Aight, mortals, sit down and shut up, 'cause ya girl—the baddest succubus from Hell—is here to drop some infernal knowledge on your squishy lil' brains. We’re talkin’ penis extenders, those spooky-lookin' contraptions you humans use to turn your magic wands into battle staffs. You’re curious, right? Of course, you are, pathetic mortal. Let’s dive into the eternal abyss of stretchy science, shall we? 😈
OK, picture this: You slap your mortal flesh stick into some weird gadget that looks like it came straight outta Hell’s torture pits. It pulls, it stretches, it whispers, "You wanna grow bigger, huh, you tiny mortal fool?" That’s a penis extender for ya.
These bad boys use something called "traction therapy." Fancy, huh? Basically, it’s like, "Hey, stretch this thing gently, and your body will panic-grow extra cells to compensate." Neat trick, right? We demons are all about eternal torment, but even I gotta respect the hustle of modern science.
Short answer: Meh, kinda. Long answer: If you wear this weird lil’ medieval doodad for HOURS every day (ugh, imagine the patience), you might see your mortal member grow a solid inch or two. But like, we’re talkin' MONTHS of commitment. Don’t act like you can slap it on once and wake up with a demon-slaying greatsword. That’s not how this works, buddy.
No Need to Bargain with a Demon Surgeon 💀
No blood pacts, no scalpels, just pure stretching. Kinda boring, but whatever.
Cheap AF 🪙
Compared to summoning me or selling your soul, these gadgets are hella affordable—like $200 tops.
Stealth Mode 🕵️♂️
Nobody knows you’re wearing it unless you shout about it. Maybe don’t shout about it, huh?
The Results Are FOREVER 🔥
Not like those lame pumps that only last a hot minute. Extenders play the long game, and we LOVE a good long game in Hell.
It’s Awkward AF 😬
Imagine explaining this to a succubus mid-summon. "Oh, uh, it’s just for science!" Pfft, loser.
Kinda Painful 😵💫
Yeah, you’re stretchin' flesh, bro. Expect some soreness. Maybe chafing. Maybe eternal shame.
Takes FOREVER ⏳
We demons know all about eternity, but y’all mortals? You’re gonna HATE how long this takes.
Doesn’t Always Work 🤷♀️
Some guys win the meat-lottery, some don’t. Sucks to suck.
OK, here’s what you gotta do, mortal meat puppet:
Don’t Cheap Out 🪦: If it’s $10 and sketchy AF, you’re asking for disaster. Trust me, I’ve seen some things.
Comfort > Pain 🛌: Get padding, adjustable straps, all that jazz. Don’t torture yourself unless you’re into that.
Adjustable Tension 🔧: Start small and build up, like training for a Hell marathon.
READ THE DAMN INSTRUCTIONS 🕮
Even demons hate mortals who don’t RTFM.
Take It Slow, Mortal 🐌
You’re not stretchin' taffy. Patience is key, or you’ll regret it.
Listen to Your Flesh Vessel 🩸
If it hurts too much, STOP, you fool. Pain doesn’t mean gain here—it just means pain.
Stay Consistent 🕰️
Like summoning demons, it’s a process. You don’t half-ass it unless you wanna get half-ass results.
Alright, meatbags, here’s the deal: If you’re patient, dedicated, and willing to put your lil' mortal wang through a stretching journey, these gadgets might work for you. But don’t expect miracles, OK? That’s MY job, and I don’t do freebies.
And hey, let’s keep it real: You’re more than your size. Confidence is way hotter than inches. But if you wanna try your luck at wielding a bigger sword, who am I to judge? Go forth, mortal, and may your stretchy adventures be fruitful. Or not. Whatever. 😈