Reflections

The season of happiness has come again and it has brought all the celebrations with it. As I look into the mirror, I see the extra two pounds gained during this time. And as I look toward the living room, my parents seem to be bothered and worried about it more than me. Will these two pounds become the hurdle between me and the perfect life partner? Or do I need one? Isn’t my education enough to do that? 

“Settled” was the one-word answer I received as I asked my mother the purpose of marriage when I am perfectly content with what I have. How does the existence of another being in my life validate my happiness? 

As I run my fingers on my dark skin, which is considered another hurdle on the way, my parents are baffled by the idea that a person of 25 years does not see marriage as an option in his life. And on the other side, I am baffled by the idea that humans have evolved years for such modernization. The modernisation where marriage is considered the ultimate goal for a human being, be it of any gender.

A civilised society Where just one glance On a woman and the financial status confirms and ties the knot between two souls, two completely stranger souls. And a civilised Society where the dowry system is now covered with a beautiful wrapper name ‘gift’. 

It Almost seems like I am getting an education and a career just to get settled in a knot with a complete stranger who does not see past my 2 pounds of weight, my dark skin or my short height. 

And as I look into the mirror, scanning the 2 pounds of weight I have gained, a thought crosses my mind that I do not want to run in this pressurised race where the ultimate prize is the same for every person, marriage. 

A brief insight into traditions, of what society "expected" of women in India.

‘Women’ – I wonder who coined this term and what was going on in the mind of the individual who  coined this term. I perceive it as an add-on to the term ‘Men’ which according to me, is the added unique feature of carrying a womb within. I wish to step into the shoes of a neutral observer and understand the most important phase of “gender identification” when it comes to  “weddings” and  “shenanigans”

In today’s day and age, a large share families still consider it practical to select a groom or bride on the basis of various factors like caste , class , looks ,fame and money. These attributes contribute towards what is considered a viable and approved method to select a partner. This belief is compounded by the fact that a marriage typically involves the coming together of two families . If the girl happens to select a groom for herself, she is termed as “characterless” or “asanskari” and parents are blamed. But if a boy selects his own mate, he is considered “cool” and his parents, even “cooler”.

If it is an arranged marriage taking place, then the first of many queries hurled at the to-be bride’s father is "how much money can you spend on our guests, gifts and on the party?" Besides, the process of marrying off one’s daughter is termed as ‘kanyadaan’ -- meaning the donation of a girl. Come to think of it, it is almost as though the girl is a “possession” -- an inanimate entity so to speak who exchanges hands as one would exchange a commodity.

The questions on top of mind for me are, “Is it not possible to select a groom of your own choice like we saw in our great religious scriptures? Can we not emulate examples from the “Ramayana” where Sita was empowered to choose her own husband with her father’s guidance ?”

It is only fitting to step back in time. Prior to the Aryans’ invasion of India girls or women were accorded an equal standing as society’s male members. Even if one is to analyse traditions from long ago or examine primitive art, it is clear that girls and boys were considered equals in society.

However, following the introduction of casteism, a new era emerged. These new doctrines tried to dominate and with it, there emerged new societal structures, where women received the short end of the stick.

The traditions took a dramatic u-turn, so much so that women were expected to be a “Rapunzel of sorts, a stay-at-home princess”. Meanwhile, she was expected to treat her male counterpart as a ‘God’ or ‘divine form’. The boy or man  might or might not have been smarter than her, but society liked to call the male member smarter regardless.

Women often subconsciously assume the role of a homemaker. Society would ideally see her enacting roles such as cooking and taking care of children and family first. These areas are bradly termed as ‘grihasti’. Moreover, she should hold no outside knowledge because once she is married, the old notion went that she might get smarter and possibly outsmart her husband. This would then hurt the male ego and, in turn, go against the principles of “grihasti” or paying obeisance to the male.

It is interesting to see the ideals of equality being followed, albeit with major differences in interpretation. For instance, the Indian Constituition guarantees the ‘right to life’. Unfortunately, however, the ‘educated’ Indian mindset is often in a cocoon of its own, very interestingly enveloped in some archaic school of thought!

Women were often forced to adhere to strict stereotypical roles that were given to them, but many have begun to break free from those roles in the past 100 years. Access to education has been an eye opener worldwide. Though realisation has dawned upon many about their dreams and what they deserve  yet , not all women enjoy the right to education according to their free will. Their roles are determined by their specific culture , religion , and sometimes the outdated traditions. It is logical and human to give equal entitlement and opportunities but there is a great deal of resistance seen in the society when it comes to offering an equal playing field.

It confuses me are the ‘sanskaari’ people confused or enveloping their weakness with the ‘sanskaari’ and ‘good reputed, broad minded’ family envelopes ??

