Must be grateful. That's the main lesson I learned after having Rachffa. Born with unilateral atresia microtia, my husband and I gave her the name Rachffa Ramadhan Putra Prakoso which means a child who is always given the grace of being born in the month of Ramadan. At that moment I felt like I had fallen into the deepest abyss. What's wrong with me... why did this happen... There are so many questions running through my chest and I don't know what the answers are. Fortunately, I was given a husband who always had a good attitude towards anything. "God doesn't punish us, everything happens by God's permission. Rest assured, through Rachffa, God gives blessings to our family... there's no point in looking for faults... The important thing is that we prepare Rachffa to become a pious and healthy child inner birth.."

I can't believe my husband could say that. When I just woke up after the caesarean section at Bunda Meternity Hospital, Friday, October 6, 2006. At that time she couldn't bear to cry to tell me about Rachffa's condition. I asked why? What happened? What's wrong.... My mother approached me and told me gently, while holding my hand Mother said, "It's okay... your son is healthy, handsome, his right ear is small, the important thing is that the little one is healthy and he is a trust from Allah for you and Mas Budi..." The only thing I can think of is... how does he hear... If he can't hear how... I don't shed a single tear. I looked at my husband... he looked down blankly... Dr. Herawati Juslam, SpA entered the room, he also sympathetically held my hand... "Mother, be patient. Everything has a way out." he said. "But doc, how's your hearing?" I asked. "Insha Allah, the left ear of the mother's child is normal, but to make sure it's not now mother. Later, when the younger sibling is strong, healthy, around the age of 4 months at the earliest." There was a glimmer of hope when I heard that. It wasn't long before my son was brought by a nurse for me to see... but his head was covered with a hat. I carried him... I slowly took off his hat. I cried when I saw his right ear.... and... God, why are you testing me in this way... What is the future of my son? You'd better put all his suffering on me... Not on my son... I keep scolding myself, crying profusely....

At a turning point, we planned for Rachffa for reconstruction. We want Rachffa to have ears like other children. I don't want Rachffa to be ridiculed because of her condition. But we have to be patient because the reconstruction can't be done immediately, waiting for Rachffa to be at least 5 years old and the cost is not small considering her reconstruction will be in America.

Life goes on. Learning to seek wisdom for everything that happened made me realize that God loves me. The blessings and favors given to us are many. Thank God my husband's business went smoothly, and he became more affectionate to his family. I am very grateful. We are given so much ease in any case by Allah. I think, this sustenance is given by God so that we can share more often. I also began to accept the situation and open up to other people. I also joined the microtia parent group in America and Australia. They give me a lot of support, even we are like brothers because they understand the feelings I feel as a mother who has a microtia child. From there I began to establish communication with many plastic surgeons in many countries. And the doctors responded to my e-mails. While walking, armed with motivation and for Rachffa's sake, in September 2007 I was given the opportunity by the government to carry out a study assignment at UGM for the specialty of Pediatric Dentistry. At least, when the time comes, I understand Rachffa's condition of growth and development while waiting for the time to come for reconstruction.

When I was studying genetics... at that time we discussed about congenital disorders in children... I told about Rachffa to Dr. Hartono, SpM (although he is an eye specialist at Sardjito Hospital but he is a qualified person in the field of genetics) about Rachffa's worries in the future... her intelligence, causes and risks if I plan to give Rachffa a sister. He assured me that Rachffa's condition was not due to genetics. It happened instantly and I didn't have to worry about his intelligence. He emphasized that Rachffa must be trained to develop her motor skills faster. From there I feel calmer. This is the first time I consulted an expert (thank you doctor Hartono, may Allah bless the doctor...)

I learned many lessons during my specialist education, one of which was when my friends and I took care of the children of the State Special School in Yogya every Thursday. I do not often interact with children with special needs. We have to be extra patient to take care of these children. Don't want to see his teeth. It's hard to open your mouth. But my friends and I are still excited. We take care of the children we meet, from autism to cerebral palsy. Of course everything is done from the heart and full of love. Some children even kissed us when we wanted to go home to RSGM. Duh touched ... it turns out that love can destroy anything ... and through human limitations. Although their intelligence can't be the same as other children, they have managed to make me fall in love. I feel that I am not alone in having children with 'special' conditions. These children with limited intelligence ability, they always laugh and smile, there is no burden in their eyes. They are always fun.

