“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” Jeremiah 31:3

When I think about God and all He does for us, it overwhelms me. God has this unconditional and authentic love for us, and we don’t need to earn His love. He gives it to us freely because we are His children. We are made in the image and likeness of God. But with the love of God, He also calls us to continue to engage and be in a relationship with Him. How have I grown in my relationship with God, especially in this past year? Through prayer and conversations with God.

I’m not going lie, this past year has brought a lot of trials and questioning about life. It’s crazy to think that a little over a year ago UP students had to return home, not knowing what the rest of the year was going to bring us. From having all of the chaos of school, clubs, activities, hanging out with friends, to just having classes online, was bizarre. It felt like time was slowing down, and my jam-packed schedule turned into blank spaces and time. After some reflection, I decided to take advantage of that open time to focus on my prayer life with God. Now, I would say I am a pretty faithful person. I go to mass and read the scriptures in the bible, but what I was missing was my intentional prayer time with God. Instead of holding onto anger and frustration of the different circumstances that were brought upon us, I leaned onto God. I started growing more in relationship with Him.

It’s interesting to think how some people grow closer to God during difficult times, and how others grow further away. When talking about “Engaging in relationship with God” with my small group, we talked about how God reaches out to us in ways that we can’t even imagine. I always thought that if I prayed hard enough, then maybe I would hear this voice from God. I would maybe see this burning bush, and God would call out in His mighty voice. But I never “heard” His voice. My small group reminded me that even though you didn’t hear this voice, God was talking to you. You just probably didn’t listen and hear it. We are so focused on having this tangible thing that we lose sight of God’s message to us.

I don’t know about all of you, but when I pray to God I know He is listening to me when He brings someone into my life to help me. I try to remember that God is in each of us, and when someone comes to my side in the moment when I really need them, that is God. Their voice and what they are telling me is God’s voice. I also hear God’s voice in symbols or signs. I believe in guardian angels, and when my Nana passed away when I was in 8^th grade I knew that she became my guardian angel. Anytime that I was stressing about something and I just needed a sign that God was there for me, a red cardinal would fly by or sit on the railing outside my window. My Nana loved red cardinals, she had them everywhere in her house. When I see a red cardinal now I know that is her coming to tell me that everything is going to be okay, and that God has listened to my prayers and won’t abandon me. It’s so powerful what God can do for us. Just think about what signs, symbols, and people are in your life and how God uses those things to be in a relationship with you.

God has this unconditional and authentic love for all of us. He knows when we are hurting, when we are in pain, when we are happy, and when we are fulfilling His call for us. No matter what happens on our human journey, God will never abandon us. His love is too powerful to ever leave us. Even when you might be at your lowest of lows, there is still that little light that is burning. That light is God’s unconditional and authentic love. God does not fake His love for us, and it’s a love that will overwhelm and consume you. When you pray and engage in relationship with God, hold onto that love and know that you can fully trust it.

I leave all of you with the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns. It reminds me that God has called me and I am His. He will always bring you His light, His peace, His joy, His hope, His care, and His love.

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine;

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine.

Seek the face of the Lord and long for him: He will bring you his light and his peace.

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine;

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine.

Seek the face of the Lord and long for him: He will bring you his joy and his hope.

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine;

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine.

Seek the face of the Lord and long for him: He will bring you his care and his love.

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine;

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you and you are mine.

Jeremiah 31:3, Psalm 24:3

Michael Joncas

Alright. I don’t know about all of you, but this week’s One Body content hit me like a truck. Every year nearing Lent, I’m thinking to myself, “Ok time to get back into it. Time to pray, fast, alms-give to the max, get my relationship with God back on track”. It’s so funny, and frustrating and sad, how I really do keep forgetting the fact that no matter what I do, God’s love for me does not change. God loves me just as much when I’m not praying, God loves me just as much during ordinary time. Lent doesn’t turn up God’s love for me, it helps me turn up my awareness of God's love.

