Collective Dream Journal

Entry 1: Submitted 9/24/24, 12:52 PM

this is a word-for-word of my favorite dream i had: 

lebrun goat mom vs fortnite balls on insta

fortnite balls wins

it was an instagram poll appearing in my head like a giant screen and i picked fortnite balls and it won

score was like 56-44 or something

i think that my dream means i’m brain rotted and the memes started manifesting in my dreams ahh get it out type shi. also ain’t got no aspirations for the future except being the goat

Entry 2: Submitted 9/24/24, 1:24 PM

Even though it’s kind of stereotypical, I dream of making my own little family and watching my kids grow up. There is something so magical thinking about a little creation I helped make change every day. 

Unrelated, I had a dream that I attended a cheese wedding. I watched two wedges of cheese get married and a disco ball came down from the sky. Kinda cool

Whenever I have trippy dreams, it usually means I’m about to be sick, haha. In terms if my future aspirations, I think it speaks to an inherent calling I have to empower kids through experience

Entry 3: Submitted 9/24/24, 1:31 PM

Walking up clear stairs over an ocean

Entry 4: Submitted 9/24/24, 1:38 PM

I often dream that I’m with people that I know but they don’t really notice me

Maybe my dream means I view myself as someone who isn’t “good enough” for some people

Entry 5: Submitted 9/24/24, 1:46 PM

As i was walking through a creepy forest, Freak bob called and I didn’t answer. After walking another minute he came behind me and started to [REDACTED] and then I woke up

Freak bob is gonna get me

Entry 6: Submitted 9/24/24, 1:47 PM

Had a reality warping dream that completely changed my perspective on what sheer terror really could feel like. It's better that I describe the feeling rather than the events because I think the theme of the dream was some sort of cosmic horror because I genuinely barely understood what was happening to me. It felt like I had a complete lack of control of anything. Like the universe or some higher being was toying with me and exposing me to things my brain literally couldn't process or comprehend. I still can't explain what I experienced honestly

Peter is [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]

Entry 7: Submitted 9/24/24, 2:01 PM

A dream I had recently is that someone in my family was trying to look for me because they were angry about something I had done to them! I cannot even recall what the hell I did but I remember trying to get away from them and bring everyone I cared away. Weird dream

I think I dreams mean I may be upset about what my family thinks about me / afraid of what they may think (they are not crazy mean or anything they’re actually really nice but that’s just my thought process)

A dream I have for the future is to just be more consistent, going to the gym, being more efficient at work, marking new social connections, just trying to generally better myself and my overall health.

My aspirations for the future say what I want in life and how I am going to achieve it

Entry 8: Submitted 9/24/24, 2:12 PM

my first ever dream was that I got run over by one of those green tractors and I am still scared of them when I see them. I dream a lot (3-4 times per night), most include my friends, family, boyfriend, or teeth falling out. Recently I've been dreaming a bunch about my old friends from high school (we were friends from grades 4-12 before going separate ways after a fight); I don't usually think about them when at school but being home and lonely is challenging lol. 

Usually my dreams are things I'm scared about (losing my teeth being one of my biggest fears) or something I'm sad/ regretful about (losing HS friends). But sometimes I have absolutely no idea what the correlation is... like the other night I had a dream I was in 5th grade and on crutches from tearing my ACL (which I never did, but L's friend N did last month) and that his friend N's name was actually Vincenzo (even though we didn't know each other in 5th grade nor do we frequently talk currently).

dreams I have for the future are to be at peace/ find happiness with my life and who I am, move out of my house, have a successful career that is both intellectually stimulating and financially stable, travel, live near a close group of friends, and get married (in that order).

I feel like in my life I need both meaning and happiness to truly feel fulfilled, and my dreams are a combination of those values. I think I'm overall generally unhappy with where I'm at right now (both physically and mentally but physically more so) which is why my aspirational dreams are centered around leaving home. I also think our dreams evolve based on where we're at physically/ mentally, and once I live somewhere else they'll likely shift again. There is not a major overlap between my aspirational dreams and my sleepy time dreams (e.g. I'm not usually dreaming of living somewhere else/ in a specific profession/ married).

