Reflections on Life, without regrets

I am of the opinion that every human being is capable of creating a piece of art. It may be a simple, two dimension drawing of an animal on the stone walls of a cave in France, not necessarily made for the benefit or pleasure of  any person other than the artist, or it could be a sculpture in marble to be admired by the general public, like the statue of David in Florence, Italy.

The tools of an artist have changed over centuries, and so have the range of creations which have evolved the world over. I was recently gifted a Makonde carving from Tanzania. It is a 25 cm piece of teak wood, carved in an intricate single tower shaped with a triangular base, with 4 levels of tribesmen perched one on top of the other, and with limbs intertwined to support three vertical columns of bodies. All are wearing loincloths, with some carrying bundles on their heads.  It reminded me of the human pyramidal towers one can still see in Catalonia, Spain, during some feast days. The Makonde tribesmen very likely used only sharp carving knives, patiently hollowing out the nooks and crevices in between the bodies supporting the columns. Even as I write this piece and gaze at their ingenuity, I realize that words cannot describe the beauty that my eyes perceive!

The human body was probably used as a model for painting before it was used as one for sculpture. A three dimensional figure seems far more realistic than a painted portrait, but painters like Velazquez and Vermeer, with their skill of painting light and shadow, created the visual impression of depth, which rivals that which one gets when looking at a carved marble statue.

Portraits and landscapes were a means of preserving visual memories of people and places. Photographs have largely supplanted them, but the unique brushwork of painting adds a different dimension to paintings, that cannot be duplicated even by increasingly sophisticated computers. We humans will constantly strive to find new ways of showing our artistic talents, which will evolve as we experiment with different media to evoke the curiosity and yes, even the admiration of those who see the fruits of our work. Some of us will end up generating income from these hobbies as a means of making a living wage, but this can sometimes become a burden, instead of a hobby.

After initially retiring from a full time Primary Care Physician practice in 2016, mainly because of “burnout” resulting from excessive and unreasonable patient demands, I decided to take up a position as a Locum Tenens, or substitute physician, for the University of Rochester Primary Care network, 3 days a week.  This part time position with a flexible schedule allowed me to continue playing golf at least 2 times a week, and take care of our garden and house maintenance, as well as travel around the USA, visiting at least one National park a year with my wife Sue.  I actually enjoyed having to drive to different locations in and around Rochester, meeting new patients, and taking care of their immediate needs, and being able to schedule follow up visits  for those patients who had chronic illnesses, with their own PCPs in the near future.

The brunt of the Covid 19 pandemic did not hit the US until early 2020, and I braced myself for a surge in patient demand for care.  This did not materialize initially, as people were afraid to be in waiting rooms with others who might potentially be carrying the virus, and I found myself with a lot more time on my hands.  That would change later in the year, as all doctors’ offices adopted the CDC rules regarding masks, gowns, eye protection, gloves and other measures to minimize direct patient contact.  I ended up working a full 50 hrs a week, because of a surge in demand.

The dismal, overcast weather conditions, and the long cold winter of 2020 prompted me to look for a hobby that would keep me busy. I had heard of Hydroponics, which is the growing of plants, mainly vegetables, with artificial light, using growth solutions containing the necessary nutrients, but without the use of garden soil.  I did not have any idea of how this was done, so I went on line and was amazed to find a plethora of information on the topic, mainly on YouTube. I thought that Hydroponics would be a nice way to occupy my spare time especially indoors, in the winter. 

Our house has a full basement, and the usual boxes and inevitable clutter, but I was able to clear a 144 square foot area in one corner with plenty of electric outlets, where I set up two large folding plastic tables.  I also needed chemicals, and containers, LED lights, aerators and tubing, which I purchased at a store that mainly catered to growers of Marijuana.  I had to deal with skeptical smiles and smirks from the attendants, who did not seem at all convinced that I was actually going to grow vegetables in my basement, and not weed!

Mixing Calcium Nitrate, Epsom salts, and Masterblend (4-18-38 tomato and vegetable formula fertilizer) in water to make concentrated growth solutions of different strengths brought back skills acquired doing college chemistry, but I enjoyed doing this rather than buying the more expensive ready mixed stuff that was available.  I would dilute the solution to the recommended concentration of 600 to 800 parts per million of Total Dissolved Solute, with a pH of 5 to 6.5, and then put this in clean, one gallon milk jugs, to be used later in larger containers.

These were large dark blue colored plastic storage bins with lids which were about the size of a small suitcase.  I used a four inch hole saw bit to cut 6 to 8 holes in the lids.  These are just large enough to fit fenestrated plastic cups, into which I would place little seedlings of lettuce and cherry tomatoes, which are held in place by cubes of fuzzy fiberglass, in turn held in place with lava like porous pebbles, also supplied by the store. 

Seedlings were grown using indoor potting mix consisting of peat moss, perlite and coarse sand in a tray, and set on a heating pad under LED lights, which give out a blue and red light spectrum that mimics that portion of sunlight which optimizes plant growth. The ambient temperature was 60 degrees Fahrenheit, with a relative humidity of 45%.  The total cost of the equipment and chemicals was about 300 dollars.