A few years ago, my sister sent me a care package for my birthday. One of my favorite things inside was a small card that had the 6 steps of the Examen prayer. The first step of the Examen is written like this: “God, I believe that at this moment I am in your presence and you are loving me”. I’ve said this prayer a thousand times, but the other night it struck me for the first time that there is a difference between saying someone “loves” me and someone “is loving me”.

When I say I love someone, that means I care about them deeply, and I will show that I care for them in different ways. I might call them out of the blue or make them something to eat. But just because I love someone does not mean I’m loving them all the time. Sometimes I’m watching Netflix. Sometimes I’m doing my homework, totally concentrated on what’s in front of me (rare, but it does happen).

But God doesn’t just “love” us, God is love. God is loving us, every moment of every day. God’s love is as intimate and persistent as our heartbeat, more than that. How is God loving you, right now? Is there someone in the room with you whose presence is a comfort? Have you eaten something delicious? Did you see something beautiful, adorable, or funny today? All this and more is God’s love: your very blood rushing in your body without you having to think about it, your very breath filling your lungs.

So now what? I’ll definitely forget how much God is loving me again. And again, and again. It’s pretty easy to do, since there’s so much to think about, so much to do, and so often I make mistakes. But that’s why we have each other. Maybe we all remember that God is loving us at different times, so that when I forget, you can remind me, and when you forget, I’ll remind you. We can remind everyone, even without saying it, by lending a hand, listening well, and dedicating our lives to working for justice and peace everywhere we go.

Well it's your editor, back again to offer you a final reflection for this semester. We finally made it. I have to admit I’ve spent a lot of days crying, complaining, and finding every possible excuse to sleep. Of course we all need to cry sometimes, and complain a little, but it’s the new year now. It’s Advent. This is my favorite time of the year, because it’s a time of joyful waiting and expectation for Christmas. Advent always starts out with the gospel where Jesus says, “You do not know the day or the hour” when he will come. And I am normally struck by just how glad I am that I have a chance to be better prepared for Jesus than all those days I was moping around my house, feeling upset that nothing had happened to make me feel better.

Yesterday I got up really early, before the sunrise. And I watched as the yellow ribbon in the sky expanded and seeped into the blue, and as the sun burst over the horizon to shower the world in light. I’ve been getting up so late because I don’t want to sit another day tied to my screen, but getting up late made me I forget about the sunrise. Not everyone is a morning person, and that’s ok, but what I mean is I forgot about joy. I forgot that every day is an opportunity to be excited about spending time with God. Yes, Christ asks us to give up everything and follow him, to deny ourselves, to love our enemies, but I forgot that even in all of the difficulty of life, Jesus wants me to laugh.

We talk so often about “having a relationship with Jesus”, but this is a special kind of relationship. It’s a friendship, and friends laugh together, dance, sing, and go on adventures. Friends trust each other with secrets, friends have inside jokes. What inside jokes do you have with Jesus? (I’m serious y’all, being able to laugh at myself, and include God in that, changes my outlook a lot). What adventure are you going on with Jesus, where is he taking you? How does he convince you to go? Does God pester you to get out of bed in the morning, like your friend trying to get you to the airport on time? Watching the sunrise hit the dew-bedazzled tree in my front yard reminded me that there is so much beauty in this world and in this life. The invitation to joy is always there if I just look in my knowing-what’s-good-for-me mailbox—if I don’t forget the sunrise.

A quote from Lord of the Rings that I think is a good reflection of this year:

“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

One of the very few silver linings the pandemic brought to my life was plenty of opportunity to deeply reflect. One topic that fascinates me and inspires curiosity is the idea of free will. A couple weeks ago I had a fruitful conversation with my Hall Director about this. So here is some food for thought:

One day Berto decides to go on a run. It’s a nice day outside and he is feeling good so without giving it much thought, he takes off. The “free will” in this case is the action of me choosing to go on a run or not. What I am interested in is what caused my desire to run in the first place. Was it the nice weather? Or was it simply because I was feeling good? I would argue that it’s a little more complicated than that. I think that in the end, it boils down to my passion for running. And if it did boil down to my passion for running, then did I have a choice at all?