Entry 9: Submitted 9/24/24, 2:38 PM

I dream i had recently was with some co workers and my boss where we all were drinking beer and having a good time

To me these dreams signify that i am comfortable with these people and want to have fun with them. My aspirations for the future say that i am comfortable with my group and want to see them more

Entry 10: Submitted 9/24/24, 3:22 PM

Performing for a crowd of people

Despite my crippling stage fright, there’s nothing I want more than to perform. Music, dance, poetry, silly lip syncing in costume. It doesn’t matter. I’ve always wanted to do that. It would be freeing. I would finally feel like I have power over myself and a platform to advocate for human beings once I conquer the fear of a spotlight being on me. My biggest fear is being perceived and I have an addiction to facing my fears.

Entry 11: Submitted 9/24/24, 3:59 PM

1) Sleeping Dreams

I actually do keep a dream journal in my phone, this was at the time where I was trying to achieve lucid dreaming which I WAS successful at a couple times but it can be a very fickle state of mind to achieve. I find that in a world that lacks control, being able to control my dreams how I want them not only satiates something internal for me but also helps me visualize certain tasks or goals I want to achieve. This being said, I haven't tracked a dream since August 25th😅, now I do still dream but I have been getting lazy writing them down since I started back up at school. I don't have a particular dream in mind but I have noticed an interesting trend. Over the past two summers I have tried lucid dreaming and I have found that right around August, I start having many more dreams about school. One night it'll be a flashback to middle school, another night it'll be a flashback to my days at [high school], another night it'll be be a flashback to my life at [college] but there were always strange amalgamations of the schools in these dreams. For instance, I may start in the hallway of [high school] but when I enter the auditorium, it transforms into my middle school auditorium and then into my college's cafeteria and so on. All these locations congeal into one location where different parts of schools from different stages of my life all fit into one structure in my dreams. I find it particularly interesting because last summer I knew I wasn't going back to school but in my mind, I think my mind was preparing to go back to school cause that's what I did for the past 16+ years of my life. Even though I consciously knew I wasn't going to school, something innate in me had to prepare for something cause it'd feel weird not having that routine.

The funny thing about my sleeping dreams is that I rarely dream of my future life or anything in the present. More often than not I am visited by childhood friends or friends I am no longer close with and I talk with them, sometimes in my child state, sometimes in my adult state but what's interesting is that even in my adult state I often still see them in their child state or the state they were in the last time I saw them. It's like they're forever frozen in time in my mind and I just connect with them to repair something inside. I actually have a dream written down from July 24th, 2023 about you. In my journal I wrote: "I had a dream that I went on a field trip with classmates to this icy lake with seals, we were bundled up in jackets and long pants. I was on the trip with Pete, S, and H." It wasn't as descriptive as other but it's interesting how different people seem to walk in your dreams, I didn't even know S that well, nor H but I guess in my mind, I first created you in the dream and by association H and by association of him, S (when they were still dating). I do try to remember my dreams because I think it can often open up our minds to other perspectives or just have a more enjoyable sleep. 

2) Dreams of the future 

The problem I find with dreams of the future is not that I no longer dream but it's the fact that I have too many...too many to complete in one lifetime, that is. These dreams can be sorted into "Big Life" and "Small Life".

"Small Life"- I often dream of this nowadays but it just depends on my state of mind. I actually drive to [PLACE] and picture a future life. In this small life I dream of having an amazing wife who is caring, sweet, funny, and pretty. I want to be able share the same ideals with her while also being able to confide in her about anything on my mind no matter how large or small. I want someone who will understand me wholly without any stress of miscommunication. Now I don't want the "perfect" wife, I of course want her to have her flaws, maybe she gets on my nerves sometimes, maybe sometimes she makes a mistake, maybe she unintentionally hurts me but as long as we are able to work it out, that's all that really matters in my mind. I want her to have differing views, I want her to disagree with me. If I didn't, I'd marry a mirror and I assure you I am not that egotistical. 

Let me back up to the start. 

