Double Doink 

Super Bowl LVIII Preview & Predictions

Boys and girls, we made it. Super Bowl LVIII is here. This season was insane, weird, not at all what I thought it would be, and yet, the championship game turned out to be pretty predictable. Oh well. It’s the Chiefs and the 49ers in the Super Bowl in Las Vegas.

Look, the last time these two teams played in the biggest game, we encountered a worldwide pandemic the following month. So this almost has to be a better version of that, no matter the outcome. But hell, I don’t know, maybe this time the whole world will blow up or we’ll all get diarrhea or… well the second one happens to me all the time anyway… so what do I know?

In February 2020, it was Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid going up against a ridiculously talented 49ers roster with a game-managing, not wildly talented quarterback from a Midwest school. That 49ers team was the No. 1 seed, had all the pieces in place, and just needed a quarterback to get them over the hump.

Now, it’s 2024. We have Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid going up against a ridiculously talented 49ers roster, but this time? Oh wait. Enter a game-managing type, not wildly talented quarterback from a Midwest school. Ummm…

Well, THIS Niners team is also the No. 1 seed, has all the pieces in place, and just needs the quarterback to get them over the hump. Ummm…

Are we in for the same thing we saw in Miami four seasons ago? The 49ers got a 10-point fourth-quarter lead that night, but the better of the two quarterbacks made all the plays to win, while the other missed his biggest throw of the game. I’m not saying it’ll be the same thing, but damn, it sure has the making of it.

San Francisco is a two-point favorite on Sunday night. Honestly, does that make sense? Yes, the 49ers were the top seed in their conference while Kansas City was the No. 3 seed, but come on. It’s Mahomes and Reid in a Super Bowl. They should be favored over everyone in the league. Especially in the biggest game of the year. This team is seasoned, they’ve been there and done that, and they have one of the best players the game has ever seen at two different positions. And a Hall of Fame head coach. It’s absurd the Chiefs are underdogs.

The game in 2020 finished 31-20 Kansas City. The over/under is set at 47.5 for Sunday night. Honestly, it doesn’t feel like it’ll get that high. The Chiefs beat the Ravens 17-7 in the AFC Championship Game, and while the 49ers are the top offense in the league, don’t underestimate Kansas City’s defense. I think it’s been the least talked about unit all year. They have an obvious All-Pro snub in L’Jarius Sneed, their defensive line is playing great led by Chris Jones, and the signing of the offseason for them was Drue Tranquill. Even with Nick Bolton getting banged up this season, the linebackers are fast and athletic, and yet they can stop the run as well. If they slow down Christian McCaffrey, good luck San Francisco. I think Steve Spagnuolo has become one of the NFL’s top big game assistants. He’s not a good head coach (sorry Rams fans), but his defense is the strength of the team this year with the way he can disguise pressures and coverages. He’s created ways for them to generate pressure through the middle of the offensive line, and that spells problems for Jimmy Garoppolo. I mean Brock Purdy.

I expect this to be a lower scoring game. I also really feel great about San Francisco’s defense. Fred Warner is ridiculous. Charvarius Ward (revenge game?) is on the opposite team for this Super Bowl, and he’s got a great chance to make a game-changing play against someone like Rashee Rice or Marques Valdez-Scantling. And if Nick Bosa can change the game, the Niners are in good shape.

But I don’t know if you know this, but they’re going up against Patrick Mahomes. And that guy is ridiculous.

The Chiefs offense stinks, guys. Like, it really stinks. And yet, they’ve looked the best they’ve looked all year here in this postseason. So now, they can just turn it on whenever they want? This feels like some sort of Madden cheat code, and I kind of hate it. Should we just pencil in Kansas City for the next like 10 Super Bowls? It’s turning into the Patriots. From 2001-2018, New England played in half of the Super Bowls. I feel like that’s where we are going with Kansas City. If Mahomes and Reid stay together, they should be the favorite every single year. It’s becoming inevitable. Four trips in five years and a chance at their third win is ludacris. It’s officially a dynasty if they win another one, and the rest of the NFL is just screwed. It’s wild.

And Mahomes is on his way. Not to the Hall of Fame. He’s already done that. I mean he’s on his way to Tom Brady. He’s got a chance to get there. He may not win seven, but he might. And the talent he has is already transcendent. If Mahomes’ mind catches up to his body, this guy might win nine of ‘em. It’s amazing.

It’s the 49ers and the Chiefs at 6:30 ET on CBS. Jim Nantz, Tony Romo, and Tracy Wolfson are on the call. The pregame show will be like 12 hours long. The performances will be amazing. Reba has the National Anthem. Usher has the halftime show. It’s going to be a helluva party. Everyone will be partying and drinking at their houses watching the final day of the football season. The only complaint I have… either put the damn game on a Saturday or move the start time up. I know that’s not how the NFL works. Super Bowl Sunday has a nice ring to it. But let’s give the people a hangover day. We need that day to 1. Recover from the drinking and partying and 2. Mourn the fact that the NFL season is over. It’s my favorite season every year. And it seems like a longer wait every off-season to get to the following September. So let’s enjoy the Super Bowl. Then we can cry together when it’s over.

Some things I expect to see Sunday night:

• The anthem will be perfect, because it’s Reba.

• The coin toss will probably we weird and awkward.

