Arc 5: Chapter 32
Yu Sui’an was deeply trapped in his nightmare. He felt as if his soul had been stripped away from his body by countless hands, leaving a bottomless void.
In his muddled consciousness, he faintly heard a voice. It was a voice he hated—his own voice.
“Haven’t you had enough of kneeling all of these years?”
He thought in a trance that he had never wanted to kneel before anyone. He never wanted to kneel before those in Xuanyuan Manor. Nor did he want to kneel before Pure Jade Palace, before those Daoist sects, before heaven and earth. But he… feared pain… feared death…and sometimes, one had to kneel to get what they wanted, to survive.
“He’s long dead, you killed him, remember?”
Who was ‘he’? Yu Sui’an had to think for a moment before realizing who it meant. It was that bastard.
He killed that bastard. Yu Sui’an knew this fact, but he never truly felt that the man was gone. The man was still alive, living in the depths of his nightmare, lurking in his mind.
Every second that bastard was alive, he would still be that illegitimate son of the city lord. A child who was bullied by everyone and trapped in the filthiest mud where no ray of light would shine.
“The rest of them are dead too. No one else is here to mock you, beat you, or curse you. You survived. You are the only one left from Frost City.”
Yu Sui’an let out a sneer. How could that be? Those people were obviously still alive. They’ve always been staring at him from the darkness, waiting for the day he fell, waiting for the chance to pull him into hell forever. .
“That beast is dead. Dead and gone.”
That bastard was indeed a beast, even worse than monsters. But half the blood in his body came from that beast, how much better of a person could he be?
No wonder he became the Demon Lord that everyone feared.
“We can leave with Lin Yuan. Leaving Frost City, leave Yuqing Palace, and go south. Lin Yuan said that in the south, the flowers are blooming…”
“Although we’ve never been to the south, and don’t know if it’s better or worse than the north, there is definitely one good thing about it—there is no Frost City.”
Then Yu Sui’an heard a soft and gentle voice, one that had always spoken to him with warmth and love.
Lin Yuan said: “The south is very big and very warm. Their spring lasts for a long time. Yu Sui’an, when we get there, we can find a small courtyard and fill it with all of the flowers you like.”
Yu Sui’an felt slender fingers combing through his hair, and he seemed to smell something sweet and comforting, as if southern wind had brought the fragrance of flowers here.
“I’ll listen to you and Xie Hanzhou, so you have to be good too, and listen to me now.”
“When Frost City was destroyed, you were just a young child. The tragedy here was the fault of the demons, monsters, and Daoist immortals. Nothing was your fault. You were a victim, just like everyone else in Frost City.”
“Don’t believe that because 400,000 people died in Frost City, you should have died with them. Their deaths were not something you could control, and you don’t belong to them. You are you.”
“I know that you want to live. That’s why you’ve survived for all of this time, right?”
“Yu Sui’an, no one has the right to blame you for living. No one has the right to decide whether you live or die—no monster, no demon, no immortal, and definitely not Frost City. Even the person who gave you life has no right to decide if you should live or die. Only you can decide."
“You said before that as long as you are alive today, you must live until tomorrow. You can’t break your promise. Let’s live together, Yu Sui’an. Let’s go to the south, okay?”
Yu Sui’an paused.
No one had ever told him that he had the right to live. No one had told him that only he could decide his own life or death.
When he was young, he was only told that he had no right to live, that he deserved to die...
But why did he deserve to die?
Yu Suian suddenly realized that he didn’t have an answer.
Who deserves to die? By the simplest standards of right and wrong, he had never done any evil. It was other people who were wrong. They treated a child with cruelty, and tortured him with blows, kicks, and cruel words.
After joining Yuqing Sect, Xie Hanzhou had saved countless lives. According to the laws of the world, he was good and righteous, so such a person did not deserve to die.
After ruling the Demon Realm, Yu Sui’an had ensured that no demons ever crossed the Red River. Hence, peace had persisted for centuries among the mortal world. Therefore, he too did good, and did not deserve to die.
