Her Words Poured Harder

Her Words Poured Harder

It was only dribbling outside, but the rain poured harder

My head drooped lower

And reflection 

more prominent

Uncomfortably confronted by my reflection looking down at the ground in sorrow, I notice how my nose was so disproportionate 

to my face, man i hate my hair

My foreheads big, why are there spots over my face

Why am i so different

Why do all the girls look perfect

Why do I not?

Is that why she didn’t like me?

Do I like myself?

Why

Does

It

Have

To 

Rain

The last thing i needed to see was my reflection

Rain to the wound, my hairs dripping

Maybe the dandruff will go away

Maybe the rain is good for me? 

Maybe that'll be a start

Maybe she'll like me more tomorrow 

maybe she's in shock, maybe she really does like me

Why

Does

This 

Walk

Feel

So 

Long

Google Maps lied

9 

Minutes

Does

Not

Feel

This

Long

She said so little

But yet her words pour harder

The rain raining cats and dogs to spite me

Such connection like my nose to my face

Out of spite, i wish i could hurt her the way she hurt me but

I cant 

I love her

I hate my love for her

“I hate that I love her”

The rain doesn’t hear me

She never will

Tense

As the rain drips down my neck

Rain’s supposed to relax you, but it enrages me

THE RAIN IS SO COLD

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO RAIN

It’s so cold

Why did i wear a t-shirt

Could I have worn better clothing?

Could I have not prepared?

Could I have written what I wanted to say down?

What is this? Is this bargaining? Are there really 5 stages of grief? 

Is it 5 stages? Why am I not progressing? Why are they not happening in order?

Why do I feel like they are combined?

Why am I like this?

Why did I come off so strong?

Why am I not strong enough to handle this?

Why can I not describe how I feel?

Why can I not write down my thoughts in a poem and give it to the person I love?

Why can I not write?

Why can I not think?

Why did I struggle to yell at a sky with no thoughts that continues to not consider my emotions?

Was it even a scream? Maybe it was more of a measly whisper

Why is love so complicated?

Loving you is complicated

Loving you is complicated

Loving you is complicated

Why?

What did I do to deserve this?

All I wanted to do was see her laugh,

I wanted to be some kind of friend,

Hold her hand, guide each other,

Be with her

Because with her,

Maybe 

the rain would 

pour lighter

Finally, the raindrops fell on the roof of my home instead and there was a stop

The only way her and the rain differed