Many people have a complicated relationship with failure, including me! How do we move away from teaching so kids can “get the right answer” toward teaching to understanding the process? Why are we in a society where failure is a “4 letter word” and how do we get kids to break the cycle of always having to be right? Let's talk about making failure our FIRST ATTEMPT IN LEARNING.
Many people have a complicated relationship with failure, and I am one of those people. I am a Type A, first born daughter so perfectionism seems almost written in my DNA. When I was young, I was terrified to fail at something. I was always told that I was the “good one”, the “smart one”, the one who did everything right and even though these comments were meant in a positive way, all they did was add pressure to succeed to my already stressed life. It wasn’t until much later in life that I took a new look at failure and decided that failing wasn’t going to be the end of the world, it was simply my - First Attempt In Learning.
Jesscia Lahey calls it “the gift of failure” in her book of the same title. In this book, she explains that the constant need for adults to save children from failure is actually hurting them. That letting our students fail is the best way to teach them how to lift themselves back up when things get difficult. These types of natural consequences are not easy to teach. In fact, we can’t just talk about how to fail, we have to show our students that failure is part of human nature and that it is not the end of the world. We have to model appropriate behaviors that encourage failure and growth from that failure.
How do we do this? How do we show students that failure is natural and nothing to be ashamed of?
Modeling Appropriate Failure:
Start small
Giving young children responsibility is one great way to show them that failure is just part of life. Things like making dinner, folding/putting away laundry or other chores can be used as a gateway to rewards (like extra screen time!). Chores that are not complete, do not earn the reward.
Use games:
Playing video games is actually a great way for children to build resilience for failure. Now this does not mean that you should let them play video games for 3 hours a day and they are good. Share in the playing of the games or use family board games to express a healthy attitude around failure.
Embrace failure:
Children often get upset when they fail, especially when sports are involved. They often get angry or upset and if you also get angry or upset, then you are encouraging the behavior. Take a more constructive approach by acknowledging their feelings and take time later to discuss the positives. Discussing the positives right away can lead to toxic positivity and create more anger. Failure is human nature!
Explain the science:
Students don’t always understand and failure is a learning opportunity so explaining how their brains work is a great way to express an appropriate attitude about failure. Let them watch this video for more information.
Try this! I love the idea of Failure Fridays. I am going to be starting it with my students during our next grading period. We are going to learn about one failed science invention or a failure of some kind each Friday. I might also challenge them to fail at something just so they can see what they learned. Check out this episode of “The STEM Space” to hear about the challenge.
Informational Resources:
Product and Activity Links:
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