• Jim Nantz and Tony Romo better be at their best. They’ve gotten worse over the years. But they were good during the AFC Championship Game. Don’t mess up the Super Bowl.

• Christian McCaffrey will score a touchdown.

• Patrick Mahomes will make a ridiculous play all of us will remember.

• Taylor Swift will be shown less than five times.

• Usher will bring in surprise guests we aren’t ready for.

• Jason Kelce will probably keep his shirt on until the confetti falls.

• The commercials will absolutely disappoint. They’re will probably be one we remember, but not all that well.

Gut Feeling: Why in the freaking world would I pick the 49ers? They might win, but it would be asinine for me to pick anyone other than Patrick Mahomes in a Super Bowl. His only title game  loss is to Tom Freaking Brady. Sorry, but Brady isn’t on that other sideline. It’s a good player in Brock Purdy, but I’d be stunned if he makes a late-game play and Mahomes doesn’t. Give me the better quarterback, the better coach, and a team that is running the NFL. And Travis Kelce is about to cap off the greatest calendar year of his life. We talk about Taylor all the time, but Travis, congrats bro. You’ve lived your absolute best life. Go catch a touchdown in the Super Bowl.

Prediction: Chiefs 28, 49ers 17

NFL Championship Sunday Preview & Predictions

The road to Las Vegas has two final stops this weekend, and the NFL’s version of the Final Four wound up to be not as unusual as it could have been. We have two teams that might as well include this weekend in their annual regular season schedule release (hello Chiefs and 49ers), while the other two are the feel-good stories of the season (hello Lions and Ravens). We also have four quarterbacks under the age of 30 - Jared Goff, Lamar Jackson, Patrick Mahomes, and Brock Purdy - playing on this weekend for the second consecutive season. Prior to that, it had only happened in consecutive seasons once since 1970 (2003, 2004). This is only the eighth time we’ve had this young of a group in the final four. It’s wild. And it’s awesome.

Let’s talk about the possible Super Bowl matchups. We have four of them, because, well, math.

Ravens vs. 49ers, Ravens vs. Lions, Chiefs vs. 49ers, Chiefs vs. Lions.

The fans clearly want ONE of these matchups. I was looking at an SB Nation poll, and 47% of fans wanted Detroit going to the big game. So obviously, on the NFC side, the Lions are the fan-favorite. And why wouldn’t they? They’ve been around for 93 years, almost as long as it’s been since the Cowboys were in the NFC Championship Game. But seriously, NINETY-THREE? And they’ve got four NFL Championships, but none in the Super Bowl era (19345, 1952, 1953, 1957). They haven’t won it all since Eisenhower was in the White House. Hell, that was the year Paul McCartney MET John Lennon. That was back when the United States was disliked all around the world. Oh wait, I guess some things never change.

To put it in perspective, the Lions have only been in the playoffs 13 times since 1970. That’s hard to comprehend. Of course fans want the Lions to make the Super Bowl. How insane would it be to have Jared Goff take a second team to the big game while beating Matthew Stafford and the Rams along the way? Goff would be just the fifth quarterback to take multiple teams to the Super Bowl. Trivia question: Name the other four.

Don’t cheat.

Tom Brady (duh), Peyton Manning (duh), Kurt Warner (probably duh) and Craig Morton (wait, what?). Google him, kids.

So anyway, Detroit is the love story for America. That’s what the fans want. But, is that what the NFL wants? I’d say probably not.

It’s ratings, people. It’s always about the ratings. And while the Lions getting there would be huge for the city of Detroit, probably the entire country of Canada, and maybe Cal fans (?), I think the NFL wants the brand. And the Niners are the brand. In the NFC, it’s the Dallas Cowboys, the Green Bay Packers, the New York Giants, and the San Francisco 49ers. Sorry other teams. That’s just what it is. On that next line is probably the Bears and the Eagles. And they (the NFL) would get the story as well. Mr. Irrelevant is a good enough story to be compelling. And it goes with a fan base that spreads the nation. So the NFL and CBS probably are rooting for San Francisco. But I’m a fan. And I want the Lions. Let’s manifest this, people.

Let’s go to the AFC side. This one is a little closer. The Chiefs are making their sixth-straight AFC Championship Game. That’s just dumb. I can’t even get one as a Cowboys fan. Stop making it about you, you idiot. Just talk football. Sorry. I’m back. That was rude.

Kansas City is starting to become old news. It’s impressive, and Patrick Mahomes is starting to work towards the GOAT status. He’s not there by any means, but he’s starting to gain on Brady a little more. And if he wins his third title before he’s 30, and already has two MVP’s, we have some things to discuss. There seems to be no end in sight for the Chiefs. And I think that’s why the fans are rooting a little, just a little, harder for Baltimore. The Ravens haven’t been in the big game since Joe Flacco got hot at the end of the regular season and in the postseason. Oh wait, am I talking about 2012 or 2023? Well, actually, the Texans put an end to that. Back to the Ravens…

Lamar Jackson is on one. He’s about to win his second MVP, matching Patrick Mahomes, and now has a chance to go to his first Super Bowl. That’s who America wants. The guy who hasn’t done it before. The Ravens are bringing back Ray Lewis and Ed Reed as the “Legends of the Game,” Michael Phelps is delivering the game ball (because swimmers are people too), T-Pain is performing at halftime, and the team is honoring Anquan Boldin, Jonathan Ogden, and Terrell Suggs as well. If Patrick Mahomes scales that mountain on Sunday, there isn’t anything he can’t do. Hell, he can run for president (hell, maybe he should at this point).

