll use in stressful situations.   on top of that, it’s generally calming and is used to clear head space. it’s rarely to satisfy his own needs.   ghost also swears a lot, a little more than unmasked simon does.  while this is indeed a bad habit, the fact that simon swears less also shows us that it’s a ghost habit, meaning it’s somewhat enforced.  something ghost is known to use in order to intimidate or put down others.  it’s vulgar and blunt and is not only a bad habit, but is used as an effective and functioning psychological process too, to test others.  interrupting others and pessimism are also bad habits that require little to no explanation.

has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them?:   his entire family was gunned down in his home by two former comrades turned brainwashed betrayers.  save for his father, who was located in a cancer hospital, though they shot him dead afterwards also.  how has it affected him?  simon now lives within the fortified shell of ghost.  simon riley no longer exists and was found dead  -  so the tags say.   without ghost, the sas or the 141, simon likely would’ve taken his life after succeeding in getting his revenge.  he has never grieved nor mourned for his losses  -  he can’t.

what are some fond memories your muse has?:    he struggles to remember some details of his past.  but upon compartmentalising, it’s rare he’ll ever look back on them unless on the verge of death / giving up.  he does have fond memories, but they grow stale when you’re the only one in them still alive.

is it easy for your muse to kill?:   there is no easy or hard about it.  it’s his job to kill the enemy.  ghost runs on apathy.  he is objective and analytical.  if it’s his job to kill a target, it’ll get done.  ethics and morals are not a part of it.  were a target to take a civilian hostage, he would shoot the hostage if it meant non-lethally wounding the target or hitting them in a place that would promptly disarm the target.  if you are in his way and this is his only chance of taking down a high value target, he will put a bullet through you if it means getting said enemy ( unless a superior orders him not to. )   he will take every precaution in order to avoid killing the hostage, but at the end of the day his goal is to take down that target.  however, were a child to be taken hostage, or a child became a target, this would present difficulty.  it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t achieve the mission, but he would not be as quick-thinking or apathetic in that moment.

what's it like when your muse breaks down?:  hysterical laughter, vomiting or both.  in the comics, he’s shown to struggle with inappropriate laughter, laughing upon finding his murdered family and learns from his father that it’s a learned defence mechanism - his dad forcing him to laugh at the death of a drug addict as a child.   he may also become violent / aggressive ( throwing or hitting objects. )  though the destruction is often turned inward rather than outward.

is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life?:  it’s part of his job.  it’s part of working among a team.  but he ensures that he avoids predicaments where he’s not also watching his own back or where he’s having to rely on someone else where possible.  simon doesn't trust anyone down to the very core, not even captain price.

what's your muse like when they're in love?:  unknown.  while a younger simon has been exposed to relationships before, they didn’t last long enough for love to develop.  mostly due to emotional trauma / difficulty maintaining relationships.  and since the events led by roba / the development of ghost, simon hasn’t been in love.  meaning he’s never truly been in love.  simon is capable of being affectionate, and has been shown to be a family man who values and even treasures the company of those close to him.  but ghost has had a huge impact on this, and upon facing tremendous loss, he’s closed himself off.   a fear of becoming like his father also puts a wall between him and any potential love interests.   realistically, any mild emotional attachment is exhibited through him seeking to spend time with you on his own terms or going out of his way to be around you.  metas 7 and 8 are useful examples of how he exhibits affection towards those he emotionally favours.

i'm going to approach this from the perspective of what my thoughts are on whether ghost is touch starved. people will do what they want to do and will write what they want to write. there's a gross need to write autistic-coded characters as desperate, needy loners and i think it's especially harmful to always write the narrative as "everybody needs touch" and that "touch is only a positive thing and if you don't think so you're broken."

for my own headcanons, i personally write simon as autistic because he is autistic-coded, regardless of what anyone says, and thus i choose not to erase that. i myself am autistic and loathe being touched, it's not a pleasant sensory experience and due to my low empathy and trauma i don't obtain any positive chemical releases etc in my brain when being touched. some people just don't need touch to get by and that's okay in my opinion.

as someone familiar with the comics, i know that the only positive physical contact simon has in the entire series is him lifting his nephew through the air affectionately at christmas. that's it. the one time he's physically interactive with his mother, she's sobbing about having fought with and been hit by his younger brother, tommy. he never received physical affection from his father that wasn't a way of torturing him somehow. he isn't seen to show tommy any physical affection and i believe the only time simon touches him is when he's leading him away from the location he'd been doing drugs in.

the majority of any physical contact seen between him and others in general is through violence and killing. i personally agree with the concept that if you never had something, you can't miss or mourn it. i don't believe simon received physical affection as a child - not necessarily taught that touch is bad but that touch just... isn't something obtainable or required. added on is the awareness that he doesn't like touch all that much anyway, regarding his autism, so he's not missing out.

growing up, the only intimacy he comes to know is through, as aforementioned, killing and death. which is heavily inspired for me by the quote in sas rogue heroes, "you shake hands with a man and you can't help but glance at his throat. every part of his body is an invitation to be eagerly accepted as a dog accepts a bone. eyes are for thumbs to push into the brain, mouths can be torn open, necks are a gift - god's ultimate mistake. spoons, tea-towels, cups of tea - they are all weapons, everything you touch is a weapon. you are a weapon." i fully believe this is something simon trained himself to believe, exploit and take advantage of.

there's a period of his life where he's then taught that, through being s*xually ass*ulted and r*ped multiple times, touch isn't pleasant and also that it's something that can be used against you. effectively, just like anything else, touch is a weapon. it's also important to remember that touch is a form of communication, in the military. shoulder squeezes, back pats ( we see both soap and ghost exchange shoulder pats throughout the game ) - they're all used by soldiers to interact and communicate when words or sound of any kind could threaten their safety or is simply not required in the moment.

given all of this, no, i don't think it makes any sense for simon to be touch starved. you can't hunger for something you've never experienced, and with touch being viewed as a weapon or resource only, it wouldn't be surprising for him to be confused by others viewing it as a sexual, romantic or pleasant experience.

