21 November 2024
Dear Dean of the School of Graduate Studies Prof. Joshua Barker
Dear Chair of The Department of Medical Biophysics Prof. Laurie Ailles,
CC: Dear Prof. J Jean Chen, My Advisor (Status only Professor at UofT Department of Medical Biophysics, Senior Scientist at Baycrest Hospital, Toronto, ON, Canada)
Dear Prof. Kamil Uludag, My Co-advisor (Status only Professor at UofT Department of Medical Biophysics, Senior Scientist at University Health Network, ON, Canada),
This letter is in response to the letter you sent to the UofT community on August 8th, 2024 that Prof. Kamil Uludag kindly shared with me, implying it needs my response. I am aware, that this letter itself was related to my many earlier communications to you and both my advisors and the Department of Medical Biophysics and Baycrest admins, and the UofT community, including one main Petition I have sent to the UofT community before on the Change.org platform (www.chng.it/QyJLR8Kb ) titled “ Supporting UofT's Scholar-At-Risk Fellow in an Unprecedented Situation after MS” already signed by a few thousands UofT students/Faculty Members/Staff.
As is very obvious from my situation and petition and I many emails that all are asking for the same thing, I very clearly don’t have a medical or physical or emotional situation in which I want to confront anyone and certainly not my own advisors that I used to respect the most in this world. But as my endless letters to ask for minutes of life-saving explicit support that you can provide and will easily save me, has been left unresponded by you and you seem to try to pretend my many letters to ask for this specific help are baseless and constitute harassment. So I will respond to your alleged false claims here to show you are wrong and are providing false information to UofT Community:
As I expected, you don’t even mention how and why all this started in your letter and don’t say even one word about the reason I am sending so many emails asking for help. It all started after my advisor who was proud of me and while I had good academic standing (all proven by a formal SGS conclusion, later on) kicked me only days after I started developing severe physical neurological symptoms and got ill and dropped the semester as a result for treatment after disclosing details of my illness to my advisors and also sending some medical documents related to my condition to the department of Medical Biophysics. Indeed, the School of Graduate Studies hired an investigator and after investigation, he concluded the decision to dismiss me after the illness had “insufficient justification” and had been made despite my innocence in every aspect (Academic/Non-academic/Bahvior). Yet, you have confirmed my advisor's decision to get rid of me after my condition started despite your own investigator literally concluding this was unfair. This is how all this started and you are responsible for its unfairness Prof. Barker!
The main reason that has caused me to not be able to absorb this situation as of today, is that I never been given a reason EVER! Weeks after I successfully had my PhD qualifying exam and while my advisor was proud of me, I started having serious symptoms and after I opened up to only my PhD advisor about its seriousness and severity and dropped the semester with her permission days later and after she had sworn to support me when I left for urgent medical treatment, she kicked me without one word to explain and I was only told after many months by SGS that there was “ Insufficient justification” for this. She never agreed ever to give me a reason or even one email given her many promises to support me days earlier and my co-advisor and department admins also never gave me any reason. How am I supposed to absorb this without even one explanation? I can not absorb this without a reason and until you haven’t given me a reason I will keep asking as I am asking for my right. I am not an animal and a student with rights and you MUST give me a reason. I haven’t even realized what happened! This is no way to treat a Scholar in Risk International student after MS diagnosis and MS attack!
You allege that the University has tried to help me and I didn’t take the offer. This is false claim. If you want to help me, please, first, explain to me why did you kick me unfairly after illness and blocked all my research that were in the final stages, knowing your own investigation concluded this was unfair. This is no way to help a student in an exceptional situation. Is it?
Another alleged help that was offered to me was to find a new advisor and new lab that is willing to take a student with my severe illness and disability and start from scratch, while I am clearly not able to re-do a whole PhD and why should I do that when my current PhD was done and my advisor was proud of me and she had sworn to let me wrap my PhD after illness before I even dropped semester? This is exactly why people with hard illness should not be kicked unfairly in the first place.
You falsely allege the University of Toronto has addressed all my complaints. This is just false. Aside from the fact-finding investigation that concluded my full innocence and concluded dismissing me was unfair no other investigation has ever happened at UofT in any level, in any office which I have been a part of it. For others to know how much UofT cares for a case like mine people should know Department Chair, Prof. Thomas Kislinger never agreed to talk to me once ever and almost always uses a name in his few emails to me that is not even my name! The Graduate Coordinator had spoken to me for less than 5 minutes which was not enough so I can even tell him the correct pronunciation of my last name.
