Seven

I am one of the lucky ones. I have not experienced severe racism or discrimination despite being a Pakistani, Muslim woman and being open and proud of my identity. But I have experienced microaggressions that are representative of a larger toxic culture within the halls of NDB. All of these concerns deserve to not only be heard and acknowledged but action and reform also must be taken. That being said, here are some of my experiences.

In one class, we were talking about how different weddings of different cultures can be. The teacher expressed a desire to be invited to an Indian wedding. That was completely innocent to me and I said that I would invite her to my eventual Pakistani wedding, and she could take part in some of the traditions. She smiled at the thought but grew concerned quickly and asked whether that would be happening soon. I said of course not and proceeded to go about my day. It was not until later when it struck me that she asked me because it was stereotyped that Muslim girls are married off young. She was genuinely worried that my parents were planning to force me to marry someone at a young age. I know that she did not have any bad intentions, but the question was out of ignorance and I was shocked that anyone could think that.

Sophomore year, the Model UN club had created a reflection space with harrowing images of current global crises, some of which were not receiving much media attention. This included the Uighur Muslims, Rohingya Muslims, the crisis at the US border, the crisis in Sudan, and many more. Many of these issues especially meant a lot to me because they targeted Muslims. To represent the Uighur Muslims, we used a large picture of the blue and white flag that they use to represent themselves. A student took offense at the sight of the flag and asked that it be removed. To understand her perspective, we called a meeting with my club advisor and with another adult. She went on to explain that the Uighur flag represented a movement against China and it made her uncomfortable to see that image as she was walking to the library. We talked it out for a couple of minutes, trying to explain to her that the point of the reflection space was to feel uncomfortable so that we, as a society, can grow to have those difficult conversations. Understandably, it was difficult for her to get past that. She began to explain why it made her comfortable, and in that, she said that she was always taught that Muslims were terrorists, especially Uighur Muslims. I was shocked. I thought that she was going to dispute what she learned but she never did. I think everyone else in the room thought that it was implicit, but she never said that she didn’t believe that Muslims weren’t terrorists. It looked like she did believe that, but of course, I do not know for sure. What I do know is that I feel internal pain like I never have before. I was completely paralyzed because no one had ever said that to my face. I sat there in silence, hurting inside because I did not know what to do. I don’t think anyone realized what had happened and how it affected me. I tried to let it go by reasoning that she did not really believe that, and her intention was not to implicitly call me and everything I believe in a terrorist. However, that was what I felt. I continued to sit in silence, which is very unlike me, as the meeting went on and it was agreed upon that the club would display a different image that did not have the Uighur flag on it. I could not believe what I had agreed to. It felt like this action censoring and suppressing the Uighurs and it did not sit right with me.

I was pretty quiet for the rest of the day and I could not handle myself. I was really upset that I had not been brave enough to say something although I don’t think I could have changed her mind. She deserved to be listened to, but I didn’t feel listened to even though no one knew since I didn’t know how to tell them. I remember feeling so guilty that when the picture was replaced, I asked if I could have the original picture so I could at least take it home and display it there, but it had been thrown out. I was devastated, but it made sense since I didn’t tell anyone what happened. I didn’t tell anyone until I had accepted this memory that I had been suppressing for about a year.

I have always loved Notre Dame. Everyone there [helped] me become the woman that I am today, and I am eternally grateful. That does not mean that my experience was without any pain or misguided comments. Most people may not have intended to hurt me, but knowingly or unknowingly, their comments hurt. What I am calling for is an understanding from the Notre Dame administration that these microaggressions exist in our community and for them to take a stand against so that students of color can feel safe. Nothing can invalidate my experiences, the experiences of my peers, and the need for reform. We need to come together and fight against any sort of discrimination within our communities. Black Lives Matter but we cannot just say it, we need to act on it.

~ Proud Graduate of the Class of 2020