# 𝐎𝐅  𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍  𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒 :  1  /  2  /  3 + . 
𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄  𝐎𝐅  𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 :  high  /  average  /  deep.
𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓 :  yes  /  no.
𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐑 :  confident /  shy  /  approachable /  hostile  /  other.
𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 :  slumped  /  straight /  stiff /  relaxed.
𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒 :  head tilting  /  swaying  / fidgeting /  stuttering  /  gesturing  /  arm crossing /  strokes chin  / er, um, or other interjections  /  plays with hair or clothing  /  hands at hips /  inconsistent eye contact  /   maintains eye contact /  frequent pausing  /  stands close  /  stands at distance.

𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙋𝙇𝙀𝙓𝙄𝙏𝙔
𝐕𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐘 : ◼◼◼◼◻
𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: ◼◼◻◻◻
𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 : ◼◼◼◻◻

𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙄𝙏𝙔
𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘 : ◼◼◼◼◼
𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘 : ◼◼◼◼◼

𝘽𝙊𝙇𝘿  𝘼𝙇𝙇  𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏  𝘼𝙋𝙋𝙇𝙔.
arse. ass. asshole. bastard. bitch. bloody. bugger. bollocks. chicken shit. crap. cunt. dick. frick. fuck. horseshit. motherfucker. piss. prick. screw. shit. shitass. son of a bitch. twat. wanker. pussy.

𝙂𝙄𝙑𝙀𝙉  𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙋𝙀𝙍  𝙍𝙀𝙇𝙄𝙂𝙄𝙊𝙐𝙎  𝘾𝙊𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙓𝙏.
christ on a bike. christ on a cracker. damn. goddamn. godsdamn. hell. holy shit. jesus. jesus christ. jesus h christ. jesus h. roosevelt christ. lord have mercy. jesus, mary and joseph. sweet jesus.

𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎  𝙊𝙍  𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏.
contractions or enunciation?  straightforward or cryptic?  jargon or toned?  complexity or simplicity?  finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind?  masculinity, neutrality, or femininity?  formalities or abrasiveness?  praise or equivocation?  frankness or lies?  excessive or minimal hand gestures?  name-calling or magnanimity?  friendly or blunt nicknames?

𝙄𝙈𝙋𝙊𝙍𝙏𝘼𝙉𝙏 𝙌𝙐𝙀𝙎𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙎.

𝙳𝙾  𝙿𝙴𝙾𝙿𝙻𝙴  𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴  𝙰  𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙳  𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴  𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝙾𝚁  𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴?   almost always  /  frequently  /  sometimes  /  rarely  /  never.

𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴’𝚂  𝙿𝙾𝙸𝙽𝚃  𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴  𝙰𝙲𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂  𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙸𝙻𝚈  𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈  𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙰𝙺?   almost always / frequently /  sometimes  /  rarely  /  never.

𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝙸𝙽𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙰𝚃𝙴  𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂?   almost always  /  frequently  /  sometimes  /  rarely  /  never.

𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝙱𝙴  𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝙾𝙽𝙴  𝚃𝙾  𝙴𝙽𝙳  𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂?   almost always  /  frequently  /  sometimes /  rarely  /  never.

𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝚄𝚂𝙴  “𝚆𝙷𝙾𝙼”  𝙸𝙽  𝙰  𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴?   yes / no  / only ironically.

𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃𝚂  𝚃𝙾  𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙴  𝙰  𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙿𝙾𝙸𝙽𝚃.  𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃  𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳  𝙳𝙾  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈  𝚄𝚂𝙴?   but /  though  /  although  /  however /  perhaps  /  mayhaps.

𝙷𝙾𝚆  𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝙴𝙽𝙳  𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂?   walk away  /  ask if that’s everything  / say that that’s everything  / give a proper goodbye /  tell their company they’re done here  / remain quiet  /  they don’t.

𝙷𝙾𝚆  𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝙰𝙳𝙳𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚂  𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁?   titles  /  first names  /  surnames /  full names  /  nicknames.

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃  𝚂𝙾𝙲𝙸𝙰𝙻  𝙲𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚂  𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳  𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚂  𝙰𝚂𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙴  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝙱𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙶𝚂  𝚃𝙾,  𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼  𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙰𝙺 ?   upper  /  middle  /  lower.

𝙸𝙽  𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃  𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂  𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂  𝚃𝙷𝙴  𝚆𝙰𝚈  𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁  𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴  𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙰𝙺  𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙳  𝙾𝚄𝚃  𝚃𝙾  𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝚂?   accent  /  vocabulary  /  tone  /  level /  politeness  /  brusqueness  /  it doesn’t.

𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐒.

moody | short-tempered | whiny | volatile |  controlling | conceited | possessive | excessively mistrustful | liar | impatient | cowardly | bitter | selfish | power-hungry | greedy | lazy | judgmental | forgetful | impulsive | spiteful | stubborn | sadistic | petty | unlucky | absent-minded | abusive | addict | aggressive | childish | callous | clingy | cocky | competitive | corrupt | cynical | cruel | depressed | out of their mind | egotistical | envious | insecure | insensitive | lustful | delinquent | overthinker | guilt complex | reclusive | reckless | nervous | oversensitive | perfectionist | pessimistic | naive.

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐇𝐒.

honest | trustworthy | thoughtful | caring | brave | patient | selfless | ambitious | tolerant | lucky | intelligent | confident | humble | generous | merciful | observant | wise | clever | charming | cheerful | optimistic | decisive | adaptive | calm | protective | proud | diligent | considerate | compassionate | good sportsmanship | friendly | empathetic | passionate | reliable | resourceful | sensible | sincere | witty | funny.

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐒  &  𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒.

art | acting | astronomy | animals | archery | sports | belly dancing | bird watching | blacksmithing | boating | calligraphy | camping | candle making | casino gambling | ceramics | racing | chess | music | cooking | crochet | weaving | exercise | swordplay | fishing | gardening | ghost hunting | ice skating | magic | engineering | building | inventing | leather-working | martial arts | meditation | origami | parkour | people watching | swimming | puppetry | pyrotechnics | quilting / sewing | reading / collecting | shopping | socializing | storytelling | writing | traveling | exotic dancing | singing | yoga | gaming | surfing.

•    fight honourably  /  fight dirty.

•    prefer close-quarters  /  prefer range.

•    chat during  /  go silent.

•    low pain tolerance  /  high pain tolerance.