I had sent over a hundred letters to the UofT President, UofT Vice-President, Vice Provost of Students/Faculties etc, Dean of SGS, the Department Chair, the Office of Research Integrity, Vice-President of Research at Rotman Research Insitute, Baycrest President and maybe every single office in UofT and never, not even once I was granted any approval for any kind of investigation to many matters I raised as my concerns. Vice-Dean of SGS Prof. Charmaine Williams offered me verbally two main reasons for this: 1) UofT does not have a code of conduct for faculty members so faculty members can raise complaints against students but students can’t raise complaints against faculties regardless of the situation and events! 2) I was told that I should legally sue Prof. Chen in court for health-related discrimination. I have had formal meetings with SGS Vice Dean and she suggested me doing that as the only solution still implying doing this makes her to seek revenge and I won’t be able to get my PhD even if I win the case legally. The University of Toronto Ombudsman also repeatedly suggested to me that on many occasions stating the University does not go against its own faculty on a very sensitive matter like this unless legally obliged to do so.
You allege that I falsely defamed Dr. Chen with my emails. I am really unsure how! My main claim that I was kicked unfairly after the illness was what your own investigator literally concluded and sent me and Prof. Chen a copy. Was your own investigation false? You have not done any other investigation to look into any of my other claims to know if those were false or correct so can’t ever label them Prof. Barker as false, no matter how biased you are. One other example of my concerns is that several of Prof. Chen's newly hired healthy trainees like Mr. Xiaole Zhong or Mr. Jacob Chausse are working on projects that were parts of my PhD, conceptualized by myself and my contribution should be respected. SGS itself guaranteed me that. I have many times asked for addressing to my concerns on these issues and I again repeat that here. Those are valid claims and must be addressed properly.
You allege that I send many emails to people for no reason implying I do that as I am crazy. You should again blame yourself for this. According to undeniable evidence, Sending mass emails about me was started by Prof. Chen to a large number of people at Baycrest and she even tweeted about me, seen by multiple thousands of people with a content that UofT formally agreed was derogatory and defamatory. SGS Vice Dean of Students, Prof. Williams, formally agreed those were defamatory and agreed to respond to those letters and asked her to remove her tweets about me (she did). While agreeing to send my response to the same audience, SGS Vice-Dean backed down in the last moment and so I sent that letter myself. This cycle of escalation got repeated several times and reached the level that I sent my petition to the community and then you sent this letter. The content of all those letters is almost all the same.
The only viable solution for me that would work despite my extraordinary condition and many limitations, is to let me wrap the research that I did inside Dr. Chen’s lab but was totally my own conceptualization even without her direct supervision, using the process already the faculty of medicine and specifically Prof. Reinhart Reithmeier provided for me. Even this requires me to push myself despite my condition but this is doable.
This process was interrupted by Dr. Chen by her decision to fully and tightly block all my access to research and research components that were indeed fully my own ideas but were partly done in her lab. The reason I expect her to let me access those is that she had agreed to let me wrap these exact same research before my illness in strongest possible terms and had sworn she would let me wrap those and even afterward she had sent a few letters I have seen stating she would let me as surely, she knows that is my only option, but when time to really let me access these came, she blocked me using her power. She also threatened to retract any paper I ever publish even in future, even already accepted Conference papers, even those that I fully conceptualized myself and this threat was formally conveyed to me by department Vice-Chair Prof. John Sled. Prof. Sled had informed me formally that he had told her that this decision may cause me to not be able to continue at all given my situation and she had informed him that she does not care. Even Prof. Sled told me he was sorry for her decision in his letter to me. Prof. Sled’d letter is available in my document folder in my partition website for others to see.
This is were my many emails to her started and in all my emails I kept asking for less than one hour of her supprot which allowed me to wrap my PhD throughout that process using elements and permissions only and only she can provide. 99.9% of my emails are asking for the exact same thing and I don’t see other ways to continue. I also mentally and emotionally can’t fathom the same person who had sworn to support me if there was any way after illness blocks me like this when minutes of support is enough to save me. I convinced many senior people that I am sure Dr. Chen also respects them to meddle for me once to just facilitate this little request I have and she NEVER agreed not even once. And I have done it again and again and she refused again and again. SGS’s alternative to find a new supervisor willing to take me knowing about my illness and start from scratch is not doable for me and I do not have the strength to do it being ill.
