🎸 The "We Honestly Don't Care Who You Are" Privacy Policy

Effective Date: March 12, 2026

Welcome to Note'Em. Most apps want to harvest your digital soul to sell you overpriced sneakers or "hyper-targeted" ads for things you already bought. We just want you to stay in tune so the rest of the world doesn't have to suffer through your flat G-strings.

1. Information We Collect (Spoiler: Absolutely Nothing)

Note'Em is an offline utility, which is a fancy way of saying we were too cheap to pay for servers and too lazy to build a backend. We do not collect, store, transmit, or share any of your personal information.

We don't want your name, your email, your GPS coordinates, or your childhood trauma. We wouldn't know what to do with them anyway, and frankly, we have enough of our own problems to deal with.

2. Microphone Access (The "I'm Not Spying On Your Practice Sessions" Clause)

Our "Instrument Tuner" needs to hear you play to work. It's a tuner, not a government wiretap.

• Why we need access: To tell you that you're out of tune. Again.

• How data is processed: The audio is processed locally on your device in real-time. Your phone's processor does all the heavy lifting while we take all the credit.

• What we DO NOT do: We do not record your butchered version of "Stairway to Heaven." We don't save it, store it, or transmit it to any "cloud" (Boomers & early Gen X: this is just a fancy word for someone else's computer). As soon as we figure out how far off your pitch is, the raw audio is immediately discarded. It’s probably for the best.

3. Third-Party Services (The Anti-Corporate Zone)

Note'Em operates entirely offline. We don't use "analytics," "tracking frameworks," or "telemetry"—corporate buzzwords for digital stalking. We have no investors to please, no "growth hacks" to implement, and no data to sell. We're just as isolated as the moon—and we prefer it that way.

4. Children's Privacy

We don't knowingly collect information from children under 13, mostly because we don't collect information from anyone. If you're a parent and you're worried we have your kid's data, take a deep breath. We neither know your kid exists or where it is. That is your job.

5. Changes to This Policy

We might update this policy if we get bored or if a lawyer (who we also can't afford) tells us we have to. Check the "Effective Date" at the top if you're really that bored. We aren't going to suddenly start stealing your data; that sounds like a lot of work.

6. Contact Us

If you have questions, suggestions, or just want to tell the developer that the metronome is "too judgmental," feel free to reach out note_em@proton.me. We might reply if we're not busy pretending to practice our scales.