•    attack in bursts  /  attack steadily  /  go for the kill  /  aim to disarm  /  fight defensively  /  strike first.

•    provoked easily  /  provokes their opponent  /  tease  /  gets visibly frustrated  /  shout while attacking  /  use strategy  /  focus on their battle  /  experience conflicting thoughts during battle  /  rush in recklessly  /  try to read their opponent before fighting.

•    fight wildly  /  fight calmly apathetically  /  fight with anger  /  fight with excitement  /  fight because they have to  /  fight because they want to.

•    fight without regard to wounds  /  run away when wounded  /  hide wounds  /  take a blow to protect another.

•    prefer a blade  /  prefer a gun  /  prefer a bow  /  prefer a shield  /  prefer a spear naginata   /  prefer a personalized weapon  /  prefer magic or spells  /  prefer brawling.

•    their greatest weakness is physical  /  their greatest weakness is mental  /  their greatest weakness is emotional.

•    transform for battle  /  fight as they appear  /  rely on strength  /  rely on speed  /  use everything they have  /  hide their full potential.

•    exhaust quickly  /  high stamina  /  doubt their strength  /  proceed with caution  /  behave arrogantly  /  brag after landing a hit  /  belittles opponent’s abilities.

•    use psychological tactics  /  use brute strength.

•    avoid civilians  /  strike down civilians  /  damage surroundings  /  avoid damaging surroundings.

•    signature fighting style  /  making it up as they go  /  mastered skill set  /  learning their skill set  /  fancy footwork  /  sloppy footwork  /  messy fighter  /  elegant fighter.

•    accept defeat  /  refuse defeat  /  beg for mercy.

•    compliment their opponent  /  insult their opponent.

•    use unnecessary movements ( flips, twirls )  /  move efficiently  /  barely move  /  prefer to dodge  /  prefer to block  /  defend their blindside  /  has no blindside  /  use all available advantages ( ex; use a gun but also throw punches, kick out while blades clash, etc. )  /  strictly use one main method  /  play around  /  hold back  /  fight ruthlessly  /  show mercy  /  wait for opponent to be ready  /  strike when opponent isn’t ready.

•    fears death  /  fears pain  /  fears killing  /  has PTSD  /  avoid fighting.

•    has lost a fight  /  has won a fight  /  has killed  /  refuses to kill  /  wants to die standing.

• •   001.   smoking:  the  action  or  habit  of  inhaling  &  exhaling  the  smoke  of  tobacco  or  a  drug.

  •   002.   binge drinking:  the consumption of an excessive amount of alcohol in a short period of time.

  •   003.   drug  abuse:  the  habitual  taking  of  illegal  drugs.

  •   004.   nail  biting:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  anxiety / tension.

  •   005.   lip  biting:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  anxiety / tension.

  •   006.   night  owl:  a  person  who  is  habitually  active  or  wakeful  at  night.

  •   007.   early bird:  a person who rises ,  arrives ,  or acts before  the usual or expected time.

  •   008.   negative attitudes:  a  philosophy  of  approaching  life  with criticism & pessimism.

  •   009.   positive  attitude:  a  philosophy  of  approaching  life  with  optimism  &  confidence.

  •   010.   swearing:  the  use  of  offensive  language.

  •   011.   superstitious:  an  irrational  belief  that  an  object  ,  action  ,  or  circumstance  not  logically  related  to  a  course  of  events  influences  its  outcome.

  •   012.   inspecting  fingernails:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  boredom.

  •   013.   scratching  your  neck:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  uncertainty.

  •   014.   foot  &  finger  tapping:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  stress  /  impatience.

  •   015.   nose  touch:  a  subtle  body  language  sign  of  deceit.

  •   016.   flipping  hair:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  craving  attention.

  •   017.   twirling  hair:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  flirtation.

  •   018.   cracking  knuckles:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  readiness.

  •   019.   hands  behind  back:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  confidence.

  •   020.   finger  pointing:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  authority.

  •   021.   hands  on  hips:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  readiness.

  •   022.   hands  in  pockets:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  mistrust  /  reluctance.

  •   023.   frequent  touch:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  warmth  /  familiarity.

  •   024.   throat  –  clearing:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  rejection / doubt.

  •   025.   jaw  –  clenching:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  hostility.

  •   026.   eye  –  rolling:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  irritation.

  •   027.   head  –  tilt:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  interest.

  •   028.   whistling:  to  emit  high  –  pitched  sound  by  forcing  breakthrough  a  small  hole  between  one’s  lips  or  teeth;  usually  to  a  tune.

  •   029.   humming:  make  a  low  ,  steady  continuous  sound  like  that  of  a  bee  ;  usually  to  a  tune.

  •   030.   perfectionism:  refusal  to  accept  any  standard  short  of  perfection.

  •   031.   photographic  memory:  the  ability  to  remember  information  or  visual  images  in  great  detail.

  •   032.   paranoia:  a  mental  condition  characterized  by  delusions  of  persecution  ,  unwarranted  jealousy  ,  or  exaggerated  self  -  importance  ,  typically  worked  into  an  organized  system.

  •   033.   exaggeration:  a  statement  that  represents  something  as  better  or  worse  than  it  really  is.

  •   034.   intuitive:  using  or  based  on  what  one  feels  to  be  true  even  without  conscious  reasoning;  instinctive.

  •   035.   quick  –  witted:  showing  or  characterized  by  an  ability  to  think  or  respond  quickly  &  effectively.

  •   036.   interrupting:  breaking  the  continuity  of  a  conversation  with  one’s  own  statements.

  •   037.   doodling:  to  scribble  or  make  rough  drawings,  absentmindedly.

  •   038.   irritable:  having  or  showing  a  tendency  to  be  easily  annoyed.

  •   039.   gambling:  to  play  games  of  chance  for  money;  bet.

  •   040.   travel  –  sick:  suffering  from  nausea  caused  by  the  motion  of  a  moving  vehicle ,  boat ,  or  aircraft.

  •   041.   sensitive:  having  or  displaying  a  quick  &  delicate  appreciation  of  others’  feelings.

  •   042.   melancholy:  a  feeling  of  pensive  sadness,  typically  with  no  obvious  cause.