I think each and every action we commit stems from what we deeply desire and what we are passionate about. Whether its something as small as getting out of bed every day or watching Netflix, almost everything we do, whether we are aware if it or not, revolve around our desires. So what does this mean? Do we actually have free will? Or are we always subconsciously choosing what we desire?

I think we always have a choice. But I also think there is something interesting going on when we look inward and start wondering why one choice seems more appealing than another. Growing up Catholic I was taught that everyone was made in God’s image and likeness. As I got older, the essential message of this saying became more apparent. Rather than looks and appearances, we are like God through our most human aspects. In other words, our qualities and passions, that are most unique from one another, are the ways in which we are most like God. So if our desires and passions are the things that bring us closest to God, I feel like it would make sense for us to follow them.

As I wrap up my reflection, I would like you to think about a couple things you are passionate about. For instance, one thing I am passionate about is video production. In this moment right now, are you following/ acknowledging your passion? If not, take this reflection as a sign to help surround yourself with opportunities that might help you engage in things you are passionate about. If you are following your passions right now, then great job! Keep that up and keep following your gut :)

Hello dear friends,

This week's reflection is a message from your editor, me, Katie Wojda. First, if you would like to submit a reflection for our blog, just let me know! Send me an email at wojda21@up.edu. We have a lot of open weeks in need of writers!

A few weeks ago, I shared some poetry with my One Body small group. They all appreciated it, so I figured I could share it here will you all as well.

This summer, I went on a solo camping trip to take a kind of silent retreat. I went to a state park in southern Minnesota, and just sat in the prairie. Before I left on my little trip, I was on the phone with one of my greatest spiritual inspirations, my sister Clare. We were talking about all the work that we were doing, and how tired we were, and how it seemed we never got to really rest. I told Clare my camping trip was an attempt at resting, and not in any morbid way, Clare told me that we will never really rest until we are in our final resting place with God. "Heaven is like our final camping trip with Jesus", Clare said. Again, there is so much to be grateful for here on earth, but it is a kind of relief to know that this is not our true home. So after Clare and I got off the phone, I sat down, and wrote this poem.

My last camping trip:

I’ll die and hear the sound of a tent

zipper, and know, that there’s nothing

I have to do anymore.

It will smell like pine and lake

And there is the love I’ve felt

partially my whole life.

Fragments of it in smiles, long nights

and slow mornings, but nothing, nothing

like that feeling I’ll have after,

when the tent opens with the zipper

and there is my long lost lover,

whose face I haven’t seen since I was

stardust, whose smile is long nights, and every slow sunrise, and all the stars

and moons

when finally time exists apart

from me, worry, fear, anxiety, guilt

are forgotten in the zip

of the opening tent.

I’ll hold the hand of my creator,

who will fold me in rose petals and let me lay there forever- for

one eternal moment – never -

The mud squelched thickly under my boots as I opened the gate. A mass of pecking beaks and downy feathers surged towards me. Although I had been to L'Arche Tahoma Hope Community twice before, that bright February afternoon was the first time in my life I had ever ever fed a chicken, and more importantly it was the first time I realized that community means both similarity and difference.

L’Arche is an international organization that serves people with and without intellectual disabilities through the creation of diverse and intentional faith-based communities. These communities live together in homes and share the responsibilities of a household as well as sharing the joys and challenges of daily life. L’Arche began in Paris, France in 1964, and today it is in 38 countries and includes more than 10,000 members.

At 15, I was attending a Catholic high school that provided a fantastic education and a lot of spiritual formation, but it also had a student body that looked more homogeneous than a glass of milk. Majority white, middle to upper class, able-bodied, Catholic, and neurotypical.

