What To Watch For & What To Do?
12/22/18
People who appear to be suicidal pose a problem to those who suddenly find out something is wrong and are limited in what they can do to help them. This is one reason why most volunteer Lyme patient advocates refuse to deal with patients with mental issues or those who say they want to give up or die. The volunteers are not trained to intervene and don't have the necessary skills to provide the best of care. Myself included.
Below is a sample of what is seen and what has been done (by me) in a recent situation. This example, a note to her, was written for my friend because I care about this person, as I have for all the others.
So, my friend....
Full moon, out-of-the-blue, your crazy sounding post showed up in MY newsfeed last night.
When I looked at that ugly mess where you are cursing and slamming your friends for not “liking or unliking” you, I knew immediately that is not the “normal” you. Something is wrong. ALERT!
When I see you dive into a crazy talking kind of depressive funk and go babbling about all of the world’s problems, I know that is not the "normal" you. ALERT!
When you say… "I am just tired of all this Lyme crap. I want to die, no more please”, well, like it or not, combined with many other factors, you just put the icing on the cake. That statement indicates suicide is not just a risk, but eminent in many cases. ALERT!
Yes, you can express frustration. BUT, like shouting fire in a theater, you aren’t allowed to use words that can cause a panic when you know that message goes out to your friends, family and the public- and then expect no one to react to the statement that you want to die.
"Birds of a feather flock together" is a saying. I want to die is not just a saying, it is an ALERT! Especially in the Lyme world.
Not at all by choice or because I like any of this at all (in fact I HATE, HATE, HATE it and what the stress/destruction from it does to me too)- but ONLY because there is an unmet need and more people WILL die if someone doesn’t intervene- I’ve been helping suicidal Lyme patients for 30 plus years.
In fact, last year at times I was dealing with 2-3 at a time.
NEWSFLASH- I CAN’T HANDLE THAT!
But no one else I can find is stepping up to the plate to help and I am not able to just walk away when I see what appears to be a potentially serious, life-threatening situation.
Did you know the science has been published that concludes approximately 1/3 of chronically ill Lyme patients attempt to kill themselves or commit suicide? Someone has to help these people or we will continue to lose more and more.
In my experience, the majority of Lyme patients, for some reason unknown to me, have tried to kill themselves on the weekends. This is a weekend AND a full moon AND winter AND is at Christmas. ALERT!
And that’s exactly when my hands are most tied- at night and on weekends- because doctors offices are generally closed, and most Lyme patients probably would rather die than go to the ER. (I know I would after how badly I’ve been treated.)
I have had to call LLMD’s in the middle of the night and wake them up because one of their patients is suicidal and I, or the police, or the hospital needs info about them and/or needs them to intervene.
I’ve had to call police departments across the country to send officers out to check on suicidal patients- it’s called a "wellness check". I show the officers info I have (which is usually sparse) about what is going on and they make the determination to go or not. Never have I approached the police and they NOT immediately gone to the home to check on and help the patient becausr they felt it warranted. So, at least my radar is in tune with what officials recognize as a serious problem.
In these kind of situations, I’ve had to contact local ER’s and psych hospitals and institutes to help patients in an emergency. And I have had to talk to doctors that don’t know the patients or me so they can request officers to go the homes and/or have the person committed to an institute (after going to ER). I’ve had to try to track down relatives and/or close friends to find people help. That’s not easy when I only have a screen name, a general idea of where someone lives (if any), and maybe happen to know their doctor’s name.
And not only have I had to research the daylights out of Lyme, ticks and every disease known to man that they can pass on to be able to help educate and support sick patients, I am having to try to teach myself what to do when someone wants to give up and says they want to die.
Here are some things YOU and others need to know (from my notes). Each time one of these warning signs can be connected to what I know of you, Lyme patients in general, and/or your posts of last night, I will write ALERT! That way YOU can see what I was trying to deal with here.
NOTES
While there’s no single cause, suicide most often occurs when stressors exceed a child or an adult's ability to cope. ALERT!
Risk factors and warning signs…
Talk about wanting to die or killing themselves. ALERT!
Feeling hopeless. ALERT!
Feeling as if it is useless and having no reason to live. ALERT!
Feeling trapped. ALERT!
Unbearable pain. ALERT!
Increased use of alcohol or drugs?
Looking for a way to end their lives, such as searching online for methods?