  •   043.   chewing  gum:  the  exercise  of  chewing  flavored  gum  which  is  not  intended  for  swallowing.

  •   044.   fidgeting:  to  make  small  movements  ,  especially  of  the  hands  &  feet,  through  nervousness  or  impatience

  •   045.   skeptical:  not  easily  convinced;  having  doubts  or  reservations.

  •   046.   obsessively  neat:  compulsively  obsessed  with  cleanliness.

  •   047.   gossiping:  divulging  personal  information  about  others.

  •   48.   prim:  feeling  or  showing  disapproval  of  anything  regarded  as  improper;  stiffly  correct.

  •   049.   abbreviating:  giving  others  nicknames  /  shortening  names  /  giving  pet  names.

  •   050.   having  a  catchphrase:  having  a  sentence  or  phrase  typically  associated  with  a  specific  person.

been  cheated  on      |      been  bullied      |      had your heart broken      |      broken  someone’s  heart      |      told  a  horrible  lie      |      been  betrayed      |      been  framed  /  set-up      |      stolen  something  of  value   |      overdosed  on  drugs      |     been  drunk     |      cheated      |      bullied    |      been  publicly  humiliated      |      punched  someone  in  the  face   |      been  beaten  up      |      broken  a  bone      |      been admitted to a hospital      |     put  someone  in  the  hospital      |      had  a  near-death  experience      |     been  drugged      |      done  drugs      |      smoked      |      been  arrested   |      been  homeless   |     been  forced  to  commit  a  crime      |      died  and  came  back  to  life      |      kissed  someone  you  weren’t  attracted  to     |      bled  severely      |     killed  someone     |   been  forced  to  kill  someone   |      had  an  attempt  on  your  life   |      made  an  attempt  on  your  own  life      |      lost  someone      |      loved  someone      |      watched  a  loved  one  die      |      failed  to  save  /  help  a  loved  one   |      felt  helpless   |      watched  your  world  die  /  disappear      |      had  your  life’s  work  stolen  /  destroyed      |      gone  without  food  for  over  three  days      |      gone  without  sleep  for  over  three  days      |   been  tortured  /  questioned      |      been  shot      |      been  stabbed      |      been  poisoned      |      been  held  prisoner     |      been  trapped   |      been  buried  alive      |      been  held  hostage      |     held  someone  hostage      |      been  stuck  in  a  different  world / universe / time      |      been  abused  by  someone  who  should  have  loved  /  appreciated  /  valued  you      |      had  a  panic  attack      |      had  night  terrors      |      been  in  a  car  accident      |      lost  your  job      |      lost  a  fight   |      had  sex  with  a  stranger   |      been  divorced      |      been  abandoned      |      passed  out  from  pain     |      cried  yourself  to  sleep      |      spent  a  whole  day  in  bed      |      hurt  yourself      |   taken  your  anger  out  on  yourself   |      taken  your  anger  out  on  someone  you  love      |     been  used    |      been  manipulated      |      felt  used      |      manipulated  someone  else  |      had  your  memories  /  mind  wiped  /  stolen   or  tampered  with      |      been  taken  over  by  a  hostile  force      |      been  terrified   |      played  a  cruel  game  on  someone      |      been  forced  to  smile      |      felt  too  many  things  at  once   |      laughed  when  you  felt  like  crying      |      been  in  denial      |      been  denied      |      faced  your  demons.

APPEARANCE.

• i  am  5'7"  or  taller.  

• i  wear  glasses.

• i  have  at  least  one  tattoo.

• i  have  at  least  one  piercing.

• i  have  blonde  hair.

• i  have  brown  eyes.

• i  have  short  hair.

• my  abs  are  at  least  somewhat  defined.

• i  have  or  have  had  braces.
  
  

PERSONALITY.

• i  love  meeting  new  people.

• people  tell  me  that  i’m  funny.

• helping  others  with  their  problems  is  a  big  priority  for  me.

• i  enjoy  physical  challenges.

• i  enjoy  mental  challenges.

• i’m  playfully  rude  with  people  i  know  well.

• i  started  saying  something  ironically  &  now  i  can’t  stop  saying  it.

• there  is  something  i  would  change  about  my  personality.
  
  

ABILITY.

• i can sing well.

• i  can  play  an  instrument.

• i  can  do  over  30  push–ups  without  stopping.

• i’m  a  fast  runner.

• i  can  draw  well.

• i  have  a  good  memory.

• i’m  good  at  doing  math  in  my  head.

• i  can  hold  my  breath  underwater  for  over  a  minute.

• i  have  beaten  at  least  2  people  in  arm  wrestling.

• i  know  how  to  cook  at  least  3  meals  from  scratch.

• i  know  how  to  throw  a  proper  punch.
  
  

HOBBIES.

• i  enjoy  playing  sports.

• i’m  on  a  sports  team  at  my  school  or  somewhere  else.

• i’m  in  an  orchestra  or  choir  at  my  school  or  somewhere  else.

• i  have  learned  a  new  song  in  the  past  week.

• i  work  out  at  least  once  a  week.

• i’ve  gone  for  runs  at  least  once  a  week.

• i  have  drawn  something  in  the  past  month.

• i  enjoy  writing.

• i  do  or  have  done  martial  arts.
  
  

EXPERIENCES.

• i  have  had  my  first  kiss.

• i  have  had  alcohol.

• i  have  scored  the  winning  goal  in  a  sports  game.

• i  have  watched  an  entire  season  of  a  tv  show  in  one  sitting.

• i  have  been  at  an  overnight  event.

• i  have  been  in  a  taxi.

• i  have  been  in  the  hospital  or  er  in  the  past  year.

• i  have  beaten  a  video  game  in  one  day.

• i  have  visited  another  country.

• i  have  been  to  one  of  my  favorite  band’s  concerts.
  
  

RELATIONSHIPS.

• i’m  in  a  relationship.

• i  have  a  crush  on  a  celebrity.

• i  have  a  crush  on  someone  i  know.

• i  have  been  in  at  least  3  relationships.

• i  have  never  been  in  a  relationship.

• i  have  asked  someone  out  or admitted  my  feelings  to  them.

• i  get  crushes  easily.