But does the NFL want Baltimore? Or do they want Kansas City? It’s not quite a difference like the Niners and Lions are, but the Chiefs have the number one player in the world, are an iconic franchise, and don’t count out wanting Taylor Swift fans. While the NFL doesn’t need Taylor Swift fans to watch the game (they were probably already watching the Super Bowl anyway), the league will never turn down a new batch of fans. And that would GUARANTEE Taylor in Las Vegas. Don’t underestimate the power of that. The NFL wants it. Badly.

So it’s what the people want against what the league wants. Do with that as you will.

I think I’ll root for Detroit and Baltimore, and ultimately, I don’t really care who wins, but it would be really cool to see some new faces on Super Sunday. But no matter what, it’ll be fun.

Let’s preview the two games on Championship Sunday.

Chiefs at Ravens (-4) - Sunday, 3 ET, CBS

Lamar vs. Mahomes. It’s the first postseason meeting in NFL history to feature two former MVP quarterbacks under 30 years old. And they’re just getting started. Those trophy cases aren’t finished by any means.

Patrick is already going to be in the Hall of Fame someday. Lamar can get there too. And Sunday goes a long way. If he wins this game, you can start to see the jacket in his future, too. Multiple MVPs (one unanimous) and a trip to the Super Bowl goes a long way when it’s all said and done. He’s one of the most electric players in the history of the sport. Now the hardware would be there too.

Baltimore has been the best team in the NFL for almost the entire season. You could argue it was San Francisco early on, but Baltimore was killing GOOD teams. In the regular season, the Ravens beat the Texans, Browns, Lions, Rams, 49ers, and Dolphins (all playoff teams) by an average of 21 points. TWENTY-ONE. That’s just dumb. Throw it wins over Seattle by 34, Cincinnati by 14, and the Jaguars by 16, and you’ve got a bunch of ass-kickings. This team is awesome. They have the better offense and the better defense in this game.

So why are Ravens fans nervous? Because it hasn’t been smooth-sailing since that playoff run of 2012. They are 3-5 since that year, including last week, and Lamar is 2-4 in that stretch. So Baltimore fans are scared. And they should be. Because the guy on the other side has 13 wins already in the playoffs.

Mahomes has a chance to win 14 playoff games in 17 tries, and he would join Tom Brady as the only other one to do that. See, now we start talking GOAT stuff. There are five quarterbacks with 14 or more postseason wins. Can you name them?

Again, don’t cheat. I’ll know.

Brady (35, duh), Joe Montana (16), Terry Bradshaw (14), John Elway (14), and Peyton Manning (14).

Guys with 13: Ben Roethlisberger, Brett Favre, Patrick Mahomes. That’s the list.

So yeah, it’s okay to be nervous, Baltimore.

I think the Ravens can do it. I think Roquan Smith and Kyle Hamilton absolutely deserved All-Pro honors, and Hamilton vs. Travis Kelce will be must-see TV. If he doesn’t match up with Kelce all day, the Ravens are making a mistake. They can get pressure with their front. And they are going to need to. If Mahomes has time, the Chiefs will win. They are starting to find their rhythm. Because of course they are. But it Baltimore can get pressure from the edge and force Mahomes off balance (like Tampa Bay did in Super Bowl LV), they can make some plays on the back end.

On the flip side of the ball, Lamar has to be excellent. Kansas City’s defense is no joke. They’ve been a top-three defense all year, and when they get you into obvious passing downs, Steve Spagnuolo has been nearly perfect as a signal-caller. So if Baltimore runs it well, and that includes Lamar, Kansas City will be off-balance. Advantage Ravens. But if Lamar has to chuck it on 2nd & 9 all game long, I like Chris Jones and that defense too much. Damn this is fun.

Gut Feeling: Does it feel like I’m picking Baltimore? I’m trying to make the case for the Ravens. I truly would not be surprised if they won. And I’m not a betting man, because I have no money, but if I was, how stupid would I be to pick against Patrick Mahomes? I picked against Brady a lot over the years, and it always bit me. We’ll see. But my gut says Chiefs.

Prediction: Chiefs 30, Ravens 26

Lions at 49ers (-7.5) - Sunday, 6:30 ET, FOX

Goff vs. Purdy? Maybe not as star-studded as the first game of the day. But still, juicy. I don’t actually look at this game as QB vs. QB. I look at it as unit vs. unit, like football should actually be viewed. But we never do that. Because quarterbacks run the world.

This matchup is all about the supporting casts of the quarterbacks. And if those units perform to their best ability, the signal-callers can just be along for the ride and coast to the Super Bowl.

For the Lions, it’s about Amon-Ra St. Brown going up against Charvarius Ward. Detroit needs their top target to play well Sunday. If the offensive line keeps Goff clean, he can do some things. I mean, did you watch Jordan Love? He carved up San Francisco for most of the game, and then threw the horrible pick to end it. If Goff is clean, he wins. Plain and simple. If he runs for his life, he’s screwed. Plain and simple. The Lions need their line, St. Brown, and Sam LaPorta (Iowa Hawkeye, hell yeah) to play great. If they do, they can win. I truly believe it. And if Detroit wins, the city may burn down. Can you imagine? As a Chicago Cubs fan, I remember how crazy the Windy City was when the Cubbies finally broke the curse. If Detroit does it? Look out.

