Embedded Files
SCENE 1 - OPENING INT. STUDIO C
SCENE 1 - OPENING INT. STUDIO C
Open with the entire crew standing in a meeting circle. All their equipment is tossed around them, waiting to unpack and set up. This is the first time they have met.
EmmaLeigh
Alright! Welcome, welcome! My name is EmmaLeigh, that’s spelt E-M-M-A CAPITAL L LOWERCASE E-I-G-H. And I am your lovely director!
The crew looks between each other with a mix of excitement, nervousness, fear and annoyance.
EmmaLeigh
Who’s excited to start filming for;
*Say with botched accent while holding up bottle*
“le spray mauvaise odeur”
Jessie
Why is it Spanish?
EmmaLeigh
SPANISH?! WHY YOU-
CUT TO:
SCENE 2 - TITLE INT. STUDIO C
SCENE 2 - TITLE INT. STUDIO C
Montage of the crew setting up lights, camera, green screen. Kendall doing makeup and getting dressed. Close up shot of each character with their name and role on set as they set up. Followed by the title screen once the set is all prepared.
FADE TO:
SCENE 3 - BIT 1; SAFETY HAZARDS
SCENE 3 - BIT 1; SAFETY HAZARDS
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
The director goes to sit on a director chair in front of a green screen. Crossing one leg over the other and tossing her scarf dramatically.
EmmaLeigh
When on a film set there is much to take into consideration. Such as the comfortability of my director's chair, how well the lights make me look, making sure everyone knows how to spell my name! Which, just for your editors, it E-M-M-A CAPITAL L LOWER CASE E-I-G-H
She hums and shifts in her seat before looking behind the camera like someone spoke to her.
EmmaLeigh
What about safety concerns? …What about them? My crew knows exactly what they’re doing! They wouldn’t be here if they didn’t!
CUT TO:
INT. STUDIO C
INT. STUDIO C
Collection of clips back to back of Jessie plugging in lights and tracing them back to the lights. Leaving cords all over the place, perfect for tripping. Jean and Kendall watch them do this. Moving their heads side to side as Jessie makes an easy process painfully slow.
Kendall
Are [they] supposed to be doing that? It feels like a tripping hazard…
Kendall kicks one of the cords and one of the lights wobble. Kendall jumps back from that cord only to nearly fall on one behind them.
Jean
I’m sure it’s fine! [They] look like [they] know what [they’re] doing!
Jessie blinds themselves with one of the lights.
CUT TO:
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
Jessie sits on a different chair than the director. Slouching in the seat and clearly lacking brain cells.
Jessie
Yo! Wasup… my names Jessie uh… My dad just sent me here, thanks dad. And I have no idea what I'm doing! But I am getting a whole 15 bucks for just bein here!
CUT TO:
Blake sits on a chair with their head in their hands. They shake their head.
Blake
Be a commercial freelance camera man they said. It’ll be fun, they said. It’s safer than the Hollywood camera people they said.
CUT TO:
INT. STUDIO C
INT. STUDIO C
Jean and Kendall are jumping between cords and cables like they’re playing hopscotch. Nearly tripping in between and giggling like children. Jessie is completely invested in trying to turn on the light. Hitting the light box and shaking it which causes cords to spring up.
Pan to Blake watching the scene play out with horror. Hand over their mouth before they make eye contact with the camera.
Blake
We’re gonna die here.
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
On the phone with the producer.
EmmaLeigh
WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME SOMEONE WHO MAKES THE HOLY SPACE CALLED A FILM SET LIKE A DAMN GAME OF THE FLOOR IS LAVA?!?!?!
*Pause*
[they’re] your [child]? O-oh! How… how nice! …No no no no! They’re doing a lovely job!
Behind her, Jean trips on a cord and makes an audible thud. EmmaLeigh whips backwards to look before sitting straight again and awkwardly laughing.
EmmaLeigh
Did someone just trip? No! No! My set is a temple! And I the priest! Which means I am to keep my holy workplace clean and orderly!
Behind her, Kendall comes to help Jean stand only to trip and fall on top of them.
INT. STUDIO C
INT. STUDIO C
Lights blind themselves with the light. Hastily swatting at the air like that’ll turn the light off. Blake comes in and shuts it off for them.
Blake
When working with devices that have a ton of cords to plug in and connect to, bring something to keep the cords bunched. Like,
*Pulls out zip ties*
Zipties!
Blake helps lights bunch up all the cords together.
Blake
And now with them all bunched together, we place them to the side and look! Yay! No more safety hazards!
Pan to Jean who deflates like a balloon.
Jean
Awe…
SCENE 4 - BIT 2; UNDER PRESSURE
SCENE 4 - BIT 2; UNDER PRESSURE
INT. STUDIO C
INT. STUDIO C
Kendall stands in the middle with Jessie, Jean and Blake on them. They have the product in their hand.
EmmaLeigh
Think grace, think elegance, think French!
Pans to Jean muttering ‘think french?’ under their breath while Jessie just shrugs.
Kendall
Think french? What does that even mean?
EmmaLeigh
It means french! What don’t you get? Chin up! Hip popped! Leg out!
Kendall, confused, does their best to follow instructions.
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
Kendall sits in the chair very timidly.
