red paint

When I see you,

I see a blank wall

painted in my favorite color:

a rich red,

saturated in my love

for you

I feel so relieved

to see you,

and not a dark window

Or a green mirror

Hidden by my cruel eyes,

a reflection of ugliness

staring back at me

and back at all my flaws

All my tears

All my fears

All my years

spent in deafening silence

Echoing frustrations

Echoing conversations

Where I speak but do not hear

And where I listen but I am not heard

All I want to see is

Red paint

On a blank wall

Glossy enough to reflect the light

But not enough to reflect me

I want to see you

And be blind to myself