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Psychological Assaults
There are different types of psychological assaults.
Threats of violence and harm
The batterer’s threats of violence or harm may be directed against the victim or others important to the victim or they may be suicide threats. Sometimes the batterer will threaten to kill the victim and/or others, as well as threaten to commit suicide. The threats may be made directly with words or with actions (e.g., stalking, displaying weapons, hostage taking, suicide attempts). Some batterers will use violence towards others as a means of terrorizing the victim. Others may force the victim into doing something illegal (e.g., prostitution, burglary) and then threaten to expose them, or may make false accusations against them (e.g., reports to DFYS, to the welfare department, or to immigration).
Attacks against property or pets and other acts of intimidation
Attacks against property and pets are not random acts, (e.g. the wall the victim is standing near that gets hit, the door she is hiding behind gets torn off of its hinges, the victim's favorite china gets smashed or her pet cat is strangled in front of her and he says, “Look what you made me do.”). But, the message is always, “You could be next.” The intimidation also can be carried out without damage to property, by the batterer yelling and screaming in the victim’s face, standing over the victim during a fight, driving recklessly when the victim or children are present, stalking, or putting the victim under surveillance. The intimidation may not always be a threat of physical harm, but may be carried out by damaging the victim’s relationships with others or her reputation in her community by discrediting her with employers, ministers, friends, and neighbors.
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is a means of control that consists of a wide variety of verbal attacks and humiliations. It can include repeated verbal attacks against the victim’s worth as an individual or role as a parent, family member, friend, co-worker, or community member. The verbal attacks often emphasize the victim’s vulnerabilities (such as her past history as an incest victim, language abilities, skills as a parent, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or HIV status). Sometimes the batterer will play “mind games” to undercut the victim’s sense of reality (e.g., specifically directing her to do something, then claiming that he never asked her to do it when she complies). The batterer may force the victim to do degrading things (e.g., getting on her knees and using a toothbrush to clean up food that the batterer smeared on the kitchen floor, or going against her own moral standards). Emotional abuse may also include humiliating the victim in front of family, friends or strangers. Batterers may repeatedly claim that victims are crazy, incompetent, and unable “to do anything right.” These tactics are used to maintain power and control over the victim and are similar to those used against prisoners of war or hostages. Not all verbal insults between partners are acts of violence. To be considered domestic violence, it must be part of a pattern of behaviors in which the batterer uses or threatens to use physical force. In domestic violence, verbal attacks and other tactics of control are intermingled with the threat of harm in order to maintain the control and dominance through fear. While repeated verbal abuse is damaging to partners and relationships over time, it alone does not establish the same climate of fear as verbal abuse combined with the use or threat of physical harm. The presence of emotionally abusive acts may indicate hidden use of physical force or it may indicate possible future domestic violence. Research at this point can not predict which emotionally abusive relationships will become violent and which will never progress beyond verbal abuse. If the victim feels abused or controlled or afraid of her partner without showing or offering clear indications of physical harm, then the cautious approach would be to accept the patient’s views as stated and to respond with concerns about the victim’s safety and psychological well-being.
Isolation
Batterers often try to control the victim’s time, activities and contact with others. They gain control over them through a combination of isolating and disinformation tactics. Isolating tactics may become more overtly abusive over time. The batterer may start by cutting off victims from supportive relationships with claims of loving them “so much” and wanting to be with them all the time. In response, the victims may initially spend increasing amounts of time with their batterer. These subtle means of isolating the victim are replaced with more overt verbal abuse (e.g., “interfering” family, complaints about her spending too much time with others); sometimes the batterer uses physical assaults or threats of assault to separate the victim from her family or friends. He may lock her out of her house or control her movements by taking her car keys or forcing her to quit her job. The batterer will often move the family to a new location, away from the victim’s family, friends, and her support system in general. Batterers’ use of disinformation, distorting what is real through lying, providing contradictory information, or withholding information is compounded by the forced isolation of the victims. While many victims are able to maintain their independent thoughts and actions, others believe what the batterers say because the victims are isolated from confirming or denying the information. The batterer can also isolate the victim by acting jealous and interrupting social/support networks. They often accuse the victim of sexual infidelity and of other supposed infidelities, such as spending too much time with children, the extended family, at work, or with friends. They claim that family or friends are trying to ruin their relationship. This jealousy about alleged lovers, friends, or family is a tactic of control.
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