It’s really interesting to see the educated broadminded family views in a ‘Marwari society’ who are looking for beautiful , educated girl whom they can show off in their useless son's club parties and since they are buying her as a product with money to be given by the parents along, they are going to decide what ‘they allow’ her to do in life and what not as they suddenly become dictators of a person’s life because they must have been really talented to have given ‘birth’ to a son to be empowered to do so, as I cannot see the empowerment given to the Law book of our country or traditional scriptures as well.

A girl is now put in a jail of ‘sanskari well reputed family’ . And the best yet the worst part is all the girls parents out there knowing the pain of their daughter are bowing down

The impact of education, if any, on progressive mindsets is that no one has the capability to raise a voice. I would like to raise a ‘toast’ to the educated families, Wow! your views are ridiculously, illogically  enveloped in your fake male ego dominated good family packages.

 Have you heard of the proverb that ‘little knowledge is a dangerous thing?’ So that’s exactly what you face even if you try to suppress emotions, they are going to burst thereby breaking families someday or the other.

“Kyunki saans bi kbi bahu thi” right?

 You had the same dear stereotypes. Let me give u the knowledge about a few things.

‘Dowry’ can be given by both male and female to the bride as a security ‘for her’  which now comes in the form of educated and independent , career oriented girl . This is supposedly given as a respect and support to help her come out of the comfort zone she was living in. Girls are educated and made who they are because they were loved like a daughter and given the freedom and choice to move out and struggle . She makes the sacrifice of changing her entire life.

Our society cultures stop her we kill that -we liked about her. Marriage is a bond of family, it’s an extension. It’s a choice to understand each other and throw a party with the understanding of the families. Marriage was not intended to begin with cost of expenses.

 To the Parents of a girl - Your daughter is not a product, treat hear like the “Janki”.

“Shenanigans” are meant to be mischievous and that’s mostly society and friends, either ways, we need to open our perception and utilise the wisdom of education to become civilised and rational in our thoughts and decision making process.

Either we should follow our traditions completely or not. Why duality? Yes I agree world is duality but duality is not the world.

There is one DIVINE!

Reflect back on your life by watching podcasts and life enriching videos 

on our you tube handle PERSELF : heal and feel click here 

ANTARAGNI: UNMUTE YOURSELF

Most of us commit the mistake of underestimating ourselves. You must be doing the same.

We start  thinking that we too can never create an impact on the life of other people  simply because we ourselves have not done something awestrucking.

We live in a community wherein there’s a vast social distance between two sets of people.The former comprises people who have got beautiful life experiences, tonnes of wisdom but are hesitant to share their life experiences, their stories with the second group of people who are only too eager to listen and learn from them.

Well by now, you must be wondering about which group you fall into. Beautiful life experiences??

Well, my life has just been a sad saga full of problems and miseries.If this is what you are thinking, we welcome you to the second group.

Wait a second and sit still. Don’t you realise that even after so much struggles, problems, miseries and uncertainties in your life, you are still living and adding to the entropy of this universe?

Have  you not created beautiful memories, gained lifetime experiences and learnt various lessons? YES, you have had them all.So what is that which relegates your stature to the second group?

Well, it’s your perception towards things.

The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. It is the power of your thoughts that make you a prince or a pauper.Do you not want a chance to elevate your entity to the first group, that is, realize the fact that you are awesome and that you ought to create social impact because people await to listen to the journey of your life.

“Lives of great men all remind us

We can make our lives sublime,

And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing ,shall take heart again.”

The covid times have been tough and have put up a question mark on the mental health of people.They need motivation , inspiration and a reason to continue their lives and who knows, you could ignite a spark into their lives.

PERSELF MINDCARE unleashes “ ANTARAGNI: unmute yourself “ to provide you with a platform to ignite the fire within yourself( your antaragni ),help you discover that you matter and that there is much more to your life than to simply eat, sleep, rave and repeat.

Connect with us at Perself Mindcare in its campaign Antaragni. All you need to do is to create a small video or a literary piece that narrates the journey of your life, the way you dealt with your problems, the way you kept yourself composed during this heart breaking pandemic and we will share your story to the world. 

Join us in our journey of inspiring and getting inspired. We look forward to your engagement in providing this world a better reason to continue. So with all your hesitations apart, dilemmas conquered and reason justified, share with us anything that you are comfortable with .( You can choose to pick anyone or more of the questions listed below)

1. What do you think is your mission in life?

2. What was that one incident which completely changed the direction of your life?

3. What were the problems you had in your life, be it personal ,related to family or professional.

4. How did the pandemic affect your life? How did you go about keeping yourself composed in these hard times?

5. How do you perceive the notion of mental well-being? Do you consider it absurd for someone to go to a psychologist or take mental treatment?

6. Have you ever felt the need of getting counselled in your life? Did you visit a psychologist for the same, took help from your parents and friends or kept it confined to yourself?

7. You can even talk about the crossroads that you came across in your life and how did you finally resolve your mental dilemma?

For any queries feel free to contact us .

Visit our website at https://sites.google.com/view/perself/