Selected Readings by Topic from
English translation along with brief explanatory notes
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17- Marriage, Kind Treatment Between Spouses, and Caring for Children
17- Marriage, Kind Treatment Between Spouses, and Caring for Children
Notes:
17.01- Encouragement to marry
17.01- Encouragement to marry
17.02- Prohibited forms of marriage and interaction
17.02- Prohibited forms of marriage and interaction
17.03- Compatibility
17.03- Compatibility
17.04- Proposal and looking at a prospective spouse
17.04- Proposal and looking at a prospective spouse
17.05- Guardians, witnesses, and seeking approval of a prospective bride
17.05- Guardians, witnesses, and seeking approval of a prospective bride
Notes:
17.06- Bridal money
17.06- Bridal money
Notes:
17.07- Marriage ceremonies
17.07- Marriage ceremonies
Notes:
17.08- Treating women well, and spouses maintaining good companionship
17.08- Treating women well, and spouses maintaining good companionship
إِذا سَقَى الرَّجُلُ امْرَأتَهُ الْمَاءَ أُجِرَ.
إِذا سَقَى الرَّجُلُ امْرَأتَهُ الْمَاءَ أُجِرَ.
[17.08-(01)] “If a man provides water for his wife to drink, he would be rewarded for that.”{1}
Notes:
{1} This is the case even though it is a deed that may seem small, and even though it is an obligation for him and he himself benefits from doing it.
References: at-Tanweer 2/92; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 602/1; Siraaj, no. 3083.
كُلُّ مَا صَنَعْتَ إِلَى أَهْلِكَ فَهُوَ صَدَقَةٌ عَلَيْهِمْ.
كُلُّ مَا صَنَعْتَ إِلَى أَهْلِكَ فَهُوَ صَدَقَةٌ عَلَيْهِمْ.
[17.08-(02)] “Everything that you do for your family is considered charity that you give them.”{1}
Notes:
{1} This could also be expressed as, “Every time you do something for your family, that is charity which you give them.” The things referred to here are those done by way of extending care and kind treatment while seeking Allaah’s face by doing so. The fact that such treatment is considered charity shows that the first people to whom one should give it are the individuals nearest to him and under his care, since they are the ones most entitled to his kindness and good treatment. Every time he does something for them in the aforementioned manner, the reward he would receive from Allaah is that which is merited by giving charity. This applies to all the benefits that a man is obligated to provide for his family and others, and all actions are given consideration by Allaah based on the intentions behind them.
References: at-Tanweer 8/193; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 4546; Siraaj, no. 3090.
لَا يَفْرَكَنَّ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً، إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا غَيْرَهُ.
لَا يَفْرَكَنَّ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً، إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا غَيْرَهُ.
[17.08-(03)] “A man with eemaan (i.e. who holds sound beliefs and performs righteous deeds) is not to dislike a woman with eemaan in every way{1}. Even if he dislikes one trait of hers, there are still others with which he is pleased.”{2}
Notes:
{1} Such that he ends up wanting to separate from her. Rather, he should pardon her ill traits in light of her good ones, and he should overlook what he dislikes in light of what he likes.
{2} This hadeeth encourages spouses to live together well and maintain good companionship. It also alludes to the fact that no one’s companion will be completely free of negative traits; and if someone seeks to have companions who have absolutely no flaw, he will remain without company. Furthermore, no person – especially a person of eemaan – is completely devoid of any praiseworthy trait. Thus, the default is that one should give due consideration to the praiseworthy side of his companion and overlook the rest.
References: Mirqaatul-Mafaateeh, no. 3240; al-Bahr al-Muheet ath-Thajjaaj 25/837; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 7741; Siraaj, no. 3057.
اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا فَإِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أعْوَجَ شَيْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلَاهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمَهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، فَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا.
اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا فَإِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أعْوَجَ شَيْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلَاهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمَهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، فَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا.
[17.08-(04)] “You must all accept my counsel to treat women well{1}. That is because the woman{2} was indeed created from{3} a rib, and the portion of the rib that diverges most from being straight is its upper part{4}. Thus, if you want to make it completely straight{5}, you will break it{6}; and if you leave it as it is, it will remain divergent{7}. Therefore, you must all accept my counsel to treat women well{8}.”