If the laws of the world told him he could live, then what right did the dead sinners of Frost City have to tell him that he should die?
They had no right.
Yu Sui’an seemed to hear the sound of heavy chains snapping. He heard the wails of countless lingering spirits behind him, crying out mournfully, like the desperate howls of dying beasts.
But instead of words of resentment, they cried out pleadingly: “Don’t go…”
“Please, don’t leave…”
“Please, don’t forget Frost City. Don’t forget us…”
“You are the only one who remembers us. The only one who remembers Frost City. If you forget us, then all of us who died unjustly… we will truly disappear forever…”
“We don’t want to die. We want to live…”
Yu Sui’an listened to all of their voices, and suddenly interrupted. His words were hesitant, like a baby learning to speak: “...I… I want… to live…”
“I want… to live…”
His voice was soft and low, like the sound of a forest stream, like a whisper of the mountain, but it easily drowned out the wailing of the restless souls behind him.
Yu Sui’an repeated it again and again: “I want to live.”
He wanted to live. He wanted to go south, with Lin Yuan to a place without Frost City, and spend their days in a house with a small courtyard full of flowers.
The sun had set long ago, and finally, Yu Sui’an saw the night sky above him—he had escaped his nightmare. He was tired, but also more at ease than he had ever been.
A man’s cold and indifferent voice spoke: “I thought you would lose to your heart demons and become a crazy fool.”
Yu Sui’an looked at the Xie Hanzhou, whose white robes were now slightly messy. He raised an eyebrow and said: “As long as Pure Jade Palace’s esteemed master is still standing strong, I won’t die or go crazy.”
Xie Hanzhou was leaning against the doorframe, seeing that Yu Sui’an was back to normal, he stepped forward and picked up his little disciple who had been guarding at Yu Sui’an side.
Yu Sui’an also just noticed Lin Yuan was laying next to him: “Lin Yuan, he…”
Xie Hanzhou touched Lin Yuan’s slightly chilly cheek and frowned slightly: “He was keeping watch over you and refusing to rest, so I knocked him out. I knew he didn’t want to leave your side, so I let him sleep here.”
Lin Yuan was sleeping deeply, laying on three layers white cloaks, but Yu Sui’an glanced at the thin material and felt it wasn’t enough. His little liar was fair-skinned and delicate, how could he be left on the ground?
Yu Sui’an frowned: “You shouldn’t have let him sleep on the ground.”
Xie Hanzhou picked up Lin Yuan and wrapped him in a fluffy cloak: “I had no choice. He wanted to stay by your side. Sui Sui loves both of us dearly, could you bear to refuse him?”
Inexplicably, Yu Sui’an was convinced by these few words. But he still found Xie Hanzhou annoying: “The venerable master is so eloquent.”
Xie Hanzhou shot back in a low voice: “The same could be said for you.”
Silence settled between them for a moment, giving the night a moment of calmness.
Yu Sui'an glanced at the bloodstains across the ground, and his hand that was resting on his knee tensed for a moment before loosening again: “I heard you talking about going to the south. Are you really willing to leave? The position of sect master of Pure Jade Palace, can you really abandon it?”
Xie Hanzhou gazed quietly at Lin Yuan’s sleeping face in the dim moonlight. After a brief silence, he spoke in an indifferent tone: “What about you? The vast Demon Realm, the submission of the entire demon race, and a palace filled with gold and beauties, can you bear to leave it all behind?”
The immortal’s eyes were dark, even chillier than ice: “For Lin Yuan, I will go. But for the sake of all living beings, neither of us can leave forever. We can go to the south, we can live there, but when we are needed, we must return.”
Yu Sui'an had guessed that Xie Hanzhou would say this. He let out a mocking chuckle and said: “Xie Hanzhou, for the sake of all living beings, Frost City was destroyed. If, one day, the world wants to break apart you and Lin Yuan, then what will you do?”