It takes about 2 weeks for the seed to germinate and produce seedlings mature enough to transfer to the cubes of fuzzy glass fiber in the cups, and surrounded by porous pebbles.  These are then placed into the holes of the bin lids, and the bins are filled  with the growth solution. I was careful to place the bins on the tables prior to fill them almost to the top, so the the bottom of the fenestrated cups would get wet, allowing the nutrients to soak into the  glass fiber which was wrapped around the lower stem and roots of the seedlings.  An aquarium aerator enhanced oxygenation inside the dark blue bins. The lack of light inside discourages the growth of algae in the fluid.

In 3 more weeks, I had expectations that I would harvest my first lush crop of lettuce, but the spindly light green plants were initially not quite up to par.  My second batch did much better.  Apps available for my iPhone were useful to check light intensity, at varying heights immediately above the plants, as the plants grew taller and leafed out.  After some adjustments, our first crop of lettuce made it to the dinner table.  The leaves of lettuce tend to spread outwards, rather than inwards to form a head.

It seemed like a lot of work and expense for a few green leaves that could be consumed without being washed, but they were quite tasty and fresh. Besides, any gardener will tell you  that anything you grow, will seem to taste better than anything bought from the store. I did not calculate the actual cost per head of lettuce, but I expected it to be high.Was it worth it? Not including the cost of electricity for the LED light use for 12 hours a day, I figured out that the money I spent on supplies was the equivalent to the cost of 5 outings for golf. That would be about three hundred US dollars.

I had to keep reminding myself that the whole point of attempting this hydroponics project was to keep myself busy but in a leisurely fashion, in a warm environment, doing something creative and challenging, during the more dreary cold months.  Although I have tried sports like cross country skiing in my younger days, I now try  to limit my winter outdoor activities to snow shoveling the house front entrance stoop and walkway, some hiking, and walking the dog.  Most of all, I enjoyed the challenge of having to adapt to growth conditions for my vegetables. 

I discovered that cherry tomatoes do not grow well in hydroponic solutions.  My seedlings purchased from a public market grower did not produce many leaves, and although they grew to a height of 4 feet, very few flowers blossomed, and even with the encouragement of a vibrating electric toothbrush, pollination was poor and very few flowers matured into red, edible tomatoes.  Emptying the bins of spent liquid was a tiresome chore, because I would usually have to transfer the liquid back into the empty milk jugs, and then pour that fluid into my large compost bin outdoors. 

I eventually transitioned to the Kratke hydroponic method of putting my seedling cups into one liter size blackened glass jars, which were previously used for store bought pizza sauce.  These are filled with just enough growth fluid to reach the roots inside the fenestrated plastic cups which fit neatly into the mouths of the jars.  The height of the LED grow lights has to be adjusted to avoid leaf burn if they are too close.  However the jars do not need tube aeration.  They are also easier to top up, or empty and clean.  Seeding and growing plants has to be staggered through the growing season, and can be done year round, but I limited the growing to five months from November to February.

My second growth season in 2021 was more successful with lettuce alone.  The first batch was very good, However, despite the care I took to avoid the use of outdoor soils, an aphid infestation of some of the plants occurred.  This meant that I had to get rid of all the plants and thoroughly clean all of my equipment.  I suspect the aphids came from the tomato seedlings I had obtained from the public market, as their eggs are often present in the soil outdoors.

In the autumn of 2022, my third indoor growing season should have been well underway, but the FIFA World Cup was on, and I didn’t feel quite as enthusiastic about hydroponic gardening just then.

Learning Italian was something that was going quite well, using the DuoLingo app. It is challenging, but I gave it up because I had trouble remembering vocabulary and verb tenses, from lack of use.  Besides, I have no plans to revisit Italy for the foreseeable future, given the ongoing pandemic situation.

I also love to do furniture restoration in the winter. I buy or pick up used discarded but salvageable small solid wood furniture items to refinish in my cold garage.  My wife does not like the odor of acetone, mineral spirits  and turpentine, to foul the ambience inside of the house.  She sometimes helps, and has become good at applying finishes, once I have done the dirty work of stripping and sanding the items. These are then gifted to people who could use them. My daughter who moved back to Rochester from Chicago was a beneficiary. 

I have no regrets about quitting the practice of Medicine. I know that I will always be able to find something interesting to do with my spare time.  My daily challenge now is to force myself to do the exercises to preserve my balance, and use our  Elliptical  stationary cycle  to keep my joints flexible. Sue and I are going to give Pickleball another try, in the Spring.  This sport has become very popular with the retired older people across the nation.

In winter, the axiom “No pain, No gain” takes on a new meaning.  At times I start to wonder if it is “All pain, and No gain” !

When I turned 65 years of age, I was still in the prime of my medical career as a Primary Care physician employed by the University of Rochester.  Life was good. My two children Andrew and Sarah had moved to Chicago, my wife Sue was working as a special procedures nurse at a surgical center, I still played tennis once a week, but now had more free time on my hands and a lighter work schedule.