Notes:
{1} This sentence could also be rendered as, “you must all seek counsel (i.e. from yourselves or others) regarding treating women well.” This includes the meaning of listening to the counsel, and preparing yourselves to comply with it and act accordingly. It also implies that, in general, women have a fragile nature in particular ways and they require that someone take care of certain things for them in life. The phrase “treat women well” includes living with them in a respectable way, fulfilling their rights, dealing with them gently and kindly, and patiently bearing anything ill that may be experienced from them.
{2} Here, referring to Hawwaa’ (“Eve” in English sources) – the mother of mankind – who was created from a rib of Aadam. This is the meaning referred to in the statement of Allaah, the Most Exalted, ((and Allaah created from that one person (i.e. Aadam) his spouse)) [4:1], as clarified by the foremost authorities in explaining the meanings of the Qur’aan.
{3} Meaning “brought out from”, like a tree is brought out of a seed.
{4} Women after Hawwaa’ were created from fluid, unlike Hawwaa’ herself who was their earliest ancestor of their own kind. However, the meaning implied is that the divergent nature of the rib from which she was created still has a similar effect upon the nature and conduct of all women after her.
{5} This implies overdoing things in trying to make a woman be one way all the time, not giving her leeway concerning her own affairs, and not overlooking some of her actions.
{6} Meaning that if you want a woman’s nature to be completely straight in all regards such that she stays one way with you all the time, you will end up separating from her by way of divorce and breaking ties with her. It can readily be seen that any dry material that is naturally curved, and divergent from a single straight course, will break if one tries to bring it to complete straightness. This phrase also implies that it is strongly discouraged for a man to divorce a woman without any valid reason.
{7} This refers to matters that are permissible according to Islaam’s teachings. It does not refer to things which reach the extent of committing sins or neglecting obligations.
{8} This was repeated to emphasize the importance of the counsel and the obligation of acting in compliance with it. This hadeeth urges men to patiently persevere in dealing with women regarding anything divergent or inconsistent in their nature; to understand that it is not realistic to expect a woman’s nature to remain one way in all aspects all of the time, since they were not created that way; and to recognize that life will not be enjoyable without grasping the realities mentioned.
References: at-Tanweer 2/348, 3/532; Mirqaatul-Mafaateeh, no. 3238, 3239; al-Bahr al-Muheet ath-Thajjaaj 25/828, 833; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 960; Siraaj, no. 3012.
إِنَّ المَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقَوِّمُها كَسَرْتَها وَإِنْ تَدَعْها فَفِيهَا أوَدٌ وَبُلْغَةٌ.
إِنَّ المَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقَوِّمُها كَسَرْتَها وَإِنْ تَدَعْها فَفِيهَا أوَدٌ وَبُلْغَةٌ.
[17.08-(05)] “The woman was indeed created from a rib. If you want to straighten her out completely, you will break her; and if you leave her as she is, she will have some amount of divergence but you will still be able to attain enjoyment with her in life{1}.”
Notes:
{1} By maintaining good companionship, living with her well, and treating her kindly, which are the most important parts of life together. See also explanation that preceded in the notes for [17.08-(04)].
References: Fayd al-Qadeer, no. 2112; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 1942; Siraaj, no. 3015.
إِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، لَنْ تَسْتَقِيمَ لَكَ عَلَى طَرِيقَةٍ، فَإِنِ اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِها اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِها وبِها عِوَجٌ، وإنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُها كَسَرْتَها وَكَسْرُها طَلاقُها.
إِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، لَنْ تَسْتَقِيمَ لَكَ عَلَى طَرِيقَةٍ، فَإِنِ اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِها اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِها وبِها عِوَجٌ، وإنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُها كَسَرْتَها وَكَسْرُها طَلاقُها.
[17.08-(06)] “The woman was indeed created from a rib. She will not always continue to be one way with you throughout all circumstances{1}. If you want to enjoy life with her, you will have to do so while she has some amount of divergence. If you want to bring her to complete straightness, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.”{2}
Notes:
{1} Meaning that there will be times when you will experience trouble from her and you might perceive that she changes from grateful to ungrateful, compliant to defiant, and content to dissatisfied.
{2} This opposes seeking to enjoy life with her. Thus, the hadeeth is understood as an instruction to persevere in bearing the conduct of women. See also explanation that preceded in the notes for [17.08-(04)].
References: at-Tanweer 3/532; Mirqaatul-Mafaateeh, no. 3239; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 1943; Siraaj, no. 3016.