I was told Prof. Chen has raised complaints to the University over the many emails I keep sending to her to ask for what I just described above, but I can’t make any complaints against her because the University of Toronto does not have a code of conduct for faculty members and Prof. Charmaine Williams told me that, stating this is a sad reality.
Yet Prof. Charmaine Williams (SGS-Vice Dean) at the time, told me as SGS itself formally had concluded I had been kicked with illness unfairly they would ensure I could get my PhD. The issue for me is that I can’t start from scratch and must wrap what I already have.
Prof. Chen can spend minutes to ensure I can continue at least without her using research that was 100% my own conceptualization and while she had sworn before I left Toronto and even after that to let me wrap this irreplaceable research and she prefers to block me and watch me get wasted with progressing illness in wheelchairs and not access my research and not be able to continue? I am emotionally and mentally incapable of absorbing things from this point forward and see my side note to know why.
Side note about my relationship with Prof. Chen: I am writing this informal side note for UofT students who will see my letter as I have seen before on social media many many UofT students are discussing my case. If you want to know more go to my petition website and then see (“My Story”) which is a 16-page website that fully explains everything.
Regardless of all this, I have no ill intent for my advisors and I am not in a situation that can even have ill intent for anybody and only want to get support. Jean (Prof. Chen) always always had told me she was proud of me (for tens of times I have proof) and had admired me and many times had told me I was the most motivated student ever and also told me I was so good she didn’t deserve me. In my online documents, you can see examples of these communications between us. Meaning before my illness she was proud and we had good and friendly relationship and that is why I was able to trust her with even telling her about my illness.
During my MS onset (first MS major neurological attack that for me affected my whole body) as I had no family in Toronto and got scared too much and didn’t know many people to turn to, I messaged her a lot in a polite and respectful and step-by-step manner after getting her approval and asked several times for her support and even her emotional support for a few hours in 1-2 especial occasions at the climax of my illness. This was at the time I suddenly was getting more and more affected by scary symptoms and got too scared and didn’t know what to do and who to turn to and how to not lose my PhD after I realized this was very likely MS (Doctors in Toronto told me that back then).
While I was too ill and desperate for a little empathy, I had met her alone for ~4- 5 hours (combined) over ~2-3 weeks, she had assured me and I have written proof to support me, help me wrap my PhD, change my PhD to make it easier and provide all accommodations and kindness within her power so despite MS I don’t lose my PhD if there is any possible way. When illness reached a point I no longer was even attending the lab and lab meetings, she allow me to leave Toronto after again swearing to support me with all her power to wrap my PhD if there was “ any way”. (I have written proof for these specific terms). At this point, I thought she was decent for supporting me knowing my illness and situation.
So when she blocked me a week after I left I wasn’t able to emotionally process it. When she was blocking research she had sworn to let me wrap this exact same research, given my scary illness I can’t emotionally process this. She kicked me without sending me even one letter to explain and I still haven’t mentally/ emotionally processed this and still can’t believe how can a supervisor do that. Knowing my situation doesn’t she think I need one explanation to just absorb what happened? I do expect her to have a bit of compassion and given my situation I feel normal human beings agree this is a valid expectation. She herself told me when I got ill that I had a situation where any decent advisor would support me.
My labmates like Jordan Chad and Azin Esmailbeigi told me and I have written proof that she won’t support me and doesn’t care for my illness and I am too emotional to think she cares as she doesn’t care. But I myself totally confess I emotionally and mentally never were able to absorb after all that happened she does not care for my too serious illness and hard work to ensure my life doesn’t get wasted in wheelchairs. Seeing she does not care to spend even a few minutes supporting me after all we talked about and knowing I have this debilitating condition and I am not like a healthy person anymore is too hard for me to swallow. I was sure any advisor would have a bit of compassion for this.
This was a little side note mostly intended for many students I have seen who try to evaluate and judge my situation on various social media platforms to know the less formal version of the events.
Regards
Mahdi