Socially, students of color are faced with challenges that a normative St. Andrew’s student doesn’t feel. As Jonathan Lim ‘19 puts: [St Andrew’s] such an ‘interesting’ institution. On the one hand, they want minority students to show their diversity, but at the same time, they create this environment where minority students can’t express minority traits. You either assimilate in this white dominant culture or be the outsider”. A ‘normative student’ at St. Andrew’s refers to a white, affluent student. Jonathan, who came to St. Andrew’s in 7th grade, acknowledged he took the ‘assimilation route’. He didn’t talk about his “Asian hobbies” and made himself like ‘white things’ such as country music. He felt embarrassed when he had to ask his friends to take off their shoes when they visited his house. Emma Tuhabonye ‘19, who was a lifer at St. Andrew’s, had to act white in order to feel respected. She thought if she spoke in her own vernacular she would be made fun of. She had to constantly avoid being stereotyped as an angry black woman. Marisa Washington said she had to ‘talk white’ at St. Andrew’s. Students of color all learned not to be disruptive to the white status quo at St. Andrew’s, as Elita Gao ‘18 describes.
Many students of color battled with rampant stereotyping and microaggressions daily. However, what usually circulates the gossip channels are the incidents of overt racist acts, such as the Snapchat map made by a white student. They highlighted I-35 and captioned it “the division line between people and animals'', with mostly white avatars on the left side of I-35 and three students of color avatars on the right side. All Austinites should be aware of the symbolism of I-35 – the history of segregation, the use of redlining to push people of color communities to East Austin. That student was withdrawn from the school, quietly. There were no actions to officially address this issue. There was another white student who called a black student the n-word. And many, many more. The school did not feel the need to address these issues officially, so these events kept happening. Students of color have to witness and experience these events and yet they are never offered closure.
This is a clear sign that the administration takes the side of protecting the privacy and dignity of white families over protecting the students of color. St. Andrew’s is a fairly transparent school because it values its communication as a ‘community’, but it's just not transparent about anything diversity-related. For example, Dr.Stephenson felt the need to address the whole school in the chapel during the days following President Trump’s victory. He felt the need to inform students that it is not acceptable to discriminate or bully other students who supported Trump. Yet, Dr. Stephenson, Sean Murphy, and many members of the administration felt like there was no need to address overt racism. Students of color see this. They see how racism is always swept under the rug. They see how the school condones and tolerates racist behaviors. What we need is an institution that demonstrates absolute intolerance toward racism, aims to rehabilitate and educate those who are, and dismantle a dominant white narrative that is so often normalized and internalized.
What is most unfortunate is the hopelessness that Chelan ‘20 and Amarion ‘20 expressed in their efforts to confront the administration. After many direct confrontations with various members of the administration, it has become clear to them that the administration will never take true action to the point where the two of them and many of their peers stopped reporting racist incidents. Black male students at St. Andrew’s face the most challenges yet are the most underrepresented. The head of administration apparently had a talk with all the black male students about their ‘bad behaviors’. Chelan said although he understands where the school is coming from, “it came off really wrong”. Part of the ‘bad behaviors’ refer to threats of beating up other students as a reaction from the black male students who had been called derogatory labels by white students. It is clear here St. Andrew’s served to protect white students, but not black male students. Instead of talking to black male students about their behavior, perhaps try and create a safe space for them first.
St. Andrew’s is not only a place where overtly racist events take place but also pervasive, more ‘subtle’ acts of racism. I had to constantly remind people that no, I do not like math, and yes, I am on varsity cross country. I had to pretend like I wasn’t bothered by the fact that I was constantly being called the wrong name by peers and some faculty because I was confused with the other six East Asian girls. I kept getting labeled as ‘quiet’ even though by the end of high school I wasn’t really. Most students were also ‘impressed’ that I spoke English so well when they heard I wasn’t from the States, and many of them complimented me on ‘how American I am’ or something I hear a lot, ‘you’re basically American!” As long as I acted the same as a normative white student, I would be accepted to a certain degree.