إِنَّ المَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعِ، وإنَّكَ إِنْ تُرِدْ إِقامَةَ الضِّلَعِ تَكْسِرْها، فَدَارِها تَعِشْ بِهَا.
إِنَّ المَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعِ، وإنَّكَ إِنْ تُرِدْ إِقامَةَ الضِّلَعِ تَكْسِرْها، فَدَارِها تَعِشْ بِهَا.
[17.08-(07)] “The woman was indeed created from a rib, and if you want to make the rib straight, you will break it. Therefore, treat a woman with gentleness and tolerance. When you do so, you will be able to live well with her.”{1}
Notes:
{1} In other words, by doing that, you will enjoy life with her in a good way. See also explanation that preceded in the notes for [17.08-(04)].
References: at-Tanweer 3/532; an-Nihaayah (daal, raa’, yaa’); Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 1944; Siraaj, no. 3017.
مَنْ كانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَإِذَا شَهِدَ أَمْرًا فَلْيَتَكَلَّمْ بِخَيْرٍ أَوْ لِيَسْكُتْ، وَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّ المَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَيْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلَاهُ، إِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، اسْتَوصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ.
مَنْ كانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَإِذَا شَهِدَ أَمْرًا فَلْيَتَكَلَّمْ بِخَيْرٍ أَوْ لِيَسْكُتْ، وَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّ المَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَيْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلَاهُ، إِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، اسْتَوصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ.
[17.08-(08)] “If anyone who has sound beliefs about Allaah and the Last Day witnesses anything about which he is required to say something, he must either say something good or remain quiet. In addition, you must all accept my counsel regarding women. That is because the woman was indeed created from a rib, and the portion of the rib that diverges most from being straight is its upper part. If you want to make it completely straight, you will break it; and if you leave it as it is, it will remain divergent. You must accept my counsel regarding women{1}.”
Notes:
{1} That being the counsel to treat women well. See also explanation that preceded in the notes for [17.08-(04)].
References: al-Bahr al-Muheet ath-Thajjaaj 25/833; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 6500; Siraaj, no. 3046.
إِنَّ اللهَ تَعَالَى يُوصِيكُمْ بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا فَإِنَّهُنَّ أُمَّهَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُكُمْ وَخَالَاتُكُمْ. إِنَّ الرَّجُلَ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ يَتَزَوَّجُ الْمَرْأَةَ وَمَا تَعْلَقُ يَدَاهَا الخَيْطَ فَمَا يَرْغَبُ وَاحِدٌ مِنْهُمَا عَنْ صَاحِبِهِ.
إِنَّ اللهَ تَعَالَى يُوصِيكُمْ بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا فَإِنَّهُنَّ أُمَّهَاتُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُكُمْ وَخَالَاتُكُمْ. إِنَّ الرَّجُلَ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ يَتَزَوَّجُ الْمَرْأَةَ وَمَا تَعْلَقُ يَدَاهَا الخَيْطَ فَمَا يَرْغَبُ وَاحِدٌ مِنْهُمَا عَنْ صَاحِبِهِ.
[17.08-(09)] “Allaah, the Most Exalted, certainly instructs you to treat women well{1}. That is because they are indeed your mothers, your daughters, and your maternal aunts{2}. It is surely the case{3} that a man among the people of prior scriptures would marry a woman whose two hands did not even bear a thread{4}, yet neither of them would desire to leave their companion{5}.”
Notes:
{1} The apparent meaning here is that this applies to all women in general, not just those directly related to oneself.
{2} In other words, the elder ones are at the level of your mothers, and are to be treated well; the young ones are at the level of your own daughters; and those in between are to be given respected just like maternal aunts merit respect due being your mother’s sisters. This further implies that kindness and respect are obviously to be given to one’s immediate relatives first and foremost.
{3} What follows is a description of a praiseworthy quality among people of prior scriptures (i.e. in earlier times) regarding how some of them maintained good companionship throughout life with their spouses.
{4} This could be understood to mean that the husband did not give her anything as bridal money. It could also be understood to mean that she is poor or quite young.
{5} Due to each one persevering in maintaining good companionship all the way until they both pass away at an old age. The meaning implied is that the individuals who follow Allaah’s final scripture and final Messenger must also be good companions to their spouses, and seek to please Allaah by doing so. Those individuals are people of eemaan (i.e. they are to have sound beliefs and perform righteous deeds), and that means they have an even greater responsibility to embody all praiseworthy qualities.
