Padre 'Nacio enters the booth upon seeing Roger enter the church. He settles into place and slides the louver. "Mi hijo."
Roger is clearly hesitant and keeping eyes downcast as he enters the sanctuary. He takes his time at the entrance genuflecting a bit too properly. But seeing the priest getting down to business, so to speak, he heads over. "mi padre." He sits, closes the curtains, and tries to relax into it. He takes a deep breath, then starts the ritual. "Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last confession."
"What's on your mind today, my son."
"Father, can we pray together to San Pedro first? I feel I need more strength to say what I must say." (They probably have a small route prayer Roger has steered them to, by repeated request. No need to come up with text on the spot.)
"Rogelio, of course we can. His life, and duty to the Son, and sacrifice will guide us." (prayer)
Given a bit of breather to settle into a familiar rhythm, Roger rips off the bandaid: "Father, I come with a serious sin that darkens my heart above all others. I have by my actions and my inactions lead a man to his death. A terrible, painful death, by gunshot and fire."
There is a tiny break in Father Juan-Ignacio's breathing as Roger finishes speaking that sentence, but he largely keeps his cool and calmly responds. "By your actions and inactions, you say. So you mean there was no gross intention for this man to die."
"No, mi padre. I was only trying to apprehend him. He was a very dangerous man, and trying with, um, terrible might to escape. I shot him in the leg. But then, he... burned. I know I was only trying to catch him. But... I have done it before, and I start to doubt myself."
"Your path and profession is a difficult one, my son. I don't envy it. And I realize this isn't the first time you've been obligated to use force to stop an evil." 'Nacio actually sighs this time. "I don't truck much with 'just war' arguments myself, but in self-defense, with all other options exhausted... Do you feel there was another option? Your guilt seems to say that you feel you failed."
"Yes, I failed. Yes, padre, I truly believe it was defense, of this very community. And in the moment, something of my own. But I was, I... I did not stop his terrible burning. (beat) I... had a partner at the time. I could have helped him control his... zeal. This too has happened to me before, in Vietnam. When a man's life is on the line, I cannot just do my own job, and let others do what they do. If I let it happen, again and again, am I not guilty? Do I become a murderer? A torturer?"
(I really feel for the parish priests who had to do the job with these vets because they were the last resort.)
"You have said it yourself. If you believe yourself a bystander, a torturer, a murderer because of your inaction, then that is indeed what you are. But remember: Peter himself did deny our Lord thrice."
"And it was as our Lord intended. Because Peter was human. And Peter repented."
Roger bursts into sobs.
"What we do in our worst moments lingers in our minds and souls our whole lives. But moments of grace, those are fleeting, and we forget them."
"I know that in the heat of battle, a man can do things he never thought possible, terrible cruelties fueled by wrath and a lack of pity."
"But my son, my friend: if you stand against those who would harm the innocent, who would harm your community, yes, of course you must remember mercy and love when administering justice. But in coming here you demonstrate that you have remembered these very things."
"You will fail in doing the right thing in the heat of the moment. But that doesn't mean the next time you will as well. Prove to God your contrition by remembering this."
Roger asks, between sobs, and a catch in his voice. "Can I keep coming back (catch), if I keep (catch) killing? Do I ever just become a monster?"
"As long as you are properly and sincerely sorry and desire God's love and forgiveness," the young priest says, "you are forgiven. Mortal sins are serious, they carry a devastating and crippling moral weight. And you realize that. More importantly, Rogelio, no man is a monster. You said so yourself when wishing you'd used mercy on this suspect. Monsters are made, not born. And your conscience demonstrates that you are no monster yet."
"Please, father, I am sorry. I am so sorry. (He goes very old school and beats his breast with his fist. ) Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa."
"The words are welcome, Rogelio. Your acts and deeds must speak for you from here on out. If you do wish to help this community, to heal the wound you have caused, then come back on the weekend to help us with the evictions and the hungry and homeless as we go door-to-door through La Misión."
Roger regains something like composure.
Of course Father Juan-Ignacio will give the standard contritions and prayers after this, but he wants to see Roger give back to the community, if indeed he feels he failed in properly defending his community.
Roger is eager to help. Spurred to it, he mentions: "There are consequences of this, mi padre, I think you may have heard. The violence, in our streets, it has drawn people to make bad conclusions about us. I feel I owe contrition for that, as well."
Juan-Ignacio says, coldly, "I know. I'm well aware. And the old irlandeses of the parish think it's a good thing for the rents to go up and for the young bankers and insurance salesmen to take our people's homes. They think it will bring the neighborhood back to way it was in 'the old days.' And the landlords and developers, they'll use any excuse to make Mammon happy."
"But yes, these things are better talked about elsewhere, I think. Go, my son, and sin no more. En el nombre del Padre, y del Hijo y del Espíritu Santo. Amén."
Roger crosses himself very strictly. "Amén" He goes, kneels in the Sacred Heart shrine, lights a candle, and starts in on his prayers.