Diving deeper: Why is persuading people so hard?
Especially when the stakes are so high, it can be frustrating to talk to people who don't already agree with us. It's tempting to argue our hardest, bombard them with facts, and try to force them to just get it already! We can all think of times we've tried this and kept trying it – even though it doesn't work.
Why do we do we keep trying what doesn't work? The answer is deeply wired in our brains. When we feel like something important to us is under threat, it activates our "fight or flight" response. Stress hormones flood our body, amping up our sense of urgency, focusing all our attention on the perceived threat, and screaming at us that the situation has to be resolved right now! At the same time, those hormones shut down access to the parts of our brain in charge of the very tools we need to be effective: patience, creative problem solving, and the ability to hold multiple perspectives. Our world narrows until we only have access to the two most basic options: overpower whatever is in front of us, or get away.
These reactions are useful in moments of physical danger where life or death will be decided in a matter of seconds. But you're not trying to get your voter out of the way of a runaway truck; you're trying to persuade them to take in new information and be open to changing their mind. The problems we face today (ensuring everyone's basic needs are met, preventing violence, reducing climate change, etc.) are ones that can only be solved by groups of people working creatively together to find solutions that incorporate many different perspectives. We need our social brains, not our survival brains.
Your job when talking to undecided voters is to stay in your social brain. This is the part of your brain that connects you to other human beings, allowing you the space to feel curious, compassionate, and connected. Listening, building connection, and being flexible (rather than rigidly fixating on your goal of winning them over) encourages the person you're talking to do the same, putting them in a state of mind where they can be receptive to new information and open to changing perspectives. On the other hand, if you drop into your survival brain, they will follow suit. Just like you, they will lose their ability to listen, to internalize new information, and to reconsider old views.
Are you willing to be changed by them? Only then will they be willing to be changed by you.