The start of this ideal "Small Life" would begin with me and my partner living in a small apartment, somewhere in the city (I've always wanted to live in a city as a young adult and then transition into the suburbs as I grow older) I'd be working as a Physical Therapist while she works in whatever job she chooses (Nurse, Accountant, Teacher, etc) we'd spend a couple years living in the city with maybe a cat or a dog or both. We'd "play family" with our pets for a couple years. We'd go out on the weekends, enjoy our small group of friends, go to concerts, sports games, etc. and make the most of the city. When we feel stable financially we'd marry and move out to the suburbs. A nice home that isn't too large but has enough space for a family. We'd spend a year or two getting acclimated in the new environment, we'd spend holidays together, watch scary movies and give out candy on halloween, decorate  and make cookies for Christmas, go out for valentines day...we'd do it all. Then when we feel ready we'll start a family. Ideally I'd want 2-3 kids, I'd love to have a daughter and maybe 2 boys or 2 daughters and a boy. I don't mind either, I just would love to have the diversity of a daughter and a son. From there, my wife and I would work hard to give our kids the life our parents gave us--or an even better life. We'd go to their soccer games on weekends, school plays, band concerts etc. and getting to do this with my wife by my side is the most romantic part about this, that I get to do it all with her. I have so many more "ideals" for this "small life" but I'll leave it here. 

"Big Life"- I get this strong dream from time to time about living this big life being a music producer/music artist. I'd live out in sunny California making the music that I want with the people I want. I'd be able to generate wealth with touring, music sales, etc. and I'd have the opportunity to compose musical scores for TV/movies. In this life, I'd have my own at-home studio flooded with gear from the 60s and 70s where I can create with the exacts sounds that I love. The albums I write will be lauded for its' creativity and ingenuity, all the while they cement themselves in the history of music. At the same time, my friends, family, and peers will all commend my creative efforts on each album and show genuine praise for it. I often said that I'd love to have a life like Jack Antonoff, where he produces for all these artists while also having his own pet project with Bleachers. He's gotten bigger in the past few years but I think having that happy medium of being popular enough where my music is more recognized than my actual appearance so then I'm not flooded in public with cameras and such. I have so many ideas for albums that I would LOVE to complete but I don't have the proper resources for it. Being able to have all these resources at my fingertips is the most glamorous thing about this life. If I could craft a 70s album with all 70s gear, I would be satisfied in life. Same goes with 60s music too, I never want to half-ass something and if I want a 60s vibe, I will do everything in my power to achieve that sound with the resources I have at hand. 

These aspirations of mine are there to keep me motivated and I think these two sides of my future aspirations are very common among a lot of people. Some days we all want acclaim, fame, recognition, importance; and other days we just want a simple life with a stable job and a great family. My "small life" future caters to the family side of my brain, I want to be able to have a great family with my loving wife while enjoying all the little things that come along with it. My "big life" future caters to the creative/ego side of my brain where I can cement myself in music history while chasing posthumous fame. It is a frivolous thing to chase posthumous fame because I won't be here to enjoy the rewards of it but there is something very romantic about being able to have a lasting musical legacy long after death. Over the past couple years these dreams have started to melt together and to be fully satirized in my life, my ultimate dream is to be able to be a great dad, raising a great family with my loving wife while also writing and releasing music I am proud of that also makes an impact on the lives of my family, friends, and peers. I have plenty more dreams but I think these two encapsulate a bulk majority of it...

You can see in the "small life" view, I am much more focused on the family side of life and the others around me, where as the "big life" perspective is more focused on my ego and the acclaim surrounding my music. 

There's nothing wrong with having multiple dreams but being indecisive in which path you want to go down is what will kill these dreams altogether. Be decisive with your dreams and take the steps you need to be fully satisfied in life. I'm gonna leave this quote from "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath here because I think it's very apt when talking about dreams of the futur

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” -Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Entry 12: Submitted 9/24/24, 5:09 PM

I had a dream I was sitting in a squeaky chair in an empty room. I was completely alone just spinning, letting the chair squeak. Zero thoughts.

I feel like my brain is constantly running and I just want to give it a break and not think for once.

Entry 13: Submitted 9/25/24, 2:54 AM

Had a dream that was normal mostly until crossfit. lived in an apartment complex and developed casual sexual relationship with a woman who also lived in the apartment complex. we went to cross fit together and i was hesitant because people had been telling me that crossfit is a cult. At crossfit, we exercised then they brought all the new people into a room with a bicycle contraption -- it was like 50 bicycles welded onto a central spinning pole all next to each other with the front of the bicycle facing the pole. where the seat should have been on each bicycle there was a clear plastic box with two chains to chain people in, each box containing two people. the boxes were filled halfway with murky water and enclosed from above with another panel of the plastic. no one was scared it was more like man that sucks we gotta get in the box. box starts spinning and i woke up