• i  have  had  a  crush  on  someone  for  over  a  year.

• i  have  been  in  a  relationship  for  at  least  a  year.

• i  have  had  feelings  for  a  friend.
  
  

MY  LIFE.

• i  have  at  least  one  person  i  consider  a  “ best  friend ”.

• i  live  close  to  my  school.

• my  parents  are  still  together.

• i  have  /  had at  least  one  sibling.

• i  live  in  the  united  states.

• there  is  snow  right  now  where  i  live.

• i  have  hung  out  with  a  friend  in  the  past  month.

• i  have  a  smartphone.

• i  have  at  least  15  cd’s.

• i  share  my  room  with  someone.
  
  

RANDOM.

• i  have  break–danced.

• i  know  a  person  named  jamie.

• i  have  had  a  teacher  with  a  last  name  that’s  hard  to  pronounce.

• i  have  dyed  my  hair.

• i’m  listening  to  one  song  on  repeat  right  now.

• i  have  punched  someone  in  the  past  week.

• i  know  someone  who  has  gone  to  jail.

• i  have  broken  a  bone.

• i  have  eaten  a  waffle  today.

• i  know  what  i  want  to  do  with  my  life.

• i  speak  at  least  2  languages.

/  /   read  meta  02  for  more  context.

as discussed in the meta mentioned above, simon was exposed to sexual material and content at a young age.  struggling with hypersexuality prior to joining the military, he found upon doing so he was then exposed to men who had experienced similar childhoods to him in this regard.  this was difficult due to the way it was treated as a joke, self-deprecating humour common as well as bullying banter.  it left simon feeling alone in his guilt.  nevertheless, the royal marines enabled simon to put his energy and time into something physically and emotionally demanding  -  meaning preoccupation with his job kept him focused and distracted.  sexual activity was minimal, with him even going to lengths to avoid it during decompression.  he dedicated himself to physical fitness, to improving his skills and senses.

he proceeded to struggle with intrusive thoughts, though.  sexually violent and / or aggressive intrusive thoughts.  it made interacting with women difficult, and sexual exploration even more complex.  despite him trying to combat this, ignore it, suppress it etc, he experienced intense feelings of shame and guilt, faced pressure and conflict due to increased presence of drugs and alcohol, difficulty with impulse control as well as depressive symptoms.  his line of work meant minimal interaction with women, and any bi-curiosity went actively ignored.  equally, in his early adult life, simon found that his sexual interactions weren't driven by attraction nor necessarily desire, but an urge.

it should be noted, before i go on, that when simon was growing up he was exposed to the glorification of addiction.  his father, a drug and alcohol addict as well as former sex addict ( not recovered, merely replaced with other addictions ) and his younger brother, also a drug addict, were heavily present in his life.  his father went out of his way to introduce and desensitise simon to these experiences, stating enduring such would make him into "a man."  drugs and alcohol particularly were the downfall of his family, both financially and emotionally, jeopardising his safety and security at home.  in a poverty-heavy area of manchester, he was also exposed to addiction on the streets and even within school.  a total lack of control and self respect surrounded him.

prior to being taken hostage in mexico by roba, simon had reached a place where he was largely compartmentalising his difficulties, wholly distracted from the severity of them.  avoidance got him far, until he was forced to face them for nine months solid.  during this time, he was brutally tortured  -  this included a series of sexual assaults and r*pes, by both a man and woman.  the extent of the damage from this becomes evident after his rescue and his struggle with hypersexuality became very real.  he'd go on to seek partners out to satisfy these urges, engaging in reckless, dangerous and often uncomfortable / unpleasant sex  -  the torture having caused severe confusion in what felt good / bad.  he perceived gentle and pleasant as bad, and whilst he didn't enjoy the opposite it certainly felt safer than what he'd experienced in mexico.  this was explored, with the involvement of alcohol, and drugs ( though not for himself ), to induce a non-judgemental environment for him to explore his shame and trauma.

often during these interactions, he'd become frustrated and abandon them mid-way, disgusted and ashamed.  he went through a period of believing himself to be sick, that there was something wrong with him.  sex was in his dreams, sleep, silence and safety.  it lingered in his mind during most interactions, invasive and insidious.  he was highly secretive about his sexual ventures, even going as far as to sneak around as well as travelling out of area to engage with male partners, if only to avoid dealing with the feelings women triggered for him.  as he approached the date of him potentially re-joining his team, simon pushed to compartmentalise his situation.  no one knew but him.  he placed all his hope on his job preoccupying him like it had the last time he'd lost control of himself.

naturally, events didn't follow through this way.  his night at the pub with sparks, a fellow tortured teammate, went south and he witnessed sparks attempt to abduct a woman with the desire to r*pe her.  simon had a strong reality check regarding how much worse things could get for him if he continued to let himself go down this road of impulsivity.  the loss of his family had, of course, an immense impact on him.  simon was entirely alone in his suffering, at that point.  after all, he'd been the one to talk sparks down  -  now, he had no one to talk him down.  thus, it was up to himself to remain on track.  he would go on to set heavy expectations for himself, applying everything he had left into avenging both himself and his family.  busy, focused and completely withdrawn, he couldn't have invested himself in anything else even if he'd tried.

during his time on the streets, in the build up to going after roba, he relapsed  -  gave in to a sexual interaction.  however, this interaction would show simon he couldn't do anything other than focus on killing roba.  nothing was gained, he didn't experience any sensation and stopped it mid-way.  but he didn't mind, actually felt relieved by this experience because it meant, to him, something could stop the noise.  with enough focus and determination, he could find control  -  regardless of whether it was healthy or not.  the drive remained, it never left, the intrusive thoughts also remained, but their intensity were applied to something he believed would be beneficial.

once roba was dead and he'd been re-recruited as an undercover operator back into the special air service, once ghost was established most importantly, simon was able to find some semblance of control.  roba's death brought him no peace.  no satisfaction, no relief.  and a part of him became deluded with the belief that he, simon riley, had died.  see meta 03 for more info.  and thus, the dead couldn't feel, didn't experience emotions... there was no purpose to luxury or indulgence anymore.  roba was right, he'd killed him.  so all he could do was focus on ghost, on his job, on the things that kept him busy.  intrusive thoughts were supressed by isolation, diverting their energy into enemies, and minimal interaction with women meant he didn't often have to face that side of his hypersexuality.  with time, he began to rely on himself, trusting himself again.  due to his persona, he could appreciate the positives of simon riley, even coming to eventually talk about him in a positive, respectful and affectionate light.

