Have you ever felt like you're wasting time? Not like blowing an hour on a television show or a game. I mean like have you ever felt like you existing was eating a big amount of time.
Picture this, you start the week off wrong, Monday slams into you hard and either moves too fast or too slow. You're trying all day to make things work. To make things go right and yet your efforts don't seem to make a dent in the thing you have planned. It's not like the day goes to hell all at once either. Rather, the minor inconveniences, the slight things going wrong here or there. This negative energy slowly ebbs away at the fabric of your day. Only for you to realize the toll it's taken on you when you're finally allowed to lie down to rest and the quiet dark isn't so quiet.
It's the thoughts and the recollections of every bit of joy sapped from your day all compiling into one. It's the fact that it's Monday night and you've done nothing if not dug yourself into a deeper hole.
Tuesdays' a little better but this time when you ask for help, the help only serve to scramble what little you understood and now you're back to even less than square one. You've done nothing. And this idea of having accomplished nothing but working against yourself begins to permeate every thought, until next thing you know it's Friday. And that thought of having done nothing perverts itself into the idea that maybe you are nothing. Nothing at all but your own enemy.
You’re the biggest and only obstacle. And yet you can't find it in yourself to pull it together. It drains you. Drains you like you've gone days without sleep. The feeling that you've wasted a week is crushing. Like all that lost time is sitting on your chest taunting you with wasted opportunities to improve.
And then in two more days it starts over again but the weight from last week hasn't gone. It's only increased with more time wasted.
The cycle continues and if you dwell on that fact to long you’ve only contributed wasting time.