References: at-Tanweer 3/428; as-Saheehah, no. 2871; Siraaj, no. 3019.
إِنَّ أَحَقَّ الشُّرُوطِ أَنْ تُوَفُّوا بِهِ مَا اسْتَحْلَلْتُمْ بِهِ الفُرُوجَ.
إِنَّ أَحَقَّ الشُّرُوطِ أَنْ تُوَفُّوا بِهِ مَا اسْتَحْلَلْتُمْ بِهِ الفُرُوجَ.
[17.08-(10)] “The conditions that are most deserving of being fulfilled by you are those which have made intimacy{1} permissible for you.”{2}
Notes:
{1} In other words, marriage and all that goes along with it.
{2} Fulfilling the conditions specified in agreements is always obligatory. However, the ones referred to here are the most deserving of being fulfilled because they have to do with the most serious thing that can be made permissible after previously being impermissible. Thus, fulfilling the conditions which make that permissible is all the more necessary. Such conditions include everything that a man agrees to fulfil by virtue of a marriage contract including bridal money, financial support, kind treatment, clothing, accommodation, fulfilment of rights, not being negligent, and other such things. Thus, this hadeeth is about conditions that do not go against the purpose of marriage.
References: at-Tanweer 3/367; Mirqaatul-Mafaateeh, no. 3143; al-Bahr al-Muheet ath-Thajjaaj 25/210; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 1547; Siraaj, no. 3014.
إِنَّ النِّسَاءَ شَقَائِقُ الرِّجَالِ.
إِنَّ النِّسَاءَ شَقَائِقُ الرِّجَالِ.
[17.08-(11)] “Women are indeed the counterparts of men.”{1}
Notes:
{1} See notes with the following hadeeth [17.08-(12)].
References: Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 1983; Siraaj, no. 3018.
إِنَّمَا النِّسَاءُ شَقَائِقُ الرِّجَالِ.
إِنَّمَا النِّسَاءُ شَقَائِقُ الرِّجَالِ.
[17.08-(12)] “Women are indeed nothing besides the counterparts of men.”{1}
Notes:
{1} In other words, women are just like men in their being humans, their responsibility to comply with Allaah’s directives, their being eligible to attain Allaah’s rewards by obeying Him, and their exposing themselves to Allaah’s punishment by disobeying Him. This hadeeth is understood to mean that the general default for texts of Islaam which address males is that they also address females. Therefore, the rulings of Islaam which apply to women are the same as those which apply to men except when there are specific texts that present an exception to that default by making a distinction between males and females. It should be kept in mind that in many instances, statements of the Prophet (may Allaah mention him with commendation and grant him protection) addressed males, but that was because he was speaking to an audience of men in the majority of cases; not because he excluded females or because the virtues and teachings of Islaam do not apply to them.
References: at-Tanweer 4/173; Fath al-Baaree 1/254, 6/605; ‘Awn al-Baaree 1/31; Mirqaatul-Mafaateeh, no. 441; ‘Awn al-Ma‘bood, no 236; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 2333; Siraaj, no. 3020.
خِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ.
خِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ.
[17.08-(13)] “The best of you are the best of you to your women.”{1}
Notes:
{1} In other words, those of you who treat their women best are among the individuals whom Allaah considers to be the best of people. That is because women are the ones most deserving of being shown mercy and care due to their delicate and fragile nature.
References: at-Tanweer 5/339; Murshid Thawil-Hijaa 11/391; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 3265; Siraaj, no. 3029.
خِيَارُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ.
خِيَارُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ.
[17.08-(14)] “The best of you is the best one of you to his family.”{1}
Notes:
{1} In other words, the individuals among you who treat their family members best are among the individuals whom Allaah considers to be the best of people. Family members include wives, relatives, and all who fall under the heading of being one’s family.
References: at-Tanweer 5/338; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 3266; Siraaj, no. 3030.
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي.
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي.
[17.08-(15)] “The best one of you is the best one of you to his family{1}, and I am the best one of you to my family{2}.”
Notes:
{1} In terms of living well with them, and showing them care and affection. This is something praiseworthy according to Islaam’s teachings. It could perhaps also be understood from this phrase that when a person is good to his family and he seeks Allaah’s reward for doing so, he would be guided by Allaah to be good in other realms of life too, and Allaah knows best.