he abstains from everything sexual.  discussions and mentions are avoided and / or cut short.  he doesn't allow himself access to anything where he might be tempted to look things up or seek them out.  he avoids scenes where sex is even a mild possibility.  that lifestyle is cut off in its entirety.  simon even goes an extra step re: the risk of addiction.  he stops habitually smoking, indulging in pricier cigarettes and maintaining control by only allowing himself one at a time, with the goal of enjoying it over using it as an aid.  he avoids those who exhibit a lack of control with addictive tendencies  -  shown when he expresses displeasure in finding johnny smoking during the mission "trojan horse."  he rarely indulges in alcohol, typically favouring whiskey over the average, more affordable alcohol, engaging with it as a treat rather than necessity, aid or relaxant.  it can even be said that he develops a strong aversion to things liable of becoming addictive, exhibiting aggression and evasion in the ghost comic towards his psychiatrist when offered medication for his mental health.  he comes to perceive his own addiction to sex as a weakness, as a liability.

he abstains for 8 years in total.  this is broken, in 2019, when he sleeps with mara.  although, this is no mere act of impulse or lack of control, as the two develop an extremely close bond and this continues for some time, with intermittent breaks due to trauma keeping them from progressing.  nevertheless, simon doesn't relapse in these 8 years, wholly dedicated to 'ghost' and his work.  this dynamic with mara, in fact, forces him to face some of his compartmentalised difficulties with women, including the aforementioned intrusive thoughts  -  which mara is supportive of.

when sexually active post-hostage, simon's personal relationships and general social interaction declined significantly, and he would lose sleep through spending many of his nights out of the house which meant his recovery was, at times, slowed.  both in this time and back in his early adulthood days, he'd find himself immobilised due to his obsessions / intrusive thoughts.  feelings such as guilt, fear and loneliness were, unintentionally, sexualised and drove him to retreat inwards.  he's never been in a serious relationship due to his hypersexuality, jumping from fling to fling with no emotional depth  -  his first serious and legitimately intimate relationship is with mara.  he was 33 at the time.  he has sustained physical damage to his body due to both the over-engaging in sexual activity as well as through painful, uncomfortable or outright unpleasant experiences.  this can include scratches, bites, bruises and even a few scars.  excessive exposure and desensitisation also led to an extreme disinterest in sex, with him often pursuing it out of the urge over anything else.

the 8 years of abstinence would've continued, had he not met mara.  in fact, i think simon would've dedicated to it for much longer.  and the break with mara was more of a conversation of trust than anything, of loyalty.  any further sexual interactions with her are to maintain this, rather than for the purpose of seeking pleasure.  it becomes about sharing closeness and vulnerability, as simon does live with anhedonia  -  which means he doesn't experience pleasure, or it takes something extreme and significant for him to.  breaking his abstinence in this way never triggered him to relapse for this very reason, and if anything it helped him control himself in the eye of devoting to one individual.

simon's hypersexuality has definitely caused him suffering.  it's a primary drive behind his desire for isolation, outside of general lack of trust and past betrayals.  he focuses better alone, achieves more when alone.  it's important to note how simon does adapt with the introduction of task force 141, however.  he begins to perceive teamwork as valuable, as a useful tool.  it's also a good example of how far he has come, control-wise.  his years as ghost have proven invaluable, with simon learning to develop more respect and affection for himself  -  even if it's indirect ( he doesn't perceive himself as the simon riley. )  the ability to redirect his energy into something positive, effective and thrilling whilst simultaneously taking weight off of himself through the maintaining of a persona and not having to directly deal with his "own" mind but the analysis of "someone else's", has been highly beneficial.

character trait ratings — ratings are out of ten, where ten indicates an unequivocal and absolute core tenet of my muse's character. there is no zero, a one represents the lowest possible presence of a trait, indicating an assured absence of said trait but leaving room for the rare possibility of its happening as nothing is impossible.

⸻   COMPASSION: NINE OUT OF TEN.

despite ghost's gruff exterior, simon is a highly compassionate individual. equally, he struggles to understand empathy outside of cognitive empathy ( where logic can be used to respond empathetically. ) with compassion, however, he's in the military because he specifically wanted to help others and make the world a better place. albeit misguided, simon only wants to best for people, given how he was never granted that for himself. a prime example is the fact that he remained and waited out johnny's escape in the alone mission, when he could've pursued every man for himself — even going as far as to reveal his position to provide support. he has been shown to be highly remorseful of his actions in the past, holds regrets, and isn't above apologising when it calls for it. simon strives to do better than his family, who never apologised for putting him through what they did. he understands the importance of compassion, even if he won't admit to having such a trait.

⸻   BITTERNESS: THREE OUT OF TEN.

it's very unlikely simon would ever be bitter. he's content with his way of life, regardless of how dysfunctional it is, and if anything is more inclined to give something up than to become bitter over not having something or wanting something. he believes others would be better off without him, often preoccupied with the somewhat self-centred belief. simon has a tendency to make things about him, even when they aren't, and thus if there's ever bitterness to be found — it's towards himself.

⸻   HAPPINESS: FIVE OUT OF TEN.

content with how his life is, simon sits on the five mark. this is because he isn't necessarily happy, nor is he unhappy. he is in a place, and that place suits him just fine. he wouldn't change it for the world, but he doesn't hold immense affection towards it either. a complex relationship with happiness, he finds his pleasure and purpose in being told what to do. because, despite his desire to make the world a better place, he doesn't always know where to start or even what that looks like without guidance.

⸻   POLITENESS: SEVEN OUT OF TEN.

this is a complicated one, because although simon isn't ever outright rude — especially not to superiors, he is exceptionally blunt, which can be misread as rude. that being said, there's rarely a time where simon doesn't think before he speaks. every word is calculated and he doesn't mince them, he says what he means. so if he is rude, it's intentional. if he is polite, it's intentional. it all depends on your status, his respect for you, and sometimes even comes down to nationality. outside of that, it's important to remember simon was raised to be a "good boy" and is thus intrinsically predisposed to doing good, including being polite.

