crafty crab menu

I love snook; basically because I LOVED that Don Knotts movie, "THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPETT." It's about a wimpy guy (Don Knotts) who wanted to be in the U.S. Navy, but couldn't get in because of his eyesight. Anyway, he finds himself on a dock, chanting "I wish, I wish, I wish I was a fish." He falls in the water, and the movie turns into a cartoon just as Mr. Limpett turns into a fish. In the end, makes the world safe for democracy, gets a medal, gets the girl, and lives happily ever after, frolicking around with his main squeeze, a ladyfish.

Although the movie didn't specify the exact pedigree of Mr. Limpett's ichthean-alter-ego, I suspect he was a snook. Why? First of all, the name "snook" is hilarious in and of itself, and so was Don Knotts. Also, snook are notorious for being "spooky" (easily spooked, not scary) fish, and.... you guessed it.... so was Don Knotts. Snook are wimps when it comes to the weather, and it's more than coincidence that "wimp" rhymes with "limp," the active part of the word "Limpett." Snook just can't stand it if the water temperature drops below 70 degrees, and will absolutely croak, "fins up," if the temperature drops below 60 degrees...so the biologists tell me. In fact, if you talk to anyone who has lived in Florida for any length of time, and they'll tell you how the cold bothers them more than it used to. In a way, we're all snook. Or, to hear the New Agers here in Florida talk about it, "we're one with the snook."

It's not commonly known, but Florida snook wear sweaters in colder weather. Temperature-wise there's just no pleasing a snook. If it's not too hot, it's too cold. Never just right. And when the water's too hot, they like to stay under the docks, so they don't have to wear sunglasses. Didja notice that Mr. Limpett wore glasses, but the lenses weren't tinted? Coincidence? I don't think so!!! I rest my case.

Like Mr. Limpett's performance as a member of the United States Navy proved, though, snook put up a surprisingly good fight... and so did Don Knotts.

Now, here's where my theory goes to pot: Mr. Limpett's teeth. You see, in the movie, when he smiled, he had teeth. Unfortunately, snook do not. But, come to think of it, those teeth on Mr. Limpett looked suspiciously perfect...like they were...fake. Hey! We're back on track! No one, I repeat NO one, said anything about snook never wearing dentures. In fact, why do people wear dentures? You got it! 'Cause they ain't got no teeth!

Oh, and I know what you're thinking...yes, the dorsal fin is all wrong. Mr. Limpett had one long smooth dorsal fin, and the snook has a double dorsal fin...and there's no pinstripe running down the side of Mr. Limpett, like there is on a snook, right? Well, heck, they were Warner Brother cartoonists, not ichthyologists (those who scientifically study fish). Gimme a break. Chalk it up to poetic license, OK?

Snook love Florida. They are often seen wearing "I HEART FLORIDA" tee-shirts and ball caps, even when it's too warm for a sweater. They get romantic during moonlight, spawning at night when there's a strong, full moon. Hey folks, I'm not making this stuff up. Saltwater Sportsman Magazine says so! Now, I'd like to point out that in the movie, Don Knotts had a ladyfish love interest. In fact, that's when we saw his teeth. Oh, and when he was talking to that little crab, too. Oh, well. Full moon, night swimming, romance....you get the point. He's absolutely a snook! I'm doubly convinced now.

Snook love to hang around near beaches (in the water) hunting for baitfish, shrimp, and crabs, but never actually go TO the beach. Neither did Don Knotts. He was afraid of getting sand kicked in his face by some fraternity brute named "Biff," or "Brad," or whatever.

Me, I don't go the beach, either. The kids make me mad. I know they don't mean to, but it happens every time I go to the beach to "lay out." I lie down in the sun, start to work on my tan, and fall asleep in a few minutes. Then, before I know it, I'm suddenly awakened by six little kids wearing "Save the Manatee" t-shirts, frantically trying to roll me back in the water as they cry out, "Somebody help us! It's going to die!"

Back to snook: they love structure, and...the navy is structured. Snook love sunken ships. The Navy sinks other people's ships, and has a few of its own. Snook love mangrove roots. Now, admittedly, the movie mentioned absolutely NOTHING about mangrove roots. I'm a loss where that's concerned, except that snook like structure, and the roots look.... uh, structural, if you look at them a certain way.

Snook feel less pressured when they're in structured surroundings, and that pretty much explains why so many people stay in the U.S. Navy for a gazillion years. Free medical, free dental, free housing, free boat rides... ya know.

One way that snook are definitely NOT finicky is about what they eat. Snook are "Mikeys." They'll eat just about anything they can swallow. Snook like to eat LOTS of stuff, like sardines, pilchards, mullet, pinfish, lures with vertical jigging spoons, or leadhead jigs, but they never get fat. Personally, I think vertical jigging spoons and leadhead jigs are overrated...unless they're sauteed just right, with garlic butter. To really catch a snook with his little fish pants down, you need to be a crafty rascal, and beat the snook at its own game. Didja notice that Mr. Limpett was quite the strategist when he went on that top secret mission for the Navy?

Now back to snook-catching strategy. If you're using a jigging spoon, make sure the jig is just barely heavy enough to touch the bottom (of the body of water, not the snook's bottom. Snook don't have bottoms. Neither did Don Knotts. You probably realized that when you saw him in those deputy uniform pants in the Andy Griffith Show). You should take it slow and easy with the lure, just letting it drift along....kinda like life in Mayberry, which has not direct bearing to the Mr. Limpett movie, but it's the same actor, right?