{2} The Prophet Muhammad (may Allaah mention him with commendation and grant him protection) was the best of all people in an absolute sense, and this remark was not made out of pride; rather, it was made in order to inform Allaah’s servants about the manner of how the Prophet (may Allaah mention him with commendation and grant him protection) lived with family members, so that his example could be followed as an act of obedience to Allaah and seeking Allaah’s reward. From all that has been authentically and thoroughly documented about the Prophet and his life (may Allaah mention him with commendation and grant him protection), it is well known that he was the best of people to people in general, and this necessarily entails that he was that way to his own family even more than others. He was above all other individuals in treating his family well, caring for them, bearing any harms experienced from them, being fair to them, and so on. Further details about this all can be found in the authentic narrations in the works of scholars throughout the centuries about the virtues and life of the Prophet (may Allaah mention him with commendation and grant him protection).
References: at-Tanweer 6/32; Murshid Thawil-Hijaa 11/381; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 3314; Siraaj, no. 3033.
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِلنِّسَاءِ.
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِلنِّسَاءِ.
[17.08-(16)] “The best of you are the best of you to women.”{1}
Notes:
{1} The instruction to treat family members well as a whole – understood from the two previous ahaadeeth [17.08-(14)] and [17.08-(15)] – is a general instruction. Specifying women, as found in this hadeeth and some of the ones that preceded, implies that they are the people most entitled to one’s good companionship. The “women” here refer to wives, and could also be understood to include daughters, sisters, and others like them.
References: at-Tanweer 6/33; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 3316; Siraaj, no. 3034.
كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِثْمًا أَنْ يَحْبِسَ عَمَّنْ يَمْلِكُ قُوتَهُ.
كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِثْمًا أَنْ يَحْبِسَ عَمَّنْ يَمْلِكُ قُوتَهُ.
[17.08-(17)] “It suffices as a sin{1} for a man to withhold sustenance from someone whose sustenance is in his possession.”{2}
Notes:
{1} In other words, if he had no sin except this one, it suffices in making him sinful enough to deserve being punished in the hellfire.
{2} This hadeeth encourages giving financial support to those whom he is obligated to support, and it shows the degree of sin incurred by delaying or neglecting to do so.
References: at-Tanweer 8/144; al-Bahr al-Muheet ath-Thajjaaj 19/254; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 4479; Siraaj, no. 3036.
كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِثْمًا أَنْ يُضَيِّعَ مَنْ يَقُوتُ.
كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِثْمًا أَنْ يُضَيِّعَ مَنْ يَقُوتُ.
[17.08-(18)] “It suffices as a sin for a man to be negligent towards those whom he is obligated to provide sustenance for.”{1}
Notes:
{1} This includes people such as parents unable to support themselves, and young children. This hadeeth along with the previous one are about sinfulness specifically regarding those whom one is obligated to provide for. There are other authentic ahaadeeth about what “suffices as a sin” in other realms of life as well.
References: at-Tanweer 8/139; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 4481; Siraaj, no. 3037.
إِنِّي أُحَرِّجُ عَلَيْكمْ حَقَّ الضَّعِيفَيْنِ: الْيَتِيمِ وَالْمَرْأَةِ.
إِنِّي أُحَرِّجُ عَلَيْكمْ حَقَّ الضَّعِيفَيْنِ: الْيَتِيمِ وَالْمَرْأَةِ.
[17.08-(19)] “I sternly warn you against committing the sin of{1} neglecting the rights of two weak sets of people: orphans and women{2}.”
Notes:
{1} The phrase could also be rendered as “I sternly warn you about the sin that results from…”
{2} They are described as “weak” due to being vulnerable in certain ways and also because they may not have the strength required to face others who have influence over them and are unjust towards them. They may have circumstances that prevent them from looking after certain matters for themselves and, as a result, others are entrusted with caring for them and fulfilling their rights. Thus, when someone who cares for them does them wrong, there may be instances when they end up in a position that might make them unable to attain their rights or to remove injustice which they suffer.
References: at-Tanweer 1/326, 4/226; Murshid Thawil-Hijaa 21/338; Sermons from al-Masjid al-Haraam (1437h), no. 51; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 2447; Siraaj, no. 3021.
لَا تَضْرِبُوا إِمَاءَ اللهِ.
لَا تَضْرِبُوا إِمَاءَ اللهِ.
