Rabbi Stiefel's Monthly Article

Current July 2026

Rabbi Sharon Stiefel

The Gift of Tu B'Av

Our Hebrew month of Av (corresponding to July 14 - August 12) contains the lowest point in Jewish history. On Tisha B'Av, our day of mourning, we remember the destruction of the First and Second Temples and many other tragedies in Jewish history. We lament, sit with loss, and acknowledge the brokenness that is part of our collective story. This year, Mayim Rabim will join Adath Jeshurun and Sha'arei Chesed at the Meeting House on Wednesday, July 22, at 8:30 p.m. for our annual erev Tisha B'Av observance.

Just six days later comes Tu B'Av, the fifteenth day of Av. This year it falls on July 29 and is described by the rabbis as one of the happiest days of the Jewish year. In fact, the Mishnah makes the surprising claim that "there were no greater festivals for Israel than Yom Kippur and Tu B'Av."

Yom Kippur I understand. It is the day of forgiveness and renewal. But Tu B'Av? What could possibly make a holiday that arrives in the shadow of Tisha B'Av one of Judaism's greatest celebrations? And why have so many never heard of it?

Perhaps the answer lies in the rhythm of the Jewish calendar itself. Judaism does not allow us to remain forever in grief. Nor does it ask us to pretend that suffering never happened. Instead, it teaches that life holds both mourning and healing, heartbreak and hope. We move through sorrow, not around it, and eventually find our way back to joy.

The Talmud tells us that on Tu B'Av, the young unmarried women of Jerusalem danced in the vineyards hoping to find a match. They dressed in borrowed white garments so that no one would be embarrassed by what they wore. Their clothing placed everyone on equal footing, allowing wealth and status to fade into the background.

We can appreciate this ancient custom while recognizing its limitations. Today, we no longer believe that women should dance before men to find a spouse nor do we accept the heterosexist assumptions that marriage is only between a man and a woman. Rather than focusing on the matchmaking aspect of the story, we can draw inspiration from its deeper values: dignity, equality, and the creation of a community in which no one is shamed because of what they have or do not have.

Tu B'Av is often described simply as the "Jewish Valentine's Day." At its heart, though, this holiday is not just about romance. It is about connection. It is about believing that after loss, love in all its forms is still possible.

The full moon of Tu B'Av shines in the middle of a season that can feel dry and depleted. The rabbis saw in that moon a symbol of fullness and possibility. Even after darkness, light returns. We move from remembering destruction to seeking connection, from isolation toward relationship, from lamentation toward hope.

The final verse of Eichah (the book of Lamentations), which we chant on Tisha B'Av, offers a prayer that carries us toward Tu B'Av and beyond:

"Hashiveinu Adonai eilecha v'nashuvah, chadeish yameinu k'kedem."

"Turn us toward You, O God, and we shall return. Renew our days as of old."

May we leave room in our hearts for both grief and hope, deepen our connections with one another, and trust that even after loss, life has the capacity to surprise us with new beginnings.