I have no idea lol i guess i shouldnt go to crossfit

Entry 14: Submitted 9/25/24, 3:03 AM

I recently drove through san francisco for the first time. About a week or two later I had a dream where I crossed the golden gate bridge through the fog in the late afternoon. No one else was on the bridge. The fog was too deep to see more than 50ish feet away probably. there were no cars on the bridge. It was mostly quiet except for the wind. After crossing the bridge, I walked up a mountain through the woods -- it was kind of rainforest like and there were bird sounds but still no people. When i got to the top there was a clearing with an all red firetower that looked very similar to the bridge.  the firetower was constructed above a shallow natural reflecting pool. it was night by the time i was up there but the moonlight was reflecting off the water onto the bottom of the firetower, which was sort of like a red steel vaulted ceiling, making like blue-white shapes (think sunlight entering a pool). I laid in the pool for a long time and looked up at the shapes and felt good

i have no idea -- i have been dreaming about water recently rhoufh and this is another water dream. I've also been thinking about and noticing red a lot. my calculus professor uses this vibrant red chalk made for marking up container ships 

Entry 15: Submitted 9/25/24, 1:22 PM

Repeated dreams about someone I used to be best friends with reconciling or finding common ground and waking up relieved and satisfied to only feel longing for my dream to occur in real life. But I will never reach out

I have to get over ego one day and reach out but i fear rejection and still hold onto old grudges.

Entry 16: Submitted 9/25/24, 8:37PM

1. [NAME] was a sorority and across the street was [NAME]. We partied and hung out together. I shared a room with L and another random person. A taped our pictures all over. Was apparently a huge scandal. They tried to kick me out. K and J appear. A child who has no friends befriends is here. Do not eat the bread bowl. I go home by plane. Have to pick up R's bag in airport. It was difficult. I made it.

I do remember the bread bowl being poisonous or something. 

 2. I went with Z to the mall. He used a fake credit card. We are caught. Me, him and J are arrested. They literally do not question us for hours. I know I’ll be okay. 

Probably related to my fear of committing a crime. I was not aware that it was a dream in the dream but I remember feeling at peace.

3. J and I were getting married at 19. We had a weird first dance. I was dressed as a shark? Confusion about when we were actually getting married. I was chopping an eggplant but it tasted like a lime. Suddenly I’m back at [PLACE] and sister S is making us recycle and we needed 9 recycle things to leave.

Potentially about being excited about love and wanting marriage in life. 

 4. M got M pregnant.  (Redact names after)

I was in college and hadn’t talked to either for a bit. Maybe went to my fear of being pregnant.  

5. Another nightmare. I leave all of my jewlrey in a closet. I’m helping someone. When I return L took it all and dispersed it and it was all over. Multiple people had different pieces and one was even in a jewlrey store. 

This is actually a fear of mine to lose my jewelry or get it stolen. Not sure why that girl is involved. Haven’t talked to hear in years before that dream. 

6. I was with L from C's party. There was a huge spider and a web. L kept knocking it down but it built up quickly. 

I’ll be deep and say my fear of change. But honestly not too sure. 

7. (note: un-anonymized names are characters from the show Shameless) 

I recognized Debbie and Carl from Shameless. M ordered a large blizzard. It was Oreo and vanilla and caramel. Very good. I went up to Debbie and was chill and told her I’m not gonna draw any attention. She liked me. I requested to have her let me get a pic with Ethan. She agreed. Ethan for some reason shared the same suite as my family behind a hidden door. E was talking shit about me. I was upset and I left. Sometimes you shouldn’t meet your heroes. 

8. I had a bag of coke on me. We were doing a practice and I couldn’t find a place to put it. I tried to flush it but someone kept looking under the door. I tried to put it in someone else’s pocket but it turned out to be R. 

This definitely goes to my fear of crimes and being caught with drugs. 

Entry 16: Submitted 9/26/24, 1:04PM

The only recurring dream I have is where I am in someone’s car getting onto the turnpike and as I go through the toll booth I fall off a cliff right on the other side of the toll and every time I wake up before I hit the bottom.  

Entry 17: Submitted 10/22/24, 2:52PM

We were standing in an infinite ocean made up of tiered ledges. As the water fell over the cliffs into the chasms between them, it turned into a sort of liquid darkness that felt like something between water and air. At the bottom of the pits we walked in and out of rooms filled with this liquid darkness and threw each other towards the sky. Suddenly we were back in the infinite ocean, standing in knee deep water, staring at each other from afar. 

I think my dreams are telling me I'm sleep deprived and need to sleep more.