For San Francisco, everyone talks Christian McCaffrey, and everyone talks Deebo Samuel, and rightfully so. If Deebo is healthy, the 49ers have almost been invincible in 2023 (Ravens fans have something to say about that). But I look really hard at George Kittle. And not just because I love my Hawkeyes. And not just because his hair is immaculate. Because the middle of the field is there for the taking against Detroit. Kittle can wreck a game. His run-after-catch ability is not talked about as much as Travis Kelce’s, but it’s electric. He’s physical, faster than you think, and not nearly as weird of a runner as Isiah Pacheco. If Kittle can make big plays, the Niners can roll. That will also allow the other weapons for Purdy to open it up. Brandon Aiyuk and Samuel can go, McCaffrey is the best back in the world, and it can be a freight train. Seriously, how does this franchise not have a title since 1994? Everyone craps on the Cowboys…

Sorry, I did it again. Someone punch me in the face.

I’m not saying the quarterbacks don’t have to make plays. Because they eventually do. But you can get away with more. Did you watch Brock Purdy against the Packers? He was terrible. And his team still won. He has such a margin for error. And I still think he does against the Lions. I think the margin for error is much shorter for Jared Goff, so I think he has to play cleaner for Detroit to win.

Ultimately, I love the Detroit thing this year. I’ve picked against them a lot. And I’ve been wrong a lot. I thought Los Angeles would beat them. And they showed up. I thought Tampa Bay gave them all they had. And they showed up. They’re clutch, they’re strong-willed, and they’re not afraid to be aggressive. It’s amazing to watch the Lions. I’d love to see them do the damn thing and stun the 49ers. I think they can. But I’m not sure they will.

Gut Feeling: Detroit is 3-2 on natural grass this year. They won at Kansas City, Green Bay, and Tampa Bay, and lost at Baltimore and Chicago. I think the turf, home-road thing is a myth. If they play their A-game, they can win. But I think San Francisco has a margin for error. If they make a mistake, they still have the best roster in the NFL, and a much better defense. I think the 49ers maybe get a little lucky, and I think they’ll win. But damn, let’s go do the thing, Detroit. I’m pulling for you.

Prediction: 49ers 27, Lions 21

Written by Zach

NFL Divisional Round Preview & Predictions

Do you ever just wonder why you watch this stupid sport and vow to stop getting so invested every single year? Well, I just did that for the 1,000th straight season. The Cowboys did it again to me. Just when I start to think, maybe, just maybe… They did it again. They clearly don’t care as much as the fans do, they are inept and don’t know how to show up in a playoff game, and they don’t care if they shatter the hearts of every fan in the world. Why won’t they just fire everyone? Why won’t they trade up for the top draft pick? Why won’t they TRY to get over the hump? Why is there no hope EVER in Dallas, Texas? So you know what? I’m doing it. I’m vowing to never care again. No, really. I’m doing it. I’m never, ever, ever, ever going to care again.

*goes and gets a cup of coffee*

And… we’re back. Thanks for listening to my dumb rant. I know you never believed I was actually done. I can’t. I’m addicted. I need more.

Well, we’re getting more. And it’s in the form of C.J. Stroud, Lamar Jackson, Jordan Love, Brock Purdy, Baker Mayfield, Jared Goff, Patrick Mahomes, and Josh Allen. What an odd mix of names. 2024 is on one already. We have the first No. 7 seed to pull off a Wild Card win, we have the Detroit Freaking Lions in the Divisional Round, and we have our classic Allen vs. Mahomes. Well, at least one of these games is normal.

The unpredictability of this sport is really what makes it special. And I feel that way about all sports. Who had the Texas Rangers winning the World Series a year ago? Who had San Diego State losing to UConn in the NCAA Men’s National Championship last April? That’s why I love sports. It’s too wild to predict. And it’s too wild to write. If the script writers had it their way, they’d pencil in the Cowboys every year. What network wouldn’t want that team on their TV for the Super Bowl? But no, clearly everyone hates me. I… oh, wait. That rant is over. Sorry. Back to what I was talking about.

I’m going to lay a few takes out there for you. Here me out. I think C.J. Stroud is having the greatest rookie season by a quarterback ever. Better than Andrew Luck, better than Cam Newton’s, better than Dan Marino’s, better than Dak Prescott’s, better than Ben Roethlisberger’s. Ever. Here’s another one: I think Jordan Love will be in Green Bay longer than Aaron Rodgers was. I think he can go 16 years. Another one: I think Brock Purdy is out of the league in five years. That one’s the big stretch, but I’m going for it. Another one: I think Tampa Bay misses the playoffs next year. I think 2023 is a magic carpet ride. Enjoy it. And last one: I think Dan Campbell will have a statue outside of Ford Field at some point in his life.

We’ll see how those go, and maybe we’ll have to cue Freezing Cold Takes, but I’m standing by these for the time being.

Anyway, let’s talk Divisional Round weekend. I hope these games are close. I fear they won’t be. The spreads indicate one nail-biter (BUF-KC) and three blowouts. Let’s hope for good games. There’s nothing worse than blowouts in the playoffs. Well, except when football season is over. That’s worse. So nevermind. Just give me football.