When I entered the children's station at Sarjito Hospital for one month, my friends and I went to the children's inpatient department. We visited children with blood disorders. It's really sad to see the condition of the children with thalassemia, leukemia, and others. Oh Allah.... they have perfect physique, normal intelligence. However, their internal organs experience abnormalities that they also do not want. Their parents never stopped excited to take them there for routine chemotherapy. I asked one of the mothers how she felt about being put through an ordeal like this. They are steadfast and passionate. They are quick to respond when their child's condition drops. If only those who have children with this condition can still smile and be enthusiastic for their children... why not me.

Every day I am seen by God more and more. I have a patient whose condition is like Rachffa, I have a dialogue with her parents about her child's development. Someone consulted me via e-mail. There are also those who ask me directly about Rachffa's ears when I take her to the mall. At first he was a little surprised and a little emotional, he asked strangely, "Mom, your child has ears like that since birth..." Oh my goodness, sir.... how come the question is a little bit human... But I've been more patient than before if someone looks at Rachffa's ears while whispering like that, hehehe.... I answered the father's question, "Yes sir, why is that..." Apparently his grandson was born in the same condition as Rachffa. The mother until then depressed could not accept the situation. I gave my phone number, who knows the mother wants to ask something maybe by calling me can help ease the burden. But... so far not contacted. I hope the mother is strong.

One day I took Rachffa to accompany her sister to the pediatrician, the doctor asked me about Rachffa's progress and plans in the future. It turned out that the doctor had a newborn patient and his condition was like Rachffa and the doctor asked for my phone number to be contacted because the child's mother was in a depressed and confused state, just like what I experienced 5 years ago. After a few days the mother called... crying... telling... crying... I just listened. It feels like this is happening to me again... I invited him to the house to meet Rachffa. He accepted my invitation and we finally met. We are like two people who have known each other for a long time. On another occasion she brought her husband and child... (Dear Diamond... I hope our friendship will continue, and Arso will always be healthy...). It's great to have a new sibling... it's nice to be able to make other people smile and lighten their load.

Alhamdulillah... my experience with Rachffa has brought benefits to others. Currently Rachffa is growing up healthy, smart, brave, and happy to advise her brother, even her mother and father have also been advised. He is also currently always asking a lot of questions. My children, Adit, Rachffa and Ahmad may always love each other. Currently, I have also completed my specialist education at UGM. My job and my husband is to take care of Rachffa's physical and mental health so that she can grow up with a strong faith until the time God allows us to take her to America.

Allah... the path you gave me is not really winding. I feel like being guided, facilitated and shown by You. This experience has made me stronger in dealing with problems. This is the destiny that Allah has ordained for me to live. Without His permission, this would not have happened. I have to be sincere.... There are many things to be grateful for compared to complaining and despairing of regret that happened because every difficulty of Allah there must be hope and ease... if not now, someday... Patience brings me more sincerely to live life.. .. and Allah rewarded by giving a lot of wisdom and blessings for this incident ... that I have proven myself. I will continue the goodness that Allah has given me. Indirectly, I feel my maturing process with Rachffa's presence.

I pray for mothers around the world who give birth to children with conditions that are less than perfect according to human eyes, may Allah bless and give strength to live life. Verily, Allah has perfected us through our son. Don't ever give up on what happened, but be sincere and rest assured, what Allah has entrusted to us is not because we have sinned against anyone. God is merciful, He never punishes us through our children for the mistakes we make. However, because of His love for us, we are chosen to keep His trust well and full of love.

Rachffa, I'm ready if one day you ask "Mom, why are my ears different from the others..." as Mas Adit once asked mother... Thank God, you have given many blessings by sending Rachffa to our family. We will keep your trust. Thanks again God...

Friday 10 June 2011.