Kendall
I think everyone here is crazy. Or- well maybe not CRAZY crazy- thats rather harsh to say. Oh I didn't mean it like that! I just mean like-
CUT TO:
Blake
Everyone here is crazy.
INT. STUDIO C + EXT. STUDIO B OR D
INT. STUDIO C + EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EmmaLeigh continues bossing Kendall around, gesturing dramatically as Kendall tries to follow. While in the background, we hear Kendall’s voice. Switching between their diary and what's happening in studio c.
Kendall [Diary]
Being on a film set requires a lot of skills… and tremendous amounts of patience.
EmmaLeigh
Are you deaf? Grace, Kendall! GRACE!
Kendall
What even is grace to you?!
Kendall [Diary]
There's a lot of pressure on you when on a film set. I mean, I’m the only one on the camera. Really the only one who will be recognized when the commercial goes live. Now, different sets can be more taxing than others.
Focus on EmmaLeigh as she puts a hand to her face and groans. Tossing the script to the side before hitting a very strange and not at all elegant pose.
EmmaLeigh
See?! Grace! French! Oui oui!
Kendall slowly hits the same strange pose.
Kendall [Diary]
But, as I always say, adaptability is key!
EmmaLeigh
AH! YES YES! PERFECT! MAGNIFIQUE!
Kendall [Diary]
If she says it’s french, then I guess it’s french!
SCENE 5 - BIT 3; RESPECT
SCENE 5 - BIT 3; RESPECT
INT. STUDIO C
INT. STUDIO C
EmmaLeigh is watching back the footage Blake recorded. Slowly growing angry and disgusted. She shakes her head and sighs, beginning to pace as the rest of them look between each other confused.
EmmaLeigh
Everything is wrong. The lights, the camera work, the acting! It’s all wrong wrong wrong!
Jean
Oh! So I did good!
Emmaleigh
Oh don’t even get me started on you!
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
Jean is slouched sadly in their chair.
Jean
She could’ve been nicer about it… I mean, how were we supposed to know we were doing wrong? She could’ve told us at any point before we started rolling that everything was wrong but she didn’t…
CUT TO:
Blake
Yeah she’s completely deluded. Literally the number one rule while on a film set is respect. Respect and clear communication. That's how shit gets done.
‘Shit’ gets bleeped out.
Blake
We’re being censored in this? Seriously? Are we not all fuckin adults here?? This place is ridiculous! I swear-
Stands from the chair and starts pacing around the studio. Muttering under their breath before kicking the chair over.
INT. STUDIO C
INT. STUDIO C
Blake takes the camera back from EmmaLeigh. The crew gathers around in a face off style.
EmmaLeigh
Like- Am I not communicating well enough to you or something???
Blake
Bingo. Right on the money.
EmmaLeigh
Huh? Are you saying I lack communication???
Kendall
Well yeah. You do.
Jessie
You keep bossing us around, man. It ain't cool.
Jean
You hurt my feelings too…
Blake
Yeah you’re the director, but that doesn’t give you permission to be rude and boss us around like that. You want something done a specific way, tell us. Don’t yell or get angry, just explain and guess what? We’ll probably listen. It’s not rocket science. Communication drives creativity and without it you just have a chaos driven, hazardous, hostile work environment that just drags people down. Want things done? Talk to us like real human people rather than labour machines.
Everyone stands in silence, moved by Blake's powerful speech. It even brings a tear to Jean’s eye.
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EXT. STUDIO B OR D
EmmaLeigh sits in her chair, stunned. Slowly but surely she removes the scarf around her neck and holds it in her hands. Looking at it with conflicted feelings.
EmmaLeigh
I don’t know what was wrong with me. I just… I was so focused on making “le spray mauvaise odeur” perfect in every way possible that I just… blew a fuse. But now I see…
Having a change of heart, EmmaLeigh tosses her scarf and stands proudly.
EmmaLeigh
It’s just some commercial for a horrible smelling perfume/cologne! Not the end all be all! WHO CARES IF I’M THE BEST?!
INT. STUDIO C
INT. STUDIO C
EmmaLeigh takes a deep breath and nods her head. Once more, ripping her scarf off and tossing it. She grabs the script and holds it close to her chest with new found joy in her eyes.
EmmaLeigh
You’re fuckin right, Camera guy!
Blake
Blake
EmmaLeigh
I am not some cartoon villain! I am a creative! Now let's roll again!
The crew lights up and begins rolling again, this time in perfect harmony.
Montage of the rest of the shooting day goes flawlessly and with perfect results and at the very end, the director sends off the footage to the producer.
SCENE 6 - CLOSE - EXT. OUTSIDE STUDIO
EmmaLeigh walks out of the studio, the last one to leave, with a smile on her face. She takes one last look at the studio before sighing and closing the door. Just as she is leaving, her phone rings. Happily, she picks it up to find it’s the producer.
EmmaLeigh
Hello! …You got the footage? Great! …not great? …
(Beat)
Oh…it’s not a perf- it’s actually a- a room spray? Well I just assumed…right okay…
EmmaLeigh hangs up, she looks out to the crew as they pack up their equipment. She hesitates before calling out to them
EmmaLeigh (con’t)
Hey guys! Um…we need to reshoot…
Crew
WHAT?!?!?!
END
END
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