Anyway, here we go.

Texans at Ravens (-9) - Saturday, 4:30 ET, ESPN/ABC

Houston is becoming one of my favorite watches in the league. I didn’t see that ass-kicking coming at all last week. Wow.

Think about where they were at the beginning of the 2022 season. Deshaun Watson, who was supposed to be their 15-year franchise quarterback, was out the door, in Cleveland, and facing charges. They had another new head coach in Lovie Smith. They had zero talent. And fans had no reason to go to NRG Stadium. And on top of all that, Lovie screwed them in the final game of the year by going for two and winning a game to keep them from getting the No. 1 overall pick in the draft. They settled for the second pick and fans were pissed.

My how things can change. That No. 2 pick was for their actual franchise quarterback. He’s incredible. And the rookie head coach, DeMeco Ryans, will be there for a long time. I would place your early bets on the 2024 Texans. Because the money won’t be there much longer. Their odds to get to an AFC Championship Game or even a Super Bowl will get better and better every year. This team is so fun to watch. I would love to see them shock everyone in Baltimore.

Speaking of the Charm City, it seems a little tense out east. Not quite Dallas, Texas tense, but you can feel it radiating. I mean, if this isn’t the year, when is? They’re the No. 1 seed, they’ve got the MVP at quarterback, and they’ve got the best roster said quarterback has had in his time there. Mahomes and the Chiefs are the weakest they’ve been. Buffalo is playing much better now, but they’ve been a mess. And those two teams are playing each other. So Baltimore would only have to beat ONE of them. It’s all there for you, Ravens. And yet, I sense a lot of skepticism and nervousness. Hell, I would be too. It’s time, Baltimore. Don’t mess this up.

Gut Feeling: The Ravens, behind touchdowns from Isaiah Likely and Odell Beckham Jr., hold on in the end. The feisty Texans give them all they have, including tying the game in the fourth quarter, but the greatest kicker ever lifts Baltimore to the AFC title game.

Prediction: Ravens 29, Texans 26

Packers at 49ers (-9.5) - Saturday, 8:15 ET, FOX

This is where I’ll try not to get salty. Dallas should be in this round. Or you know what? Maybe they shouldn’t. Jordan Love was so good last weekend. And he has been for two months. Green Bay is playing as well as anyone in the league, and at first I was surprised to see 9.5 for the spread. The Packers have a defense that is opportunistic, and an offense that is cooking right now. So why is the spread so high?

Oh, wait, I forgot the 49ers have been either the best or second-best team in the NFL all season. Sometimes those No. 1 seeds are forgotten about during the Wild Card round. But don’t forget about the team that has all the rest. I only have a couple concerns about the 49ers. First of all, the rest I just mentioned. They haven’t played a meaningful snap in weeks. I hope that doesn’t make them rusty out of the gate. Secondly, if they get behind at all, I have zero confidence in Brock Purdy. Now, maybe they won’t get behind. They haven’t been behind much all season. And if that’s the case, I think San Francisco rolls. But if it’s messy, if the QB has to get them out of an early deficit, can he? I’ve never seen it. He’s still a very young dude. I don’t know if he has the ability to do it. He’s got the roster to do it. It’s the best in the league at almost every position. So it comes down to the quarterback. If the 49ers are down at all, I have a lot of concerns. If not, they’ll be fine.

Gut Feeling: I don’t think San Francisco trails in this game. I think they come out firing, and Christian McCaffrey shows why his name should be higher up on the MVP list. Give me the 49ers at home.

Prediction: 49ers 33, Packers 20

Buccaneers at Lions (-6.5) - Sunday, 3:00 ET, NBC

How is this a Divisional Round playoff game? Does anybody else feel that way? Baker Mayfield and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers against Jared Goff and the Detroit Lions for the right to play in the NFC Championship Game? Nothing makes sense in 2024. And also, 2018 is very confused.

The Bake Show is making it happen, though. They looked great against Philly. And honestly, after a 9-0 win over the gross Panthers in Week 18, I didn’t know what Bucs team we would see last Monday. Sure enough, they were firing on all cylinders. Now, this time they aren’t facing a team that is falling off a cliff, and it’s on the road, so we’ll see how it goes. But Mayfield, Mike Evans, and that defense are definitely capable. These are words I’m stunned to type.

On the other side, if we thought last Sunday night was nuts, let’s see what this Sunday looks like in Detroit. Fans were crying and hugging David Montgomery at the gas station this week to thank him for bringing them a playoff win. It means that much to those people up there. What will happen if they make the NFC Championship Game? I expect a lot of babies to be born in November this year in Detroit, Michigan. That’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, I think the Lions are built to win this game. They can exploit Tampa’s pressure defense in ways Philadelphia couldn’t. I think Todd Bowles will want to get after Goff, and I think that’s where that screen game and guys like Amon-Ra St. Brown and Jahmyr Gibbs have a day. The speed of Detroit’s offense gets lost sometimes, and I believe they can move the ball up and down the field.

Gut Feeling: If Tampa has an early mistake, Detroit will roll. That crowd, that emotion, that team. Give me the Lions. I hope we have 500,000 little Jared Goff’s born in November.

