Youth Sports thought #2

Sometimes when it rains you need someone to give you an umbrella.

I hate the rain these days for obvious reasons but at the same time, it has given me something as well.  I was standing at a field that was not closed for some reason about a week ago with water dripping down my face and saw two kids standing in the rain. A parent walked over and handed them an umbrella.  When it rains sometimes you need someone to give you an umbrella.  A few moments later the one child jumped out from under the umbrella and eagerly went to play in the rain.  We can’t STOP it from “raining” (like losing) or STOP our kids getting “wet” (hard times and challenges) nor should we.  We can support them in the process and offer them an umbrella to give them strategies on how to deal with it.  Over the past few weeks, there have been so many people who have offered me an umbrella. They have done this in many ways.  Instead of practicing Mark Torre has brought his HS boys’ varsity team to train our Pre-K and K after they have had so many rainouts. I have had coaches reaching out to attempt to make up games only to have them rained out again.  Soccer board members, coaches, and 7/8th graders have volunteered to ref when no one else can.  An OT team was understanding when they showed up at a game that had been canceled but my communication trail had broken down. Parents, coaches, and our children alike have shown an amazing amount of flexibility and understanding with last-minute changes and cancellations.  To all of you, I want to say a big thank you for all the “umbrellas'' you have offered the program and our children. I'm amazed to look into the future forecast and see we may need our umbrellas again this weekend. In the meantime, my team actually got to play this past weekend and we lost.  However, learning how to handle yourself when you lose was the umbrella that we offered our team this past weekend.  Maybe, just maybe, learning how to deal with a loss or a rainy day is the real gift we can pass on to our kids and each other. Just a thought. 

This is an excerpt from John O’Sullivan’s book “Changing the Game” that has given me tons to think about.

“Numerous researchers have asked athletes of all ages and abilities what was their least favorite sports moment,  and their answer was nearly unanimous: After the game and the conversation on the ride home.  Emotions are high, disappointment, frustration, and exhaustion are heightened for both player and parent and yet many parents choose this moment to confront the child about a play, criticize them for having a poor game, and chastise their child, their teammate, their coach, and their opponents, There could not be a less teachable moment in your child's sporting life than the ride home”

“Ask yourself whether you are quieter after a hard loss or happier and more buoyant after a big win. Do you tend to criticize and dissect your child’s performance after a loss but overlook many of the same mistakes because they won?”

“When your child is ready to bring the game up and talk about it, be a quiet reflective listener, and make sure she/he can see the big picture and not just the outcome of a single event”

Watch the John O’Sullivans TED talk (I have provided a link below.  It has changed how I talk to my boys right after the games.  Because of this video, all I say is, “ I love watching you play” or some slight variation.  There are times when I am dying to “point something out” and it takes every muscle in my body not to say something on the way home.  However, I have discovered for my kids this is not the time to correct or teach.  For my family, it’s the time to say “I loved watching you play”.  You can talk about other stuff later when and if the time is right.  Right now all they need to hear is your unconditional love for them.  Watch the TED Talk below if you have not already done so and if you haven’t used this phrase I highly suggest giving it a try.  Just a thought

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXw0XGOVQvw