translation by mourningmoor
[Kim Jaewon, what's going on? You're completely unable to focus on practice.]
[We have to shoot the music video immediately, and the K-POP Summer Concert is just around the corner. If the main vocalist and lead dancer like you falls apart like this, don't you know the whole team suffers the consequences?]
[A rookie group that just debuted can't afford that.]
Jaewon couldn’t refute a single word of Director Gong Seokho’s statement.
Because everything he said was true.
[What's going on? Speak up. How can anyone help or not help if you don't say anything?]
[There's nothing wrong. Nothing at all... I'm really fine.]
I said I was fine, but in truth, I wasn’t fine at all.
But then again, I didn’t even really know what was fine and what wasn’t.
I couldn’t confide in Director Gong, nor did I want to, so I just kept repeating that I was fine before leaving the room.
In truth, who could I open up to about these feelings?
No one.
I hate my mom, yet feel sorry for her. And I felt guilty.
As for my dad... I resented him, yet couldn’t bring myself to blame him.
Because at the root of all these problems was Kim Jaewon—himself.
Being so pathetic and hopeless, today of all days turned out to be his birthday.
To be honest, he didn’t even think he deserved to be celebrated.
That’s why he kept his phone turned off all day. But once it was off, truly no one reached out to wish him a happy birthday.
His seventeenth birthday was passing by in solitude like this.
“What’s there to feel lonely about? You don’t even deserve to be lonely.”
Dragging his feet down the emergency stairs, Jaewon had just reached the third floor when it happened.
"Jaewon-ah."
Gyuhyung was waiting for him in front of the elevator.
With a darkened face and stubble rough against his skin, Gyuhyung looked at him with worry written all over his expression.
"Are you okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did the director scold you a lot?"
With just a few short words, something suddenly welled up and surged within his chest.
Are you okay? Did you get scolded a lot?
They were clearly words of concern for him, yet an unexpected wave of resentment swept over him.
He knew how selfish and pathetic these thoughts were, but he couldn’t control them.
"Why? Are you worried I’ll cause trouble for everyone else too?"
"What?"
It’s my birthday, but seriously... What kind of birthday feels this miserable?
"I won’t cause any trouble. I don’t need anyone’s help, either."
Why are you taking out your frustration on someone who has nothing to do with it?
What, is Gyuhyung-hyung just the easiest target for this?
"And besides... I already know how pathetic I am."
In the end, the tears spilled over.
"Jaewon... ah."
A startled Gyuhyung called out his name, but Jaewon turned around and walked away without a word.
Gyuhyung-hyung, I hate him too. He’s my manager, but he doesn’t even know his own artist’s birthday?
The members... I hate them all too.
How could they not even say a single "Happy Birthday"?
* * *
Roa’s face turned pale.
“What do we do? It seems like Jaewon’s really hurt.”
The other team members, who had just heard the story from Gyuhyung, weren’t in much better shape.
“We didn’t say anything because we wanted to surprise him with a party…”
Even Siu, who had been placing candles on the cake, abandoned his task and started fussing nervously.
"Isn't he more upset because we didn't even know it was his birthday? Maybe that's why he cried?"
"I think I might have added fuel to the fire, considering how many things were already bothering him."
At Siu’s words, Roa lowered his head deeply.
It was Roa who had first suggested the surprise birthday party for Jaewon.
He wanted to bring some new joy to Jaewon, who was already feeling down from personal troubles.
But seeing things unfold like this, Roa was also feeling miserable.
At that moment, Hanjoon stepped in.
"The youngest isn't like that."
And he quickly put things into perspective.
"He's not petty enough to let that bother him."
The youngest, with his 4D behavior and carefree actions, was clearly a bit of a handful, but Hanjoon seemed to know he was a solid person on the inside.
"First, we need to find Jaewon."
At Hanjoon's words, Roa asked with a serious expression,
"They said he went outside. How are we supposed to find him?"
That was the problem. The sun had already set, and it was pitch black outside. The neighborhood was always busy, so no one had a clue where or how they were going to find the youngest. Everyone was filled with worry.
"I'll go find him."
I had been quietly watching the kids from behind, but now it seemed it was my turn to step in.
"So, you guys just finish what you were doing."
I pulled my hat low on my head and, before leaving the practice room, I turned around.
"If you're going to, set the table too. Let's eat galbijjim here."
The three kids nodded in unison.
* * *
Finding the presence of a human isn’t difficult.
If that human is someone you know well, the task becomes even easier.
Stepping outside, I quietly activated my magic.
Then, I pulled a single thread of "memory" from my body.
The thread, glowing with a blue light, would be invisible to an ordinary human eye.
I sent the thread of memory soaring into the sky, then quietly gave a command to the mana gathering around me.
"Find."