Prediction: Lions 31, Buccaneers 16

Chiefs at Bills (-2.5) - Sunday, 6:30 ET, CBS

As wild as this season has been, and as predictable as this game might’ve been at the beginning of the year, I’m stunned we got here. Neither of these teams has had a normal season. The Chiefs have either been sleep-walking on offense this season or just aren’t very good. And I still don’t know if I can decide between the two. They looked better against Miami, but Lord, they can’t catch the ball. Even Taylor Swift’s boyfriend can’t catch. It’s weird to watch. Also, thank God this game is not on Peacock. I already have to watch Caitlin Clark’s Hawkeyes there a lot, and it’s just weird. Also, have you watched Caitlin Clark? I know I’m from Iowa, but she’s on another planet. Gus Johnson was losing his shit watching her play. She’s…

Sorry, back to football.

Kansas City’s defense has been really good this year. I think their new formula is to run the ball with Isiah Pacheco, play great defense, and let Patrick Mahomes make a play or two late. It’s not the norm for the Chiefs, but it’s a formula that can still work.

Quick sidenote (which has been this entire blog, sorry), but I searched on Twitter (X for losers) “Isiah Pacheco runs like,” and I got some fun ones:

“Runs like he’s mad at the turf.”

“Runs like he’s killing bugs.”

“Runs like he’s mad at gravity for holding him down.”

“Runs like a 6-year-old showing off to everyone at a family reunion how fast he is.”

Phenomenal.

On the Buffalo side, this was a 6-6 team went on an improbable run, finished 11-6, earned the No. 2 seed, had to delay their first game due to weather, and is now one win from the AFC Championship Game. And they have to play their nemesis to get there. But this time it’s at home. Mahomes has only played IN Orchard Park one time (2020 regular season). All those epic games were at Arrowhead. How does it go in Buffalo, where apparently they aren’t equipped to handle snow at the stadium… 

The Bills defense is playing as well as it has all year, and they will need it on Sunday. Can Allen get over the hump? Can Mahomes win his first-ever road playoff game? It’s juicy, people.

And now I’m hearing Andy Reid may hang it up after the season. This is all kinds of weird.

Gut Feeling: The Chiefs win. They just do. It’s the postseason. It’s two teams who have shown me who they are every year. Who do I really trust more in a playoff game, Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes or Sean McDermott and Josh Allen? That’s the easiest question ever. I’ll believe the other when I see it. And also, I’m never watching the Cowboys again.

Until next year.

Prediction: Chiefs 27, Bills 24

Written by Zach

NFL Super Wild Card Weekend Preview & Predictions

It’s my favorite time of year. Joe Burrow, Aaron Rodgers, Trevor Lawrence, Deshaun Watson, Justin Herbert, and Russell Wilson are all gearing up for a Super Bowl run.

Oh wait.

Let’s try this again: It’s my favorite time of year. The annual month-long stretch where Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Nope. That’s not it.

One more time: It’s my favorite time of year. The annual month-long stretch when the Browns and the Lions hang out with their fans on the couch to watch the NFL playoffs.

Crap. I’m not very good at this.

What a ridiculous year in the NFL. If you would’ve told me the 14-team playoff field would consist of these quarterbacks, I wouldn’t be surprised: Lamar Jackson, Josh Allen, Patrick Mahomes, Tua Tagovailoa, Dak Prescott, Jalen Hurts, Matthew Stafford.

If you had these names on the list, you’re the luckiest SOB on the planet: Jordan Love, Brock Purdy, Jared Goff, Baker Mayfield, C.J. Stroud, Joe Flacco, Mason Rudolph.

In one of the craziest NFL seasons ever, we have one of the most wide-open playoffs ever. It’s why the NFL is the greatest reality TV show on the planet, and why 93 of the top 100 television shows in the United States in 2023 were NFL games. There is absolutely nothing like it. College football is finally taking a page out of the NFL’s playbook: more playoff games. What a concept. Do people want more football, or do people want less football?

But anyway, this is an NFL blog, not a college football one. Let’s talk playoffs.

Super Wild Card Weekend begins with the 4:30 game on Saturday, otherwise known as the Houston Texans Invitational. As long as I can remember, from J.J. Watt to Matt Schaub to T.J. Yates, the Texans have always played the opening game of the playoffs. It’s usually a game against Andy Dalton or Connor Cook or Alex Smith, and this year it’s against Joe Flacco and the Cleveland Browns. Welcome to the fucking Matrix.

Then we get to the most controversial playoff game. The Miami Dolphins and the Kansas City Chiefs meet in negative temperatures at Arrowhead, and the game will air on freaking Peacock. You’re telling me I have to pay for a separate subscription just to watch a playoff game between two teams I am not even a fan of? You son of a bitch, I’m in. I hate myself for it, but I’m still going to watch it. Roger Goodell is making Swifties pay to watch Travis Kelce? Dammit, the NFL is still a genius.

Then it’s on to Sunday with one of the most prolific days of stories I can remember.

The Steelers head to Buffalo where somehow a team that was 6-6 at one point is now the No. 2 seed in the conference. I don’t have the research, but I can’t imagine that’s happened more than, what, twice ever? That game is on CBS AND Paramount+, not just the streaming platform. Thanks CBS.

