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Just as we, in our unconscious minds cannot differentiate between the wish to kill somebody in anger and the act of killing, so the young child is unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality. The child who angrily wishes his mother to drop dead for not having gratified his needs will be traumatized greatly by her actual death-even if this event is not linked closely in time with his destructive wishes. He will always take part or all the blame for the loss of his mother. He will always say to himself-rarely to others-"I did it, I am responsible, I was bad, therefore Mommy left me." It is well to remember that the child will react in the same manner if he loses a parent by divorce, separation, or desertion. Death is often seen by a child as impermanent, and therefore little distinct from a divorce, after which he may have an opportunity to see a parent again. Many a parent will remember remarks of their children such as, "I will bury my doggy now and next spring when the flowers come up again, he will get up." Maybe it was the same wish that motivated the ancient Egyptians to supply their dead with food and goods to keep them happy and the old American Indians to bury their relatives with their belongings. When we grow older and begin to realize that our omnipotence is not really so great, that our strongest wishes are not powerful enough to make the impossible possible, the fear that we have contributed to the death of a loved one diminishes-and with it the guilt. The fear remains diminished, however, only so long as it is not challenged too strongly. Its vestiges can be seen daily in hospital corridors and in people associated with the bereaved. A husband and wife may have been fighting for years, but "-hen the partner dies, the survivor will cry and be overwhelmed with regret, fear, and anguish, and will fear his own death more, still believing in the law of talion-an eye for an eye, a tooth for .: tooth-"I am responsible for her death, I will have to die a pitiful death in retribution." Maybe this knowledge will help us to understand many of the customs and rituals that endured over the centuries and whose purpose is to diminish the anger of the gods or society, as the case may be, thus decreasing the anticipated punishment. I think of the ashes, the torn clothes, the veil, the Klage Weiber of the old days-they are all means of asking others to take pity on them, the mourners, and are expressions of sorrow, grief, and shame. A person who grieves, beats his breast, tears his hair, or refuses to eat, is attempting self-punishment to avoid or reduce the anticipated external punishment for the blame he expects on the death of a loved one.

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