Six years later, the Covid epidemic hit, and I decided to work longer hours to cope with the surge of sick people.  Gone were the vacations in other countries, and even the annual visit to one of the many beautiful National parks in the USA, which was part of our retirement plan.  I am a mediocre golfer, but the game continued to be something I could do in the open air, and was a relatively safe way of spending time with my friends, and so I decided to play more golf as a way of enjoying the outdoors.

I had just given up playing tennis, because of ankle and knee issues which affected my balance and stability, so I thought that walking the golf course would help me stay active for many more years.

Jim, my friend and former partner in practice was an equally bad golfer, and did not mind walking the 18 hole public golf course nearby, so we would walk the course once a week every spring and summer, using push carts instead of electric ones.  In addition, I played with a group of better golfers who would give me a generous handicap, to make things more competitive.  They were much more serious about the rules and etiquette of golf, than Jim or I were.  They always used electric carts, in which I invariably rode as a masked passenger ignoring their derision.  I had the last laugh months later, when one of them came down with Covid.

I had received expert coaching from golf professionals, but it seemed that my driving skills would improve initially, and then deteriorate as the season went on.  My attempts at getting more distance would end up with my slicing the ball into clumps of trees or into water hazards, or getting them irretrievably lost in the long grass along the fairways.  I resorted to watching golfing tips on YouTube, but my modified swings caused torsion injuries to my left wrist and right shoulder.   This year, I found that I could only walk the front nine holes, and Jim also did the same.  However badly I played, I always came back every week, but I quickly found out that arthritic changes in my weight bearing joints, shoulders and hands were getting worse.  Getting in and out of an armchair was no longer a quick springing up to my feet, but more like a downward push of the arms to project me upwards and forward.  Picking up dropped items meant looking for something to give me leverage to propel myself upwards, stifling a groan as I did so.  The same would occur when I tried to get out of bed on the morning after playing golf.

Fortunately, the discomfort would initially last only a day or so, but now, the inexorable wear and tear has taken its toll.  I decided to stick to hiking as my main form of exercise for the rest of the year.  Fortunately there are many hiking trails within an hours drive of our home. 

My wife Sue and I did attempt to play Pickle ball, which is all the rage in most of the USA, especially in Florida.  However we did find a group of senior citizens with varying degrees of musculoskeletal problems here in Rochester, who welcomed us to participate.  We played as a couple.  I enjoyed it, but was wary of my deteriorating sense of balance, especially when reaching out to get to the balls, which tended to drop unpredictably after bouncing, unlike tennis balls, which take a more predictable trajectory.

Proprioception is the human body’s ability to sense and adjust its stance with a delicate interplay of the nerve receptors, muscles and tendons, in order to maintain its balance and stability.  We do this automatically, but the pressure sensors of the nerves in our feet deteriorate over time.  Foot and ankle sensory neuropathy may result from a variety of pathologic conditions, especially Diabetes Mellitus.  Subjective feelings of instability because of decreased sensation especially in the feet as we age, have increased the incidence of fall-related injuries.

I often find myself wobbling on one foot, while trying to get my pants on when standing up.  After two episodes of losing my balance, I now sit down to begin this process, before standing up to complete it.  I am starting to have second thoughts about continuing to play pickle ball, especially after a close friend ended up losing his balance and falling face first on the court.

I am fortunate to have survived a heart arrhythmia which caused a very slow heart beat, and near fainting episodes, and resulted in a pacemaker implantation when I was just fifty three years old.  It did not stop me from continuing to play tennis for another 12 years, and I can still lug wheelbarrows full of soil and mulch when taking care of our garden.  I prefer this type of strenuous activity, rather than using the treadmill or elliptical exercise machine which I use during the long and cold winters of western New York.

Like many of my peers in their seventies, remembering things has become an issue for me too.  We all dread the possibility of developing some form of Dementia as we age, and forgetfulness is certainly one of its early signs.  We compensate for it using reminders of all sorts.  As we age it is inevitable that we will develop some deterioration of our memory, but I believe that the ability to recall everything in the past is not necessarily a good thing, because vivid recollection and reliving certain unpleasant events can negatively impact our present state of happiness.  Remedies for failing memory abound.  Learning a new language or exploring new fields of knowledge like Cosmology, History, etc. has been made easier because of the availability of on-line sources such as The Great Courses.  They are reasonably priced, and the video versions with illustrations are very good, and make great gifts.  Audiobooks available from our local library have also been a good source of learning, although I must confess that I tend to doze off after an hour of listening.  I am an unabashed fan of YouTube videos which have a wealth of information on almost anything.  I have tried doing volunteer work at local free clinics, but found that the amount of paperwork involved, and the requirement to continue having malpractice insurance was not practical.

A slow but inexorable decline in health is an inescapable part of aging, but we just have to do our best to cope, with the love and support of family and friends.  Transient episodes of depression and discouragement will occur, especially when physical ailments get worse, but I consider myself fortunate. I can still do a lot of things at seventy four, that others much younger than I cannot do.