Tell me if you’ve heard this before: the Packers beat the Bears to make it to the playoffs. Yawn. That’s boring. We’ve seen that before. But wait, now Green Bay heads to Dallas to play their old coach in the playoffs? Now we’re talking. Fox wanted that game before the ink dried. It’s the reverse of the 2016 playoffs. This time it’s the young (basically rookie) quarterback for the Packers against the veteran for the Cowboys. So juicy. As a Cowboys fan, I’m excited and scared at the same time.

And we cap Sunday with the NFC North champion Detroit Lions hosting a playoff game for the first time in 30 years. It’s the first-ever playoff game at Ford Field (opened in 2002), and the QB who made it home for 12 seasons returns with his new team. Pump it into my veins.

Finally, the annual Monday night finale (which I hate, by the way) features the Buccaneers again (not sure why they keep getting this game), and this time they get the what-the-hell-happened-to-this-team Eagles in their building. I can’t tell if this will be a good game or a 9-6 final score. What a way to cap it off.

Let’s dive into the matchups.

Browns at Texans - Saturday, 4:30 ET, NBC

If Deshaun Watson was playing in this game instead of Joe Flacco, I still don’t know if the storylines would be this wild. How in the hell is a guy who made his big playoff run in the standard definition era of television guiding the Cleveland Browns to the postseason in 2023? Cleveland is favored by less than a field goal, and while their story has been awesome, the more-than-likely Offensive Rookie of the Year C.J. Stroud has been pretty special as well.

Stroud is trying to be the best Ohio State quarterback ever to play in the NFL. I’ll give you a guess as to which Buckeye QB has the most-ever pro wins. Did you guess Mike Tomczak? Probably not. Stroud is on another level. I sneakily love this Texans team. DeMeco Ryans is a helluva coach, and they are young and dumb enough to do some things.

Gut Feeling: The Texans shock everyone. Cleveland has an amazing defense, and I mean historically great. But I think Houston does the damn thing at home. Give me a game-winning field goal drive led by Stroud, and Texans moving on to round two.

Prediction: Texans 27, Browns 24

Dolphins at Chiefs - Saturday, 8 ET, Peacock

Two weeks ago, Miami was playing for potentially the No. 1 seed in the conference. Two games later, they’ve been outscored 77-33 and didn’t even win the AFC East. This was supposed to be the year. Tom Brady’s out of the division and Josh Allen was 6-6 with an offensive coordinator switch. And the Dolphins still can’t win the division? Brutal. Sorry ‘Fins fans. That’s tough. Now it’s on to negative temperatures and a quarterback who already has 11 postseason wins and 2 championships. Brutal.

Meanwhile, Kansas City won back-to-back games to end the season, its first winning streak since they won six in a row from Weeks 2-7. The Chiefs’ defense is as good as it’s ever been in the Mahomes era, but the offense is a mess. Receivers are out of style and can’t catch, Kelce was hurt at the beginning of the season and is still trying to shake it off, Kadarius Toney is a blank space and can’t line up on onsides, and now they have to go on the road (most likely) in the playoffs, something they don’t know all too well. KC has not been in a true road playoff game since 2016. The Chiefs are still trying to be the last great American dynasty, and it starts on Peacock. …Ready for it?

Is that enough Taylor Swift puns? If not, no worries. It’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me.

Gut Feeling: The Dolphins are way too injured, are on their last legs, and have a QB I don’t trust nearly as much as one of the greatest in the history of the game. Kansas City’s defense is the difference.

Prediction: Chiefs 24, Dolphins 19

Steelers at Bills - Sunday, 1 ET, CBS

How did we get here? Three weeks ago, Pittsburgh had just lost to Arizona, New England, and Indianapolis consecutively, and we were certain the winning-season streak was over and Mike Tomlin would be on the hot seat. Well, here we are and Mason Rudolph is 3-0 with wins at home vs. the Fighting Cincinnati Brownings, on the road in Seattle, and on the road against the Ravens’ backups. I can’t believe Pittsburgh is 10-7 and on its way to Buffalo. Thanks to an epic six-game collapse by Jacksonville, the Steelers get to celebrate with another postseason appearance.

The Bills, I mean, where do we start? They are the Six Flags roller coaster of the NFL. And Josh Allen is right at the front of it. This dude leads the league in “wow” plays. He also leads the league in “what the…” plays. I feel like there is nothing he can’t do. And he feels that way too. After they fired offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey, that side of the ball didn’t necessarily get better, it just got more vanilla. They’re winning, but they’re not better. Allen is still turning the ball over, Stephon Diggs is nowhere to be found, and somehow they’re the No. 2 seed. Buffalo is running the ball better, the defense is a little stronger, but it’s shocking how they got to this point. It’s the most bizarre season ever. The Bills have losses to the Jets, Patriots, and Broncos, yet have wins over the Chiefs, Cowboys, and Dolphins (twice). They can beat anyone and they can lose to anyone. So if you ask me what I think they’ll do in the playoffs? Get back to me in February.

Gut Feeling: I have no freaking idea. I think the Steelers are screwed without T.J. Watt, but also they could hang around in the fourth quarter because… well it’s the Bills. I’ll say Buffalo wins, but they could also lay an absolute egg and it wouldn’t surprise me.

