One overarching message of "But What Will People Say" by Sahaj Kaur Kohli is a declaration that the prevailing Western attitudes of individualism and a loyalty to oneself that includes mental health care are very different from the attitudes of the East-- collectivism and a loyalty to one's community,  its reputation, and its privacy. It explores this difficult dichotomy for children of immigrants.

Chapters 1-3 provide basic information about interfamilial trauma and second-generation immigrants' response to it, which could largely apply to to clients of non-multicultural backgrounds, with some notable cultural caveats. The author asserts that many immigrant parents rely on their children's success to prove that "their sacrifices and choices were worth it, " and that this dynamic imposes "[the parents' desires, needs, and expectations onto [their children's] life stories" (Kohli, 2024, p. 23). Kohli develops the idea that some immigrant families were granted permission to immigrate to the United States because they proved they would be valuable to the country. She asserts that the idea that hard work pays off has evolved into "praise as a primary method of parenting" among immigrant parents, and discusses the subsequent negative achievement behavior their children can develop (Kohli, 2024, p. 69). She further asserts that parental praise can combine with the model minority myth among members of the host culture to build up expectations of excellence from some children of immigrants, which create a wall that blocks their reaching out for help and allowing themselves to be imperfect humans. She discusses how a child's desire to see a therapist can be interpreted by their immigrant parents to be a sign of ingratitude, a failure on their part, or a betrayal of a collectivist community whose secrets should remain loyally protected. These chapters form a foundation for concepts discussed throughout the rest of the book.

Chapter 4 discusses religion and its role in uniting a culture, as well as spiritual trauma. Kohli provides a simple description of the elements that create a sense of culture, including food, clothing and entertainment. She references research that suggests immigrants are more likely to seek support for mental health from within their communities, including religious leaders when religion is part of their culture. She emphasizes the fear many immigrants possess that their culture will not be preserved in their own families, as well as the imperative of proximity to other members of one's culture in order to preserve that culture.

Chapter 5 includes basic instructions for identifying, processing and regulating feelings, with a particular emphasis on shame. The relational cultural aspects of shame is explored, including how shame can sometimes strengthen relationships and be regarded as a virtue in collectivist cultures, because it exhibits a desire to humbly and selflessly consider one's impact on another's well-being and reputation.

Chapter 6 explores self-differentiation and boundaries. It discusses the whiplash that occurs for a child of immigrants in navigating one life inside of their home and a completely different engagement in life outside the home. It acknowledges that boundaries between parents and children may look different for those of western cultures than from their eastern counterparts, because of often-misunderstood fundamental differences in relationships.

Chapter 8-9 and 11-12 hone in on experiences that are unique to multicultural individuals, and constitute the "meat" of the book: being the only member of one's culture in the workplace, finding a life partner while navigating loyalty to one's parents and culture, determining one's own multicultural identity on the spectrum that stretches from complete rejection of one's host culture to complete rejection of one's heritage culture, dealing with cultural bereavement and disenfranchised grief as a person learns their own identity in context of learning about their own family history. These chapters are rich in content and are best read in detail.

Chapter 10 addresses self-sabotaging behavior,  including perfectionism borne from impression management and unrealistic expectations of exceptionalism, and a scarcity mindset often inherited from parents, which puts a child of immigrants perpetually in survival mode.

Each chapter in "But What Will People Say" by Sahaj Kaur Kohli includes at least one exercise for the second-generation immigrant reader, which is listed in italics under the chapter title in the table of contents. This list includes three helpful exercises in the book.

1. Questions in Chapter 1 regarding the dominant narratives of one's past, present, and future are helpful. They could be considered all together or separately and discussed in a counseling session. The benefit of this activity is that it positions the multicultural individual as the author in their story. Two prompts are particularly potent: "How is your current narrative internalized from other places, people, or sociocultural expectations? These may be related to a narrative imposed on you," and "Are you content with this dominant narrative? If not, what--and how--would you want to change?" (Kohli, 2024, p. 24-28)

2. Chapter 6 includes four exercises to clarify the multicultural individual's values in order to determine and set boundaries. It provides a solid basis for grounded self-confidence in navigating interactions with others. The first exercise invites the multicultural individual to identify three values from the heritage culture, the host culture, and loved ones, then an asks the person to compare and contrast these values to one another and consider whether they have adopted certain values because of people surrounding them. (Kohli, 2024, p. 210-211).

3. The last page of Chapter 12 presents an exercise to write a letter to deceased loved ones or ancestors. It invites the reader to ponder on their own identity as a child, grandchild, or great grandchild of survivors of colonialism, and consider what this means on a micro- and macroscale Kohli, 2024, p. 390). This activity can help the multicultural individual to process feelings of grief (Kohli, 2024, p. 390).