[17.08-(20)] “Do not strike Allaah’s female servants.”{1}
Notes:
{1} This refers to women in general and wives in particular. The women are Allaah’s female servants just the men are His male servants. This prohibition is the default according to Islaam’s teachings. However, authentic ahaadeeth show that after the Prophet (may Allaah mention him with commendation and grant him protection) issued this prohibition, there were women who deliberately rebelled against their husbands, harmed them, and initiated discord in their homes. A passage of the Qur’aan was sent down regarding levels of dealing with such discord, as will be discussed in the comments for the next hadeeth.
References: at-Tanweer 11/120; an-Nihaayah (noon, sheen, zaay); Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 7360; Siraaj, no. 3093.
لَقَدْ طَافَ اللَّيْلَةَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ نِسَاءٌ كَثِيرٌ كُلُّهُنَّ تَشْكُو زَوْجَهَا مِنَ الضَّرْبِ، وَايْمُ اللهِ لَا تَجِدُونَ أُولئِكَ خِيَارَكُمْ.
لَقَدْ طَافَ اللَّيْلَةَ بِآلِ مُحَمَّدٍ نِسَاءٌ كَثِيرٌ كُلُّهُنَّ تَشْكُو زَوْجَهَا مِنَ الضَّرْبِ، وَايْمُ اللهِ لَا تَجِدُونَ أُولئِكَ خِيَارَكُمْ.
[17.08-(21)] “Many women came to the family of Muhammad last night complaining that their husbands strike them. I swear by Allaah that you will not find those husbands{1} to be the best ones among you{2}.”
Notes:
{1} Referring to the ones who strike in a way that injures or leaves a mark; or those who strike in any manner at all.
{2} Rather, what they should do is refrain from striking, and persevere in patiently bearing ill conduct; or they should resolve the matter in some way that does not involve striking, or in a way that would cause the women to have to complain about any injustice. According to the earliest authorities on explaining the meanings of the Qur’aan, the passage of the Qur’aan regarding levels of dealing with legitimate and serious marital discord that is initiated by wives can be rendered as follows: ((Men are to bear the responsibility of caring for women. That is because Allaah has granted men certain virtues that are specific to them, and because of the financial support which they are obligated to provide for women. Therefore, the righteous women who comply with Allaah’s directives are to obey Allaah and obey their husbands. By Allaah’s protection and guidance, the righteous women are also to safeguard all that is entrusted to them in their husbands’ absence. All of this is further reason for husbands to take good care of them and treat them kindly. If you – the husbands – see verbal or physical indications that your wives dislike you, or refuse to obey you for no justifiable reason, then you are to first advise them by using kind words and reminding them of Allaah’s directives, rewards, and punishment. If they are receptive to what you say, then you have no right to take any further measures seeking rectification. If kind words and advice do not yield any benefit, it is then permissible for you to estrange them in their beds by turning your backs to them so as to not engage in any acts of intimacy. However, if even that does not yield any benefit, it is then permissible for you as a last resort to discipline them physically, but only lightly and in a way that does not cause any bodily injury or leave any mark. If your wives obey you, then you must beware of ever wronging them in any way, whether verbally or physically. Indeed, Allaah is always the Most High and the Most Great. He is the supreme guardian and protector of all women, and He will exact retribution on their behalf from anyone who does them any injustice)) [4:34].
References: Mirqaatul-Mafaateeh, no. 3261; Jaami‘ al-Bayaan [4:34]; Ma‘aalim at-Tanzeel [4:34]; Tafseer al-Qur’aan al-‘Atheem [4:34]; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 5137; Siraaj, no. 3039.
17.09- Rights of husbands
17.09- Rights of husbands
Notes:
17.10- Issues related to intimacy
17.10- Issues related to intimacy
Notes:
17.11- Maintaining fairness if a man has more than one wife
17.11- Maintaining fairness if a man has more than one wife
Notes:
17.12- Raising girls
17.12- Raising girls
لَا تَكْرَهُوا الْبَنَاتِ، فَإِنَّهُنَّ الْمُؤْنِسَاتُ الْغَالِيَاتُ.
لَا تَكْرَهُوا الْبَنَاتِ، فَإِنَّهُنَّ الْمُؤْنِسَاتُ الْغَالِيَاتُ.
[17.12-(01)] “Do not dislike girls{1}, since they are certainly the ones who are precious companions{2}.”
Notes:
{1} Meaning when they are granted to you as daughters. This directive completely contradicts the practice among some of the Arab peoples of old in the era of ignorance prior to the advent of Islaam. Some of them despised having daughters so much that they would go as far as burying them alive.