As I stood in the chicken pen, scattering food around and taking photos of my classmates holding chickens, I recognized that my community was sheltered. There is nothing wrong with the homogeneity that I had experienced, except that it lacked the depth and richness that diverse opinions, understandings, and backgrounds bring. I was living in my own predetermined bubble. While I stood ankle deep in mud and chicken droppings, covered in dirt, and sore from moving potted plants around the farm, I was experiencing the beautiful neurodiversity that our world holds, something that no theology or psychology textbook can ever teach. My classmates and I were reaching outside of what we expected, and knew to be comfortable, and instead making an impact on our wider community, by seeing something from beyond our own eyes.

Don’t get me wrong, even now entering into diverse community is a challenge but seeing our world from a complex, multi-dimensional and multi-faceted approach shows me that my experience is not the “right” way to view the world, but one of many possible ways. This year, as an FFA, I have the opportunity to join the Portland L’Arche communities once a month. Although different in a virtual format, each Saturday that we meet I am reminded that Jesus didn’t pick just one type of person to hang out with. He chose the richest tax collectors, the poorest debtors, the prostitutes, the children, and the people different from himself. And through these varied backgrounds and identities He found commonality that spoke volumes to His message of love. In a world so separated, by gender, race, political alignment, socioeconomic brackets, and the million other things that draw us apart, there are still so many commonalities between us. By finding the similarity in the midst of difference, we create a stronger, more united, and more meaningful experience within our communities. Suddenly it’s not just about community service, it’s about Christ’s love. We build bridges that lead us to lands of opportunity and critical thinking, not just for ourselves but for all people.

Today, when I look back on those photos of my classmates holding chickens, I am reminded that community is a lot of things, but homogenous should not be one of those. The L’Arche mission says it best: “To work for community is to work for humanity.” You or I may not be able to fix or overcome the problems that plague our world, but I know that by being in relationship with those that are different than ourselves, we can find the commonalities that can make our world better. So, I leave you with this: who can you be courageously in community alongside?

I’ll be honest. I have definitely been spending a lot more time lying on the floor in contemplation, taking drives to cry alone and pray, and waking up each day hoping that some kind of miracle happened to reverse all that has occurred in the world this year.

Each day of online classes, more zoom meetings, work, short interactions with family, and only getting time to connect with friends through a quick text, if at all, feels so mundane. Even as I try to be my best self and plan for the future, I find myself questioning what I’m doing right now, what I’m doing in this season, what I’m doing with my life.

Things just don’t feel real anymore. As I listen to the news and watch things happen around me, I am in complete awe of what our world has and is becoming due to racism, sickness, climate change, poor leadership, anger, hurt, ignorance, and everything else. I feel like there is little I can do to stop it. I feel hopeless and completely helpless. I look at a world that is truly missing love...

As a person of faith, the only thing that continues to ground me is Jesus.

Even when the world around me feels scattered and in shambles, when most things don’t feel right and I even feel wrong about things actually feeling right, I remember that I can still trust and hope in the One who first loved me, the One who is the ultimate example of love, who is Love.

Fr. Tim’s recent video on vocation for Week 4 of the One Body Initiative really resonated with me. I realize that I have a lot of current uncertainty and questioning that relates to figuring out what my vocation is as a follower of Jesus and what God’s calling is for my life. In a season like this, where everything has felt like a setback, it’s hard to see what God is calling me to. I wonder if I am doing enough. I wonder if I am truly serving others. I wonder if I am really showing love. The big picture ideas and planning out for the future seem so fuzzy and scary. I worry about things like wasted potential or not living up to an ability to do really amazing things for God’s kingdom. However, what I’ve been most reminded of is that even though I don’t have all the answers, it’s okay. No matter how scary the future seems or how difficult the present may be, I still trust that God is working and that He is in control. I continue to try my best to remain faithful. What I am most reminded of through reflecting on this idea of “vocation” is that I know that my calling as a follower of Jesus, in anything, is to love.