⸻   MORALITY: NINE OUT OF TEN.

simon shows a clear cut recognition of right and wrong throughout various sources. he believes in good and evil, as well as the grey area in between, easily recognised as the 'sins' aka greedy, proud, wrathful ( sadistic ) etc. he believes most criminals to be power mad, greedy or sadistic, making the sharp disconnection between that and pure evil, who he refers to as his father. simon has canonically expressed that he believes treachery and betrayal are disgraceful in their own right, but that those who blindly follow it are a recipe for true evil. this could be used in reference to his father, whose abuse could be understood from the perspective that he too might've been abused and suffered just as he made simon suffer, but in turn didn't break the cycle and continued it — making him truly evil in simon's eyes due to him blindly following the example set. whereas simon broke away from it, even going as far as to not have children to avoid it happening again.

⸻   CHIVALRY: EIGHT OUT OF TEN.

honour, kindness and courage are traits simon was raised to emulate. again, as the "good boy" of his family, it was up to him to essentially be the face of it. simon was always introduced first, and due to tommy largely following in the footsteps of his father it was apparent simon was favoured for being more like his mother. as for simon himself, he doesn't care much for chivalry. he appreciates competitiveness, and finds that being challenged or challenging another is a form of honour. as for courage, it comes naturally to him and he doesn't believe in medals for it.

⸻   PRIDE: TEN OUT OF TEN.

pride is perhaps one of his strongest traits. it is not a façade, as simon is generally not an insecure individual. indeed, he feels regret and guilt more than the average person, but he's not at all self-conscious. decisive in even the most challenging, morally questionable situations, he will tackle his guilt later on and allow his pride to take the lead. simon is proud of what he's achieved and of what he does, and although his patriotic mindset and clear cut devotion has changed over the years, he is still highly dedicated to the job at hand. given his history, he knows for a fact that there's no one quite like him, and that he's not so easily replaceable. this absolutely fuels his ego and sometimes makes him appear arrogant. ghost has full confidence in himself and wholly trusts himself, even if he doesn't trust his teammates. he doesn't need them to have his back so long as he has his own.

⸻   HONESTY: NINE OUT OF TEN.

this is another complex one. it depends how you view honesty. simon is blunt and, unless he specifically needs to manipulate or withhold information from a situation, he can and will be extremely honest. it also depends on the circumstance. if asked to speak freely, he will, but in the company of superiors it's unlikely he will personally request to. in the company of those with lower ranking than him, he's inclined to be very honest, or will keep things to himself if it means maintaining their naivety and trust. simon is a tool. he will be as honest or dishonest as is required of him. outside of work, he is honest where necessary and has no quarrels about being honest.

⸻   BRAVERY: TEN OUT OF TEN.

he is driven by bravery, however it comes naturally to him and thus he believes it shouldn't be rewarded or praised. simon doesn't hold respect for those who aren't naturally brave to some level, but doesn't necessarily hold it against them. some are brave, some aren't. he doesn't think it should be celebrated, though. in the face of danger, simon will discourage others from pushing on and will even suggest they get themselves to safety first. this is occasionally a ploy for him to display his own bravery to earn the respect of superiors. outside of that, simon will typically push through danger and threat to achieve the job — in the eyes of some it's because he's brave, in the eyes of himself, it's because he wants to get the job done.

⸻   RECKLESSNESS: NINE OUT OF TEN.

a highly reckless individual, there's a reason simon doesn't sit at a higher rank. as a lieutenant, he is tasked with overseeing various lower ranking soldiers carry out their mission, but typically simon is known best for being a lone wolf and working alone. it's takes a physical effort to remember to be a team player, with him even commenting in the alone mission re: how he left soap to fend for himself due to him being used to working alone. outside of this, simon is heavily passively suicidal. he is seen countless times agreeing to danger close hits, including agreeing to the risk of being incinerated by a nearby missile detonation. if he doesn't die, it simply reenforces the myth that he can't. simon would be a danger if he were allowed to take more than a set number of people out onto the battlefield, but because he is a valuable asset, he's been allowed to maintain the title of lieutenant and pursue solo missions as long as he pulls his weight now and again.

⸻   AMBITION: FIVE OUT OF TEN.

for this, he sits at a five because not unlike happiness, simon is neither without ambition nor with it. a tool first and foremost, he does what he's told within reason. there's no specific goal he seeks to achieve, and it's highly likely he will die before he can regardless. seeking to "make the world a better place" comes with its pros and cons, including a lack of ambition when it comes to anything unrelated to that mission. he is neither ambitious, nor not ambitious.

⸻   LOYALTY: TEN OUT OF TEN.

loyalty is not infinite to him. if he is betrayed, it's a one and done thing. however, if one keeps to all the requirements to maintain his loyalty, there's no reason for him to reduce it or cut it off. simon is immeasurably careful and calculated with his loyalty, since roba. that being said, he is more inclined to wear rose-coloured glasses when presented with an male superior who may or may not have respect for him to win over. it can sometimes get him into trouble, agreeing to predicaments or situations that are more of a problem than they're worth. loyalty, in simon's eyes, has to be earned. he'll be loyal as a teammate, and will ensure a teammate's survival and success if it benefits him. but if his reputation, life and respect is on the line, he won't bother. equally, the comparison could be made that although he betrayed templar despite pledging his allegiance to him temporarily, in order to follow shepherd's orders and remain loyal to his superior, he also remained loyal to templar in that he didn't shoot him twice like he usually would, ensuring the execution looked real but that there was a chance for him to survive the injury. simon is wholly capable of manipulating the physics of loyalty to his own gain.

⸻   LOVE: TWO OUT OF TEN.

i have metas, found on this page, alluding to simon's complex dynamic with "love" and "affection." he's certainly more of an acts of service and quality time individual when it comes to love languages, but the way in which he displays this can be complicated. feeling others are better off without him and preferring isolation over the risk, having lost his entire family previously, simon generally finds it easier to block affection out. that being said, he is shown to be affection towards his ( now ) good friend soap, largely because they suffered a traumatic experience together and soap stuck by him, and also shows affection towards his companion mara, who he's actually had a physical and intimate relationship with and continues to, intermittently. he isn't incapable of love, but due to trauma is more inclined to avoid it as best he can.

