The truth is we all have internal biases and they impact EVERYTHING we think, feel, and do. You might be asking yourself...how do I make sure my biases are not making me an asshole who is doing asshole things? 

Well...you take a long hard look at yourself and start wondering why you think, feel, and do the things you do. You ask yourself am I hurting anyone when I do or say this thing. 

If someone points out that what you are doing or saying is making them uncomfortable....you do NOT attack the messenger. 

Thank the person brave enough to point out when you are being stupid. 

Then take a deep breath, have a little chat with yourself about your assholieness, and move the fuck on!

Ever been brave enough to tell someone something they are doing or saying is hurting you or someone you care about? 

IT IS NOT EASY...your voice will shake, your heart will race, your hands will sweat....DO IT ANYWAYS! 

Be the brave human.

Educate yourself and hang out with people who are not carbon copies of how you look, feel, and think. I am not suggesting that if you normally enjoy PBS and NPR, that you subject yourself to watching FOX news. That would be stupid. Your education is only as good as the source. Just say no to FOX news.

You might be thinking, "for someone who cares so much you are not very nice".  

Nice is not my game. 

I have fully accepted and embraced that. Kind of like the most iconic superhero to ever have graced the face of this earth...the one and only...RBG. Shortly after being selected for the Supreme Court, she was doing an interview and was asked about her law school nickname: bitch. She smiled in her RBG way and said "better bitch than mouse" (Olney, 2000). 

Embrace the fact that no matter how wonderful a human you are that you are going to sometimes accidently be an asshole. 

Breathe...Learn...Move the FUCK on.  

Use those mistakes to launch you into a internet deep dive about systemic racism, feminism, or whatever. Come away recharged and ready to be a better version of you.

I make mistakes...a lot of big, messy mistakes. I complain. I wallow in self pity. I do all the human things. Then I put on my big girl panties and attempt to move forward...some days this works better than others. I understand this is easier for me than for some. 

I have an amazing support system. I am privileged white, cis-gender female, who is educated, and not worrying about where my next meal will come from. I have health insurance. I live in a warm house with people and dogs that love me. I do not fear for my safety within my own home. I am privileged. 

Let's learn about the LGBTQ things. First you have to learn some sad and not so great things about being LGBTQ. 

Feel your feelings...then do something to make it better.

Donate money, tell other people the things you learned, start a group, send a letter to your newspaper or representative, get a new policy enacted in your workplace, attend safe space training...the possibilities are endless. 

If you want to understand why I personally care about the LGBTQ things, please watch the below video created by one of my super amazing gay kiddos!

Okay, let's do the learning.

The Trevor Project (2021), the world’s largest LGBTQ suicide prevention organization, reported 42% of LGBTQ youth seriously contemplated suicide in the last twelve months, 30% reported food insecurity in the last month, and 72% reported generalized anxiety in the previous two weeks.  

Read more about the Trevor Project here. 

To understand why it is so hard to be LGBTQ you have to understand the world is designed for the heteronormative and constantly trying to fit into this mold (or risking alienation) is EXHAUSTING.

Deciding with every person you meet which version of yourself you are going to present is a source of constant stress. 

As an LGBTQ person, you learn to quickly switch from one version of yourself to another; a concept known as code-switching. 

Read an LGBTQ perspective on code-switching here.

Things are getting better, BUT...as of 2019, LGBTQ laws varied widely across the globe: (1) same sex marriage is not recognized in more than 85% of countries; (2) nearly 80% of countries do not have LGBTQ specific hate crime laws; (3) roughly 37% of countries criminalize same sex activity; (4) over 4% of countries use the death penalty as punishment for same sex activity (Pachankis & Bränström, 2019).  

So...we just barely skimmed the surface. We talked about how hard it is to be LGBTQ in America. We focused on youth, because well middle school and high school sucked for most of us, but yikes imagine carrying the stigma of being LGBTQ on top of that. 

Here are some more not very fun facts.

Imagine telling your family you are gay and getting KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE? Homelessness is a truth too many LGBTQ kiddos are forced to deal with; 25% of LGBTQ kiddos report unstable housing (The Trevor Project, 2021).

LGBTQ kiddos are FOUR TIMES AS LIKELY to commit suicide as their counterparts...but thankfully studies show one supportive adult in the life of an LGBTQ kiddo reduces suicide by 40% (The Trevor Project, 2021). 

Please be that adult!

Polls estimate between 5 and 17% (depending on the generation) of people are part of the LGBTQ community (Jones, 2020).

That means inside every classroom in America there is most likely at least ONE GAY KIDDO...and most likely that kiddo feels unsafe. 

It can get better. 

We have the ability to make it better...so much better...for all the people...all the time.