News
War production Board
Also rolling out in 2023, Packet Recovery is (re)starting our services to fully optimize raw market efficiencies.
Trading desk
Introducing the latest in cryptocurrency trading! Stonks and doges.
Classified presidential document recovery (CPDR)
Rolling out in 2023, packet recover will be expanding into physical document recovery with emphasis on Presidential and Vice-Presidential documents. These services can be bundled with laptop hard drive recovery in the Delaware geographic area.
W.O.K.E. Consulting
Work Optimization Kinetic Energies consulting will optimize your business synergies to develop the best practices and points of equitable improvement.
Fully fundgeable tolkens (FFT)
Collaboratively pontificate diverse architectures that synergistically enable bleeding-edge functionalities or intrinsically extend technically sound users. Non-fudgeable electronic tokens fully fundable tokens are the next innovation of Packet Recovery to credibly disseminate distributed networks.
Packet Default Swaps (PDS)
The latest in packet insurance to hedge your packet bets. Lost a packet? Make someone else pay for it. There's no regulation and no guarantee you'll ever get the money. But maybe there are too many packets to fail.
COVID-19 Science*
Bringing the you the latest science to believe in. We've recently discovered the OmegaX variant. It's the one that lets us tell you what to do after we told you that you wouldn't need to do something but later changed our mind due to evolution and we weren't wrong about it or anything.
Ballot Recovery
Packet recovery will soon be launching new ballot recovery service to find ballots that have been thrown away.
Jefe R.J.D.S. Gonzalez P.A.N.d.A. day
Sunday is Jefe Ramirez Jesus Delgado Sanchez Gonzalez Proprietary Annual Non-discretionary Dedicated Accessibility day . Make sure you celebrate Jefe Ramirez Jesus Delgado Sanchez Gonzalez Proprietary Annual Non-discretionary Dedicated Accessibility day on Monday (observed).
IVN-R (Interactive Voice non-Response)
The latest technology in VOIP systems including a complicated and unmanageable button pressing puzzle for each caller to navigate.
ICO (PPPpPP)
Also coming soon to Packet Recovery is the latest in cryptocurrency technology. We will announce the system for you to send us money and we will send you some random letters and numbers back. The transaction is final and there are no returns. Update: This plan will roll-out with the introduction of the Premium Performance Payment per Packet Plan (PPPpPP). Internet paid by the packet!
R.P.R. (Real Packet recovery)
Our research division is developing new technologies to recover other physical packets. Some of our favorites include classics such as ketchup and mustard. We are proud to be inclusive of all types of packets.
IPv7 and IPv9
Coming soon to Packet Recovery is the unveiling of our new proprietary IPv7 and IPv9 technology. Many networks are struggling to implement the older and antiquated IPv6 or even IPv4 technology. Here at Packet Recovery we are hard at work on the next generation of the next generation IPv7 and IPv9 technology. Where is IPv8 you may ask? Well seven ate[eight] nine!
Hardware News
We will soon announce our first hardware product to help you focus on Packet Recovery wellness. You may have heard about the magnetic ion bracelets for your personal wellness. We've learned how to harness this snake oil technology into the Packet Recovery System.
Packet Recovery Auditing
We're proud to announce the famed auditing firm Arthur Andersen to perform oversight for our recovery operations. If we run into issues we will then employ them for our shredding operations.
*This is a disclaimer that if any of this info is wrong we are not liable and by opening this page you forefit your rights under the constitution. Reading this disclaimer constitutes an amission of guilt and acknowlegement of accepting the terms of the agreement subject to change at any time. The terms are that the reader is incorrect.