{2} According to the teachings of Islaam, caring for girls merits immense rewards for those who do so, and girls are to be valued as precious company for their parents as well as in their own homes.
References: at-Tanweer 11/138; as-Saheehah, no. 3206; Siraaj, no. 6607.
لَيْسَ أَحَدٌ مِنْ أُمَّتِي يَعُولُ ثَلَاثَ بَنَاتٍ أَوْ ثَلَاثَ أَخَوَاتٍ فَيُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِنَّ إِلَّا كُنَّ لَهُ سِتْرًا مِنَ النَّارِ.
لَيْسَ أَحَدٌ مِنْ أُمَّتِي يَعُولُ ثَلَاثَ بَنَاتٍ أَوْ ثَلَاثَ أَخَوَاتٍ فَيُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِنَّ إِلَّا كُنَّ لَهُ سِتْرًا مِنَ النَّارِ.
[17.12-(02)] “There is no one among my followers who takes care of three daughters or three sisters, and treats them well{1}, except that they will be a cause for him being shielded from the hellfire.”{2}
Notes:
{1} In addition to supporting them materially, he is to live with them well, not remind them of what he gives them, not make them feel that they owe him for anything, and not make them feel that he is irritated by their company in any way.
{2} Meaning that his care for them would protect him from entering it. Since he shielded them in this world from being degraded or having to ask of others, they would shield him in the hereafter from the punishment of the hellfire, as a recompense of a corresponding nature.
References: at-Tanweer 9/235; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 5372; Siraaj, no. 6588.
مَا مِنْ مُسْلِمٍ تُدْرِكُ لَهُ ابْنَتَانِ فَيُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمَا مَا صَحِبَتَاهُ إِلَّا أَدْخَلَتَاهُ الجَنَّةَ.
مَا مِنْ مُسْلِمٍ تُدْرِكُ لَهُ ابْنَتَانِ فَيُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمَا مَا صَحِبَتَاهُ إِلَّا أَدْخَلَتَاهُ الجَنَّةَ.
[17.12-(03)] “There is no one who submits to Allaah in Islaam and has two daughters with him reach adulthood, and he continues taking care of them well for as long as they are with him, except that the two of them would be a cause for him being admitted to Jannah.”{1}
Notes:
{1} See notes for the following hadeeth [17.12-(04)].
References: as-Saheehah, no. 2776; Siraaj, no. 6591.
مَا مِنْ رَجُلٍ يُدْرِكُ لَهُ ابْنَتَانِ فَيُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمَا مَا صَحِبَتَاهُ أَوْ صَحِبَهُمَا إِلَّا أَدْخَلَتَاهُ الجَنَّةَ.
مَا مِنْ رَجُلٍ يُدْرِكُ لَهُ ابْنَتَانِ فَيُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمَا مَا صَحِبَتَاهُ أَوْ صَحِبَهُمَا إِلَّا أَدْخَلَتَاهُ الجَنَّةَ.
[17.12-(04)] “There is no man who has two daughters{1} with him reach adulthood{2}, and he continues taking care of them well{3} for as long as they are with him or he is with them, except that the two of them would be a cause for him being admitted to Jannah.”{4}
Notes:
{1} The same applies to more as well.
{2} Such that they have the means and competence to independently handle their own affairs. This could perhaps be understood as similar to the concept of majority (i.e. such that they are no longer minors). An alternate explanation given by some scholars is that it refers to puberty. However, the first explanation appears to be the more accurate one, and Allaah knows best. Further elaboration may be found in the Arabic references cited at the end of the notes for this hadeeth.
{3} That entails providing them with support which includes their food, clothing, and all else that they need.
{4} In other words, being admitting to Jannah is the recompense merited by the support and treatment with which he provides them, and that recompense he would receive is far greater than anything that he gives them. Even though they may no longer have the same attachment to him after growing up, he should not let any sort of dislike cause him to refrain from taking good care of them, since continuing to treat them well is what merits greater reward from Allaah. This hadeeth contains strong encouragement for fathers – and parents and guardians in general – to take care of daughters in the best way.
References: at-Tanweer 9/506, 10/307; Murshid Thawil-Hijaa 21/316; al-Bahr al-Muheet ath-Thajjaaj 41/182; as-Saheehah, no. 2776; Siraaj, no. 6590.
مَنِ ابْتُلِيَ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْبَنَاتِ فَصَبَرَ عَلَيْهِنَّ كُنَّ لَهُ حِجَابًا مِنَ النَّارِ.