Hector Cantu ‘19 said: “When I joined soccer. I didn’t really have experience. In one game, mainly Mexican students were on the other team and they were very good, and then my teammates scoffed and said “why aren’t you like them”. Chelan Beavers ‘20 and Amarion Hall ‘20 constantly fend off white students who want to touch their hair. In addition, they had to constantly defy the black, dumb, athlete stereotype. Chelan said: “in classes, if I’ve gotten a better grade than somebody else, and they’d be surprised”. “I can be smart, black, athletic, and cool”, he asserted. Amarion spoke about being the token black person, especially on his baseball team, where his teammates would say things like “Amarion’s black, let's ask him!” White students also label the lunch table Amarion and Chelan sit at called the ‘black table’, when in reality, Chelan says, anyone is invited to sit there. When students of color gathered at St. Andrew’s, it becomes a phenomenon for white students to watch and comment on.
Gem Williams ‘17 consistently found themself labeled as the ‘angry black person’. Katherine ‘17 was always faced with criticism from white students calling her racist when she spoke out about racism at St. Andrew’s in her senior homily/offering. Gem performed riveting and powerful slam poetry in chapel one day on Black Lives Matter and instead of getting the praise and respect they should have been getting, was instead made fun of by the white students. Both Gem and Katherine in my eyes were figures who dared to challenge the white status quo of silence around race. However, they were both ‘made fun of’ and were ostracized within the St. Andrew’s ‘community’.
The season of college application and admissions is always a breeding place for racism due to the general ignorance on topics such as affirmative action. Emma Tuhabonye ‘19 recalled her friends casually remarking that they wished they were any race but white so they can get into any college they want. Amarion Hall ‘20 was mentioned in a random white student discussion about his dreams of going to Stanford. The white students said that he was not good enough or he would get in because he was black. Many Asian students felt pressured to live up to their model minority myth but told by college counseling faculty to not look ‘so Asian’ on our college applications because American universities dislike ‘Asian’ applicants. Then we heard about a student who put Native American as their race on their common application. The student is 1/32 Native American and flew to a reservation to get the number. This wealthy white student flew out to a reservation, one of the poorest and oppressed communities in the United States and even in the world, in order to abuse affirmative action to cheat in the college application process. Affirmative action is meant to promote equity and help disadvantaged, underrepresented minority groups that had gone through long histories of oppression go to college. That person even boasted the act on social media or other social settings. Many of us were angry. So angry some of us went to the administration, hoping to get some sort of response. Ignorance should not be tolerated, and this incident highlights the importance of a school like St. Andrew’s to be able to educate its students on the history of oppression and concepts such as affirmative action. College is so important to everyone, but for students of color at St. Andrew’s, it has become a topic where they get picked apart by the white students because of the color of our skin.
Every time there is a conversation about race, it is always dominated by white fragility and solutions to white fragility. “White fragility refers to the phenomenon of whites are often at a loss for how to respond in constructive ways, as [whites] have not had to build the cognitive or affective skills or develop the stamina that would allow for constructive engagement across racial divides...White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves” (DiAngelo). At St. Andrew’s, white fragility distracts from the conversations aimed to discuss the prevalent racism on campus, and narratives of white fragility often overshadow traumatic experiences of students of color. What about the discomfort of nonwhite students? The fact that we go to school every day in a predominantly, racist white space? How anxious, how scary it is to stand up for oneself in a space where that is considered social suicide? How terrifying it is as a high school student to stand up against a white male teacher defending their own racist viewpoints? How incredibly debilitating to a student of color who wakes up every day to go to a school where they are a target of racism daily in every aspect of their high school career? How we can’t truly be ourselves? The language at St. Andrew’s regarding race or anything about diversity has been carefully censored, filtered, and tailored to its fragile white audience. The focus should be on the fact that the voices of color claiming St. Andrew’s is not a safe and comfortable space for students of color is buried by white discomfort and indignation, or the fact that white, conservative, old money is preserving white privilege at the school and working in every way to stop or delay the radical change the school so desperately needs.