At my single word, the mana, once calm, shifted shapes and began moving dynamically.
"These kids in the neighborhood sure listen well."
I chuckled softly, then began walking, following the flow of the mana.
I found Jaewon in a narrow alley, about two blocks away from the company.
He was sitting huddled in a place where even the streetlight couldn't reach, his face buried between his knees.
The sight of him was pitiful.
《What the hell are you doing, being such a fool?》
《You're not a kid anymore. You're seventeen, and you're still acting like a spoiled child?》
《This is why your parents couldn't be happy—because of you, in this state.》
Tsk, he's still fighting with himself, thinking all of this is his fault.
I slowly crossed the alley and sat down next to Jaewon without saying a word.
His shoulders tensed, and his head slowly turned toward me.
When his tear-streaked eyes met mine, his face twisted in disbelief.
《What the heck, why is he here? How did he find me?》
I watched as his face disappeared again between his knees and spoke.
"Are you done crying?"
There was no answer.
"Go ahead and cry some more if you need to, just listen."
Jaewon, curled up without a single movement, seemed to have frozen, not just physically but mentally as well.
“You’re not to blame. Don’t put everything that happens to you on yourself.”
At that, he slowly lifted his head.
“There’s no one more arrogant than a person who blames themselves for everything that happens in the world. It’s like thinking the entire universe revolves around them.”
But isn’t that the kind of power only someone who can move and control the vast world at will could have? Someone like a god.
“There’s nothing more foolish than that.”
Right, that’s something only gods can claim, not humans.
“You’re not the center of the universe. So, you don’t need to take responsibility for everything that happens to you.”
He frowned slightly, his swollen eyes betraying the tears that had already stained his face, and his thoughts slipped out without warning.
《Hyung-ah. Do you know about my parents story?》
Jaewon’s mind wavered, scattered with unease.
He still strongly wished that no one knew about his family situation.
To help him avoid that topic, I shifted the conversation with a different excuse.
"I'm talking about the stuff with Gong-ssaem. The only thing you’re responsible for is not focusing during practice. That's it. You’re only responsible for your part. Don’t worry about whether your actions will hurt the team or not."
"But if I mess up, it’ll hurt everyone."
"Do you really think we’re that insignificant in your eyes?"
His eyes trembled slightly, as if this was a perspective he had never considered before.
"Do you think if you break down, everything will fall apart?"
The youngest quickly shook his head.
"No."
"We have enough patience to wait for you to regroup and come back."
His eyes began to redden again.
"Don't ignore that."
His big, round eyes shimmered with all sorts of emotions.
《Ugh, seriously. I don’t want to cry. Why is this guy like this?》
He was still only seventeen, but the kid’s inner strength was impressive.
"If you shake, we all shake too."
I couldn't help but admire how hard he was trying to hold back his tears.
"Then the responsibility lies with each of us."
I raised my left hand and gently placed it on his head. I activated my magic softly. It was a blessing spell, one meant to give comfort and courage.
"Just take responsibility for your part."
I gently patted his round head, and he buried his face even deeper between his knees.
"Do you understand?"
"Yes."
His voice trembled faintly at the end.
"Then why are you sitting here like this? You should be going to take responsibility."
* * *
Those kids.
They were like fish in water, having a blast.
They even turned off the lights to set up the surprise properly.
There were three cakes.
One prepared by Roa, one by the PR team, and the one that Jaewon's mom brought, all neatly placed on the practice room floor.
Fireworks went off from all directions, and they gave Jaewon a playful smack on the back with a cheerful "Birthday smack!"
"Ah, what is this?"
Jaewon curled up his body, offering his back, and while flinching from the pain, he didn't run away or try to dodge.
"What is all this?"
As the lights came on and the situation settled, Jaewon asked, his eyes wide with surprise.
The mirror in the practice room was decorated with the colorful letters <축, 생, 일> (Happy Birthday) and beneath it was a large photo of Jaewon. Around it, vibrant balloons were arranged in a cheerful pattern.
The most eye-catching feature, however, was the birthday spread set up in the center of the room.
Three cakes, fried chicken, pizza, galbijjim (braised short ribs), seaweed soup, and japchae (stir-fried noodles with vegetables and meat) filled the table.
"Did you feel left out because we were pretending not to notice?"
Manager Hyerim stepped forward, smiling brightly.
"The decorations here were done by Roa and Siu and Hanjoon, and the chicken and pizza were bought by Director Gong. The rest of the food was from the management team... Oh my, Jaewon-ah."
Jaewon, not able to listen to Hyerim's words to the end, lowered his head deeply and covered his eyes with the back of his hand.
"Ah, damn it. I tried not to cry because I'm embarrassed, but I'll cry just a little."
In the end, the youngest couldn't hold back and let the tears flow.