Withdrawing from activities. ALERT!
Isolating from family and friends. ALERT!
Sleeping too much or too little?
Visiting or calling people to say goodbye?
Giving away prized possessions?
Aggression. ALERT!
Fatigue. ALERT!
Depression. ALERT!
Anxiety. ALERT!
Loss of interest. ALERT!
Irritability. ALERT!
Humiliation/Shame?
Agitation/Anger. ALERT!
Relief/Sudden Improvement?
Personality traits of aggression, mood changes and poor relationships?
Conduct disorder?
Serious physical health conditions including pain. ALERT!
Access to lethal means including firearms and drugs. ALERT!
Prolonged stress, such as harassment, bullying, relationship problems or unemployment?
Stressful life events, like rejection, divorce, financial crisis, other life transitions or loss?
Exposure to another person’s suicide, or to graphic or sensationalized accounts of suicide. ALERT!
- Acting anxious, agitated, reckless ALERT!
- Showing rage. ALERT!
- Displaying extreme mood swings. ALERT!
- Serious or chronic health conditions. ALERT!
- Limited access to healthcare. ALERT!
- Sleeping difficulties. ALERT!
- Financial or school difficulties?
- Access to lethal means including firearms and drugs, ALERT!
- Exposure to suicide in the media or community. ALERT!
- Previous suicide attempts?
- Family history of suicide attempts?
- History of self-harm?
- Recent hospitalization?
- Expressing there's no reason to live. ALERT!
- Poor problem solving. ALERT!
- Acting recklessly. ALERT!
- Isolating from family and friends. ALERT!
- Sleeping too much or too little?
- Visiting or calling people to say goodbye?
- Giving away prized possessions?
- Loss of interest. ALERT!
- Rage. ALERT!
- Irritability. ALERT!
- Humiliation?
- Impulsivity?
- Despair. ALERT!
The Rule Is To Call 911
If….
Someone is threatening to hurt or kill him/herself or talks about wanting to die.
Someone is talking, writing, or posting on social media about wanting to die, death and/or suicide when these actions are out of the ordinary for the person.
FYI- Worldwide, more people die from suicide than all the deaths caused by accidents, natural disasters, wars and homicides around the world, combined.
Ok, so what could I do for you last night when all these ALERTS! suddenly popped up?
Being over 2,000 miles away, not having any way to contact you other than FB, I did what I could to …
1. Get more info on how you were feeling and why so I could try to address it.
2. Try to distract you from your current negative situation, whatever it may be.
3. Try to change your current mood- derail your train that is on a crash course so to speak.
4. I contacted some of your FB friends by email and asked them to connect with you.
KNOWING you’ve never considered yourself a victim, and you’ve always had on your big girl pants, and you are strong and kind and loving… in a way I typically don’t do with you (as you know)... I punched at you to make you pay attention to me instead of yourself, and tried to make you react.
If I can get your focus off you and your troubles, and the hate and misery you feel is then focused on me, I figured you most likely would snap-to and come back around.
You did.
You later you told someone you were “shocked” at what I’d said/done. And that is what was needed at the time. And...
THAT WAS THE POINT! I needed you to break that bad train of thought and by slapping at you, you did.
PS- I don’t get a choice in this kind of situation. If I don’t reach out and do something, you could die. If I do reach out and try to help, you could still die.
If you died, I would never ever ever forgive myself. I am not God and am not all-knowing. I don't want to be responsible for people taking their own life.
Therefore, I can’t say- “well maybe she doesn’t mean it” and just walk away…. NO! I have to act.
Now that I see you coming back around...
If you don’t like the effort I put into researching this and watching you and interacting with you to be sure you were ok, ya know, (just changed here what I was gonna say cause I am, truth be known, so stinking tired of all this)…
That’s just Freaking Fine. At this point I’ve spent about 18 hours dealing with this one situation, lost sleep over it, have a kicking headache and neck pain from the stress, and for my efforts I've been kicked by you and your friends, one of which accused me of not knowing what you are going through (OMG), so I just don’t care!
I am SOOOOOOO not wanting to be involved in depression/suicide stuff anymore or people telling me they just want to die, or as you put it, this Lyme CRAP, that I really don’t care.
So, forgive me or not for shaking it up and rattling your cage in an effort to prevent things from getting worse. I did what I could for you.
Lucy Barnes
December 2018