⸻   SENSE OF FAMILY: FOUR OUT OF TEN.

simon has a very skewed and unclear perception of what family should truly be. despite knowing his own, growing up, wasn't right, he's never had a clear cut example of what is right. the closest dynamic he has to family is the 141, and even then he's been shown to define them as his "team" rather than family. it's possible simon feels the word family is tainted, or he reserves it solely for the deceased, and thus prefers to maintain that separation between the dead and the living. team, to him, is capable of being affection and on the same level as family, if not more meaningful because his family was far from a team.

⸻   ATTRACTIVENESS: SEVEN OUT OF TEN.

it's not widely known that simon is an attractive individual. he is conveyed to be, however, throughout various forms of media and if anything, could be considered unconventionally attractive. it would entirely revolve around perspective, however, outside of physical and facial attractiveness, what he lacks in charm he makes up for in character and attitude. it's not unusual for others to deem ghost attractive despite the mask and hefty gear, and to some degree there's intention behind that regarding how ghost's outfit designs are created. ghost is somewhat of a mockery of what his father thought was bad, whilst keeping to traits of his father to prove you can be yourself and not be abusive or an arsehole. he is designed to be charismatic, and is certainly much more so than simon when the mask comes off. this, to some, can be attractive.

⸻   AGILITY: NINE OUT OF TEN.

shown to be capable of impressive feats, simon appears to be highly flexible. he is on the slimmer side, making him more manoeuvrable than many might assume due to his hefty gear making him appear larger and bulkier than he is. simon can hop walls and gates with tremendous ease, but isn't immune to suffering the swelling and inflammation of joints and sockets later on. from experience, simon knows how important it is to treat a wound the very moment safety is presented as injuries of any kind can slow you down, which means in an environment where he's inclined to be wounded, he's still highly agile because he'll be fully on top of things that might slow him down. simon also excels at every test, pushing ahead of his other teammates significantly.

⸻   SEX DRIVE: TWO OUT OF TEN.

it's important to note the difference between simon's sex drive, which is and has always been low and unimportant to him, versus his hypersexuality — which is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder wherein he struggles with s*xual fantasies and thoughts that are oppressive and intrusive, occasionally prompting compulsive, s*xually promiscuous behaviour. outside of his hypersexuality, simon is sincerely disinterested in s*x and finds it to be too distracting and complicated for his liking. his first and only s*xual relationship was with mara, outside of that he's leaned towards men due to his trauma with women and it's only ever been to quell an urge. it never worked for long, and thus simon made the decision to avoid it where possible, as one might do to overcome addiction.

• he was nineteen years old when he went on his first date.  a friend of a friend helped him out with rented accommodation in hackney, london, and that individual's roommate expressed an interest in simon.  it lasted approximately a month before sally mathis decided he was too emotionally unavailable and ended things.

• simon hasn't explored his sexuality psychologically.  he has been open to both men and women sexually, but he never talks about it and no one in his inner circle knows.  he is closeted and thinks he's bisexual, not realising it's more complicated than that because he doesn't actually experience sexual attraction.

• he is aromantic and doesn't experience romantic attraction, although that doesn't mean he isn't capable of showing affection in his own, unusual ways.

• simon was bullied for being effeminate as a child.  this led to a severe disdain towards femininity.  it made it difficult to want to be with women sexually because of self-loathing.

• he chose becoming a weapon over pursuing women like the other soldiers in his group.  this meant he didn't find it necessary to have sex often, or explore his sexuality.

• in his main canon verse written for him, ghost has two lovers.  mara, and gary 'roach' sanderson.  roach comes into play shortly after mara is killed in canon, and their relationship is highly tense to begin with.

• the first person simon lost his virginity to was a man.  a random man on a night out alone.  he was much older than simon, and rough.  he experienced an internal crisis over it.  it happened when he was twenty years old.  it wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't comfortable either.  simon felt no attraction towards the women in his life and felt sexist feelings towards them.  it made him very confused.

• simon's biggest sexual fantasy is to be held under water while doing it.  he's aroused by the idea of feeling the life fade from him.

• he doesn't have any wild sexual experiences until he meets roach in his canon.  he keeps him behind on one of the landed helicopters and has sex with him in it, before anyone else comes to use it.

• simon is extremely uncomfortable with bondage.

• he suffers with anhedonia, which means he's lost the ability to experience pleasure to the fullest amount.  simon also struggles to define the difference between pain and pleasure, often mistaking the two post-torture.

• anything non-consensual, even if it's purely performative, is a no-go.

• sex is more important to simon than intimacy.  he is not a physically affection or intimate person.  he needs to be able to find release whenever and wherever he needs it.

• simon's favourite body part varies from person to person.  he feels oddly connected to the back, however, and finds the most satisfaction interacting with it.  which is ironic, because if someone pays too much attention to simon's back or touches it without warning, it's liable to trigger a panic attack.

• his favourite position for hook-ups is up against a wall, no eye contact, with him being the dominant one.  the dominance remains with people he has feelings for, but he's more flexible to switch in trusted hands and greatly prefers eye contact with them.

• simon is not a breast or butt kind of guy.  he genuinely prefers attitude over anything else.

• the most intimate places you can touch simon are his ribs or his neck.

• he doesn't sleep after sex, typically.  he showers and goes about his business or leaves.

• a challenge turns him on the most.  an attitude, personality, a bit of friction.  complicated dynamics.  he really enjoys a challenge, or someone who meets him head-on.

• raised voices, slow touch and gentleness are big turn offs for him.

• he doesn't care about giving or receiving oral.  he's comfortable with both.

• simon is a dominant top.  only with trusted partners might be bottom.

• his favourite foreplay is sparring, if appropriate.

• he isn't comfortable with the idea of anyone other than his partner watching them.  but would be comfortable watching others.

• simon is a good kisser, but he rarely pulls up the mask.

• he is extremely quiet in bed.  sometimes he forgets to breathe.