مَنِ ابْتُلِيَ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْبَنَاتِ فَصَبَرَ عَلَيْهِنَّ كُنَّ لَهُ حِجَابًا مِنَ النَّارِ.
[17.12-(05)] “If anyone is tested with any amount of daughters, but he perseveres in caring for them, they will be a barrier that protects him from the hellfire.”{1}
Notes:
{1} See notes for the following hadeeth [17.12-(06)].
References: Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 5931; Siraaj, no. 6598.
مَنِ ابْتُلِيَ مِنَ هَذِهِ الْبَنَاتِ بِشَيْءٍ فَأَحْسَنَ إِلَيْهِنَّ كُنَّ لَهُ سِتْرًا مِنَ النَّارِ.
مَنِ ابْتُلِيَ مِنَ هَذِهِ الْبَنَاتِ بِشَيْءٍ فَأَحْسَنَ إِلَيْهِنَّ كُنَّ لَهُ سِتْرًا مِنَ النَّارِ.
[17.12-(06)] “If anyone is tested{1} by way of these daughters in any amount, but he takes good care of them{2}, they will be a cause for him being shielded from the hellfire{3}.”
Notes:
{1} Caring for girls may have been referred to as a “test” of sorts due to additional effort that is required to raise them well, and girls may have been specifically mentioned because they generally require more forms of care and kindness than boys.
{2} According to Islaam’s directives, this includes treating them well, fulfilling all of their rights, teaching them sound beliefs and conduct, and other similar things; and seeking Allaah’s reward throughout doing that all.
{3} Since he shielded them in this world by taking care of them well.
References: at-Tanweer 10/15; Mirqaatul-Mafaateeh, no. 4949; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 5932; Siraaj, no. 6599.
مَنْ كَانَ لَهُ ثَلاَثُ بَنَاتٍ فَصَبَرَ عَلَيْهِنَّ وَأَطْعَمَهُنَّ وَسَقَاهُنَّ وَكَسَاهُنَّ مِنْ جِدَتِهِ كُنَّ لَهُ حِجَابًا مِنَ النَّارِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ.
مَنْ كَانَ لَهُ ثَلاَثُ بَنَاتٍ فَصَبَرَ عَلَيْهِنَّ وَأَطْعَمَهُنَّ وَسَقَاهُنَّ وَكَسَاهُنَّ مِنْ جِدَتِهِ كُنَّ لَهُ حِجَابًا مِنَ النَّارِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ.
[17.12-(07)] “If anyone has three daughters{1} and he perseveres in caring for them{2}, he gives them to eat, he gives them to drink, and he gives them clothing all from the earnings that he is able to attain, they will be a barrier that protects him from the hellfire on the Day of Resurrection{3}.”
Notes:
{1} The same applies to two or more.
{2} That includes treating them well, educating them, and other similar things which preceded.
{3} In other words, his fulfilment of those duties towards them in this world will protect him from the fire of the hereafter.
References: Murshid Thawil-Hijaa 21/314; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 6488; Siraaj, no. 6604.
مَنْ عَالَ جَارِيَتَيْنِ حَتَّى يُدْرِكَا دَخَلْتُ أَنَا وَهُوَ الْجَنَّةَ كَهَاتَيْنِ.
مَنْ عَالَ جَارِيَتَيْنِ حَتَّى يُدْرِكَا دَخَلْتُ أَنَا وَهُوَ الْجَنَّةَ كَهَاتَيْنِ.
[17.12-(08)] “If anyone provides for{1} two young girls{2} until they both reach adulthood{3}, I and that person will enter Jannah like the two of these{4}.
Notes:
{1} By materially supporting them with all they need, raising and educating them well, and giving them what benefits them.
{2} Whether two daughters of his own, or otherwise.
{3} Such that they have the means and competence to independently handle their own affairs.
{4} And he put his index and middle fingers together. This hadeeth implies that they would enter together even though their respective levels in Jannah are different, and this is a major virtue that would be attained by anyone who does the things mentioned with perseverance and while hoping for Allaah’s reward. One should not become irritated regarding the upbringing of girls; otherwise, he would deprive himself of caring for them and of all the virtues that go along with that, which is something that may happen to people often, and Allaah knows best.
References: at-Tanweer 10/307-308; al-Bahr al-Muheet ath-Thajjaaj 41/183; Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 6391; Siraaj, no. 6603.
17.13- Raising children in general
17.13- Raising children in general
Notes:
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