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Emotions are Difficult
Throughout my life, I've had uncommon experiences, which result in complicated emotions. I wanted to try visualizing how different emotions manifest, whether it be contradictory feelings on the same topic or just strong emotions.
Maybe you will relate.
Disconnection (2026)
marker on paper
When you're a child, you are introduced to other people but family member relations. These relationships be and flow, sometimes severing for no particular reason. You didn't create these connections, and you had no say when they ended. You just accept it and move on.
When these people pass away, It becomes sadness mixed with confusion, dissonance, and guilt. It's just social and emotional disconnect
You Are the Reason (2026)
Pen on paper
I am not a religious person, maybe if I was it could fix all my problems, but I haven't seen any proof of that. Still, growing up I understood the idea of sin, that bad actions will result in bad things; damnation, being smite by God, etc...
A voice in the back of my head still tells me that I'm doing something to deserve the bad things that befall myself, my family, and friends. As if there was a single action I could take to solve all my problems.
With every tragedy and every failure, it feels externally influenced where I have to repent and atone for something I'm completely unaware of. I lie awake at night, asking any deity out there to please stop, tell me what it wants from me, so that this self-inflicted guilt is resolved.
Oh, Okay (2025)
marker on paper
"Oh, okay" is the only phrase I can utter when something in my life is changed forever without my influence and input. I've felt this so many times, but I'm not sure how to process it. It's a cold sinking feeling, like you lost something but can't remember what it was in the first place.
When your parent breaks up with a partner or several years, you just kind of say okay and move on. This person is no longer in your life, and all the good memories have soured. All you can say is "Oh, okay" and live with another relationship that didn't end in a proper goodbye. Oh, okay.
It's all Just Shapes (2026)
Marker and colored pencil
The older I get, the more my town deteriorates. Everything has become industrial, corporate, and bland. When I look in the distance everything becomes blurred with nostalgia and a longing for what once was. Everything around me is just shapes that form some kind of meaning. Now that meaning is gone.
Painkillers (2026)
Colored pencil and pastel
Everyday our bodies and minds fight against us, so we take painkillers. The only way we can function and navigate through life, the only way we can exist in our current society is through pain killers. I constantly ask myself how I got to this place, what was the point of no return that I need anti-depressants just to be a normal person. I wish I could tell my younger self to be honest with others, so I don't get to this point as a broken, hurting adult. All I need are these painkillers, that's at least what I tell myself. Maybe tomorrow I can feel better, maybe I'll wake up and be a person I like.
Congruence (2026)
Multi-media on paper
Everyone has their thing, a passion, talent or hobby which they express as a crucial part of their being. I am the jack of all trades, master of none; Most days I don't really have a sense of identity, and furthermore I don't know how others perceive me. I put up a performance every day, changing my persona depending on who I am with and not knowing who I am.
I don't know who I want to be, this feeling of incongruence growing inside until I feel fractured into all the pieces that once made me whole.
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