John 15:12-13

¹² “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

I am reminded each time I pray, each time I open my Bible, each time I reflect on Jesus, that because He first loved me, I am to love like He did. No matter where I might be in life, what job I have, who I am surrounded by, I know that my calling from God is to love. I find purpose in this.

When I look at a world that is hurting, I see a need for love. Even though it may sound simple, if I can do better at loving those around me, I know that it can yield a greater good. When everything seems overwhelming and hopeless, I know that I have the ability to contribute something good and that is love. Even though I may not have all the answers as to what I’m doing with my life right now, I know that God is calling me to love and that is something significant.

My challenge for all of us is to reflect on the ways we can love more. How can we better love the people we live with? How can we better love the marginalized in our communities? How can we better love our professors, classmates, teammates, coworkers? How can we use our voices to show Jesus’ love? Ultimately, how can better grasp and fall into God’s love for us and reflect that ourselves?

Can you imagine a world without jealousy or envy? What about a world where everyone was grateful with what they had? How about a world where everyone saw the value in everything and never wanted more? No war. No global issues. Gender equality among all. Racial discrimination is no longer a way of thinking. It seems perfect.

It may seem perfect, but it is not realistic. Jealousy and envy have become overpowering aspects of our lives and we do not realize it until we hypothesize what it could be if we take these ideas away.

It is easier for people to fall into jealousy and become envious than it is to be truly happy for those around you and content with what you have. It is common for people to judge, jump to conclusions, and wish for something more; it is an innate aspect of humans to yearn for something they do not have. I was constantly jealous of my friends who are prettier and more talented and those who got better grades but did not try as hard. I was envious of those who took credit for something I worked hard on and of my peers who constantly got the upper hand because they were more popular.

Last weekend’s gospel, Matthew 20:1-16, portrays the themes of fairness and generosity. The priest at my parish put this gospel into a perspective that combines the lines “Are you envious because I am generous” and “the last shall be first, and the first shall be last”. In his homily, he told us that we should always strive to be the first to be generous, and the last to be envious. This can go for both physical objects and stewardship. One can be generous with their money, but they can also be generous with their time, talent, and treasures. Giving to others should not be a competition with your peers and feeding the homeless should not be a way to boost your like-count on social media; the meanings of “generosity” and “selflessness” changes once one uses it in selfish ways. God challenges us to give willingly, and to appreciate what we have because all the blessings we have received are uniquely ours.

This gospel speaks such truths to the world we are living in now; it can relate to the Black Lives Matter movement, how people’s carelessness has led to ocean pollution, and even our performance in school. In school, we are quick to compare ourselves to others and belittle ourselves. Generosity can also translate to being kind to ourselves; being generous in self-compliments. When we are not generous to ourselves, we sabotage ourselves from reaching our fullest potential. Envy and jealousy are both thieves of happiness. In this case, we are the first to be envious and the last to be generous. It is easy to focus on the bad, even if it doesn’t outweigh the good. Remember that YOU are doing your best while persevering through this time of adversity due to this pandemic. Pray often, be kind to yourself.

I have definitely fallen into this lifestyle a few times, to the point where it became a habit to constantly compare myself to others. This always led me to think I was not good enough. Especially during this pandemic, I constantly thought how difficult it would be to do the semester online and how I couldn’t do it. The weeks leading up to the start of school were stressful because there was so much to achieve in very little time. It got to the point where I was not able to focus because I was trying to do everything at once and be the best person I can be to please everyone else. I admit, I am a people pleaser, and I grew up not knowing what it means to do “self-care”. Not being generous to myself wrecked my self-confidence and greatly shifted what I thought of myself. Although this never affected how I treated others, there was a lack of fairness of how I treated myself. I am not perfect, but I am trying my best to be a kinder person to myself and to others.

During this pandemic, I have tried my best to keep my faith life active. I have been reconnecting with the UP community through small groups and being a retreat leader, praying with my mom, and volunteering at church. While we can go back to church physically, it is not the same due to the physical distancing we must abide by. Every day I challenge you to think or write down one way where you were the first to be generous, and the last to be envious.