Prediction: Bills 29, Steelers 13

Packers at Cowboys - Sunday, 4:30 ET, FOX

I’m a nervous Cowboys fan. And I should be. I’m 30 years old. The last time the Cowboys beat the Packers in the playoffs was the last time they made the NFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl, 1996. Dallas has been spectacular in 2023. Outside of the 2007 team that went 13-3, this might be the best Cowboys team of my lifetime that I remember (I became a fan for real in 2002). The Cowboys have been excellent at home, Dak Prescott has absolutely played like an MVP, and the defense can be as good as anyone in football. But I’m nervous. I have every right to be. This franchise has done this to me too many times. The difference this year, however, in my eyes, is the ability to destroy teams. I’ve never seen the Cowboys beat nine teams by 20 or more points in one year. And Dak and CeeDee Lamb are different this season. That’s what makes me feel better about it. Green Bay is a good team, and they have been red-hot, but I think when Dallas plays its best they can blow you out. That’s what I’m hoping for.

Green Bay is playing with house money. I never thought they would be a playoff team this year. A first-year starting QB has never made the playoffs in Green Bay. Favre didn’t. Rodgers didn’t. Love did. Go figure. Jordan Love is rolling. The Packers are playing so well. After they squeaked by the Chargers, they bludgeoned Detroit on Thanksgiving, and the winning streak was off. It featured wins over Kansas City, Carolina, Minnesota, and Chicago. The two losses were to the Giants and the Bucs, but still, this team is overachieving. They are the youngest team in the NFL, and they are in the playoffs. Green Bay just keeps figuring it out. They are young and dangerous in the postseason.

Gut Feeling: We have not seen a 7-seed win a playoff game yet. Green Bay could be the first, but I truly believe Dallas is the better team. I think if the Cowboys get a lead, it would be hard for the Packers to make a comeback. If Green Bay keeps it close in the fourth quarter, Dallas could tense up and make this interesting.

Prediction: Cowboys 31, Packers 17

Rams at Lions - Sunday, 8 ET, NBC

Juicy. Juicy. Juicy. Matthew Stafford is back in Detroit. Ford Field has its first playoff game ever. Jared Goff plays the team that dumped him. Detroit will be rocking like it never has before. This is going to be an epic Sunday night. I can’t wait. On the Rams side, what sticks out is Sean McVay. The Rams are so well-coached. McVay should get some Coach of the Year consideration. The over/under win total in Vegas was 4.5 for Los Angeles. Go figure. Here they are with the No. 6 seed. They are talented on offense, have a veteran quarterback who won a Super Bowl the last time he was in the playoffs, and have a veteran difference-maker on defense in Aaron Donald. Don’t tell me L.A. can’t win this game. They can absolutely go into Detroit and beat the Lions.

Detroit has been the darling all year. They came on so strong in 2022, knocked the Packers out of the playoffs, knocked Aaron Rogers out of Green Bay, and opened the year on national television with a win at the defending champs. It’s amazing to see Detroit flourish. This is easily the best Lions team of my life. I’m nervous for them, however. Sam LaPorta (shoutout Iowa Hawkeyes tight ends) being banged up and potentially not playing would be a massive loss. They are a little beat up and they will have so many emotions Sunday night. I hope the moment isn’t too big for them. They deserve all of this and they deserve to get a playoff win. How sweet it would be.

Gut Feeling: I think the Rams are dangerous. And I think San Francisco is hoping they lose. If L.A. wins, there’s a good chance they go to the Bay Area and battle their rivals they know so well in round two. I think Puka Nacua and Cooper Kupp are tough to stop for a Detroit secondary that is not very good. Give me L.A. in an upset.

Prediction: Rams 27, Lions 22

Eagles at Buccaneers - Monday, 8:15 ET, ABC/ESPN

We talked about the Jaguars' collapse. I see you and I raise you? Maybe not, because Jacksonville missed the playoffs, but this is close. Philadelphia fans were nervous in September, because the team was winning but it didn’t look like last year’s team. Who would’ve thought those concerns were accurate in January after a 10-1 start? Well, if you ask Eagles’ fans, they would tell you they aren’t surprised. They live in a negative world. It’s who they are.

Philly is spiraling out of control. It starts with the defense. It’s a mess. They demoted but didn’t fire Sean Desai, but gave the controls to Matt “the pencil” Patricia. That was a disaster. They are worse somehow. Jalen Hurts, whether he is injured or not, is up near the top of the league in turnovers, doesn’t know how to adjust to defenses, and is trying to be the most mature man in the locker room, and that includes the head coach. Nick Sirianni is either immature or not smart. He has no handle on this. They may be in real trouble if they don’t get this figured out. The Cardinals and the Giants both looked like top-tier teams against the Eagles, and Tampa Bay is feisty enough to beat them in round one if they aren’t careful.

Speaking of Tampa Bay, the Bucs have now won the NFC South three-straight years. The year before that, they didn’t win the division, but they won the Super Bowl. And I still feel a little bit like they should get rid of Todd Bowles. I don’t know why. They just don’t look good enough. But Baker Mayfield is reviving\ his career, loves this team, and they can do enough at home to win the game. The defense is playing better, the offense is not, but Philadelphia’s defense is so bad it might make Baker look like a Hall-of-Famer.

Gut Feeling: Philly is the worst of the 14 teams in the playoffs right now. Maybe not all season, but right now. Tampa Bay is at home, an underdog, and ready for an upset. It has all the making of one, and I think I’m buying in.

Prediction: Buccaneers 16, Eagles 15