May 24th

It was three am on May 24th. I was in bed at my house. I wasn’t able to sleep all night, something was off but I couldn’t quite place what it was. I got up at midnight to get water and try and figure out what was wrong but I ended up coming back to bed with nothing. I should’ve realized that it was something that was out of my control. 

Something that should’ve been handled earlier. But it wasn’t because no one cared.

At this point, It was expected.

It was 3:16 am on May 24th when I got a call. It made me jump but I was quick to answer as soon as I saw the caller ID.

“Babe?” I spoke first with a casually tired gravelly voice. All I could hear back was heavy breathing. It made me instantly sober up and sit up. I was quick to hold the phone closer to my ear.

“Qanit?” I tried speaking his name to see if he would respond. I got a quiet sob back.

Panic flooded my body as I jumped out of bed and began pacing my room, holding onto the phone for dear life.

“Baby, what's wrong? Can you hear me? What happened?” I ask softly. I get no response. I panic more.

“Qanit please, what's wrong?” More sniffles but this time I got illegible mumbling. I waited a moment, waited to see if he needed a moment to collect himself. 

Silence so thick it would break a knife if you tried to cut it lingered between the phone line. I could hear my heart pound against my chest as I waited fearfully for some kind of answer. 

It was 3:31 am on May 24th when Qanit finally spoke on the other side of the phone.

“Kedrick…?” His voice was weak as he spoke my name. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in.

“Yeah, yeah I’m here, I’m here.” I breathe out as I wait helplessly for a reply.

“I- I’m sorry…” He whispers from the other end. 

I gasp quietly as I begin rushing downstairs. “No, No no, it's okay Qanit, It is. I’m coming over!” I speak frantically as I rush past the kitchen only to walk back and stand outside the kitchen.

My heart feels like its going to explode in my chest at any moment as I walk into the kitchen slowly. “Please, just breathe, we can handle this together. Those kids at school are just assholes, and your parents are all wrong, baby.” I reach into a drawer and grab something only to quickly shove it into my sweatpant pocket.

I rush out of the kitchen to the front door. “I’m just leaving now. Just-” I pause as I bend down to find my shoe. I groan as I frantically look around for it. “Keep talking yeah? I’ll be there faster than you can say okay.” I silently celebrate as I find the missing shoe before shoving it on as fast and possible. I grab my keys and reach for the door.

“It's too late…” He whispers and I assume he pulled the phone away to put it on speaker as I can hear white noise instead of his breathing. Then I can hear the sound of rushing water and the blowing of tree leaves. 

I pause my action of opening the door. He's in the forest. The forest outside of town. 

Oh my gods-

“I- I love you… Kedrick…” He whispers softly with another sniffle.

“QANIT-” I shut the door behind me, not even caring to lock it, and begin running. 

It was 3: 47 am when Qanit hung up the phone.

Panic caused my adrenaline to spike as I ran as fast as I could towards the forest outside of town. My legs burned, my eyes leaked with tears and I bit my cheek so hard I could taste copper. 

I can’t remember exactly, but at some point, I dialled 9-1-1. I fumbled with my phone before I could even get it open properly let alone call anyone. 

“9-1-1, what's your emergency?” A lady on the other end spoke to me as soon as the phone was pressed up against my ear.

Out of breath, I responded. “Yeah- I’m Kedrick Caddle and- and- I think- I think-”

“Okay, sir, please calm down. What's happening?” She speaks over my stuttering.

“My boyfriend, I think- I think he’s-” I reached the edge of the small forest and ran faster than ever before to the river. I could faintly hear the woman on the other end ask me questions but I was too scared, too focused on finding Qanit to fully process the questions. 

Once I reached the river I looked around me left and right, looking for anything, anything at all. 

“Mr. Caddle, where are you?” The lady asks with a slight hint of worry. 

“The river.” I looked down at my feet to see another pair of footprints. I followed them with my eyes to the other side of the river bed.

It was four am on May 24th when I saw Qanit. 

He was across the river bed a little to the left, only… he wasn’t...

“I’m sending police to the river, Mr. Caddle, but I need to know what hap-”

I ignored her, dropping my phone, and rushed to the other side of the river bed. I ran up to him, tears rolling down my face blurring my vision as I was quick to pull him down from the rope hanging onto the tree. 

Once he was down I fell to my knees and held him gently in my lap. I held a hand to his chest. Breathing… he’s breathing…?

My tears spilled from my eyes as I pulled him into my chest.

I reached into my pocket…

Police and ambulance showed up not long after.

It was 4:57 am on May 24th when Qanit was officially pronounced dead.

It was 5:12 am on May 24th when I was arrested for first-degree murder.

Because I stabbed him. I stabbed him because I knew he wouldn’t want to survive a failed suicide.

I stabbed him because I wanted him to finally be happy…

It was 2:41 on June 12th when I was sentenced to five years in prison.

It was 4:54 am on June 20th when I was officially pronounced dead by suicide in federal prison. 

Nobody talks about May 24th…