We all have a unique purpose, and sometimes we lose sight of that. Listen to the song “Redeemed” by Big Daddy Weave and reflect on all the ways that you have been redeemed through the generosity of God.

Doing college online wasn’t part of my plan, so I made the best of it by taking frequent walks around the neighborhood. It was really gratifying to be able to step out and enjoy the ambiance, smell the literal roses, and treat myself to a plum from a very friendly neighbor’s plum tree. I used the joy from these experiences to remember and contemplate God’s nearness.

And now the sky is gray but it’s not even clouds in the sky that we’re seeing. In the name of health, it is better for me to stay inside and do the best I can to stretch and use my body within the space of my living room than to inhale the air outside. As someone who bases a lot of my relationship/understanding of God in nature, my soul has been hurting. I’ve been having a real hard time finding the motivation to do the reading for a class that feels like it has no purpose especially when it feels like it’s the actual end of the earth. And I know this is not a me problem.

With the climate crisis feeling ever more tangible and living in the wake of the social justice movement of the century, and a very critical election with stakes in both these issues impending (ALL during a PANDEMIC???), I can’t help but feeling like God is far away.

I’m so used to the narrative that tells us to deal with things with calmness and composure, that it has made a very specific reaction to crisis seem like the only appropriate reaction. For a couple days I was trying really hard to keep it together, I asked God for prudence and patience, and in my prayers, it was like I was acting like everything was fine. It’s kind of silly thinking that I thought I could keep how I really felt about the situation out of my prayers.

I used to be afraid of my negative emotions. I was taught that they pull us away from God because God is goodness itself, so when we dwell on our sadness it inhibits spiritual closeness. This couldn’t be further from the truth. God loves us AS WE ARE, especially when we are feeling down, God wants us to draw even nearer. This includes when we may feel not as lovable, whether from anger, sadness, or any ugly combination of the two.

I had this flash reminder Thursday evening after chatting with a good friend over the phone. In our conversation, she was telling me about some problems she was having in her relationship with respect to emotional expression. It was perfectly relevant for me to remind her that we can encourage one another to grow and become the best versions of ourselves, and we love and accept one another as we are.

With maintaining emotionally intimate relationships, there comes a certain honesty. With respect to my relationship with God as well as my relationship with myself, during the times I just want to cry, I allow myself to. I want to be able to come to God with anything and He can just take it away.

So then I said goodbye, took out my pen and journal, and got to writing. I began to list all the things that were bothering me through angry tears. I wrote about my helplessness in all of this. I described in detail all the things I wished were going on instead of what is actually happening. I listed all the ways which someone could be suffering because of the hazardous air that I could think of. And then I cried. Quietly screaming, but the screaming into my pillow type of crying. I felt like I was The Little Mermaid and my father just finished destroying my gizmos and gadgets; just dramatically sobbing into my bed. When I was done, I signed the bottom of my journal entry with, “All these things I place in Your hands. They are no longer my problems.”

I then took a shower and called it an evening. The next morning, though still under a smoky gray sky, I was able to think about all the things I can do because I allowed myself to feel how I felt about the things that I cannot do.

My sense of power restored; I was able to finish my homework for the day in half the time it had been taking me. My sense of worth restored; I had a very enriching evening with my roommates. My meditative mid-afternoon walks now look like meditative stretching in my room.

It is Sunday evening that I write this reflection, and in complete honesty, today was a tougher day. I did not complete as much as I planned. My advice today has 2 parts:

1. Remembering that God loves me as I am is something I cling to. It reminds me that I don’t have to feel sad that I am sad. I get to just feel sad. Some days I will only be able to complete the bare minimum, and that’s okay too.

2. As students we can feel especially helpless since we cannot always contribute time and/or money. Part of what keeps me motivated academically is this: By managing my coursework, I am taking necessary steps in preparing myself to be part of the change I want to see in my communities.