Kid

“Alright, kids! Girls on the left, boys on the right!”

I have to choose again.

Why can’t we just choose numbers or anything else to decide teams?

“Kathryn! Left side go!”

I never noticed I stood in the middle 

I feel like I’m in the middle

“I don’t belong on the left.”

“Then go to the right.”

“I… don’t belong on the right.” He sighed at this.

“Kathryn, just go to the left already.”

Why can’t I stay here? Stay in the middle?

I make my way over to the left…

I standstill

I stand outside a pink door and blue door. Always colour coated.

One labelled for males and one labelled… for me? That’s what I’ve been told, but suddenly it doesn’t feel right

Maybe… I’ll hold it until I feel normal 

“There is no such thing as an ‘in-between gender’. You are either born a female or born a male. There’s no other gender Kathryn.” Mom explains rather upset and tired

“Why not?”

“Because. You can’t change what’s in between your legs. That’s just how it is.”

I don’t like how it is

I feel… lost… or trapped 

Trapped in a grey area that doesn’t seem to exist 

But at the same time i’m lost in a sea of pink and blue

Why not purple? 

Why not the in-between?

I’m lost between shining dresses and dashing suits

I’m lost between long flowing hair and cleanly cut short hair

I’m lost between she’s and he’s

I’m lost between sterotypes

Trapped within the body I was never able to decide on

Let me be that inbetween

Let me be me

Let me use my own ungendered terms

Why does what I do affect you?

Its a new name and a new term to say

I just want to be able to love myself

-Signed Kirs, that one weird kid… emphasis on kid